Beta: I don't even know what to say about this. Have 3k worth of Rin needing more time in the limelight?

Lang: Posted with permission.

I sit down at the table hard enough to make Akihito-shishō look up from his reading and the ashtray full of cigarette butts and, well, ash.

"You're up early, Rin-chan," he says and I narrow my eyes at the trail of smoke drifting upwards.

He shouldn't be smoking in the first place, and he really shouldn't be smoking inside, but my thoughts are jumbled up enough because of Kei and a dream that I can't even manage to tell him to put it out. Somehow though he gets the message, and smushes the butt into the tray. Maybe it's the no smoking sign on my pajama shirt?

"Something wrong?"

All I can manage is a sigh.

Glaring is Akihito-shishō's normal expression, and method of communication since it's quicker than yelling, but he doesn't seem to use that. Instead he puts down the newspaper and waits.

If I'm up early enough to catch him before he's gone off for his shift, I'm up early. The time means I didn't bother to get ready. Although since I'm up I should grab something to eat, but my stomach is already full of butterflies, or maybe moths. My mouth does taste funny, but that's more because I haven't brushed my teeth yet.

"Is it about Kakashi-kun?" Akihito-shishō asks, probably because Kakashi came into the hospital last night after a particularly stupid attempt to blow himself up trying out a new jutsu.

"No," I answer, probably a tad too wistfully, and immediately change it to, "yes." But that doesn't seem to quite sum up my dilemma. So I drop my face onto the table and sigh.

Akihito-shishō remains silent, so after a while I have to look up at him.

"It's about Kakashi," I say, "and Kei, and Obito too."

Mentioning the other two members of Team Minato seems to make Akihito-shishō relax a bit, and he asks, "What about them?"

"It's not so much about them, as it is me," I say because how can I put everything about them in words? I can't even figure out what I'm feeling about them, and so far putting words to those feelings has gone less than great. I try anyway, right as Akihito-shishō is taking a sip of his coffee.

"I think I like all of them and I don't know what to do," I say.

Akihito-shishō coughs, probably because he swallowed the coffee wrong, and either the news or topic caught him off-guard. He clears his throat though, and then puts down both his mug and newspaper.

"I'm going to be late," he says, excusing himself nearly twenty minutes before he even needs to leave for work. "I'm sure you'll figure it out, Rin-chan."

He's out the door before I put my elbow on the table and prop my chin up on it. It slams shut, and I let out another sigh that blows a few strands of brown hair from my eyes. Expecting him to stick around for a full talk was probably a bit much, but it would have been nice.

Cutting my losses, I turn to Sasa-chan's tank and the smaller cage of crickets on the shelf above her heating lamp. Akihito-shishō's a lousy listener anyway. Sasa-chan's much better.

"What do you think?" I ask as I drop a few crickets in her tank. She crawls along the scattered rocks and sand after them, piercing them with her stinger before grabbing them with a pincer and devouring their still twitching carcass.

My mouth tastes like crickets, not moths, I decide with a sigh.

"What do you think about Obito?" I ask before I check the wet cotton ball in the cricket's cage. It's still wet, so I pop my head back to Sasa-chan's level, and sit on the floor.

"You must've liked him well enough to not sting him," I say, and suddenly feel extremely silly for talking to a scorpion.

It's the kind of silly thing that Obito would do. And just like that his laugh echoes in my head and I can just see his grin. It's wide and it splits his face in two because Obito is open like that. He'll laugh at everything, including his own silliness.

It's not Obito's smile that's stuck in my head this morning. It's Kei's. The slightly crooked grin that she had even before the cut across her face and the odd things she says that we don't always follow.

Thinking of Kei, I can't help but touch my lips because the dream had felt so real, and I can still feel the pressure and warmth of Kei's.

It's enough to make me sigh. So I do, and drop my head against Sasa-chan's tank. My cheeks are burning, or at least they feel like they do, which makes the cold glass feels nice.

Those crickets are still jumping around in my stomach, making my mouth taste like bugs, and the ones in the cage decide to start chirping.

Eeet. Eeeet. Eeet.

I'm not getting any answers here.

This is the kind of thing Kei's mom would have been good for. Or at least I think so. Akihito-shishō's already made it clear he's not going to be any help, and even though Tsunade-sama respects me as a medic-nin, I don't think she's someone I can talk to.

Picking myself up from the floor, I make sure everything is ship-shape for Sasa-chan's tank, then get dressed.

It's late enough in the day that most people should be awake, minus the shinobi sleeping in on their day off. I lock up and leave the house, making my way to the only other adults I know.

By the time I reach Kushina-sama and Hokage-sama's apartment, I've completely rethought my decision. Sure, the Hokage had been the sensei for Team Minato, but he hadn't been my sensei and I only really speak to him—well, like I do Kakashi—when he's around Obito and Kei, or Kushina-sama.

Before I can pull my hand back and not-knock on the door, it opens.

The Hokage stands in the doorway, and he looks down at me confused for a second before he recognizes me and smiles. "Hello, Rin-chan. I think you just missed Obito and Kei."

"I…I uh… " I manage to get out, "I wasn't looking for them."

"Oh? You weren't?"

I shake my head, but that's not going to accomplish anything. "I was actually hoping I could speak to you, Hokage-sama."

He's genuinely surprised by that, but he nods and steps aside so I can enter instead of standing outside like the idiot I'm increasingly feeling like.

"What'd you want to talk about, Rin-chan?" he asks once we're seated.

The place is comfortable enough, but I'm making it awkward enough that none of it matters. I have no idea what to say. Everything I can think of just makes it sound more and more like I'm imposing by going to the Hokage.

But he was their sensei, which means he should know them the best, right?

Thankfully Kushina-sama chooses that moment to walk into the room with Naruto. She lights up immediately. "Hi, Rin-chan," she says and sits down next to the hokage, handing off Naruto to him.

Naruto for his part is just happy to be able to grab his father's hair.

I just want to sigh again. It's almost easier. But then I'd have to come up with some excuse for why I'm over at the Hokage's place in the first place.

There's no telling how either of them will react to my crush on Kei. I don't feel like either of them would hate me for liking Kei, but I don't know either of them all that well. Sure, Kushina-sama has been teaching me how to cook, but that's rather limited.

I decided to play it safe and bring up the subject by asking them a question. "How did you know you were in love with each other?"

The Hokage takes on a pose to answer the question like he's getting ready to explain something exciting to Naruto, but Kushina-sama beats him to it. She also skips right over it and says, "Do you have a crush, Rin-chan?"

It doesn't take too much thought to figure out why I'm talking to them, or at least I don't think it does.

"More than one," I say.

That's about when the Hokage catches on. And I can tell the exact moment he does because his eyes widen and his expression kind of evens out the way I've seen Kei do when she's faced with something she doesn't feel like she can handle.

Kushina-sama just grins wider. I might have expected he to lean closer, but instead she jumps up and squishes me in a hug. "Young love," she says, or at least that's what I can make out of the long babble before she takes a breath and keeps going. "Is one of them Kakashi or Obito? That's why you came to us, isn't it? You've got a crush on one of them and want to ask him out? Wait? Doesn't Obito like you?"

The Hokage is pale, and if we were in the hospital I'd be worried he'd just lost a lot of blood—or someone just delivered bad news to him. I guess maybe I did? If this counts as that.

I nod meekly once Kushina-sama lets go and lets me sit back down. "I think I like him back, too," I say, and then watch the Hokage somehow go even paler.

There's a few seconds before he jolts and then hands Naruto over to Kushina-sama. "I'm needed in the office, can you take it from here, Kushina?"

He doesn't even wait for an answer before his disappears with a gentle fwish.

"Don't mind him, Rin-chan," Kushina-sama tells me with a wink and a dismissive wave of her hand. "Minato's just realizing his genin aren't genin anymore."

…They haven't been genin for years.

My stomach grumbles loudly while I'm speechless and that seems to be the signal for Kushina-sama to offer me food.

"I might have forgotten to eat breakfast," I say as she hands Naruto off to me and then wanders around the kitchen.

She's a whirlwind, grabbing pots and pans and leafy things from the fridge, easily whipping up something that smells good enough I catch myself drooling. Naruto's drooling too, although the rubber kunai in his mouth is probably the reason for that.

What Kushina-sama eventually sets in front of me is enough to feed half a dozen people, but it all smells good so I don't complain. I don't exactly get to eat it though because she sits down and leans forward.

"So, you like Obito, eh Rin-chan?"

And the butterfly-moth-crickets are back.

After swallowing the one mouthful I managed before she asked her question, I manage a short. "I like him more than I did at Tanabata."

"Why Tanabata? Did something happen then?"

A lot of things happened at Tanabata. Kakashi, Obito, Kei. I sigh. They seem to be the thing to do, but they don't really accomplish much. Words are needed for that.

"Everything is so complicated," I say and drop my head onto the table.

Thud.

"And I think the only feelings that've changed are mine." And then I look up because I shouldn't be speaking to the tabletop. "It's only…" And then I trail off and decide I don't have to talk if there's food in my mouth. So I get started on the first bowl in front of me.

Seeing Kushina-sama change from excited gossip to serious mode is… odd. She's kind of like Gai in that way. It's clear though she's only doing it because she wants to help me, so I take another few bites and then put down the chopsticks.

"I don't know where to start," I confess, and then am interrupted by the sound of a bowl dropping to the floor.

Naruto has dumped the contents of his bowl onto the floor, and is picking his food off it. He looks happy enough, and given that he's probably shoved much less sanitary stuff in his mouth, I'm not too worried. Kushina-sama not either, so it doesn't appear Naruto's going to get me out of this.

"Maybe start at the beginning?"

It's a decent enough place to start.

"I've like Kakashi, or at least I did, for a while." That's not it though. He's not really a problem. Somewhere between him telling me he would never feel that way about me and now, I've stopped caring about it. Sure, he's hot, but the only thing in common we have is Obito and Kei.

"I don't think I have a crush on him anymore." Thinking of the reasons I did like him, his looks, the skill that I'd been naively impressed by, his attitude that had seemed cool at the time but is now just… sad, they all seem so shallow. "I like him, but there's nothing there, and he'll never feel they way about me that he does Kei." The way I might feel about Kei.

"There's nothing wrong in moving on from someone, Rin-chan."

I sigh. I know there's not.

But I also don't want anyone to get hurt. I know how much it hurt me to hear Kakashi wouldn't like me like he did Kei, and when Kei told me she didn't feel that way about me, that she might never. She doesn't feel that way about Kakashi, at least I don't think she does- but if she did, I think I know how much it'd hurt me. If Kei ever liked me, well, I don't want Kakashi to feel that way either.

Naruto drops the bowl on the floor again and shakes me from my thoughts before I can sigh again. He giggles, then plops the bowl on his head. It makes a cute hat for a toddler, although I'd want to wash my hair after wearing it.

"I think I'm the only one moving on," I say, and drop my chin back onto my hands, "and only with Kakashi."

"And Obito?"

I drop my face onto the table, and I think the ends of my hair might be in a bowl of broth. Maybe I should wear Naruto's hat since I'm going to have to wash my hair anyway?

When Obito died, and Kei brought me back his goggles, there had been too many emotions to process much of anything for a long time. I had been sad, but for those months he had been gone, I hadn't had to consider how I felt about him. He had been dead, and you can love a dead person however you want, and it didn't hurt anyone.

"I don't want to hurt him either," I say, because I don't. I don't want anyone to get hurt.

Kushina-sama pokes my head, and I look up. "Why would you hurt him, Rin-chan?"

"I'm still not ready to be what he wants," Again, I sigh. It's like I can't help it. Just the thought of Obito and Kei and trying to figure out how to keep anyone from getting hurt more requires them. "He's funny and loyal and kind, and it's not fair to him when I might like… someone else more."

But wouldn't liking Kei more and never being what Obito's waiting for hurt him?

Sigh.

He's sweet, and now that we're older, I think he looks better than Kakashi. There's just something about his goofy smile that definitely makes the butterflies flutter around in my stomach.

"Who's this someone else, Rin-chan?"

Kei. But I can't tell Kushina-sama that, can I?

Maybe I can.

I've never heard her say anything negative about stuff like that, and she certainly doesn't think badly of the tailed-beast hosts. I know they're not the same thing, but, well, sometimes people have a habit of thinking similar things about stuff like that. And the shinobi population tends to care less about who you love. I'm not out there risking my life like Kei and the others are, but I see enough in the hospital, and know that too often people don't even make it back.

I take a deep breath, not to sigh this time, more to build up the nerve.

"It's Kei," I say.

Kushina-sama's reaction isn't what I feared. Outrage was the worst case scenario. Best case I might have expected some kind of comment about Kei turning into a heartbreaker, or how it does complicate things.

What she does say is, "Have you told her yet?"

What?

"Kei hasn't noticed Kakashi's crush on her yet, and he tried to ask her out after the fight with Minato."

That is true, but that's not the problem I have with Kei. "I told her about Obito, and how Kakashi didn't like me, and that I might like her at Tanabata." Sighing, I drop my head, then immediately look back up because I don't want to give Kushina-sama the wrong impression about Kei's reaction. "Kei was nice about it, she just wasn't…" Sigh. "She isn't- she said her heart doesn't work like that. Maybe it's just slow to feel things, but-"

Sigh.

"I really like Kei," I say after yet another sigh. "She's loyal, and strong. Fiercely protective of the people she does love,"- and maybe one day I could be more to her than I am now. It makes me think of the dream I had, where I had gotten a taste of that. It wasn't real, but that only made me want to know what it would be like if it were. "And she's pretty." Maybe not like what most people would call it, but her smile's just as butterfly-inducing as Obito's. "Watching her fight, that's when she looks her best."

And then there is the fact she's always there. Sure, I met her after Obito, but she was there when he was gone. It feels like she's still going to be there. Kei's steady like that, like she's around to keep everything together.

"Liking her hurts Obito. He's waiting for me… and… and I'm waiting for her."

"And Kakashi is waiting for her," Kushina-sama offers up.

I nod. "And if Kei does end up liking me, that will hurt Kakashi, and I'll hurt Obito."

"Oh, Rin-chan," Kushina-sama says, and stands up from her spot to wrap me in a hug. "You're forgetting the part where your heart can get hurt too. You need to think about what you want, and a little less about hurting them."

I know I like both Obito and Kei, and that I did like Kakashi, but I also know I don't want to hurt any of them.

"You're young, Rin-chan," Kushina-sama says. "You don't have to figure everything out right now."

Maybe that's the problem? I'm trying to figure everything out when there's not a good answer because I'm not taking how much I'm getting hurt into account.

"Thanks, Kushina-sama, I think I'll do that," I say, and realize my eyes are leaking, so I pull out of her hug to wipe the few stray tears away. "Would you mind if I came to you again if I need more help? Akihito-shishō's not very good with relationships."

"Of course, Rin-chan," she says. "So long as you help me tease Minato once he realizes what kind of heartbreakers his students have become."

Even though it's my heart they're breaking, I can't help but laugh at that. "Deal."