No Sleep for the Weary

Jay was on the fringes of sleep. It surrounded him, holding him, but only loosely. Then he felt a presence and the warmth of another body, and then small hands along with a small voice tentative at first, but gradually getting louder.

"Dad? Dad? Are you awake?" Liam asked as he climbed onto the couch where Jay had laid down to rest his eyes for just a minute.

Jay wanted to stay where he was in his celestial bliss where he had been content to float around with no cares or concerns. The last couple of nights had brought about massive overtime, which was great money-wise, but sucked because he was exhausted and Liam tended to act up when Jay wasn't home at night, especially overnight. He was generally an angel for his caregivers, but a nightmare when Jay came home as he was the target for his son's frustration concerning the recent absence and falling asleep during the short time together, didn't help.

"Hmmm?" Jay mumbled, not yet opening his eyes.

"I know what I want to be for Halloween," Liam said as Jay felt a paper come to rest on his arm.

"A cop?" Jay asked, his eyes still closed.

"I was that last year."

"A soldier?"

"I was that the year before. This year I want to be a firefighter."

That got Jay's eyes to pop open. "A firefighter?"

"Yeah. They're first responder's too. They have an important job."

"Yes, yes they do. You're right." Jay had had some business he had needed to discuss the previous weekend at Firehouse 51 so he took Liam with him and the gang had spoiled him rotten with a tour of the firehouse, a snack, allowing him to sit in the firetruck and pretend to drive as well as trying on some of the gear.

He had met many of the crew before at picnics and other gatherings, but he hadn't been to the house before and needless to say he had a great time as was evidenced by his choice of costumes.

"See, you get everything but the boots. Even the helmet. I'll look like a real firefighter."

"Yes you will. But can I order it tomorrow? I really need a break tonight." Jay asked, his voice scratchy with fatigue.

"Okay," Liam said setting the sheet on the table, surprising Jay with his calm acceptance of the delay. His eyes seemed to close again on their own and he drifted back into the abyss.

"Dad. Dad." Liam said as Jay felt the youngsters hands pushing on his chest. He turned his head and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. It couldn't have been that long ago that he had been roused from sleep concerning the costume. But Liam wasn't going to give up. "Dad. Wake up Dad, you're having a dream."

Jay forced his eyelids upwards and looked at his son who was slowly swimming into view. "No I wasn't."

"Yes you were. You were saying get down, get down. Then you even said, um—"

"Um what?" Jay asked as he pulled himself upright.

"Promise I won't get in trouble?"

"Promise," Jay said trying to blink back his exhaustion.

"You said 'get down goddammit.' You said it a bunch of times. And your eyelids were moving."

Jay tried to reach back to the self prescribed movie that had been playing in his head, trying to bring snatches of it back from the recesses of his mind. As he concentrated, he heard gunfire and the feeling of being pinned down. It was most likely the recurring nightmare from a long ago firefight, in which men had been lost and others gravely wounded. He had never been able to forget the smell of sulfur from the weapons, the sound of gunfire and hearing himself scream for everyone to get down. He feared that the battle was one of the many things that would stay with him forever.

"Sorry kiddo. Just a bad dream."

"About when you were in the war?" Liam asked, concern etched in his face.

"Nah, just a movie I saw. It was so lifelike."

"Dad, I'm not a little kid. I know you saw bad stuff in the war. You can tell me."

But Jay couldn't. There were very few that he had ever shared those memories with and his ten year old son wasn't going to be one of them. So instead he used distraction. "Where's the information for that costume you want?"

Liam's face lit up as he ran to the kitchen table and brought back the printout showing the desired costume. "This one." He pointed.

"Ahh. Yeah, that looks pretty authentic. Let's see what size you would be," Jay said as he checked the sizing chart. With that selection made, Jay grabbed the laptop and headed to the kitchen to set it on the table. "Come make sure this is right," he told his son as he pulled him into his lap. He knew these moments would be few and far between as his son was growing up fast. But Liam didn't resist as Jay lifted him up.

"That size might be too small," Liam countered after seeing the S for small.

"I don't think so. You don't want it to be too big. You're 62 pounds and this size will fit up 75 pounds. This will give you space for a sweatshirt underneath. Okay?"

"Okay," Liam sighed.

Jay typed in the information, pulled out his credit card, grateful for the recent overtime and ordered the costume.

"Thank you Daddy!" Liam said in a rare moment of youthful bliss. He hadn't called Jay, daddy in a year and he hadn't realized how much he had missed it. Jay pulled him in close for one last moment inhaling the sweet innocence of youth. "What time is it?" He asked suddenly.

"9:30." Liam replied pointing at the tiny clock on the computer.

"Whoa. You need to get ready for bed. Do you have any homework?"

"I did it already."

"All of it?" Jay asked skeptically.

Liam seemed to be weighing his answer. "Most of it?" The answer sounding like a question.

"What's left?" Jay asked standing up.

Liam yanked his backpack over to the couch and dug through it. "Spelling. But I'm good at spelling. I can get it done in the morning."

"We've tried that. You never get it done. You never even get it started. Let's see it," Jay said still trying to clear his head.

"I have to use the words in a sentence and write them five times each."

"Well let's get started. I can help you."

With that offer, Liam let go of his resistance and took his work to the kitchen table where Jay sat down next to him to help.