The Talking Phone
CS Genre: 2b canon divergence
Note: Yes, I know, in season 4 we saw that Killian had a flip phone that he wasn't entirely sure how to use, but I thought it would be more entertaining if Emma gave him a smart phone. Thus canon divergence.
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Emma had just gotten situated in her seat, a totally freaked out Gold on one side of her and a totally psyched Henry on the other when she heard it again. For the fourth time. In ten minutes.
Buzz!
She didn't need to look down at her phone to know who it was that was texting her. He'd been doing it non-stop ever since she'd made that last minute visit to the hospital before setting out on her "find Gold's son" mission.
Sighing, she tapped her phone to open her message.
-Dear Swan, what the bloody hell is sexting, and how does one go about it? Sincerely Captain Killian "Hook" Jones.
"I'm going to murder him," Emma muttered to herself, rolling her eyes while typing out a terse What the hell is wrong with you? I told you your phone was for emergencies only. "When we get home, I'm going to absolutely murder him, and I'm going to make it hurt."
A flight attendant stopped in her tracks, side eyeing Emma for a moment before moving on.
"While I fully understand the desire to rip the pirate limb from limb," Gold said, voice dripping with sarcasm, "you might want to use a little more discretion when making death threats in public."
Emma turned and prepared to vent her frustration on the man beside her, when her phone buzzed again.
-Dear Swan, how am I to know whether or not sexting is an emergency if I don't even know what the devil it is? Sincerely Captain Killian "Hook" Jones.
Emma facepalmed. It was her own fault really. She couldn't blame anyone but herself. Who in their right mind would think buying Captain Hook a smart phone was a good idea?
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Twelve hours ago….
Emma opened the door to find Gold on the other side insisting on cashing in his favor.
This day just kept getting better and better, didn't it?
"I need to find someone, so we're leaving today. Pack your bag."
Emma crossed her arms over her chest, bristling at the man's arrogance. That "powerful, menacing man" routine may work on other people in this town, but not on her. She was not about to be intimidated by the weasel standing on her doorstep.
Still, the fact that he was so very obviously desperate piqued her curiosity.
"Find someone? Who?" she asked.
"My son," Gold said. "It has to be today, because every moment I'm here is a minute closer to me killing Hook, so it's really better for all concerned if I leave, and you're gonna come with me."
Every moment I'm here is a minute closer to me killing Hook.
The phrase instilled something along the lines of cold dread into Emma, and she had no idea why. That pirate had been nothing but a pain in the ass since the moment she'd met him back in the Enchanted Forest. What did she care what happened to him?
He hadn't always been a pain in the ass, her traitorous inner voice insisted. He was quite helpful during the beanstalk adventure. You'd probably never have gotten the compass and gotten home to Henry without him.
Emma brushed the thoughts aside like a gnat buzzing around her head. She didn't care what happened to Hook. She didn't! But she was the sheriff in this damn town, and it was her job to prevent murders when she could, wasn't it?
All in all, Gold was right. Getting him out of town where he wouldn't be able to hurt…anyone…was probably the best for everyone concerned.
And so she'd agreed to help Gold track down this "Baelfire", whoever the hell he was, on the condition that she bring Henry along with her. She wasn't about to leave the kid behind in a town where Regina and her psycho mother were still at large.
"Emma, you don't have to do this you know," David said as soon as the door was closed on Gold. "I know you were backed into a corner when you made that deal."
"It's fine," Emma said, already heading toward the stairs to the loft bedroom she shared with the kid. "I'm good at tracking people. It's what I've done all my life, remember? I just do this one job for Gold and we're square, and he can go annoy someone else."
Still, as she hastily tossed a few necessities into a small, carry-on bag, the thought kept nagging at her.
Every moment I'm here is a minute closer to me killing Hook.
The pirate may be a total pain in her ass, but he was currently lying in a hospital bed with broken ribs. He didn't even have his hook to defend himself and he was chained to the bed. He'd be a sitting duck for anyone who wanted to try to harm him.
The thought had her heart hammering uncomfortably in her chest. If she came back to Storybrooke to find he'd been injured…or worse…while she was away….well, the thought hurt. Why, she had no idea. It wasn't like she even liked Captain Innuendo, but…
On her nightstand, her cell phone buzzed, and she glanced at it, seeing that Gold had texted her their flight info.
Emma stared down at the device in her hand, a plan forming. Maybe if Hook had a phone, he'd at least be able to call for help if something were to happen.
And if he had a cell phone, she could turn on location tracking to keep track of what he was up to, maybe even find Cora. (She didn't think he'd been lying when he told her he had no idea where Cora was, but he'd pulled the wool over her eyes before and she wasn't taking any more chances.)
All things considered, it was the perfect solution.
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Hook laid back against the bed, sick to death of the machines, the beeping, the noise, the bloody nurses that constantly assaulted his person with their poking and prodding and questions. How was a man to heal if they wouldn't let him sleep in peace for more than an hour at a time?
The "pain killers" they'd administered had begun to wear off, and the pain in his fractured ribs was beginning to make itself felt. The doctor with the idiotic name of "Whale" would tell him to signal for the nurses, asserting that it was important to keep on top of the pain, but Hook was not about to do so. The medication they'd given him had made him fuzzy-headed and he was fairly certain he'd spent a good amount of time raving like a lunatic. A bit of pain he could handle. Being out of his head he could not.
Hook was in a foul mood, there was no other word for it. And so when there was once again a quiet tapping at his door, he barked out an annoyed "What the devil do you want now?"
But when the door opened, it wasn't the sour-faced nurse that appeared, but the lovely Emma Swan herself.
"Relax, buddy," she said, frowning at him as she took a seat at his bedside. "Doubt you've had many visitors, so you might want to try not biting the head off of those who do come."
"Swan!" he breathed, his eyes lighting up and the entire day suddenly looking brighter. "You came to see me? To what do I owe the pleasure? Did you wish to interrogate me further? I've some ideas about how you might compel the information from me. Ways that would be quite enjoyable for us both."
She rolled her eyes with a huff. "Would you just stop?" she growled. "It's been a hell of a day, and the last thing I need is a murderous pirate chatting me up."
He wasn't entirely sure what she meant by "chatting me up", but the rest was quite explanatory. "I apologize, love," he said. "Why have you come?"
She glanced aside, looking uncomfortable, then she pulled a small, thin rectangular device from her pocket and presented it to him. He peered down at it, turned it this way and that, and then looked up at her with a furrowed brow. "What is it?"
"It's a cell phone," she said briskly, as though he ought to know the meaning of the phrase.
"And….what does one do with a cell phone?"
Emma closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Sometimes I forget you know nothing."
It was hardly a complimentary thing to say, but Hook chose to ignore it, opting instead to allow her to explain.
"See, you push this button here to turn the thing on…"
Killian watched in wonder as the black screen lit up with words and tiny pictures. He watched as she tapped one of the pictures and showed him how it worked. He watched as she pressed the "Emma" button and a similar device on her person began singing a sprightly tune. He obediently held his device to his ear as she "answered" her talking phone, and he heard her voice through his device.
This land was clearly ill named. This Land Without Magic had some of the most wondrous magic he'd ever seen.
"Thank you," he said sincerely after she'd showed him how to place a call, answer one and compose something called a 'text message'. "I am truly honored you'd present me with such a gift."
She suddenly looked uncomfortable again. "Don't make this all weird, okay? It's not a big deal. I just thought you should have a way to call for help while you're laid up in the hospital. Especially while I'm out of town."
Hook frowned. "You're leaving?"
"Yeah," she said. "Henry and I are going….on a vacation," she said, and he didn't need his perceptiveness to know she'd been less than forthcoming about her coming travels. Still, her unspoken words came out loud and clear.
"And you're afraid for my safety while you're away," he said. "Darling, I had no idea you cared so much."
"I don't!" she said, just a little too quickly, just a little too vehemently. "I just…I'd rather not come home to murder and mayhem okay?"
He smirked at her. "Rest assured, darling, I shall be a model patient during your absence." He raised his device to her in a salute, "and you needn't worry about missing me, either, now that I can hail you on the talking phone."
She suddenly looked alarmed. "The phone is for emergencies. Don't call me unless there's an emergency."
He'd very deliberately not agreed to her terms.
After a few more moments of small talk and questions about how he was feeling "Why don't you come over and feel for yourself, love. I'd like to show you exactly how I feel.", and one further admonishment to behave himself "Indeed I will, darling. Then when you return, the fun can begin", she'd slipped away as quietly as she'd come.
Hook looked down at his device once more, and for one bright shining moment the vise that had gripped his heart ever since the moment Milah had been ripped from him relaxed. For one bright shining moment he could see a light at the end of this seemingly never-ending tunnel.
She'd been concerned for him. She could say whatever she liked, but he'd seen the truth. She was afraid for his safety when she was not around to ensure it. She cared for him. This bright, tenuous connection he'd felt toward her since she pulled him from a pile of corpses back in the Enchanted Forest was not one sided, and that maybe, maybe when all was said and done there would be a life for him after his revenge.
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Present
Emma looked down at her phone in surprise as they neared New York City. The stupid pirate had actually listened to her. He hadn't called, texted or otherwise bothered her in more than half an hour.
That either meant he was finally getting her insistence that he use the phone only for emergencies, or he was dead.
Hopefully he wasn't' dead. She'd have so much paper work to deal with when she got home if he was.
-Hey, everything okay? You've been really quiet lately.
She texted.
A moment later a reply came in.
-Dear Swan, are you worried about me darling? I'm touched. Sincerely, Captain Killian "Hook" Jones. P.S. Am I to interpret your message to signal an emergency, as I was assured our communication was to be reserved strictly for emergencies? ~KJ
She rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips.
-You know you don't have to sign your name to all your texts.
His reply was, if possible, even faster.
-Dear Swan, it is impolite to fail to address a missive to its intended party, and it is bad form to leave it without signature. Sincerely, Captain Killian "Hook" Jones.
She chuckled. She'd never admit it, not in a million years, but she was actually enjoying the back and forth with the stupid pirate. When he wasn't double crossing them or attempting murder or flirting outrageously, he was actually kind of good company.
-You have so much to learn about the 21st century.
She didn't have to wait long for the reply.
-Dear Swan, perhaps I do, but come what may I intend to retain the good form my brother instilled in me. Sincerely, Captain Killian "Hook" Jones.
The "fasten seatbelts" sign came on as they came ever closer to their destination.
-You didn't answer my question. Everything alright there? She typed.
-Dear Swan, everything is fine, particularly now that Dr. Whale has retired for the evening. He told me he plans to join Ruby for Netflix and chill. What the bloody hell is a Netflix, and why would the doctor and the wolf girl wish to chill? It's already quite cool outside. Sincerely, Captain Killian "Hook" Jones.
This time she barked out a laugh, so loud she startled Henry from his nap. She reassured the kid that everything was fine, before she turned her attention back to her phone.
-Hook I am soooo not explaining Netflix and chill to a 300 year old pirate.
-Dear Swan, don't exaggerate, love. I'm not a day over 250. ;-)
Did he really just make a winky face?
Before she could form a reply, the flight attendant came over the speakers to insist phones be powered down as they began their descent into JFK. She complied, reluctantly turning her smart phone off and stowing it in her pocket. She had to admit, Hook may still be a world class pain in her ass, but he'd been good company during their flight. Maybe…maybe if she could talk him out of his insane "kill the Dark One" plot, they could be friends.
The savior contemplating being friends with Captain Hook. Who knew? Life had all kinds of surprises to throw at her today.
Notes:
-Happy Once Day! I hope your day is going fabulously.
-I decided to stop things there, because I didn't want to deal with the whole "Emma learns Bae = Neal" bombshell. This is a fluffy story, after all. (Also, Emma…I don't want to alarm you, but you've got one heck of another surprise coming for you when you actually find Gold's son, and unfortunately this one won't be as pleasant and discovering you could actually be friends with Hook.)
-Up next: 3a time! Next week, I'll write a story about the Neverland kiss and its aftermath from Emma's perspective. Somebody's about to realize she couldn't handle it and she might very well be in real trouble, lol.