Just a warning for slight, yes very slight, sexual situations. I never write romance etc., but this just seemed to be the way the chapter went.

Saturday Night

Jay was heading home on a late Saturday afternoon, having worked the better part of the day. He was tired, but not quite ready to settle down at home. Liam was no longer grounded and they had talked about the second undercover episode at great length. He didn't seem to have any aftereffects from his most recent experience, but Jay felt the kid was a bit more subdued than usual. Perhaps it was being grounded, perhaps it was the entire punishment or perhaps it was nothing.

As he sat at a traffic light he received a text from Shannon, the chef he had been seeing off and on. He had met her through Kara, another chef he had briefly dated. He wasn't sure if it meant anything that he had taken a liking to women who prepared food. But Shannon, had the night off and was meeting some friends at a club near the South Loop and wanted him to come and join the festivities. He sighed as he thought about the offer in his head. A night out would be fun. He needed a release, he hadn't been out for over a month. But he should really spend some time with Liam. But he also could hear Dr. Charles telling him that it was important to take care of himself as well. But could he get a sitter? It was Saturday night and Ellie had watched Liam all day. Kendall would probably have plans, but maybe Mandy would be available. She had been so fearful that he wouldn't let her watch Liam again after the incident in the park that perhaps this would be a good chance to let her know his faith in her hadn't wavered.

"Hey kiddo," Jay said as he shed his shirt and Liam wandered into his bedroom after Ellie had gone home.

"How was work?"

"Productive. Would you be upset if I went out tonight?"

"Would it matter?"

Jay wasn't sure how to answer this. If he said yes, of course it matters, then how would he handle it if Liam said he didn't want him to go out. If he said no, then he sounded callous.

After taking a moment he responded. "You know that you matter, but sometimes I need some time with adults."

"You were just with adults." Liam countered.

"Yes, but that was working. It's like seeing your friends at school is different than seeing them at a birthday party."

"You need a birthday party?" Liam asked.

"I do," Jay said as he sat down on the bed. "Mandy can watch you. I'll leave money for pizza." He said after calling her from the truck and making the arrangements on the way home.

"Okay," Liam sighed as he flopped down on the bed next to Jay with a flourish and a sigh.

"You doing alright?"

"Yeah. That guy in the park that day—did he ever get arrested?"

"The guy I was talking to? Yes he did. We're trying to get him to give us some names of the people that he works for."

"Was it drugs?"

"It was."

"It's always drugs."

"It often is."

"Did you stop the drugs that I brought in? The ones with the bad stuff in it?"

"It's all bad stuff. And, yes we did."

"Good."

"I don't want you ever to try drugs. You can see how bad they are and all the problems they cause."

"Okay." Liam promised as he sighed again. He had heard the drug speech before and he was sure he would hear it again—and again.

"Do you really understand why I was so upset with you that day?" Jay said referring back to Liam's undercover drug buy.

"Because I was reckless. Because I was disrespectful."

"I'm sorry that it turned out the way it did."

"You were mad."

"I was. I didn't mean to—" but Jay wasn't sure what he wanted to say. He didn't mean to be so harsh? He had to let Liam know what he had done, both in the streets and at home, playing the inappropriate song was not okay. But he had second guessed himself at every turn, but didn't want Liam to know that. He never wanted to be a harsh or strict disciplinarian, but he also couldn't have his son running amok. He hadn't felt good about the morning when Liam had been so defiant on his first day back on full duty and couldn't imagine revisiting that discipline anytime soon, but he had, and much sooner than he had ever anticipated. He had been on autopilot almost robotic. And he wasn't sure how to feel about that. Or how Liam felt about it.

"Dad," Liam said as the boy sat up and looked at Jay, who was lost in his thoughts. "Do you have a date?"

"Sort of."

"How do you sort of have a date?"

"I'm meeting a friend."

"A friend who is a woman?"

"Yes."

"A date."

"Okay. A date. I'm going to take a shower. Keep an ear out for Mandy okay?"

"Yep."

"Liam?"

"Yeah."

"I love you. You know that right?"

"Yeah. I know. Dad, it's okay. What happened, when I got in trouble, it's okay that you spanked me. I hated being grounded a lot more than that. I know you worry about it though. But I'm tough." Liam said, somehow sensing what Jay had been thinking about.

"Yes you are." Jay said smiling.

"I don't hate you. I was mad, but I'm not anymore. You were mad, but you aren't anymore. And I won't play that song again. I screwed up, you punished me. It's not the first time it happened anyway."

"No, but the other time I reacted because I was scared." Jay said as he laid down on the bed, his head near where Liam was sitting.

"Cause you couldn't find me at the zoo."

"Yeah. This time I was mad and I didn't like reacting that way because I was mad."

"You were mad because you were scared—because of what I did."

"I was scared because of what you did on the street. I was mad because you refused to understand and then you totally disrespected me and police officers everywhere when you played that song and you knew it would bother me. Which is exactly why you did it.

"Look Liam," Jay said as Liam laid down on his stomach next to Jay and propped his head up on his hands, elbows denting the mattress, "if you disrespect and defy me, we'll always have a problem and I think you know that. I don't expect you to be perfect. I expect mistakes, and we'll deal with them and learn from them, but what you did was totally in my face and you knew I'd react."

"Yeah. I just wasn't sure how. I was mad, frustrated. I thought I was going to be rewarded not punished so I just pushed back. You took my phone and speaker and I thought that was the end of it, but then you came back to my room," Liam said thinking back to his talk with Kyle when they were under the L and how Matt had reacted to his son calling him an asshole. Kyle knew Matt would react and did it simply to get a reaction, to test his father, to break an underlying tension that had been brewing. Liam, even at his young age, knew he was doing the very same thing. How strong would the reaction be was somehow tied to how deep the anger was and was tied to how powerful the love was. The male of the species just worked on a different level. "I get it, we're good."

"I'm glad that we are. We'll spend the day together tomorrow." Jay promised.

"Sure," Liam said as Jay pulled some clothes from his closet, laid them on his bed and then stripped off most of his clothes tossing them into his hamper before heading towards the shower, while Liam headed to the living room to wait for Mandy.

A few minutes later he buzzed Mandy in and then opened the door and saw her standing there with a bag. "I brought some games," she said holding the bag up.

"I'm not grounded anymore."

"We can still play. You don't have these."

"What are they?"

"Operation, you pretend to be a surgeon and pull out pieces from the body, kind of like your uncle does. And Perfection, where you have to put pieces in before the board explodes."

"That sounds cool," Liam said peering into the bag.

"Hey Liam," Jay called out from a crack in the bathroom door. "Come here please."

Liam turned and walked to the bathroom where he found Jay on the other side of the door with the towel wrapped around his waist. "What?"

"Is Mandy here?"

"Yeah, in the living room."

"Can you get my clothes? The ones on the bed?"

"You have a towel on," Liam pointed out.

Jay cocked his head and opened his eyes wide. "Not appropriate with Mandy here. Bring me my clothes please."

"Believe me Mandy won't mind," Liam teased.

"Liam. Now." Jay stated.

Liam looked up at his father's bare chest, easily seeing the bullet wound that was still fresh and ugly. "It' looks like it still hurts." He said, his eyes immediately clouding up.

"It doesn't. It will look better in a few weeks. It's fine. Please go get my clothes."

"Fine," Liam mumbled, but before he left he looked at the scar on his hand and then put it up against Jay's scarred shoulder and held it there for a few seconds, both quiet in the moment until Liam dropped his hand and went into his father's bedroom and grabbed the pants and fresh underwear from the bed and dragged them to the bathroom. "Here." He said thrusting them in his dad's general direction.

"Where's my shirt?"

"Too much to carry. It'll be fine," Liam assured before he disappeared back into the living room, leaving Jay to wonder if the absent shirt was an intentional oversight.

Liam was checking out the games that Mandy had brought when he heard the bathroom door open and Mandy's head snap up and stay up. Liam smiled as he pulled the top of the box from Operation picturing his shirtless father scurrying to the bedroom.

Mandy watched Jay rush from the bathroom to the bedroom, his lean, but muscular frame shining in its pale glory. She still recalled the day when she saw Liam outside of the school, dazed, uncertain and on the brink of collapse as he told her that his dad had been shot. Then came the waiting, the wondering what would happen. She was terrified, terrified for Jay, terrified for Liam and what his father's death would do to him. They were closer than they could even admit to. One without the other, well she couldn't fathom the thought and she doubted Liam could either. But what terrified her the most, was that the world would lose a truly good man.

"Okay, I have my phone, other numbers are where they always are. Liam can stay up until ten. I'm not sure when I'll be home."

"It's okay. I don't have anywhere I have to be."

"You can fall asleep on my bed if you get tired. Liam isn't grounded anymore, but I don't want him glued to the TV or the tablet all night either."

"Don't worry, she brought an exploding game." Liam piped up.

"Great," Jay said looking a little concerned.

"It's just a plastic shape game," Mandy assured.

"Okay. Call me if you need anything," he said to Mandy, "and you," he said looking at his son, "behave. I don't a bad report."

"I'll be good," Liam sighed.

"Good," Jay said leaning over and kissing his son on the top of his head.

Jay checked his phone and left. After the door closed Liam ran to the window that looked out onto the street and watched his father climb into a car. "He won't be home anytime soon. He's taking an Uber."

"He needs some time to unwind."

"He's supposed to spend time with me tomorrow, but now he'll have a big hangover. Or we won't even be home when I wake up, because I'm not important enough."

"He'll be fine. He's being responsible and parking probably sucks where ever he is going. The bane of city existence." Liam looked back at her, confusion on his face. "It means there's no place to park. But don't worry he'll be home, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow morning, maybe tomorrow afternoon, but he will be back. And, of course you are important, very important. You know that."

But Liam just sighed and looked miserable.

Jay texted Shannon as he neared the club and she told him where she and her friends were sitting.

He entered the club where a bouncing bass met him, causing his teeth to practically tingle. He checked his phone to see if there was anything he needed to answer to before slipping it back into his pocket and looking for Shannon.

"So is this guy hot or what?" Ginny yelled into her friends ear.

"Quite sizzling," Shannon answered.

"So are you two an item or what?" Scott, Ginny's kind-of date asked.

"Are you two?" Shannon retorted. Scott and Ginny were off again, on again, if you could even call it that. Shannon was sure that Scott would fall out of the closet any day now, but so far he had remained behind its door.

Dana was sucking on the cherry that had come in her drink and just listened to the banter around her. She had no date, and was just here for the fun. Besides Ginny often shared Scott, so she wasn't really alone.

"What does he do for a living?" Ginny asked.

"He's a cop," Shannon replied over the thump, thumps of the music as she saw Jay and started to wave at him.

"Is that him?" Scott asked. "Damn, I'd love to see that in uniform."

Shannon shook her head and looked over at Ginny who just rolled her eyes as she leaned in. "You better watch it, I think we're all going to try to get some time with your man."

After a dinner of pizza, streaming a movie and playing several rounds of Operation and Perfection, Liam sat on the couch looking defeated.

"What's a matter kiddo?" Mandy asked.

"Nothing," Liam replied.

"Something. Did you ever read Alice in Wonderland?"

"Yes. All of it. It's in my room if you want it back." Liam offered.

"You keep it. You might want to read it again someday."

"Okay."

"There's a second book. It's called Through the Looking Glass. I'll bring it to you."

"You don't have to."

"I know. But kids don't read anymore and I'm going to cherish the fact that you do."

"Okay," Liam repeated, looking forlorn.

"So what's wrong?"

"The games."

"You didn't like them?"

"They're like my life. Operation, is like trying to get through the day without setting off some kind of buzzer, trying not to touch stuff I'm not supposed to. And Perfection is like trying to hurry and get everything done before life explodes. I think that one is more for my dad though."

"Feeling left out tonight?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I get it, he needs to go have fun. But he's gone so much that when it isn't work, it doesn't seem fair that he's not here."

"I get it. I think a lot of kids feel that way. Parents work a lot and miss out more than ever. But then I see some parents that are helicopter parents and that's no fun either."

"What's that?"

"A parent that doesn't give their kid any space. Tells them what to do, when to do it, how to do it. Doesn't let them make any decisions or mistakes on their own. Your dad lets you find your way, lets you breathe."

"Big breaths." Liam sighed. "Can I show you something?"

"Sure," she said.

"Promise you won't tell my dad?"

"I can't really promise until I know what it is."

"It's not a big deal, but I just don't want him to know."

"Okay. What is it?" Mandy asked as she followed Liam into his room and watched as he dove underneath his bed and pulled out a plastic grocery bag that contained something that rattled.

Liam untied the bag and took out several ceramic pieces of a hand painted plate. "I broke it," Liam admitted.

"On accident?"

"No. On purpose. My mom came back."

"What? When?"

"I don't know, a while ago. I only saw her for a few minutes. Then she left again."

"Why did she leave again?"

"I don't know. She said she had to. But she was crying. I cried too." Liam said not wanting to get into the details of his family history.

"I bet you did. Do you have a picture of your mother?"

"She hated having her picture taken."

"What does she look like?" Mandy asked, trying to find out what had caught Jay's eye. "I like what I like." Floated through her brain again, for the thousandth time.

"I don't know. Like my mom."

"What color is her hair?" Mandy coaxed.

"Like the parts of mine that aren't blond."

"So strawberry blond?"

"Yeah. It's kind a thick and goes to here," he said pointing just under his shoulders.

"How tall is she?"

"Shorter than my dad. This tall," he said throwing his hand up in some random distinction of height that told Mandy nothing.

"What color are her eyes?"

"Like mine. I have her eyes."

"She sounds so pretty." Mandy commented in a defeated tone. Of course she would be pretty, very pretty.

"She is."

"I always liked your eyes. They sparkle."

"No they don't."

"Yes they do. When you're happy, somehow they sparkle. So, seeing your mother made you break the plate?"

"I was mad. Mad that she left again. I threw it on the floor and watched it smash into pieces."

"Was your dad home?"

"No. He was at work. Of course." Liam added.

"Who was watching you?"

"Ellie. But she had to run to her apartment for something."

"So your dad hasn't noticed it's gone?"

"No. Back at our last apartment it was on the wall, but we never put it up here. It's just been in the back of the cabinet."

"It's pretty," Mandy said as she picked up a shard.

"Kindergarten craft night," Liam said. "It was for Kindergartners and their parents. Dad was late. My mom and I painted stripes on the outer ring," he said picking up a piece that held strips of red, purple, yellow, orange, some brushed with a little more control than others. "Then when my dad still hadn't shown up I asked her to paint on the center part of the plate. She had been saving that part for my dad."

"So she made a heart," Mandy said, putting the pieces together on Liam's bed.

"Yeah. A red heart. Then my dad came. So she told him to fill in around the heart. I picked blue. He tried to be careful but he smudged the heart. Kind of like our family—smudged."

"Imperfect. Most of us and our families are imperfect. But your dad did come and this is something that links all three of you together. So why did you break it?"

"Because it linked all three of us together," Liam stated, frustration slipping into his voice. "We were never together but we could have been, but then she left. She came back because she could just so she could leave again. And it made me so mad."

"And you smashed the plate."

"Yes. She destroyed our family so I destroyed the plate."

"Do you think your dad will be mad? Is that why you haven't showed him?"

"I don't know. Maybe he will be mad, maybe not. Maybe he'll make me go talk to the therapist again."

"I'm sure your mom had a good reason to leave."

"She did," Liam admitted. "At least that's what I heard."

"You don't think it's true?"

"It is. But it still hurts."

"I'm sure it does. I can understand why you broke the plate."

"You can?"

"Sure. You found and lost your mother again all in the same day. Joy and pain in tremendous amounts. That had to come out somewhere. The heart shows the love, the smudge shows it was an imperfect love, like I said before.

"Do you remember your parents ever being together?"

Liam shook his head. "No. Just when my dad picked me up and dropped me off. Plus a few nights like this one where they were together for school stuff. Once I think they took me somewhere but I can't remember where."

"They both love you very much. I'm sure it's really hard for your mom not to be with you. And I'm sure her reason to leave is very important."

Liam chewed on his lip, digesting what Mandy told him and tried to make peace with it.

They worked on a puzzle for a bit and then watched some more TV before Liam turned the set off and looked back at Mandy.

"There was one day, it was my birthday." Liam began, looking at the far wall, his memory slipping out despite being held tightly for so long. "We were at the park. I can't really even remember which one. My mom had made a picnic lunch. I can't recall if it was a week day or weekend, but I'm pretty sure it was my actual birthday. We were eating. My dad was supposed to be there, he was late again. But then, before we finished he showed up with a box of cupcakes. They had little baseball players on them and were double chocolate. I can still taste them." He said practically licking his lips.

"Before he came, my mom and I had played on the playground. She had pushed me on the swings, dug in the sand, caught me coming down the slide. Then we went and ate and waited for my dad. I remember seeing him walking our way and jumped up and ran to him, nearly knocking the box of cupcakes out of his hands. He picked me up with one arm and carried me back to the picnic table we were sitting at. My parents looked at each other—I'm not sure what the look was or meant, but I've never seen it between two people since then. I'm not sure why I remember it so clearly, but I do.

"I ate half a cupcake, took the little baseball player off of it and dueled with my dad and his little plastic player, then I took off to the playground, insisting he come play with me."

"Did he?" Mandy asked.

"Yes. He chased me around, did all the same things my mom did. I came down the slide he snatched me up and swung me around. I always loved it when he swung me around like that. It was like I was flying—I could see his face and he always looked happy too. After he did that he held me close. I looked over to see my mom watching us, she was happy and sad. Like she was happy that my dad and I were having fun, but sad for the very same thing. I think it was right then that she decided to leave. That's the only memory I have of them together other than pick up and drop off or a the plate painting."

"I'm sorry Liam," Mandy told him gently, meaning it. She could just see a tiny Liam looking back at his uncertain mother, with so many things going through her mind. Her love and family melting away.

With Liam in bed and under the covers, Mandy read two chapters of a book that was about an explorer who was lost in the jungle trying to find it's secrets and treasures. She looked over at the bookshelf that was crammed with books, including classics like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the Wizard of Oz, The Jungle Book, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, among others. His mother may not be around, but she left much of her love within the bindings of what he cherished and kept close. Liam patiently listened to her as she read, and as he began to drift off to sleep. "Picture hidden in my dad's room," he practically slurred as his eyes fluttered.

"Of your mom? I thought you didn't have any pictures."

"No. Said she hated having her picture taken. My dad takes pictures on stakeouts—long lens." And then Liam crossed over to slumber.

Mandy stood up and crossed the room and turned the light off. She closed the door behind her and wondered how many secrets Jay had hidden away. He had always been nothing but a gentleman with her, an older brother kind of vibe. But she could always feel an underlying tension emanating from him. Like his skin was constantly humming. She was certain that many stories hid behind the pale blue eyes and tight smile. She opened up the bedroom door and took another look at Liam, sleeping peacefully knowing that the boy had inherited the very same balance of ache and benevolence. He would have quite a future ahead of him, one she hoped that he would be able to manage, because if he couldn't, he might just self-destruct. The very same fear she had for Jay.

The song changed, but it was just as loud and sounded much like the previous one. Scott returned from the bar and slid a new drink into Jay's hand. "On me," he said and winked.

"I thought he was with your other friend," Jay said into Shannon's ear.

"Ginny? Sorta. But I gotta warn you that my entire posse is after you. You are safe from no one."

"Not even Scott?"

"Especially him," she said as she pulled Jay, who made a quick attempt to set his drink down, just getting it on the nearby table, back onto the dance floor.

Jay looked at the sea of people that surrounded him. He was never really into the club scene, too loud, too many people, but every so often the free flung energy was fun to be around. He kept up with Shannon who he was beginning to wonder had ingested something more than alcohol. She was twisting and turning like a gold medal gymnast and was now pulling him close, very close and despite his best efforts his body was reacting to hers, the gyrating, the heat, the shape, the femininity, it was all closing in on him.

After ensuring that Liam was asleep for like the fifth time, Mandy stood in the doorway to Jay's room. "You can fall asleep on my bed if you get tired. I like what I like." The phrases echoed in her head, endlessly bouncing around.

She stepped into the room, which was tidy. The bed made, no clothes on the floor, everything in its place. She stopped in front of the full length mirror that was held to the closet door. She stared at her reflection wishing it had more to offer. She had shoulder length brown hair. It had just a hint of auburn, somewhat like Jay's hue. It had enough body that it didn't quite hang limply, but wasn't anything spectacular. Her eyes were dark brown, she hated them, like two Hershey kisses jammed into her eye sockets. She wasn't in great shape, her body wasn't tight and it never gave the appearance that it ever would be, even if she gave it some effort. But due to youth and a fair metabolism, it wasn't awful. Her clothes took turns grabbing at her and hanging from her. She had zero fashion sense and didn't really care.

She looked around and walked towards the nightstand. The top held a lamp and a picture of Jay and Liam and what was most likely the Uncle Will that Liam had told her about—the doctor, she could easily see the DNA connecting the dots. Liam was in his Halloween costume, the brothers smiling behind him. She turned the lamp on and then picked up the picture by the frame and looked more closely. Liam, clearly was amped up by candy and trying to stay in control, his blue eyes most definitely sparkling and nearly jumping from his head. Will, looked tired, but attempting to make a good show out of being thought about on this holiday. He did seem genuinely happy to be a part of the tiny family. And Jay, Jay had his slight smile, perhaps a little more than that, the corners of his mouth raised a bit higher. She looked at his eyes and they held very little sparkle. His hand was on Liam's shoulder, it was gentle, an act of love and perhaps protection. Or was she reading to much into it, her psychology class pushing her to see what wasn't there. The microscopic family under her own microscope.

She put the picture back down, trying to get it in the same exact spot from where she had picked it up and then pulled her phone out and took a picture of the photo and cropped the frame out. She picked it up again and set it down a little further to the left. Jay was a cop, he might notice the slightest thing. She then opened up the drawer and peered inside. There was a tube of lip balm, a package of tissues and an accordion of condoms. She had no idea how many, more than five but less than ten. She stared at the square packages as if they held the meaning of life, and perhaps they somehow did. Behind them were a couple of manly bracelets; black leather, braided with some kind of symbol and another one that was metal. But her eyes were still on the condoms. She wasn't a virgin, but she wasn't what you would call sexually active either. She had lost her virginity to her high school boyfriend when she was a junior and then remained celibate until college where she had slept with a couple of different guys, because it seemed like the thing to do at the time.

She reached into the drawer and grabbed at the packets and found the one on top had been already torn from its mates. She tried to envision why. Had he had someone here and it didn't work out or get that far? Had he just prepared the package in case whomever he had visiting worked their way to the bed? How often did he have women over? She couldn't imagine that he would have dates in and out of here with Liam around. Jay seemed too responsible to have a merry-go-round of women around his son with promises of a future that would never come to fruition. But, Liam had friends and play dates, so maybe he had a few women on speed dial to come over and keep him company, risking Liam coming home and interrupting them. She knew there was an edge to him, safe but danger on the horizon. And who was she kidding, a few women? He could have a harem if he wanted one.

She sat down on the bed, the condom still in her hand. She could see him at the park, acting like some kind of player, the danger part. Later rushing home to check on his son, and her, he had checked on her as well, to see if they were okay. Plying them both with food, nutrients and attention. "I like what I like." His voice forever in the loop, his expression forever frozen. "If only," Mandy said aloud. She stood back up and shoved the condom in her pocket and ripped the next one off and carefully set it on top of the others just as he had. She closed the drawer gently and went back to check on Liam who was still sleeping, his thick blond, naturally highlighted hair floating on the pillow, his cheekbones and bone structure clearly stating that he would have the very same capacity of having his own harem when he was older.

She returned to the bedroom and went straight to the dresser. On top were two more pictures, one of Liam, probably at age four, with an expression of pure happiness. The kind of smile that takes up an entire face and eyes that glow with glee. The other picture was of Jay and a woman. She was pretty, but clearly not the woman that Liam had described. There was no trace of the boy in her face, which was a mixture of controlled anger and an attempt at a true smile. Jay was making his own attempt at a natural smile. Maybe this was Erin, Liam had mentioned her once or twice. The two had been partners and had dated at one time. The dresser held a walkie- talkie that was snuggled into a charger and was turned off. A way to stay in front of things even when at home? A bit of old school or in case a cell phone wasn't at the ready? His badge sat there, polished and held by it's leather backing. She picked it up and could feel its power and authority coiled inside. Maybe Jay was just like the badge, everything tight, compacted, thick in his efforts to keep it all under control. She held the badge to her cheek, pressing it until she was certain it had made an imprint. She then pulled it away and held it in her hand, her thumb going over the word detective, back and forth, back and forth until she huffed her hot breath on it and wiped it on her shirt and placed it back where it had been.

She opened the top drawer, often the most famous for holding all things hidden and special. She had to be careful as the orderliness of the room had crossed into the dresser. This was his sock drawer, full of black calf and ankle length offerings as well as a few dress socks. She gently moved the paired items around and peered what was under them, behind them. There were keys, to what she had no idea. A snapshot of several guys in army uniforms. A compass and an old watch, perhaps his father's. There was a pocket knife, maybe a childhood treasure he would one day pass on to Liam. A smartphone, he had his on his person so this was either a back up or perhaps the one he used when he was undercover. She pulled it out and turned it one. It held nothing. No pictures, no texting conversations. It did have several contacts but nothing linking him to them. It probably was his undercover phone. She turned it off, wiped her fingerprints from the screen and returned it. And moved onto the second drawer.

It held his undershirts, bright and white, almost new as if he only wore them a few times before discarding them for new ones. It also held his underwear; boxer briefs in all the colors of the rainbow, a few bright ones, but mostly dark's, navy blue, dark green and gray. She pulled up a neatly folded shirt and smelled it, it had a hint of a mild detergent or fabric softener. She carefully patted it back into place and looked over at the underwear. She put her index finger on the green one's surface, the material feeling rough to her touch. She traced around its seams and slid it into the flap. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. But quickly opened her eyes and took her hand away and closed the drawer. She went to the next one finding solid colored t-shirts both long and short sleeved along with a few sport themed ones, the Bears, Cubs, Bulls. The next two drawers held jeans and sweatpants. She walked over to the closet and opened it to see flannel and other button-down shirts hanging side by side. A few lightweight sweaters were among them as well as a few dress shirts and slacks and two suits along with several pairs of shoes and sneakers claiming space on the floor. The shelf held a few thicker sweaters and boxes of who knows what, but she couldn't reach them. And a lockbox, one she was certain that held his gun. She recalled one day Liam telling her about it and that he was never allowed to touch it. That he would be grounded to his room forever and ever if he ever touched it. Of course there was combination required that she didn't know, so she just stood and stared at it for a moment. She then closed the door and went back to the dresser, thinking that she would need to get a chair to check the boxes on the closet shelf if the underwear drawer didn't hold what she was looking for.

Mandy took a deep breath and opened up the second drawer again. She picked up a pile of fabric that held Jay in all of his sensitive places and set them on the top of the dresser. She then moved everything else around but her search yielded nothing. But as she lifted the gray, green and navy pile back to the drawer she felt something poke her. She put the underwear back on top of the dresser and saw a corner of photo sticking out. She tugged on it and pushed a deep red fabric askew so she would remember where to slide the photo back. Her heart was hammering. This could be his ex, Liam's mother or it could be something entirely different and something she wasn't prepared to witness. Maybe Jay's demons were bigger than she had ever imagined. This could be anything. Her hands started to shake. What if he was some kind of dangerous individual, his insanity cloaked by his badge. What if this picture revealed something she never wanted to see or would ever be able to forget. She nearly let it go, letting it remain covered, but she couldn't help herself and pulled it out revealing a strawberry blond woman, with a pale, but beautiful face, with bright blue sparkling eyes. She was looking at her child with nothing but love and devotion. It was clear she had no idea the picture had been taken. Her focus clearly on her son, who was showing her a small stuffed animal, it looked like an elephant. "My dad takes pictures on stakeouts—long lens." Liam had mumbled. Did he know about this picture? Clearly he did as he had told her it was hidden in Jay's room. Had Jay been watching his son with his mother, wanting that one picture to remember her by, the one she would never allow? Did he sense she would be leaving them soon, taking what would never be given, something to cherish, to cling to. How deep had their history been? How much did she take from him when she left?

Mandy took a picture of that photo as well and carefully tucked everything back where it had been. She then stepped back and was satisfied that everything was back as it was supposed to be and was ready to leave the room when she looked over at the bed. "You can fall asleep on my bed if you get tired." It was as if Jay was there whispering in her ear. She went over and laid down. Her head falling into the pillow. It smelled faintly of him, hints of deodorant and manly scented cologne. She chewed on her lip and sat straight up, staring at the hamper. She got up and opened the lid and looked down to see his most recently discarded clothing. A button down flannel, jeans, underwear, socks and one of the bright white undershirts. She reached in, her finger finding the underwear, but quickly bypassed them and grabbed the undershirt. She noticed another undershirt further down in the tangle of clothes. But she took the one on top and held it to her face and inhaled. The same scent of manly spritzes and sprays, with a hint of musky sweat. She felt a stirring that she had and hadn't want to. She went back to the bed and laid down, placing the shirt on her chest, smelling her crush all over her. She looked at the open door and listened to the quiet as her fingers began to find their way to her waistband. She shouldn't, she couldn't. How could she ever look at Jay again? But her fingers were slipping under the button and zipper that held them closed and tight to her body. She inhaled his scent and closed her eyes as she tingled below. She found her wetness and began to coax it, pull it from hiding when she heard a noise. She pulled her hand out and sat straight up, tossing the t-shirt in the general direction of the hamper. She went out into the living room and saw Liam's bedroom door open and the bathroom door closed. It must have been the late glass of water he had insisted on. She heard a flush and then a barely awake Liam stumbled back to his room, either not seeing her or not caring to stop and chat. She went back to Jay's room, her heart pounding and picked up the undershirt and carried it out to the living room and stuffed it into the bottom of her backpack.

Shannon had been grinding into him for the last half hour and Jay was about to explode. They finally took a break from the dance floor and headed towards a table in a dark corner that had been recently vacated. It offered as much privacy as a place like this could offer. As soon as Jay sat down she swung her leg over his lap and straddled him. He knew he couldn't hide his desire, men were at such a disadvantage when it came to that. It took her no time to discover his arousal and she began to shift her weight and paw at his zipper.

"We're in a public place," Jay stated, shocked at her actions.

"Nobody will even know," she declared, continue to fight with his pants.

"I'm a cop. This can't happen here."

"I don't have a car, do you?" She asked as she looked around.

"I took an Uber." Jay replied.

"Let's go. My place, your place. I don't care." She said practically panting. Jay made the mistake of looking at his watch and seeing it was well after midnight. "What? You have something more important? Are you married?"

"No. Of course not," Jay said, happy that he could answer honestly as he and Abby had finally dissolved their pseudo marriage. He wasn't sure how he would have explained that.

"Girlfriend?"

"No girlfriend."

"Then who or what is more important then?" Her face impassive and demanding an answer, causing Jay to look up at her, shake his head and smile.

Soundtrack:

Saturday Night Panic at the Disco

Yes, I think this is the end. Daniel Spaleniak

Devil - Vive la Void and Smoke and Red Rider

Supermassive black hole

Night Club - "Show It 2 Me"