Of Ships and Ports and Birds and Bees

CS Genre: Future Fic (primarily Captain Cobra Charming)

A/N: This story was originally written for "Captain Charming Double Feature Friday", a Tumblr project flslp87and I put together during the hiatus between seasons 5 and 6

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It all happened one crisp, cool October evening in the stables of Camelot.

When peace was restored in Storybrooke, it occurred to the town that they still had the Black Fairy's wand, and were thus capable of creating portals anytime they wished. The Charming/Swan/Jones family had decided to make a visit to Camelot, hoping to enjoy its splendor under better circumstances than the last time. On the third evening of their visit, Killian talked Swan (now his wife) into taking a moonlit ride to the Middlemist fields.

So it was that the two of them came upon Henry and Violet kissing as they lay together in one of the horse's stalls.

Swan had been shocked beyond belief to find her lad in such a compromising position.

"Calm down, Swan," Killian had soothed. "They were merely kissing. Both were fully clothed."

She'd shot him a look that could curdle milk. "Killian, Henry is fifteen years old. Fifteen! I know it was like a million years ago, but do you remember what it was like to be fifteen? The hormones are out of control. Things might have been innocent enough so far, but who knows how long that would have lasted!"

"Henry's a good lad and…"

"I need you to have the talk with him," she'd cut in, giving him a determined look.

"The…beg pardon?"

"The talk," she said, "you know about sex and being careful and, you know, waiting until you're like a hundred and fifty? You know, that talk?"

Killian had tried to protest that he was perhaps the wrong person to give such a talk to the lad. His past with regard to the subject had been, after all, far from what Swan would wish her son to emulate, but his True Love had been implacable. She trusted him to give Henry the information he needed and show him the importance of respecting both himself and the girl he had tender feelings for. Killian had been rather honored by his wife's faith in him, and in the end, he'd done the only thing he could do.

He'd shown up at David's chamber door.

"So," David said, hands on hips, "let me get this straight. You want me to help you give Henry the sex talk?"

"Aye, mate!" Killian said, in something like desperation. "Swan felt it would be easier for the lad coming from a father figure in his life. Naturally, I came to the best bloody father I know for support and reinforcement."

Killian believed it was the blatant (but heartfelt) flattery that finally won the day. After taking a quick moment to let his wife know where he was going, Charming stepped out of his chamber door, and the two turned manfully toward the task at hand.

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"And so, lad," Killian said, "it's natural for sailors to find themselves…entranced by the beauty of the lands to which they set sail. A sailor often finds his mast is particularly raised, and he wishes to…sail his ship into the lovely land's port, but he must be careful that the…sailors he sends ashore do not mix with the natives until he's prepared to deal with the consequences. He also must be cautious because sometimes the lands contain…residents he does not wish to take aboard his own vessel."

Henry looked blankly at his step-father.

"I hope that rather cleared things up for you," Killian finished.

Gramps rolled his eyes. "Hook! Of course that didn't clear things up! We're talking about the birds and the bees here, not going out for a sail on a Sunday afternoon!"

Killian shot him an exasperated look. "And am I to suppose the habits of birds or bees have anything to do with discussing coupling?"

Gramps glared at Killian. "It's just a saying in our world!"

"How terribly illogical."

Throughout this exchange, Henry sat silently, horror dawning on his features as he suddenly realized the topic at hand. "Wait…are you guys trying to give me the talk?"

"Aye," Killian answered, "the very same."

"But…" Henry sputtered, "my mom already gave me the talk! Both moms! I know, you know, how babies are made and all of that."

"It would seem your mother felt you needed a refresher course after finding you in a compromising position with your lady."

Henry felt waves of embarrassment bubble up within him. "We weren't, you know, doing anything. She just…fell, and I bent down to help her up, and before I knew it we were kissing. Nothing else was going to happen! I promise! I know Violet's dad would totally murder me if I tried anything."

Gramps clapped his hand on Henry's shoulder. "The thing is, when hormones start getting involved…it's amazing how quickly one thing can lead to another without you ever meaning it to happen."

"Aye," Killian agreed with a quick nod. "And I fully understand the carnal pull to a lovely lady. As a pirate, I…spent the night…with my fair share of willing lasses, but let me tell you, lad. As pleasant as it may seem at the time, merely scratching an itch is nothing to waiting until the time is right. When you've offered yourself body and soul to your true love, lovemaking is magical…even more so when your lady possesses magic. Let me tell you, there was one time with Swan when we…"

"Hook!"

"Killian!"

"Very well, I'll spare the details," Killian conceded, "but the point remains, waiting for the right person—and waiting until you're both fully ready—is more than worth it."

"I'll second that!" Gramps nodded.

Henry nodded. "I'm the author, remember?" he asked. "I know all about true love and everything. I know I'm not ready for any of that stuff, and I'd never, like, ask Violet to do anything she's not ready for."

"Good lad!" Killian said.

"And you can come talk to Killian or me about this stuff anytime you have questions," Gramps assured."

"No matter what species of bird or bee you might wish to discuss," Killian said.

Notes:

-Sorry for the lack of chapter last Friday, but I was dealing with the plague (otherwise known as the flu, bronchitis and sinusitis), and I just wasn't feeling up to writing.

-So as noted earlier, this chapter is kind of a "rerun". It was originally written for a hiatus project where flslp87 and I each wrote our own take on the same prompt. In this particular case, the prompt was "Captain Charming give Henry the talk".

-Up next: I have absolutely no idea! The reason I'm recycling an old story is because the muse has yet to return from Christmas break. Talk about a serious case of writer's block! I still have a few prompts on my Fluffy Fridays list, but they all were either too close to chapters I've just written, did not inspire me at all or are more appropriate for another season. In light of that, I have a request for you: send me your fluffy Captain Swan prompts! I need a new infusion of inspiration if I'm going to keep this anthology going (and not, you know, just keep recycling previously written fics). So what do you want to read about in the CS genres of deleted scenes, canon divergence scenes, future fics, AUs, or Lieutenant/Captain Duckling?