What Were You Meant For

by Winfan2

Jay Halstead faces peril in his job on a daily basis with the Intelligence Unit but also deals with the difficulties of raising his ten year old son on his own as a single father. These challenges, along with the mystery surrounding Liam's mother and her disappearance years ago, keep life interesting. Every day is a challenge, one he can only hope he is up for.

19. Bitter Taste of Broken Glass

A/N just another reminder that if you want to meet Kyle, he is the protagonist in my fanfic from Chicago Fire, called The Fire and the Flame.

I have attached the very end of the previous chapter to segue into this one. I had always thought that the show had the potential to dive into much more drama and bigger storyline that what they decided on when Jay was shot—so here's a bit more drama for you.

The next twenty minutes were spent hiding behind the couch, under the kitchen table, with soft bullets flying along with pillow bombs and rolled up sock grenades. When the battle was all said and done, Jay collapsed on his back on the floor and Liam fell on top of him.

"Truce," Jay said.

"Truce," Liam agreed. "I can hear your heartbeat," he said as his head was on Jay's chest.

"Yeah? What's it sound like?"

"Thump-thump, thump-thump."

"Well that's good."

"I hope it beats forever."

"I hope so too, well for a very long time at least."

The Bitter Taste of Broken Glass

"I have a heartbeat." The doctor yelled. "Jay, Jay can you hear me?"

"We need to get Liam," Voight said. "I don't want him hearing about this on the news or social media. I can't have a repeat of the Kyle Casey episode of a few years ago." He said thinking back to when Firehouse 51 was involved in a factory fire and so many of the firefighters were trapped, including Matt Casey and Kelly Severide. Kyle, had heard about it via a friend who had seen it on the news and took off from school and got to the scene, eventually having to be held back from entering the burning building by Chief Boden.

Voight did not want to risk a terrified ten year old attempting to get to the hospital on his own.

"I'll go," Ruzek volunteered. "I think it should be me. I mean, we spent time together recently." He stammered trying to state why he should be the one as Voight looked at him, his standard deadpan, stoic look intact.

"Okay. Go. But Adam, try to keep it vague. I don't want a hysterical child before we have any details."

"Copy that boss," Ruzek said, uncertain exactly how he was going make that happen. Liam was a wise soul and would instantly know something was up and that it wasn't good. He didn't know if he could stall Liam long before he would be forced to tell him the truth.

"I'll call the school and let them know you're coming so Liam can be ready when you get there." Voight said. "Burr Elementary on Wabansia." He called out.

"Right." Adam said absentmindedly, with his focus already on the conversation he was going to have with the younger Halstead he hadn't really thought about where he was going.

Liam had been told to leave class and get his things and be ready to be picked up. There had been no details given and it had left him feeling unsettled. He texted his dad to see if something was up, but it had gone unanswered. But if Jay was driving or busy he wouldn't answer. He didn't think this was going a good surprise, his father generally wasn't one to pull his child out of school for a fun field trip. He had headed up to the office to wait, but realized he forgot his assignment notebook and had to go back to his locker as his stomach churned with apprehension.

Adam screeched to a halt outside of the school and double parked, hanging up his police parking pass, giving him free reign of parking throughout the city. He hit the buzzer on the door, looked up at the camera and when he wasn't instantly buzzed in he held his badge up the camera. The door clicked and he hustled inside. The office wasn't far from the front door and he easily found his way to the main desk.

"I'm here to pick up Liam Halstead. Sergeant Hank Voight was supposed to call ahead." Adam explained.

"Are you on the list for pick-ups?" The secretary asked. "If you're not on the list I'm not sure if I can let him leave with you."

"I'm CPD, I work with his father," Adam said holding up his badge. "You can call dispatch and tell them my badge number."

"But if you're not on the list," she repeated looking uncertain.

"He is. He is on the list," Liam said as he walked into the room. "Check it. Adam Ruzek. There should also be Hank Voight, Kevin Atwater, Kim Burgess, Antonio Dawson, I don't think he was taken off yet, and Hailey Upton." Liam knew their names were all on his pick-up list as a precaution for a day that neither he or Jay had hoped would ever come.

"Oh, yes, here you are." She said as she tapped away on the computer keyboard. "I just need to see your drivers license."

Adam had a hard time yanking his wallet out of his pocket as he tried to remain calm and steady, but was failing miserably.

"Is he dead?" Liam asked, almost as if he was in a trance.

Adam's heart thudded in his chest. There were no right answers here and delay tactics were not going to work with this kid. He showed the secretary his driver's license and tried to patiently wait as she scrutinized it. "I need you to take it out so I can scan it into the system."

"Seriously?" Adam asked.

"Yes. So it goes into the record."

"Fine," he said trying to tug it from the tight sleeve where it made its home.

"Is he dead?" Liam asked again, in the same lifeless tone he had only seconds ago.

"No. But I'm here to take you to the hospital." Adam said looking at the secretary who was feeding the license through a tiny machine. "Are we almost done?"

"Yes," she said handing it back to him, her face nearly quivering as she absorbed Liam's question.

"Got everything?" Adam asked, but Liam remained quiet. "Let's go." Ruzek said as he grabbed Liam's bag and put his hand on the boys back and steered him towards the door.

Once they were outside Adam jogged towards the car while Liam stopped in his tracks. "Come on buddy, we need to get going." Ruzek yelled.

"Was he shot?"

"Listen kiddo, let's just go. We'll find out more details at the hospital," Adam practically begged.

"You know the answer, tell me! Was he wearing his vest? He always promised he would wear his vest." Liam yelled.

"I'm not sure. It was complicated, it wasn't a routine situation."

"But he's alive?" Liam asked, his voice rising again. Adam nodded as Mandy Peppercorn came walking down the street. "You're not lying to me are you?"

Adam cleared his throat. "He was alive when I left the hospital."

"But it's bad, isn't it?"

"I don't have details, I really don't."

"What happened?" Mandy asked as she saw Liam. "Is it your dad?"

"Is he dead!?" Liam screamed, nearly collapsing.

Mandy's hand came up to her mouth. "Oh no. Please no."

"Liam, I'm asking you, begging you to get in the car. We're going to straight to the hospital and we'll find out the details you want to know when we get there." Adam said as he walked over to Liam and tried to guide him towards the car.

Liam wanted more than anything to get to his dad, but if he got in this car, it would make it all real. The tragedy in whatever scale, would be happening. He felt so severed from everything and everyone. All alone, alone in this unknown purgatory. In one ear the world was whispering and in his other it was screaming. He could hear his heartbeat, while at the same time he wondered if his dad still had one.

It was as if his body and mind were turning off and on—his body tingling with adrenaline, his mind suddenly lost in a void. Then his mind would switch on and come alive and his body would become numb. He hadn't even felt Adam pick him up and set him in the backseat of the car, unaware until he head the seatbelt click into place.

Jay had promised he would always wear his vest—had he been ambushed or simply forgot that sacred trust? Liam's mind was spinning, but going nowhere. He was vaguely aware of Adam talking, and then vaguely aware of the silence that had settled in the car.

He squeezed his eyes closed, surprised when they released tears he hadn't known were there. He put his hand to his cheeks and discovered that they were wet. When had that happened? His heart felt like it was being squeezed, the blood flowing out but not coming back in. His mind raced ahead, he couldn't help it. He saw a coffin, his father inside of it, looking more peaceful that Liam could ever recall in life. Jay was in uniform, something that he rarely saw, and always took him by surprise when Jay had to wear his issued police blues for some reason. Will was next to him, his arm around his small shoulders. The twenty-one gun salute, the rows and rows of uniformed police all saluting. Liam an orphan—alone.

He could hear Adam's voice again, but it seemed to be directed at something or someone outside of the car. He tried to think about what he saw outside of the car window, but none of it seemed to register. His backpack was in the seat next to him, though he had no memory of it after he had put his notebook in it. Had he put in the car or had Adam? Why was he even thinking about it at all?

Time had slipped into some kind of strange loop where it seemed to take forever to get to the hospital, yet their arrival seemed much too soon. The car edged into the mouth of the parking garage and began to go ever higher in an effort to find a home. Liam always hated parking garages, they were dark and cold, with strange echoes pinging around. He never knew how his dad could even find the truck once they had left it behind. It was like a dream where everything looks the same and you feel like you aren't going anywhere. Kind of like now, he felt like Dylan's gerbil that ran on the little wheel in her cage. Spinning and spinning.

As the pain had hit him so did the realization that this could be the end of it all. Part of him was relieved, but the other part could only think of his son. Emma would never, could never come back and claim him. Liam would be for all intents and purposes an orphan. He would bounce back, he was a resilient kid. But he wasn't wearing his vest, he had always promised. But he couldn't, what had even happened? He couldn't remember, his thoughts, his everything was all jumbled up. He tried to take a breath, but the pain took it back from him. Angela, he had gone to help Angela. She had shot him, he had gotten free and gone to help her but she had shot him. That couldn't be right, but it's what he thought had happened.

Liam would be at school, Ellie was going out of town, who would pick him up? Mandy would be there, she would stay with him. Liam would call someone to come get him. Wouldn't he? Someone from the team would get him or Will. Wouldn't they? And then with his concern mounting he drifted off, even while hearing his name being screamed at him.

The waiting room at the hospital seemed surreal and Liam didn't know what to say or do once they had arrived. He had never felt so alone while being around so many people. He stood and looked around, seeing a lot of faces, many familiar, but just as many foreign to him—the pain of this event spreading in ever widening circles. But this was his pain most of all, his and Will's. A pain and fear he never wanted but always felt would come. He hadn't even been aware that he was shaking until Adam had picked him up and sat down with him in his lap, holding him so tightly that Liam could feel the man's heartbeat. It took him back to the morning when Liam and Jay had had their epic Nerf battle ending with Liam collapsed on his fathers chest listening to the beauty of the human heart doing its job. Was it working now, was it stopped? Was it going to stop? His father possibly dying or even dead and his mother gone. She could never return, but at least now he knew why. A product of a violent family and upbringing. A family he didn't know and knew nothing of him, but if he could ask one thing of his lost tribe, the family that would swallow him whole if they were aware of his existence, he would ask them to seek revenge against the person who had shot his father.

Hank looked over as Adam clung to Liam as if the boy would be violently jerked away at any moment. The man was staring off into the distance, but seeing nothing while the boy, the boy was losing the little innocence that he had left. People, police officers, first responder's of all types, were pouring through the door to offer their support and any assistance that they could offer. The room that smelled of bitter coffee and fleeting hope was filling quickly with humanity and its kindness. But Hank knew that Liam saw very little. He knew that he couldn't imagine his life without Jay and the thought of that little boy losing his father almost made his entire body shudder.

He hadn't even seen the message from the boys babysitter until they were already searching for Jay. She had texted him late the night before asking if Jay had been on assignment as he hadn't come home or contacted her to let her know. She said he always let her know when he was going to be late or not come home at all. She was leaving in the morning to help her sister recover from major surgery in Seattle, but please let her know if Liam needed anything or if something was wrong. He had stared at the message for several seconds before putting it back into his pocket unanswered.

Emma sat and stared off into the beauty of New Zealand that surrounded her but was unable to appreciate any of it. Her brother Liam had gone back to Dublin while she figured out what do with herself and her future. There was no place for her to go, nowhere was home or ever would be, life would always be somewhere else and for someone else. She missed both Liam's, big and small and she missed Jay, an ache of what could have been, a beautiful gift that had remained unopened. Her dreams were always of distant lives and things that she could never have. She would dress herself in them as if they were a wardrobe that she could never really wear. But every morning when her dreams ended she would have to put them all away and be satisfied that they had once lived within her.

She remembered when Jay first caught her eye, she saw him walk in the door at the house party, bottles of alcohol of some sort in his arms, a ready smile and the bravado only a soldier could carry. He had walked right past her, but in his wake she had felt something pull at her, a trail of promise of some sort. She had kept her eye on him, and despite doing that, she still had had no idea that he given her more than a sideways glance. And as she was debating on taking her leave, he stepped in front of her, offering a cup of something brown and potent. His smile was even more endearing up close and his eyes held something that she couldn't exactly put her finger on.

He introduced himself and asked her to dance, despite the fact that the only dancing going on was a bunch of people jumping up and down and the music was so loud they could barely hear each other despite shouting. She had shook her head no and saw his face fall just a bit, but when he turned to leave she reached out and grabbed his hand. She pulled him up the stairs and into the quietest room she could find, a back bedroom, where the coats and pillows had been mounded to the point the bed was almost unrecognizable. It was only then that she realized what he must be thinking, both of her and her actions.

"I just wanted to talk. I could barely hear you down there," she said, blushing as he had looked between her and the bed.

"Jay Halstead," he said sticking his hand out, his voice slightly tainted with the alcohol he had been consuming.

"Bridget O'Brien," she had replied.

And they spoke for hours, until they left together, and didn't part for days.

He had come home to see his family before he deployed to Afghanistan, an Army Ranger which she had found extremely sexy even before she ran her fingers over the ridges in his abdomen. He was bright and articulate, gentle and caring and despite trying to be a tough guy she could see the glow of his heart. He had stopped by his childhood home to discover his brother had left town, his mother hadn't been feeling well and the fact that he and his father still didn't get along. After an argument only minutes into his visit he had left. And now that she had found him, she wouldn't be letting go one second before she had to.

If anyone ever asked her what the best time in her life was the answer would always be the same—the days she had spent with the one and only love of her life. Of course everyone would say how can you know in such a short time what would ever measure up to be the love of ones life, but Emma had known, she had known from the moment she had seen him that he was the only one for her.

When she had discovered the tiny life growing inside her, the emotions were too complicated to ever understand much less explain. There would forever be a part of her and a part of Jay in the world.

This shouldn't have happened, she shouldn't have allowed it, but to end it was never a possibility. She could never take that promise away or the piece of the man that she would forever love. If only she could tell him of her love, feed it, let it grow. But the legacy she had been born to wouldn't allow her to have what she had always wanted, what she could hold in her palm for only moments at a time.

She had loved it all, her job of helping those in need, her apartment, the city, her life, but she gave it all up for what she had loved the most. She missed them so much, she had since the moment she had stepped from Chicago the first time, but in the end she was the one that had to live with herself and she couldn't do that if she had allowed harm to come to either one of them. She was only allowed a taste of distant lives and loves, and that would just have to be good enough.

She ran her thumb over the picture of Liam that Jay had given her. Her brother had told her she would rub his face away if she continued in her action, but she just couldn't seem to stop. It was as if somehow by touching the imprint of his face, it would make her feel closer to him, pretending to touch skin instead of photo paper.

She had made copies and tucked them away safely. She laid back on the patch of green that she had been sitting on and looked up at the sky. The clouds were thick and fluffy and could be anything the mind wanted them to be. She recalled a time when Liam was around four when she walked up on him and Jay staring into the sky in the tiny front yard of their apartment and described the dogs, elephants and top hats that floated above them. She knew then what she had always known; her son would be fine without her. That was all but confirmed as the vision of Liam wrapped around Jay as they walked away not long ago, leaving her this time instead of the other way around. Liam had raised his head from Jay's shoulder and waved at her, the tears still tiny diamonds on his face. Her vision blurry from her own emotions.

She shook her memory away and closed her eyes and saw the same picture she had always managed to conjure; she and Jay on the beach, hand in hand as Liam raced ahead picking up rocks and shells, running back to them to share his treasures. But it was always a dream, never meant to be. Jay would never be a beach walker, his mind and body yearning to always move forward. But a life that could have been theirs would have suited her just fine. The worst part of everything was that he believed that she hadn't really loved him even though nothing could have been further than the truth. If she hadn't pushed him away, then she would have pulled him close and close could have gotten him killed. Or was it her fear that made her push him away, was her father ever a real threat or did she use him as an excuse because it was her own uneasiness that prevented her from taking a chance with her future? She made a choice and never knew if it was the right one. And she would have to live with that for the rest of her life. She had no family around her, no home to go to, what kind of life did she have left to live?

Jay's mind fluttered, his world was cloudy and blurry and tilted. Nothing seemed to be matching up as it should. He could see figures in the distance but couldn't make out who they were. He could hear words floating around, but they seemed to break up before they settled in his ear. He could see Liam just off to his side, but the boy didn't seem to notice him. He continued to look off in another direction where Jay couldn't get his attention. He reached out, but then it was as if Liam had never really been there.

He could see Emma, she was crying, sitting on a tombstone and when he looked at it, the stone bore her name. She apologized over and over until her words just seemed to run dry. She wasn't apologizing for leaving, she was apologetic for never being there in the first place. It was as if he could feel her hair grazing his face as it laid on the pillow all those years ago. He remembered looking into her eyes and seeing so much more than he could ever understand. Even now he couldn't put all the pieces together. It would seem that he could never fall in love with someone whose complications didn't outweigh his. But he had his son, and the love of his son, the unconditional, unwavering love of his son.

But he missed her, he had always missed her and seeing her again was just as difficult for him as it was for Liam—as it was for her. She had told him that she loved him, he remembered her saying it in the hotel room, she loved him, had always loved him. Just as he had loved her. She was out there floating around, just out of his reach, was she with Liam? Did she know that he needed her right now? Would she come back?

Adam hadn't realized how tight a grip he had had on Liam until the boy wiggled to get free. He woke up from his mild stupor as Liam shifted back and forth attempting to escape his hold.

"Kyle," Liam said pulling free. "Adam, this is Kyle Casey, my friend. Captain Casey's son."

"Hey," Adam said snapping into the present. "Adam Ruzek, I think I may have met you before," he began as Kyle gave the slightest of all head shakes.

Kyle had stumbled into an undercover operation with Jay the year before when he was only twelve. They had played father and son for more than two weeks in an effort to take down a major drug king pin. In the end that had got their man, but it wasn't smooth or without casualties. Fortunately Liam had been at a summer camp in Michigan while the whole ordeal had taken place and had no idea it had ever happened. With all parties concerned wanting to keep it that way, it was likely Liam would never come to know of the adventure. But it meant that Kyle had more of a relationship with Jay than Liam was aware of or they could admit to.

The CPD had never been in the habit of using tender age children for undercover operations and despite the ultimate success, it wasn't something they had wanted to broadcast or ever give the idea that it could or would happen again. Kyle happily kept his mouth shut because he was afraid if he began to talk about the whole ordeal more than he wanted to say would come to light. But the experience had caused him to care about Jay and get to know Liam. And he was always looking for a nightmare to end or a problem to solve. And he had grown to like Liam and if he could be of any help, then he wanted to try.

"We heard about Jay and thought we'd stop by to see if there was anything we could do." Matt said standing there. "I called Kelly, but he's working with OFI now and is across town, but he'll be here as soon as he can."

"Captain," Voight said coming over offering his hand. Their relationship had started off on quite rocky ground and though Matt had never particularly forgiven what Voight had done, he had moved on. Kyle though, always looked at the man with suspicion, forgiveness not yet forthcoming or really ever on the horizon, it was unlikely that he would be moving on anytime soon. "Thanks for coming out."

"Has there been an update?"

"No. Not yet."

Kyle had gone straight to Liam and put his hand on his shoulder. "I won't bother asking how you are. Do you want to go for a walk? Just down one of the hallways?"

"Yeah. I can't stay here anymore. I feel like the walls are going to fall in on me."

"Can we take a walk Dad?" Kyle asked turning to Matt. "He needs to get out of here." Matt looked down at his son with uncertainty. "Not far, just down that hallway and around. I have my phone. We want to be nearby in case there's any news."

"I can't answer for Liam," Matt said quietly.

Liam turned and looked at the wealth of CPD behind him. "Adam, can I go with Kyle for a walk? Please. I need a break. I have my phone too."

Adam snapped awake and realized that Liam had asked for his permission. He had looked beyond Sarge and everyone else and had asked him. Was it because he had picked him up? Was it because they had spent time together recently? Will was busy, so who was actually in charge of the boy? "Um, yeah, okay." He replied, his voice shaky at best. "But stay with Kyle and don't go very far. Okay?"

"Okay," Liam replied.

"I'm serious Liam, if I call you, you had better answer."

"I will. I promise."

Adam shook his head as Matt sat down next to him and looked over his shoulder as the boys walked down the hallway. "Nervous energy," Matt said. "It's hard for boys to sit still for long."

"Yeah."

"I'm off shift today, I can take him home with me for the night. He knows me and Kyle and Kelly. Either Kelly or myself can get him to school or the district or here, if needed tomorrow."

"He has this great babysitter," Adam began before Voight interrupted him.

"She's in Seattle. We're going to have to figure out childcare. I have a feeling getting him to go to school tomorrow is going to be a chore." Hank said before returning to his seat.

"So what happened?" Kyle asked once they were far enough away.

"All I know was that he was shot. And I don't think he was wearing his vest."

"Why not?"

"I don't know."

"Anything else?" Kyle asked, knowing that sitting around waiting for news was the very worst thing that one could endure.

"I don't think he came home last night."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, he does that sometimes or he'll come home after I go to bed and leave before I get up, but my sitter was acting weird this morning, like she was worried but trying not to show it."

"Any tough cases lately?" Kyle asked.

Liam looked at his friend. "Kyle, he doesn't really discuss cases with me." But he had overheard a few that one night that he lay awake by his door listening to conversations he had no business hearing. He had no idea how old those cases were, or if any of them were relevant.

"True. Has he seemed different for a certain time?"

"Yes, but we've had a lot going on at home so I can't say what has caused what."

"Well, I'm sure it will all get figured out. Do they have a suspect?"

"I don't know. Adam picked me up from school. I only know that he's been shot and it's serious."

"Keep your eyes and ears open."

"Why?"

"Because the adults will tell us some watered down version of the truth, and you deserve more than that."

The boys wandered, keeping their thoughts and words to themselves. Kyle knew the uncertainty that Liam felt, though his experiences had been different. He felt that anxiety each day his father headed to his shift, just as he was sure Liam felt it as Jay clipped on his badge and gun. Both were sons of single fathers in dangerous professions and they held onto them with a fierce tenacity that few could ever understand.

"We should probably head back," Liam said, his voice shaky. "Maybe there's news."

"Yeah. Sure," the thirteen year old agreed.

"How'd we get here?" Liam asked looking down an unfamiliar corridor.

"We must have looped around somehow. But if we head that way we should get back to where we started," he said pointing down the hallway. They began to walk, Liam had his head down, looking at the floor as if it would offer up the answers he was seeking. He sighed and felt nausea quell up inside of him. He had grown tired of everyone offering him hot chocolate, water, snacks and he was so relieved when Kyle had gotten him out of the waiting room. He knew everyone had been trying to stay busy running to the cafeteria and vending machines attempting to contribute to his comfort or atone for the fact that their co-worker had slipped through their fingers.

Suddenly Kyle grabbed his arm and pulled him back against the wall. "Shhh," he said putting his finger to his lips. He nodded his head down the hall to where Voight and Burgess were standing. So far they had been focused on each other, deep in conversation. Kyle bent down and tugged on Liam's shoelace, untying it. "Follow my lead," he said quietly.

As soon as the two officers disappeared into the room they had been standing near, Kyle tugged Liam forward. The two boys could easily be mistaken for brothers and if Kyle could ever use that to their advantage then he certainly would. As they neared the room, he peeked inside and could just hear the words being exchanged. The officer outside the door was more interested in what was happening in the room than the boys so they scooted a little closer to the open door. "Tie your shoe dude, and take your time to do it right this time so it doesn't untie again," Kyle ordered just as an older brother would. He hoped Liam would just go with it. He wasn't sure how well the kid did on the fly but was relieved when he fell right into his role and went to the floor in a heap, untying the laces even further to start over and take more time as the angry words floated their way.

Liam had mixed emotions about overhearing the conversation. He knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping again. After he had been caught in Sergeant Voight's office Jay had given him a pretty stern lecture, one that promised pretty dire consequences if it were to happen again. Now that he had already broken that rule once again, he could only hope that his father would be alive to carry those consequences out.

Liam heard the words attempted murder and shuddered, but continued on with his slow shoe tying. When she threw out the accusation that Jay got what he deserved he nearly tied his finger inside the knot. A moment later he felt Kyle's hands on his shoulders and pulled him back and inside the neighboring room, whose occupant was gratefully asleep.

"What did any of that mean?" Kyle asked quietly.

"I have no idea. But Hank said attempted murder, that means my dad is still alive," Liam said as his phone chirped as did Kyle's. "We need to get back," Adam said my uncle is there and has some news, Liam said as he read his text message.

The boys briskly walked past the officer who was standing guard outside the room where they had been spying. Each boy took a sideways glance through the open door seeing a black woman handcuffed to the railing. Liam just couldn't put it together that she was apparently the one that had shot his father, he hadn't even realized he had slowed down until Kyle pulled him forward.

"Later," he whispered.

Liam wasn't sure what that meant, but it would have to do for now, he needed to know how his dad was and he prayed for positive news.

"Uncle Will," Liam said as he saw his uncle in the waiting room. Adam and Matt were hovering and the boys weren't sure how to take their close proximity as a good or bad thing. "Is he okay?"

"Hey buddy," Will said squatting down. "He's in surgery right now."

"How come you're not doing it?" Liam wanted to know.

"The surgeon that is working on your dad, is really good at what he does and is the best person for the job."

"What is he good at? What happened?"

"The bullet grazed an artery. Do you know what that is?"

"Something about blood?" Liam guessed.

"Yes. It is like a big vein and blood travels through it."

"So it has a hole in it and he's bleeding everywhere?"

"Something like that."

"Can he be fixed?"

"They are working really hard on fixing him right now," Will said pulling his nephew closer.

"I can give him some blood. Maybe we're the same kind." Liam suggested.

"That's a great offer kiddo, but we have enough to give him."

"Did he lose all of his?"

"No, but he did lose a lot."

Liam just stood quietly and Kyle knew what was going to happen next. Because he had done the same thing years ago when he feared the words he was hearing over the radio were going to be his father's last. Liam didn't even have the benefit of hearing his father, but he could feel the loss hovering all the same. He could feel the younger boy reaching for something he didn't even know he wanted or needed and then he pushed away from his uncle and took off towards the door.

Adam gave chase as Matt held Kyle back. "Give them a minute."

"He's going to need more than that," Kyle said as tears blurred his vision.

"I know." Matt said, and he did. Memories still too fresh of when Kyle had been shot and his fate was unknown for hour after hour. Each Casey knew what it was like to wait while destiny of the other was held in the balance.

"Don't you dare step any closer to the street," Adam ordered as Liam came close the curb.

"If my dad dies, it won't matter. Does anything ever matter?" Liam asked, tears streaking his face.

"A hell of a lot matters. You matter," Adam said stepping next to the boy. "Jay is fighting for his life, fighting for you. He would be really pissed—upset, if he knew you were about to leap into traffic."

"I'm not. I just wasn't paying attention to where I was. Is that the same thing?"

"Sometimes."

"Adam? What do I do if he dies?"

"You live each day to make him proud. But he won't die."

"You don't know that."

"You're right. I don't. But I know how strong he is and how much he loves you and those are two very important things."

Liam sat down on the curb and put his head in his hands. "The difference between life and death is so thin, one heartbeat away. My mom is gone, if my dad dies, what do I have left?"

"Your uncle Will, me, the rest of the team, Kyle. So many people love you."

"Sure, at first, but then they have to get back to their lives."

"You would always be a part of their lives, my life." Adam said as he sat down on the curb next to Liam. The curb was in a tow away zone, but it still made him nervous, only he was afraid if he grabbed Liam it would set the kid off like a tightly wound rubber band that would fly across the room if touched.

"I just want my dad."

"I know you do. I want him too." He said as he gently reached over and pulled Liam closer, putting his arm around him.

"I can't handle waiting."

"I know. I'm struggling too."

"Who did it? Who shot him?" Liam asked, testing Adam's knowledge.

"I don't know. I really don't."

"What happened?"

"We went looking for him after he didn't answer his phone. We found him in the basement of a warehouse, he had just been shot. Beyond that, I don't have any details."

"No vest on. What was he doing?"

"I don't know."

"Did it have to do with a case he was working on?"

"I don't know that either."

"And if you did, you wouldn't tell me would you?"

"I know you want answers. But I really don't have any for you. But we will find them."

Liam stood up and looked across the street. Adam stood up behind him and put his arms over Liam's shoulders onto his chest and pulled him close. "It's cold out here. Let's go inside."

"In a minute," Liam said.

"Okay, in a minute," Adam agreed as he hugged the boy closely.

Liam took several deep breaths and tried to remain strong, but in the end he turned around and buried his face in Adam's chest and began to cry. Adam adjusted his arms and held the boy as he sobbed, one hand on his back, the other on his head. He closed his eyes and prayed as he never had before.

Will was talking to Voight, Hailey, Kevin and Matt Casey when they went back in. "You okay buddy?" Will asked.

Liam just shrugged. Kevin went over and scooped him up, a move that always brought laughter from the now silent boy. He slid him over to his back and held him piggy back style. "I need a drink, help me find the cafeteria."

"Okay. Guess I don't have a choice anyway," Liam admitted holding tightly onto Kevin.

"So what do we do with him tonight?" Will asked after they had departed. "I'm staying but can't keep an eye on him. There really isn't anywhere for him to sleep here."

"I can take him," Matt offered. "I offered earlier. He knows Kyle and can sleep in his room. I'm on shift tomorrow but either Kelly or I can get him where he needs to be. Or he can just hang out with us at 51. I'll even call Kyle in sick at school so they can hang out together."

"Thank you," Will said. "I think that will work out for the best. Maybe tomorrow somebody can run him to his apartment to get a change of clothes. I doubt it will be worth sending him to school. Normalcy might be a good idea, but I think it will overwhelm him and I really don't want him to be without one of us."

"I agree," Hailey said. "He won't be interested in anything the school has to offer. "Can't his babysitter, Ellie, come get him and stay at the apartment with him?"

"She's in Seattle with her sister. I have no idea how Jay was going to juggle the child care issues." Voight chimed in.

"Great." Adam said, running his hand through his hair. "Well between us, we can keep him close. Right boss?"

"Sure, we have to work to do, but of course we are going to support him. Jay is one of ours and so is Liam and we're going to do right by both of them. I think Casey's idea is a good one. He needs someone close to his own age right now and the firehouse would be a great place for him."

"Yeah, if anything changes with Jay we can run him right over to the hospital." Matt said.

Kevin came back with a bottle of water and a soda and Liam still clinging to his back. "He's a monkey on a my back," he joked, trying to keep the mood light. "Can't shake him."

"Hey guys," Kelly Severide said as he walked through the door. "Any updates? How's Jay doing?"

"In surgery," Liam said as he slid off of Kevin's back. "The bullet grazed an artery and he's lost a lot of blood."

Everyone stopped and looked at Liam. "That's what you said isn't it?" He asked looking at Will.

"Yes it is. Hopefully we'll know more in a bit. After surgery he'll go to recovery and then ICU." Will continued.

"If he makes it through surgery," Liam said.

"He will," Will encouraged.

"You don't know that. Your words say one thing, but your face says something else. One is telling the truth, I just don't know which one it is."

"Hey, he's going to be okay," Kevin said. "Do you want the water or soda?"

"My dad won't let me have soda. But does that even matter anymore?" Liam asked, feeling as if he had just had this conversation.

"Of course it matters," Kevin said. "Look, he's going to need you to stay strong right now, just like he is."

But Liam wasn't up to platitudes and encouragements. He just wanted what he couldn't have; his father. He took the bottle of water and went and sat down. Will looked up at the clock and saw it was getting late. "Hey buddy, tonight you're going to go home with Kyle, his dad and Kelly. Then one of them will take you to your apartment where you can get a change of clothes. I'll call your school and tell them you won't be in and then you can spend the day at the firehouse." He said squatting down in front of his nephew.

"What?" Liam asked standing up. "I'm not leaving here. I'm not leaving the hospital. Why would you think I would leave?"

Kelly came over to Liam and got down on his level. "The hospital is no place to hang out. You've already been here for hours. Where would you sleep?"

"I don't care where I'd sleep. I probably won't sleep anyway." Liam said, his voice getting louder.

"With your dad not in the picture right now, we're your family and we think it's in your best interest to go with Kyle tonight and they will take care of you tomorrow. You can hang out at the firehouse and Kyle is even going to stay with you. If your dad wakes up they will get you here with lights and sirens." Hank said as he walked over to Liam.

"And what if he dies?" Liam yelled. "What if he dies tonight and I'm not here? What if he dies alone," Liam screamed getting ready to run. But Kelly grabbed him and held the writhing ten year old as if his life depended on it.

He made his way into a hallway just off the waiting room for a bit more privacy as Liam continued to fight. "I'm not leaving," he said through clenched teeth trying to pry Kelly's hands open. He looked down and saw he still was holding the bottle of water in one hand. "I don't want to leave and I don't want this fucking water," he yelled throwing the plastic bottle across the hall.

"Liam, you need to calm down," Adam said trying to reason with the boy.

But Liam was beyond being reasoned with. This morning his life had been somewhat normal but tonight the sky held no stars and was darker than he could have ever imagined. He had mourned the loss of his mother, he simply wasn't capable of grieving for his father. He thrashed and jerked in his agony, giving Kelly a run for his money, but the man hung on, even when Liam threw his arm backward and put his hand through the glass on the fire hose case that was hung on the wall. Nobody knew whether it was on purpose or an accident. Except for Kyle, Kyle knew. He knew because he had been in the same fit of rage in his life and the only coping mechanism was physical pain to help with the emotional turmoil. Sometimes one had to bleed to move forward, to realize they were still alive, that they could still feel.

"Shit," Adam said, moving in to help Kelly.

"Let me see," Will said coming over. But Liam was still struggling. "Let. Me. See." He said his words bathed in sternness.

"I'm not leaving," Liam said again, in case anybody had forgotten what his tantrum was about.

"This is going to need stitches." Will said after his quick examination.

"I don't care," Liam said.

"Listen to me. I'll stitch you up. I will find a spot for you to sleep here tonight, but there will be rules and demands that must be met. Are you going to listen?"

"Yes," Liam said as he calmed down and Kelly let him slide down to his feet.

"You will stay where I put you. You will be quiet. You will do as I tell you. Tomorrow morning you will go with an adult to your apartment and get some clothes and then you will go to the firehouse and you will listen to Captain Casey and any other adult that is there. You will be respectful at all times. Am I clear so far?" Will asked.

Liam swallowed. "Yes sir."

"If there are any hints of any changes with your father, then I will let them know and they will get you here as soon as possible. If you aren't already here, then tomorrow evening someone will drop you off and we will have dinner and you will come home with me. Do you understand?"

"I understand," Liam said.

"Then I think you ought to apologize for your behavior. I know that you're upset and you have every right to be, but that doesn't mean you can act like a total brat, especially towards people that are trying to help you."

"Sorry," Liam mumbled. "I just, I just—"

"It's okay," Kelly said. "We understand."

"But you can't hurt yourself," Adam added.

Liam nodded as Will steered him to a room to get his hand stitched up.

Two hours later~

"Okay, you have to sleep in here," Will said. "Quit messing with your bandage." He instructed as Liam had been pulling at the wrapping.

"Is it going to leave a cool scar?" Liam asked.

"Most definitely." Will said. "Five stitches will do that."

"What is this place?" Liam asked of the smaller room off the ICU waiting room.

"It's a room we use when we need more privacy."

"Like when you give people bad news."

"Or good news. Now help me put this sheet down," Will instructed. Housekeeping had brought up some clean sheets and blankets along with a pillow and set them on the couch that took up much of one wall. "Now you are to stay in here all night. There is a bathroom across the hall, you can go there and back. I will be in the hospital all night and will come get you early tomorrow morning."

"But if anything changes with my dad you'll get me right?"

"I will do that. I promise you. Now, I want you to take this," Will said giving Liam a small pill.

"What is it?"

"It's to help you sleep. You've had a long day, your emotions are in warp speed and your hand is going to start hurting once the Lidocaine wears off. This will help you relax." Liam took the pill and popped it in his mouth as Will uncapped his water and handed it to him. "I'm glad you didn't pick the soda and fling that across the hall."

"Sorry about that. I just didn't want to leave and nobody was listening to me."

"We were listening, it's just that this isn't the best option. But for tonight you win and can stay."

"Thank you Uncle Will."

"You're welcome. Hop in there." Will said trying to make a cocoon out of the sheets and blankets. He wasn't sure if Jay still tucked Liam in or what the right protocol was for sleeping in a waiting room while you father is busy trying to stay alive. "You're a brave kid and your dad is a brave man. You'll both make it through this."

Liam watched as his uncle turned the light off and left. He knew Will wasn't sure what to do. He had ruffled his hair and tugged the blankets up and tried so hard to be brave himself. Liam pulled at the scrub top that Will that scrounged up for pajamas. Liam felt like a tiny doctor in his blue set. But they were clean and smelled fresh and that beat his jeans and sweatshirt that felt like he had lived a lifetime in.

He kept his eyes open and stared into the darkness. The day had finally ended, but he felt so disjointed. He often went to bed with his father still working, but tonight was different. The day hadn't really ended, it just sort of melted away, like a candle, burning itself out, leaving drips and pillars of residue behind—sticky and messy, never to be forgotten.

As he laid there staring into the darkness in this strange room, Liam couldn't help but to think why. Why did this happen? Why were the forces of a distant family so strong that they took his mother from him? Why was he faced with the very real possibility of losing his father to the trauma and violence that he had tried so hard to battle on a daily basis? Why did the darkness of the world consume so much of the light and leave nothing but shadows behind? And his final question, what would he do on if his dad never woke up?

Soundtrack:

Warrior by Mono inc

Severed by the Decemberist

This is war Matthew Raetzel

Kellermensch -Lost at sea

I'm on Fire by Bruce Springsteen

Ray LaMontagne~ Empty

First Aid Kit - Wolf

Can't go on without you by Kaleo

Willow Tree March by Paper Kites

Daniel Spaleniak ~Why

Jose Gonzales~Stay Alive