Emma

It had taken nearly the entire five years for her father to once again believe in her. She was even somewhat surprised that he hadn't just shot her on sight. She knew it was a risk, that he might not be the least bit interested in what she had to say or hold any desire to hear it. But as she thought of what she had left behind, she found herself okay with that possibility. She had given up what she had loved so what was left to want? To live for?

But she had been the favorite, the most like her father. She was smart, quick, and more intuitive than any of her siblings. Those attributes along with her amazing instincts made her irreplaceable. Jay had great instincts as well, she could only imagine what Liam's were like. There was probably no one better than her son in what he could sense and just know without rhyme or reason. She could see so much in those eyes, the same unrest that Jay's held. The mind turning things over and over again; watching scenarios play out and trying to find the best way to fix the world.

Her father hadn't shot her on sight, but she did quiet the room in mere seconds upon her arrival all those years ago. Her uncles, siblings, cousins all stopped mid-sentence and gaped as she filled the doorway to the local pub that they owned, ran, and spent a lot of their time at. She knew they would all be easy to find. She had always told her father it was dangerous to have so many of the family in one place on a regular basis. The target couldn't have been bigger or easier, but he always assured that nobody would have the balls to even make an attempt. And thus far he had been right. But it was that arrogance that eventually allowed her to take him down.

It was baby steps, day by day, week by week. Her family squawking that she couldn't be trusted. After all, she had left the fold. She had no right to come back, she had no right to live. But as long as her father gave her permission to survive, nobody dared to do anything but tolerate her presence. So her path was before her, one step at a time, failure not an option. It helped knowing that her son was safe, that the only man she had ever loved was safe, she owed them an end to the secret they never knew existed.

She hated plotting and planning death and destruction on behalf of her family's name, but it was the only way to win her father's love and trust. She knew most attacks were against those that were players in a dangerous game where the rule book clearly indicated that you wouldn't die of old age. It was much like the gang life that played itself out every day in the city that she had left. The struggle that Jay dealt with, seeing the young pulled into a world that didn't deserve but were forced to partake in order to survive. The irony being that they most often didn't, at least not for very long.

Finally after years of effort she had her moment. The moment that her father would follow her anywhere. The moment she was in control. He had cost her everything; her child, her love, her home. But then again, would she have found it at all without him. Not only is life not black and white, but the shades of gray were so muted that they were nearly impossible to distinguish. He had given her everything and forced her to walk away from it. She had nothing left, so maybe he did win in the end.

Now, she was simply incomplete as she sat, alone, with a picture of her son and a memory of her lover and nothing else. She had no home and nowhere to go back to. She was also fully aware that nobody was awaiting her return, she had cut all ties to anyone who had known her. She had made her final goodbyes. She belonged nowhere and to no one. She had a child who had no idea who his mother truly was. What would it be like to love someone who truly didn't exist? That is what she had given Liam, and Jay if he had any room left to love her.

Was she as evil as the demons that haunted her, that held much of the same DNA as she did? A forever victim of the life she had been born into. What had she done to those that she was supposed to love? She had killed one and she had abandoned the rest. She thought of her favorite childhood book, Alice in Wonderland, would have been a better choice to leave for Liam as it described her life of uncertainties, mysteries and the nonsensical realities that she was forced to accept as normal. But she wanted better, she wanted Charlotte's Web to be his guide, she wanted loyalties and the strength of friendship and of love—everything that she had failed to deliver. So, yes, she was as evil as the demons that would forever haunt her. Her selfishness had created only pain and that was her legacy—no better than her fathers endowment.

She looked at the ocean in front of her and felt only emptiness. She was tired of dancing with her demons; time and distance hadn't made them disappear. Her desire to walk its shores alone held no longing. The sand beneath her feet should have felt soft, but it didn't, the sun should have warmed her, but it didn't, the ocean should have felt cold but it didn't. It was as if she had no more feelings left, the world no longer touched her. The picture that she had held in place for so long, her hand in Jay's, Liam running, playing, was never more than that—a day dream. A picture forever held only in her own mind. And as she saw it one last time, its fleeting presence, disappearing from her senses, she began to walk into the water.

Short chapter...but next week will find Liam in the middle of an adventure that lands him in big trouble despite the fact that he can't understand why everyone is so upset.

Soundtrack:

Left Behind Deep Dark Woods

Change by Daniel Spaleniak

Wolves by Down by Silver

My Immortal by Evanescence