I borrowed a scene from the episode of Intimate Violence.

Beyond the Fray

Jay kept peeking in the rearview mirror at Liam who was in the backseat, looking out the window into the darkness. He had picked him up from his drum lesson, and continued on to do a few errands. He had been thinking a lot about his last conversation with Dr. Charles. He had admitted to being proud of Liam and his actions, but he didn't share just how much. He looked back once again, to see Liam pull out his phone and begin to scroll through whatever entertained ten-year-old boys these days. He shook his head just a bit as a smile made its way to his face.

The thought of his son, doing what he had done, and done successfully made Jay extremely proud; his son was a little bad ass, a tiny dynamo. He was ten-years old and had been undercover twice in two distinctly different situations and been successful both times. No training, no briefing, just by the seat of his pants. He was smooth under fire, thought fast on his feet, and had the demeanor of a seasoned detective. And whether or not Jay would ever say it out loud; he was proud; chest swelling proud of his son. As much as it pained him, he could never tell Liam—he couldn't, it would only invite the boy to push the envelope even further. Life was difficult and dangerous enough without tempting fate. Perhaps it had only been beginners luck, but Jay was almost certain that it hadn't been; the kid was a natural.

But the question that kept coming back to him was why. Why did Liam feel the need to do what he did with the gang and drugs? He had heard what Dr. Charles thought and what Liam had said, but there hadn't been anything definitive. And why did he intervene at the park? Yes, it could have gone all wrong when Mandy had begun to walk over to talk to him, but what made Liam get up and do what he did? Most adults wouldn't have had the ability to interfere—to come up with a believable story with zero notice. And to act so calm while doing it. It was everything Jay was afraid of, as these reactions aren't often learned, they are gifted at birth.

How did they end up here? Why did he react to the situations in the manner that he had? Was it to get attention, to compete with the job for Jay's attention? He could still hear the doctors long list of past injuries ringing in his ears. All the times when his day had been interrupted by violence, the days where he tried to hide the pain both physical and emotional, from his co-workers, from his son, from himself. What were his priorities and is this what he wanted Liam to be a part of?

"Hey kid, put the phone down and tell me about your day?" Jay asked, looking back up at the mirror.

Liam turned the phone off and looked up at his father. "Nothing exciting. I did better on that piece for my upcoming drum solo. But Ben said I still need to work on it, my timing gets a little wonky in the middle."

"You'll get it, you always do."

"Justin Kirkland laughed so hard at lunch that milk squirted out of his nose." Liam offered as he thought back on his day.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. It splashed on Missy McDonough and she didn't appreciate it very much. I gave her my napkin to clean it up."

"That was nice."

Liam shrugged. "I guess."

Just as Jay was going to say something, his phone rang. With Liam in the car he didn't answer it via the Bluetooth and held the phone up to his ear, while Liam fired his own phone back up to finish the game he had started earlier.

"Who was it?" Liam asked when Jay hung up.

"Hailey."

"Do you have to go back to work?"

"No. But we have to make a stop. It won't take long." Jay said turning the truck around.

"Where are we going?"

"Bridgeport, it's not that far, I'll just turn around and get back on Halstead."

"Too bad we don't live on Halstead, that'd be cool," Liam said.

"Yes it would," Jay agreed.

"Did Mom and I live in Bridgeport?"

"No, you guys lived in West Port."

"Oh. I forgot."

"You were only five—" Jay began, but left off the rest of the sentence indicating when she had left them.

Liam figured it wasn't good news when Hailey called, especially when Jay had answered it without using Bluetooth so Liam couldn't hear. But if he was allowed to go, it couldn't be too bad.

"Stay in the truck," Jay told his son as he pulled in front of the Sullivan house and hopped out. "I mean it Liam, stay here. Keep the doors locked, play on your phone, but stay here." Jay looked over at the house hoping the case that he had been dealing with all week wouldn't get out of hand. It had begun as a robbery that turned into a homicide and along with it a case of domestic violence.

Jay had tried to help the victim, Michelle Sullivan, by having her wear a wire to put her husband behind bars for his physical abuse, as much as his part in the robbery. But Michelle, despite her efforts in the beginning had failed to follow through and now Jay was scared at what he might find.

"Got it. But don't be too long okay?" Liam replied, looking at his father who was leaning inside the truck,waiting for a response.

"I won't be."

Liam watched as his father crept towards the house. It was dark outside but he could tell the door wasn't closed when his father got to it. Jay hesitated for a moment and then slid inside and out of Liam's view. He had no idea what was going on at this house, but knew there was potential for something big, and his heart started hammering. Jay had always been confident in his training, but was he really prepared for everything all the time?

Liam sat for a moment and pulled up a game on his phone and began to play as his father had instructed, but his heart was pounding just as hard as his fathers and it didn't take long before his gaze went back to the door, which was now wide open, the light spilling out into the darkness.

"Is he still here?" Jay asked Michelle, who was in a dazed heap on the floor.

"Yes." She said quietly, her voice sounding defeated.

"Your daughter?"

"She's at her cousins house."

"Let's go. We'll just leave, come with me." It took a moment, but she finally agreed. Jay was about to help her up, his eyes darting to the open door, when her husband and abuser, Shane came down the stairs and stood between them and the exit.

"What are you doing here? And where the hell do you think you're going with my wife?"

"We're leaving," Jay stated. "Both of us, and I suggest you get the hell out of our way."

"I don't think so," Shane replied causing Jay to threaten him to move or he would put him down.

Lion by Saint Mesa

Then Shane made his biggest mistake of the night in his attempt to throw a punch as it came right back at him. Jay easily took the man down and began to punch his face repeatedly. As each blow landed, Jay knew he needed to stop, but he couldn't, it was if his arm was disconnected and continued to pummel Shane independently. This man had caused so much grief, so much pain. He had to pay, he had to pay, and all men like him had to pay. Each and every bully had to pay as this man wore all of their faces. The bullies that hit their wives, hit their children, the bullies that used the workplace to have their fun, the bullies that torment as a sport, the bully that had hurt his son earlier that year at school. Somehow by beating this man to a pulp he would be making them all pay. He was so intent on his actions that he barely even heard it—the one word that would make him stop.

"Dad?" Liam said as he stood in the doorway.

Jay dropped his arm as he looked up at his son and then over at Michelle whose expression hadn't changed. "Take her to the truck." He instructed his son as he looked down at the battered and bruised man.

Liam looked across the room and then back at Jay. But he followed the instructions and guided Michelle out to the truck. Once she settled in the passenger seat he handed her a blanket from the back. "Here, to keep you warm. We always have it back here in the winter. Sometimes my dad has to pick me up late from somewhere and he puts it over me."

"Thank you," she said barely whispering. "I didn't, I didn't know that he was a father." She stammered.

"He doesn't usually tell people. Home life at home, work life at work." Except for now, Liam thought as he saw Jay walk out the front door of the house.

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Liam."

"I have a daughter, her name is Tina."

"Well, for her sake, you don't need to ever come back here."

"You are definitely his son."

"I am," Liam agreed as Jay opened the truck door and climbed in.

After picking Tina up, and getting mother and daughter to the airport, Jay took Liam to Will's apartment. "Can he stay with you?"

"Sure. What's going on?" Will asked.

"A case, it's—well I hope it will be over tonight, but I just need him to be with you right now. Can you get him to school tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Of course. Is everything okay?"

"It's fine. It's just better—it's just better if he stays with you tonight. It's complicated—I had to—there was a call, he was supposed to stay in the truck."

"But he didn't?"

"No. He saw—I just can't really face him right now—be around him. It's me—it's on me."

"Okay. Take care of you. I'm happy to help." Will said with concern in his eyes.

"Thanks man."

"Where is he?" Will asked looking outside of his apartment door as he had noticed Liam wasn't standing next to his brother.

"By the elevator." Jay said looking down the hall at his son who was sitting by the elevator doors, his back against the wall, legs sticking straight out in front of him. "Come here buddy," he said waving to his son. Liam got up and walked to his father and uncle. "You're going to hang out with Uncle Will tonight and he will get you to school tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow night okay?"

"Sure," Liam said and walked past Jay and Will into the apartment, distracted and disconnected.

"Hey, come here," Jay called Liam back. He squatted down and looked at his son who was looking down towards the floor. "I love you kid, you know that right?"

"Yeah," Liam said quietly, still looking down.

"Be good for Uncle Will and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay," Liam replied.

Jay reached over and pulled his son close for a hug and then stood up with him in his arms. "Be good," he whispered before he set him down and turned and left.

"What was that about?" Will asked as he watched his nephew crash on the couch.

"He didn't tell you?"

"No, just said it was a case and it was better if you were with me tonight."

"He beat the crap out of a guy."

"With you there?"

"It was an unexpected stop. And I was supposed to stay in the truck."

"Why didn't you?"

"I was worried."

"Liam, he often walks into unknown situations. You needed to do what he told you."

"I know. I figured that's why I'm here."

Jay drove for several blocks before he pulled over and tried to catch his breath. He knew he was so often guilty of pushing too hard, too fast, but that was a part of his job. But what it wasn't, was great parenting. Was this going to be Liam's fate? Jay subscribed to the theory of doing the wrong the thing, using the wrong method, but for the right reason. He was trying to right wrongs even if they seemed impossible, he wouldn't give up, because if he kept fighting they didn't seem so hopeless. But he was seeing these very same traits in his son, just like what happened tonight, interfering, not sitting, but doing. The kid might have very well saved Shane's life—Jay truly had no idea if he would have stopped hitting Shane if Liam hadn't called out to him. How had the boy known? But thank God he had. But was this the path he wanted his son to follow? But it was becoming more and more clear that it wasn't going to be Jay's decision to make.

God help anyone that ever wanted to hurt his son, but thinking about how Liam had disobeyed him and walked into an unknown situation—could he save his son from himself? His greatest fear was coming true before his eyes; Liam was just like him. Sometimes Jay felt as if he was drowning and pulling his son right down with him.

He was so glad that he had dropped Liam off at Will's, as his emotions were all over the place. He slammed his hands against the steering wheel as tears of anger and fear of the unknown fought their way to surface. His two worlds seemed to be merging and it felt as if he was powerless to stop it. His greatest fear was that something might happen to his son. He suddenly felt a kinship with his father and it took him completely by surprise. He always felt the burn of his father's love, but maybe that combustion was to teach and protect him from what was hot—but Jay had reached out and found the flames anyway and he had gotten burned—more than once. In fact he had gotten burned over and over, costing him so much. But he couldn't help himself, it was who he was, just as he had told Liam, he was a cop, it was who he was from the moment he woke up until sleep took him to the dreams that held him hostage during the night. But he still had regrets as he watched his son repeating the very same actions that so often brought Jay to the brink.

"Come on out here," Will said as Liam appeared from the bathroom with a pair of sweats and a t-shirt on. Jay made sure the boy had a couple of sets of clothes at the apartment for situations such as this or other emergencies when he needed to drop Liam off abruptly. "Come sit with me on the couch."

Liam did as he was told shuffling over to the couch, sitting down next to his uncle. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, but I would like to know what happened tonight."

So Liam explained all that he knew. "He just kept hitting the guy, even though he knew that he wasn't a threat anymore."

"Did that scare you?"

"Yeah. It was like he wasn't even aware he was doing it, that's why I called out to him. I mean, if he was a bad guy, he had to stop him, but he had stopped him. He was just so mad. Do you think he is mad at me?"

"I think he wishes that you had stayed in the truck, he didn't want you to possibly get hurt or worse."

"Or see what I saw."

"That too. But he might not have had control of the situation and then he would have had to worry about you too."

"But I worry about him. He almost died not that long ago. I can't lose him," Liam said as a sob suddenly slipped out.

"I know buddy, I got you, come here," Will said as he pulled Liam over and held him. I can't lose him either." He held his nephew for several minutes until he calmed back down. "Better?"

"Yeah, I guess," Liam said as Will got up and grabbed a few tissues for him from a nearby table and brought them back.

"I know it's scary when he is at work. But it's scary for him when he's not with you too. He worries about you."

"That's why I need to listen." Liam professed.

"Exactly," Will agreed. "Every time, not just some of the time. Which makes me ask you what were you doing that night in the hospital sneaking around?"

"You saw me?" Liam asked incredulously.

"A security guard saw you on the cameras and showed me. What were you doing?"

"I needed to find something."

"What?"

"The name of the woman who had shot my father."

"Whoa dude. First of all how did you know it was a woman?"

"Me and Kyle kinda of overheard Sergeant Voight and Burgess talk to her. It was an accident, I swear." Liam said as Will reared his head back and shook it back and forth in disbelief.

"So, did you find anything out?"

"Yeah, her name was Angela Nelson and they let her go." Liam explained, holding down the temptation to divulge further information. The entire burden of knowledge had been weighing on him since the days in the hospital. He would look at his father and think of Angela and the words Kyle had dumped on her. He would think that she was still out there and could still very well be dangerous.

"Well, you don't know the whole story and your father does, so you need to leave the decision making to him. And quit eavesdropping. Haven't you found enough trouble with that?"

"Please don't tell my dad, please?" Liam repeated, his eyes looking frantic.

"I won't, but you have to promise me you'll drop any machinations of finding out anything further. You need to leave it all alone. Understood?"

"What's machinations?"

"Schemes. No more scheming, planning to find anything out. Leave it alone. And if you don't, then I will tell him everything; the eavesdropping, the sneaking around the hospital, the looking at files. It's illegal for medical non-personnel to see those, it's kind of a big deal so am I clear?"

"Deal," Liam said.

"I'm going to hold you to it," Will said, trying his best to look somewhat stern.

"Got it. Uncle Will?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"Thanks," Liam replied as he snuggled in his uncle for a hug.

Will held his nephew tightly and felt the boy shudder with another sob and had feeling there was more to the story than he had just been told. He let Liam release his emotions before letting go and looking at him in the eye and encouraging him to tell him the whole story. Which he finally did.

Several nights later as Liam finished his homework and Jay bid Ellie farewell and chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about how he wanted to go about the discussion he was about to have with his son. Will had filled him in on everything and he taken a few days to digest it and make sense of it all before he spoke to Liam.

"Hey kiddo," Jay said as he walked into Liam's room. "Finish your homework?"

"Yeah. It was pretty easy."

"Good. Did you eat dinner?"

"Uh huh. Did you?"

"Yeah," Jay said thinking back to the Chicago Dog with sauerkraut that was rolling around in his gut. "We need to talk," he said as he sat down on Liam's bed.

"Uncle Will talked to you didn't he?"

"He did. Why didn't you tell me what you knew?"

"Because I didn't want to get into trouble," Liam said matter-of-factly.

"I understand that, but sometimes it's easier to be honest and deal with the repercussions than being all alone in your secret.

"So you knew who shot me all this time?"

"Yes. Angela Nelson. I was going for a walk and I heard Sergeant Voight and Kim talking to her."

"Is there anything you don't overhear?"

"Yeah. Lot's. But I heard that."

"And you found out her name by wandering all over the hospital?"

"I just needed to know. It wasn't really my plan. I wanted to stay in the hospital to be near you and then I thought about finding out who she was."

"If you hadn't eavesdropped, you wouldn't have had this weight on your shoulders."

"Was Marcus West innocent? Is that why she shot you? Is that why you let her go?" Liam asked ignoring Jay's comment.

"You know that I am not going to discuss a case with you. Decisions were made by those that needed to make them."

"But she shot you. I thought—that night—I was afraid—"

"What night?"

"The night at the house— when you went into that house. I thought it might be her house." Liam said speaking of the impromptu stop at the Sullivan household.

"Angela's?"

"Yeah. I thought she got you to come over and she was going to shoot you again."

"Oh buddy, she is out of my life."

"How do you know that? I mean, I think that you tried to help her and she almost killed you. She made you vulnerable," Liam said thinking back to a conversation with Kyle when the older boy had pointed that out. "You shot that guy in the restaurant because it was clear he was the bad guy, but it wasn't the same with Angela. Somehow you let your guard down and she got you."

Jay wasn't sure what to say. He was now aware that Liam knew quite a bit, but not nearly everything, and he wasn't sure how much more to tell him. "I did let my guard down. Her husband had been killed and it was a difficult time for her and her son and I wanted to help them."

"Why?"

"Because it was hard for them."

"Was he innocent? Is that why you wanted to help?"

"They were innocent and that's what mattered. I shared some facts with her that I shouldn't have and she got upset and reacted."

"That's why you didn't have your vest on, because you trusted her."

"Yes."

"You trusted Michelle too and what if her husband had had a gun."

"But he didn't."

"But he could have."

"Sometimes we just have to do the best we can to help others and hope it comes out alright."

"That's what I did, so you can't be mad at me for doing the same thing you did." Liam accused.

"But you're a child. You had no business tracking Angela down and definitely no business talking to her. Just like you had no business coming into the Sullivan's house, especially when I told you not to."

"But you're a cop and you still get hurt."

"And you're my child and I'm telling you that you shouldn't have done any of what you did, that night or in the hospital." Jay explained, trying to keep his voice even and his tone calm.

"I didn't do that much—not really."

"I spoke with Kyle, he told me everything." Jay explained.

"I left Kyle out of what I told Uncle Will, except for the first part when we overheard that it was her." Liam said, frustrated that his friend had been implicated despite his best efforts.

"I know you did. And it's admirable that you wanted to protect your friend, but we both had a pretty good feeling that Kyle was involved and he admitted to it."

"Now he's going to hate me," Liam said angrily.

"No he won't. He already told me as much. He was thinking about coming clean to me anyway. He said you had called and texted him a lot about it and he could tell it was hard for you to continue to deal with all of this on your own. So he was going to tell me what happened, he just had to tell his dad first."

"Does Captain Casey know?"

"Yes he does. And he's talked to Kyle. He asked if you were okay. Are you?"

Liam shrugged. "Better now I guess."

"It was hard holding onto all that wasn't it?"

"Kinda."

"I'm glad that you feel better."

"Sorry, but I'm going to do things because I care about you, just like you do things because you care about other people—people that you don't even know. At least I know you."

"I'm glad that you care about me. But you have to be careful and listen. Because I care a lot about you and if anything were to ever happen to you, it would hurt me more than any bullet. Do you understand that?"

Liam nodded. "Yeah. I do."

"Okay then," Jay said.

"But one day—"

"One day what?" Jay asked.

"One day, I'm going to be a cop and you won't be able to tell me what to do and I'm going to get the bad guys and you won't be able to stop me. I'm going to be like you."

"Why? Why be like me?"

"Cause you're the good guy. And because it was what I was meant for. I'm going to get a snack," Liam said as he headed towards the kitchen and Jay flopped back on the bed and blew out a mouth of air having no idea just how right his son was.

Soundtrack:

Beyond the Fray by Cassandra Violet

Laura Marling Devils resting place

You're going to go far kid Offspring