Trigger Warning: Mentions of self-harm

Chapter Two

Wrinkling my nose as I stepped into the school cafeteria, I glanced around for my friend, Jordyn. She had a tendency to switch tables every so often, and I never knew where she was going to sit.

Okay, McKenzee. Don't do anything too outgoing. Be more like Aaron Burr, not Alexander. Burr was definitely my favorite character, and I strove every day to be more like him. Quieter, less...bombastic. Subtle. Easygoing. Likeable if you got to know him.

I spotted her across the room, sitting at a table with… No way. There was no way Jordyn Shamia would sit by those people. Those were labeled as the 'popular kids.' Nobody wanted to sit by them because, well, they were them. Their own group. As I grew closer, I could see that Jordyn was definitely uncomfortable.

Well, I wasn't going to let her sit there by herself. I marched to the table and claimed the seat next to her.

"Hey, we didn't invite you," the most annoying one, Tristan Miles, said.

I looked him in the eye and said, "Jordyn's my best friend. If she's sitting here, then so am I."

So much for being more like Aaron Burr.

"Well, we invited her and not you, so maybe you should leave."

My look turned into a glare. "Maybe you should leave if you don't like me being here."

"Just let her stay, Tris. If she leaves, then Jordyn will leave, and we won't figure out what we want to know," one of his friends said.

I glanced around warily. "What do you mean?"

"Hey, maybe McKenzee can tell us," Tristan said, leaning forward.

"Tell you what?"

"McKenzee…"

I looked at my friend. She was shaking her head, silently asking me not to. This must be serious, if Jordyn was asking me to stop. The roles were usually reversed in these situations.

I turned my gaze back to Tristan, who was looking at me with a slight smile on his face. His eyes held the expression that he knew exactly what was going on and was delighted that I didn't know what was happening.

"What is it, Tristan?" I asked. "What do you need that's so important that you had to ask Jordyn to sit at your table?"

"Your mom."

Heat rushed to my head and my heartbeat sky-rocketed, but I kept my cool and said, "What about her?"

"She's in the hospital, right?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Rumors. You know me, McKenzee. I live for rumors. To investigate if they're true or not is the most exciting thing in the world. They're really the most exciting things that happen in this school."

"Why would you care if my mom is in the hospital or not?" I asked quietly.

His smile widened. "Is curiosity not enough?"

"No."

"Come on, Kenzee."

"Call me that again and I'm punching you."

"Same here," Jordyn said. "Only I'm allowed to call her that."

He sighed. "Come on, just tell me what's wrong with her."

I stood up. I knew that when I thought about this later, I would say that I had tried. I really had. But Tristan had taken one step too far.

"There is nothing wrong with my mother," I hissed. "You have absolutely no right to ask me about this, and frankly, you don't deserve to know. If you say anything else about my mom-spread rumors or anything-I am going to personally walk up to you and punch you, and hopefully break your jaw so you can't say anything else offensive."

"And I'll be right behind her," Jordyn said, standing up next to me. "Go investigate other people's rumors, Tris. Stay out of ours."

His smile had turned into a glare. "I'll figure it out eventually."

I turned away to sit at another table.

"I always do," he called out as we walked away.

I plopped down in a chair and put my head in my hands. "Ugh! He infuriates me."

"Same here. They just told me to sit by them, and, well, I was honestly a little too scared to contradict them."

"It's all right. I just wish I didn't have to deal with kids like that at school when I'm dealing with enough at home."

"Is Ian struggling again?"

I shrugged. "He seemed fine today, but he's learned to be so good at bottling up his emotions, that I don't really know. No, what's really bothering me is that they're taking Mom into the next stage of chemo. More money, which means more hours for Dad to work. I'm going to have to pick up a job soon, but no one can drive me."

"Shouldn't Ian have his license by now?"

"He should, but he's not allowed to because of anorexia and his near suicide attempt a few months ago."

"Oh, I see. Well, I work at this pool right after school. We live pretty close to each other. We could work together then my mom could drive you home."

I smiled at her gratefully. "You're brilliant, Jordyn. Are you sure your mom won't mind?"

She shook her head, a stray strand of her blonde hair flopping against her forehead. "She won't mind at all. I promise."

"Okay, maybe I can check it out tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure. Oh, this is great. Work will be much more interesting with you there."

I smiled, but thought of something else. "What about theatre? I mean, I don't know if I'm going to get in or not yet, but I think they meet after school…"

"There's always later hours for work. And don't forget that I'm doing theatre too. We're in this together, Kenzee."

I laughed. "You really are the best friend I could ask for."

"You are, too, Kenzee. I'm serious."

"Thank you."

"Anytime." She smiled cheerfully. "Wanna head to the library?"

"Sure."

()()()

The day was over quickly, and despite the little fiasco at lunch, it hadn't been horrible. I sat with Ian on the bus, and after I had explained to him everything that Tristan had said, he just stared forward with a hard expression on his face.

"So you didn't actually tell him anything?" he asked.

"Right. He doesn't get to know those sorts of things."

He nodded. "How are things with theatre?"

"Well… They're doing Romeo and Juliet. As cool as it would be to just be in a play anyway, I think I'm going to wait a little longer for something more interesting."

"Like Hamilton."

"Um, yes. That would be awesome. But they haven't said anything yet."

"Hm."

"Oh, I might get a job right after school, for, you know."

"Yeah. So will you be riding the bus home?"

I shook my head. "No, Jordyn's mom is going to bring me home around 5 o'clock."

"Okay."

I studied him. "What's wrong?"

"Well, I just wish I could drive you."

"Hey, it's all right. It's not your fault."

"But it is."

"Nope. We've been over this. It's not your fault."

"Okay," he said quietly.

An idea popped into my head that would maybe make him a little happier. "Hey, so we've been eating leftovers for some time now, right? Let's walk to that Chinese place down the road and eat there. And maybe we can have popcorn and a movie tonight?"

He smiled. "That sounds great, ZeeZee."

My smile matched his. I loved the nickname that he gave me. I was probably closer to my brother than I was to anyone else in my community. Well, maybe besides my mom. And although Jordyn was like a sister to me, she just wasn't family. I could talk to Ian about Mom and he would understand. He wouldn't pretend to know the answers or comfort me. He would just be there, sharing my feelings and emotions. And that was all I needed.

()()()

When suppertime rolled around, I put my homework away and went to knock on Ian's door. I heard a crash, then he opened the door, looking like he'd just woken up.

"What was that?"

"I fell asleep while doing my homework, and it fell off the desk when you knocked."

"Ah. Well, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." He grabbed his jacket before following me out the door.

The walk there was pleasant. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and I could tell that it would be a fantastic sunset. The air was warm, but not humid. Our little town was quiet tonight, with only a couple cars out on the roads. When we stopped walking, it was completely silent, like the quiet atmosphere had stretched over the buildings and miles of fields beyond.

"I love Wisconsin," I stated as the restaurant came into view.

"Yeah. It's so peaceful."

I nodded. Suddenly, I found myself comparing this silence to the chaos that I labeled as a hospital, especially on that one night. There had been lights flashing and loud voices. The pounding of my heart was something I remembered vividly, even though it happened several months ago. I remembered that Ian had been crying. He never cried, not even during his worst moments. I remembered later that night, after it had all calmed down and Mom was in a mostly stable condition again, when I'd gone to check on Ian and had found him unconscious, blood staining his left wrist and arm, the carpet around him, and the knife he gripped tightly in his right hand.

We'd had two hospital visits that day.

"Something wrong?"

I shook myself. "No, I'm just worried about Mom. About...everything."

"Yeah, me too. Dad said we can visit her this weekend."

"Hm." This weekend was a long time away.

"He feels really bad about working all the time, you know."

"I would too, if I left my children home alone everyday and can't even take them to see their Mom who's dying of cancer."

"McKenzee."

I blew out a breath. "I know. I'm not really mad. I just… I don't know." I looked up at him and smiled widely. "I'm just glad that I have you, and that we do get to see her. And Dad's doing all he can. It's not like I can change our circumstances, so I'm not going to try. I'm just thankful we're all alive right now. That's all I really need."

My brother reached out his hand and rubbed my shoulder. "Me, too, Kenzee."

We reached the small building that had stood there for years, and yet continued to get very good service. As we stepped into the door, we were greeted by the familiar smell and sounds of the restaurant we went to often. When we were younger, before Mom had been diagnosed, before Dad had to work past suppertime, we would all bike here, eat, and bike around some more.

It made me wonder if Mom would ever be able to ride a bike again.

Once we'd gotten our food, we sat at our usual spot.

"So," Ian said. "How are things with Keith Matthews?"

I rolled my eyes. "They're fine, if 'fine' mean that I don't stand a chance."

"Why not? Have you talked to him?"

"No, he won't talk to me."

"Why not? You said he was nice."

"Well, yeah, but…" I smiled and fingered a strand of my hair. Keith had been my crush since junior high. "He's...too nice. For me. I mean, I don't know."

"Are you shy around him?" Ian sounded shocked at the fact that I could be shy around anyone.

I rolled my eyes. "No. I just… Okay, maybe I get a little nervous around him, but so does anyone around their crush!"

He chuckled. "Sure. Seriously, though, you just gotta talk to him."

"No way. He wouldn't like me back anyway."

"I don't see why not. You're pretty."

"Because I'm different."

He shook his head. "Looking like you're Asian doesn't mean you're different. Mom's proud of her black hair and dark skin, so you should be too."

"I know."

He took a long sip of his Coke. "So, what movie are we watching tonight?"

A smile spread over my face. "We could watch Hamilton."

Rolling his eyes, he replied, "I regret ever introducing that to you."

"No, you don't," I laughed.

"When you're belting out the lyrics to Wait For It at 2 AM, then, yes, I do regret it."

"Hey, it's a good song."

"Yeah, I know. Why don't you ever sing, like, My Shot? I know you have it memorized."

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess cause I'm trying to be more like Burr? You know he's my favorite character."

"I suppose."

"But I like all the songs."

()()()

We ended up watching The Little Mermaid, a favorite of ours. Who cared that we were fifteen and seventeen? We still enjoyed it.

When it was done, I asked Ian, "Homework finished?"

He shook his head. "No, I've got a little bit left. I'll work on it."

"Okay." I stood up and stretched, my eyes tired. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

"All right."

"See you in the morning."

"Night."

In my room, I glanced once more over my posters before crawling into the bed and turning the light off. I really hoped that nothing would come out of what happened at lunch today. I didn't need rumors about my mom circling around the school.

But even if they were, it would be all right. I had my family around me, and we would see her on the weekend. Everything was okay.

So, you may have noticed that in the first chapter, I made McKenzee's hair light brown, but I changed it to black because I realized that her last name had more of maybe a Polynesian background? Idk. But her hair is black and curly now, and so is Ian's. Btw, I don't actually live in Wisconsin, but I've been there once, and wowowow it is so pretty. Some days it's completely silent and you literally can't hear anything besides maybe a bird.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you to my reviewers :).