I had a request for a chapter when Jay was a child. Since we are aware that Jay and his father didn't get along I though I'd focus on an event where Jay had to face consequences of his actions. It was hard to write Pat, as we never really met him or found much in particular about him. But, I gave it my best shot, writing him has stern, but caring deeply for his sons and wanting them prepared for the world that they would have to deal with as adults. And, after all, both Will and Jay turned out to be pretty good men, so I guess he must have done something right. I named Mrs. Halstead, Mary, since as far as I know she was never named on the show.

I have an idea for a chapter when Jay is in Afghanistan (another request) and will begin working on that one shortly, but also have other chapters nearly ready that include Liam at age five and as a teenager.

Back In Time

Thump! The ball smacked into the side of the house just inches from Pat Halstead's face. It was just rubber, that's all he would allow the boys to play with in the yard for this very reason. But he certainly didn't appreciate the near miss. "A little high and inside," he said looking at his youngest son. "If you expect your brother to catch it, you need to throw it where he can reach it."

"High and outside. The batter was on the other side," Jay amended.

"Well, he must be eight feet tall. You're letting go too soon, you have to follow through better." But Pat could tell Jay could care less what he said. It was so often like this between the two of them. He would talk and his son would ignore him. Some days, both of his sons would ignore him.

"I'm going to ride my bike Will said dropping his baseball glove on the ground."

"Hey, pick it up and put it away," Pat warned as Will doubled back to get his glove practically running into Jay who was in hot pursuit of his older brother.

"What are you doing?" Will asked as he tossed his glove on the shelf in the shed where they kept their bikes and lawn mower.

"Going with you," Jay replied.

"Why?" Will asked, clearly frustrated. But he took off, pedaling madly before his brother could answer.

Jay was ten and Will was nearly thirteen and getting tired of looking around and constantly seeing his little brother. He and Jay had always gotten along, but now that Will was reaching for the teenage years he was feeling dragged down by the nearly three years that separated him from his sibling.

Will had quite a few friends and was pretty popular, while Jay was more of a loner and had more acquaintances than actual friends. He was quiet and somewhat introspective and just didn't seem to quite fit into any particular group. So that meant he spent a lot of time tagging after his big brother. For a long time Will didn't mind, actually liked the admiration his brother gave him, but now it was beginning to wear a bit thin.

He pedaled fast but couldn't shake Jay as he rounded the corner. Their mother had yelled at them to be home by dark, something she said every single time they got on their bikes or left the yard to explore their Canaryville neighborhood. But it was already late and the sun would be setting in less than an hour so they needed to watch their time. Well, he needed to watch his, Jay needed to be responsible for himself. Will zig zagged around different blocks screeching to a halt as he saw Holly McAdams sitting on her front porch writing in a notebook. They were in some of same classes at St. Gabriel's.

"Hey Will Halstead," she said as she looked over to see who had stopped in front of her house. "What ya doin?"

"Just riding around," Will replied trying to act cool.

"Nice bike," she said looking at the shiny blue mountain bike that Will had gotten as an early birthday present. A growth spurt had made him feel like his twenty inch bike was much too small and his mother had convinced his father to make the purchase a few months early.

"Yeah, it's new."

"Who's that?" She asked nodding at Jay who had come to a halt on Will's old bike right behind him.

"My little brother," he said, his voice irritated and Jay immediately noticed he didn't even bother to tell the girl his name.

"Do you wanna hang out?" She asked. "My mom is making cookies. We can sit on the porch."

"Sure," Will said as he dismounted from his bike and started pushing it towards the house only to hear Jay doing the same thing. He turned around and glared at his brother. "Go ride somewhere."

"Where?"

"I don't know. I don't care. Just go! Go home, go somewhere without me," Will said through gritted teeth.

Jay watched his brother and the girl head up the house, quietly talking amongst themselves. He looked around and realized he had no idea where he was. He had simply followed Will's complex route and hadn't paid attention to which way they had gone. He knew they were several blocks away from home, but honestly wasn't sure which way home was.

He looked back at his brother, his back still to him and opened his mouth to tell him he didn't know how to get home, but decided he didn't want to give his brother any more ammunition to hurl at him about being a baby.

It had slipped out a few days before when some kid in the neighborhood had shoved Jay, who had just tried to ignore it and walk away, but Will had shaken his head and hissed that Jay was just being a baby. He had carried around that moment since then, wanting to show his brother that he wasn't a little kid, but so far had fared miserably.

He didn't care which way he went, he just wanted away from the little couple with their giggles and shooting glances, so his foot tapped the sidewalk and pushed off, riding down the street with little notice of his supposed chaperone. Jay pedaled and pedaled until he was a sweaty mess. The houses had whizzed by him, dogs barked, people stared at him from their yards and he nearly got hit by a car when he decided to cross the street. His mind and body were disconnected, leaving him in a confused fog. He was lost—so very lost.

He finally stomped his feet down, braking so hard that he left half the rubber from his tires on the sidewalk. He looked around and realized he had absolutely no idea where he was. Nothing looked familiar. He wanted to cry, but he wouldn't give in—it didn't matter that Will wouldn't see him winning the fight, he wasn't going break. But as he looked around and noticed the world had gone dark around him and that he couldn't see the L tracks, he realized that his show of strength might be a bigger battle than he had originally thought.

"Is Jay still out in the yard?" Mary Halstead asked her eldest son as he banged through the back door.

"He's not here?" Will asked, clearly alarmed.

"I thought he was with you?" Mary asked, her face uncertain.

"He was," Will said before pausing to decide the best use of words that would not put him in too much trouble. "But he left. I was talking to a friend and then he was gone." Not a total lie, but not really the absolute truth either.

"He just left? That doesn't sound like him at all," Mary said as she absentmindedly twisted the dish towel in her hands.

"Who left?" Pat asked as he walked into the kitchen. Will tried to shrink into the corner, suddenly wishing he was invisible. "Who left? Where's Jay?" He asked again.

"Jay isn't home. He was with Will but left," Mary said.

"That doesn't sound like Jay," Pat said, knowing his youngest generally stuck with his brother. "Did you two have a fight?" He asked looking over at Will who was trying to hide next to the refrigerator.

"No." Will said looking down at the floor.

"You stay here in case he comes home," told his wife, "Will is going to show me where the last place he saw Jay and we'll find him. We'll all be home in no time." Pat assured.

Will's face looked as if he had just been offered a meal of sushi topped with sour cream. He swallowed and followed his father out the door and to the car.

"So, Jay just took off?"

"Yeah," Will said looking down at his lap.

"Where were you?" Pat asked as he put the car in gear and pulled out into the street.

"Two blocks up and two blocks over," Will instructed.

Pat followed his son's instructions and pulled up to the house that Will pointed out and instructed the boy to go ask if they had seen Jay come back that way. He sat and watch as his eldest son made his way up to the door and knock. He knew damn well that his youngest hadn't just charged off on his own. He stuck to his brother like glue and Pat suspected that Will had either dodged him or forced him to take off on his own. But, for now he was going to let it play out.

Will reappeared and got in the car. "Holly said she hadn't seen him."

"We're going to drive around for a bit, I need your eyes, so keep a lookout."

"Okay," Will replied.

"Okay?" Pat asked.

"Yes sir," Will responded as he quickly turned his head to stare out into the darkness part of him hoping they would find Jay quickly and the other part of him hoping for more time before the truth came out.

They drove around for over twenty minutes but hadn't caught sight of the youngest Halstead and Pat was hoping it was because he was already at home. He had to believe that he was, he had kept his emotions at bay with Will in the car. But inside his heart hadn't kept a regular beat since he had heard the kid had been unaccounted for.

They drove back home, Will not saying a word and Pat wasn't sure if his constant stare out the window was the least bit worthwhile. He could definitely feel that the truth hadn't been told, at least not in totality. But right now he wasn't going to worry about the details, he just needed to know that Jay was safe. But as soon as he pulled up to the curb and Mary came out on the small porch, still wearing a terrified look, he knew Jay hadn't come home.

"Is he with you?" She called out.

"No," Pat said standing by the car, his heart falling. "Will, I want you in your room and if you think of anything let your mom know. Mary," he yelled across the yard, "I'll find him. I promise."

Pat slammed the door, sealing himself back inside the car. He willed himself to stay calm and focused. He started back along the same route he had just taken with Will, circling out a block farther with each pass. He pulled over and asked a few pedestrians if they had seen anyone matching Jay's description as well as stopping at few of his own friends houses to ask if they had seen the boy in the area. But the answer had always been no.

He began to take deep breaths when he realized his hands were shaking. He would find him and he would be fine. Then he would let the little shit have it. Whether he took off on his own or Will had told him to get lost, there was no excuse for this. It had been dark for nearly an hour and Jay knew the rule of being home by dark. Pat worked hard on staying angry, but found he lost his grasp as terror swung back at him and took hold.

Will went to his room, but came back out to wash up and get ready for bed at his mother's request. He took his time, losing track of his thoughts as he stared in the bathroom mirror. He remembered telling Jay to get lost so that he and Holly could have a few minutes to himself. He couldn't even remember looking back to see which way Jay had gone. What if he didn't know how to get home? They hadn't gone far, but most of their friends lived on the same block or one block over. And the park they went to, was the other direction. What if Jay was dead and it was all his fault? He was the big brother, he was supposed to be the protector. A tear leaked out and Will quickly scrubbed it away.

He finally finished and scurried back to his room. The boys had shared a room for years, but last year Will moved into the third bedroom. It was time for him to have some privacy and he had reveled in it. But he knew Jay had struggled with his absence. In fact he would come into his room all the time at first, but finally, he dropped back and gave up most of his uninvited visits. So much so, that Will had begun asking Jay to come in from time to time—he didn't need total isolation, just some privacy when it was desired. But now, now he might have it all the time. Maybe his dad had found Jay, but he would have come straight home if he had. Will could hear his mother coming up the stairs, maybe she had news. But when she opened the door to his bedroom it was clear that she didn't and his heart sank.

Pat, with a queasy stomach and headache threatening, was about to give up his search and head back home to call the police. He stopped at the intersection, ready to turn when he saw him—a small boy, pushing his bike, his head down, but Pat knew instantly that it was his wayward child. He exhaled as if he had been holding his breath for hours and he supposed that he had. He turned the corner and pulled the car to the curb and jumped out. "Jay!" He yelled, his voice sharp and yet somehow was laced with a bit of comfort. The boy looked up, his face confused, then relieved, then terrified. "What are you doing out here?"

Jay just stood there, his hands on the bikes handlebars, unsure what to do or say. "Sorry," he finally managed.

"Is your tire flat?" Pat asked as he looked at back tire.

"Yeah, sorry," he repeated.

Pat's emotions washed over one another. Now that he knew his son was safe his anger began to rise, but at the same time the reprieve from terror he had been feeling calmed that rage. "What were you doing son?"

"Riding around, but I lost track of where I was and then my tire got flat." Jay said, looking down at the tire that seemed to melt into the sidewalk.

"Get in the car," Pat said grabbing the bike and unlocking the trunk. He watched Jay slide into the front seat, his head down the entire time. He put the bike in the trunk and managed to maneuver it just enough so that the door closed. He then got into the drivers seat. "So tell me why you weren't with your brother?"

"Is Will home?" Jay asked avoiding the question.

"He is. Answer my question, why weren't you with him?"

Jay looked down at his sneakers and wiggled his feet as he thought about what he should say. He took as long as he could before Pat began to speak again. "Jay, I'm not going to ask you again," Pat warned.

"He was talking to a friend so I rode off," Jay said, not a lie but not exactly the truth either.

Pat nodded, knowing that neither one of his sons had been honest with him. He pulled up in front of their house and told Jay to get into the house while he unloaded the bike. Jay sprinted off, across the tiny front lawn as Mary came out, her face lighting up when she saw her youngest son. She held her arms out as he ran to her. Pat carried the bike back to the shed and put it away, thinking about how to handle the situation. He knew Mary would try to talk him out of whatever he chose to do, but he had to stay strong. These boys were going to learn lessons of life and he was the one that was going to teach them. It was his job to ensure they understood what difficult place the world and all of the expectations that they would encounter.

By the time Pat walked inside, Mary had Jay at the kitchen table with a glass of milk and Will was peeking around the corner, clearly relieved. "Will, up to your room, light off and in bed," he ordered sending the boy off and running. "And you, "he said looking at his youngest, "finish your milk then I want you upstairs, ready for bed and waiting for me."

Jay took another small sip of milk and then pushed his glass away and headed for the stairs. "Honey, can we just not deal with it tonight. Let them sleep on it and we can both talk to them tomorrow." Mary said taking the nearly full glass of milk and setting it in the refrigerator.

"Because they did wrong, one or both and they need to answer for it. You don't get a pass because it's late. We spent the last hour terrified and Jay needs to answer for it."

Mary was about to argue that Will held some responsibility as well, but decided against it. She had a pretty good idea what her husband had in mind and she didn't like it, but she also knew she had no chance of talking him out of it. Both the boys were good kids, but they did stray from time to time and Jay's recent indiscretion had scared her, in fact she was still trying to calm herself. It was probably better that she just let her husband deal with them.

Pat began his assent, the stairs groaning under his weight. He could hear the water running in the bathroom indicating Jay was doing what he had been told so he turned his attention to his eldest son. He knocked on the door as he swung it open to see Will reading a comic book. "I thought I told you lights off!" Will quickly set the book down and reached to turn off his bedside light. "Anything you want to tell me?" Pat asked as Will's fingers touched the lamp.

Will swallowed, if his father was asking him then Jay must not have ratted him out—or maybe he did. He wasn't sure. He should just tell the truth, but suddenly his mouth went dry and all he could do was shake his head no.

"Okay then," Pat said. "The light stays off."

Will wanted to point out that it was still early and a Saturday night, but he thought it best if he just kept his mouth shut—somehow he didn't think his father would care much about this concern. He watched the light from the hallway fade as the door closed and blanketed him in the darkness.

Pat went into Jay's room to find him putting his pajamas on. "All washed up?" Jay nodded. "Okay then. Let's take a minute to talk."

"Kay," Jay said quietly, looking down at the floor.

Pat sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to him signaling him to have a seat. "So, let's see—you were out past curfew, you were really far from home and you weren't with your brother. Does that about cover it? Oh and you got a flat tire. Are you sure you just decided to go out on your own?"

Jay nodded as he continued to look down.

"I don't hear you."

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yes sir." Jay amended.

"So tell me what happened—you were with Will and then what?"

"He stopped when he saw a friend and I got tired of waiting so I just took off. I was riding around and then realized that I wasn't sure where I was and it was getting dark and then my tire went flat and I had to get off my bike and then it was really dark."

"Hmmm, usually you stick with Will."

Jay shrugged. "I got tired of waiting for him."

"Okay then, I think you know what's going to happen next then." Pat said as he stood and began to pull his belt from its loops.

Next door Will could hear what came next and cringed as he heard each piece of the punishment being handed out. That should have been him, how could he have let his brother down, let him take the rap. But, Jay still broke the rules and both of them probably would have gotten lit-up instead of just Jay, so, really would he have saved him from anything?

Will heard Pat exit Jay's bedroom and head downstairs. He wanted to check on his brother but knew the squeaks from the floorboards would give him away without the noise of the TV being on downstairs. And besides, what would he even say, so he just turned over and closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep even as he heard Jay's faint cries.

"Was that really necessary?" Mary asked once Pat had returned downstairs, beer in his hand from the fridge.

"Yes it was," he defended as he took a long drink. "I don't completely believe his story about just taking off, but Will won't cop to it and Jay is defending him so that is the story I have to accept."

"If Will is lying then it isn't totally on Jay. He shouldn't pay if his brother is at fault as well. He's just trying to protect his brother—his big brother at that. He should be commended for not telling on Will." Mary said defending her youngest. She always felt that Jay needed someone on his side, that Will could handle his father, but Jay, well he needed some assistance.

"I do give him credit if in fact he is protecting Will, but, by making that choice, he has to deal with the punishment that comes from that decision. Besides, he was out past dark and was over a mile away, nearly out of the neighborhood—and that is not okay. And on top of that, even though he is protecting Will, he is still lying. So I disciplined him for it—all of it."

"He just can't win with you Pat."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"If he tells on his brother you would call him out for being a tattle-tale, but he keeps his mouth shut and takes the blame and you are upset he didn't defend himself and that he's lying. No matter what he chooses he seems to fail in your eyes."

"I'm teaching him that he is responsible for not only his actions, but his decisions. If he is going to carry the burden, then by god he is going to carry it. The world isn't fair and the earlier he learns it the better off he'll be. Would you rather I do it or the police do it in a few years?"

"Oh please, that's a stretch. Just because he gets in trouble once in awhile doesn't mean he's going to become a career criminal."

"He needs to learn what he does and says has consequences. I remember when I was a little older than him, my buddy and I decided to check out this abandoned house that had been boarded up after a fire. A bunch of kids had been bragging about being in there so we wanted to be able to sound cool as well. So we went in, one of the plywood boards was loose and had been pulled away, we walked around, it was so dark in there and the entire structure was dangerous—it was going to be demolished several days later. My father had told me—more than once—to stay out of there."

"But you didn't."

"No. I didn't. Chuck and I were about to leave when some older kids came in and we had to hide—one of them was Chuck's cousin and he would have given us a real hard time and probably wouldn't have let us out anyway. So we hid and waited and waited. By the time they left, it was well past dark, past our curfew, past our bedtime. And let's just say that what happened to Jay just now, wasn't even a drop in the bucket that I had to deal with."

"Well, maybe it's time for a change then."

"Maybe not, because I never did it again."

"Oh, you never broke into an abandoned building and got stuck again—is that truly an accomplishment." Mary said, her words snapping off in her anger.

"You know what I mean," Pat said practically draining his beer. "It'll be a long time before he goes far and I bet you he'll be home well before dark for a long time."

Mary just shook her head and headed to the sink to do the few dishes that remained.

By the time Will came downstairs in the morning, Jay and Pat were in the backyard cleaning out the shed. He figured it all must be a part of the punishment. He grabbed a box of cereal and poured it into a bowl and drown it in milk just as his mother walked in.

"Wasn't sure if you were going to get up today?" She asked as she looked at the clock that read 10:00.

"Didn't sleep well," he said in-between bites.

"Hmmm, wonder why that is," Mary said as she rummaged in a cabinet for something she didn't really need. Will paused in his chewing, but remained quiet. "I want you to clean up your room and bring me any clothes that don't fit you anymore."

"What?" Will asked. "Why?"

"Because it's time and I told you to," Mary said, still frustrated with the evening before. "Finish up and get going," she pushed. "And I will be checking, so don't try and hide the piles under your bed or in your closet." She wasn't sure if taking out her annoyance on her eldest son was the right thing, but she couldn't seem to help it. And besides, his room really did need to be cleaned up.

An hour later after he finished Will came back downstairs with a handful of clothes that either didn't fit or he didn't want anymore. He noticed Jay was now out front washing the car. He had been grumbling the entire time he had been cleaning, but now that he saw his brother once again taking the brunt of their father's anger, he felt bad.

He set the clothes down on the couch and walked out the front door and headed to help his brother out.

"Where ya going?" Pat asked, as he intercepted his eldest son.

"I was going to help Jay."

"How come?"

Will shrugged. "Because."

"Sorry, but no. He's being punished, so he has to do it himself. But, you can sit right here on the steps and watch him."

Will was about to argue but chose against it once he saw something flicker in his father's eyes. He sat down and watched as Jay slopped soapy water over the hood and reached as far as he could, scrubbing as hard as he was able.

Jay was on his toes trying to reach high up when he noticed his brother looking distraught tracking their father down and telling him something—then they both disappeared with only Pat returning.

Twenty minutes later Jay announced that he was done, bringing his father over to take a look. He eyed it up and down and nodded his approval. "Well, I think a car as clean as this ought to go out for a drive. Hop in son," he instructed.

"Will, take care of the rags, sponge, bucket and hose please." Pat directed at Will who had just popped out of the house.

Jay watched his brother start the clean-up, his face etched with discomfort, making Jay wonder what the conversation had been about and what had happened when the two of them disappeared. But now, he needed to wonder where his father was taking him and why.

They drove around for several minutes, the car silent, neither Halstead speaking, when Pat pulled up near a small ice cream shop. "I hear they make their own ice cream and it's supposed to be really good," he said to his confused looking son. "Just one scoop though, your mom will kill me if you're not hungry for lunch."

They walked in and over to the cooler showing of twenty-five flavors. Jay picked strawberry while Pat chose pistachio and then they made their way over to one of the small tables in the corner.

"You did a great job on the car and with the shed. For that extra effort you get a treat. Do you know why I had you wash the car?" Jay shook his head as he licked his lips. "Well, your bike needs a new inner-tube and by washing the car you worked off what it will cost."

"Oh," Jay said, wiping of some ice cream from his mouth.

"You needed to earn it. No free rides in this life son, you have to work for what you need and what you want. I wouldn't be doing you a favor if I just gave you everything or let you run wild." Pat explained. "Last night when you didn't come home, your mom and I were pretty scared. Do you understand why?"

Jay shrugged. "I was okay."

"But we didn't know that. Your mom was getting ready to cry. Did you want to make her cry?"

"I guess not. I didn't mean to," Jay recalled the look on his mother's face when she saw him run towards the house.

"One day if you have a child, you'll understand why I had to punish you so harshly."

Jay shifted around in his chair, not completely comfortable on the hard seat after last night's punishment. He figured when he was a dad, he'd be really cool and nice. He would never discipline his son like he was reprimanded. He would hug him and tell him stories and take him places like baseball and football games. And they would ride bikes and go to the park all the time. He would be the best father ever.

"Finish up," Pat said as he neared the end of his cone.

Jay looked over at his father, a much different face than he saw last night, but he never seemed to find comfort around him. He felt as if he was always auditioning to play the part of the good son, and failing to nail the role each and every time.

"Come on, eat it or toss it, we have to get a new tire." Pat said as he stood up, swallowing the last bit of his cone. "Oh your brother told me the truth."

Jay thought back to when he was washing the car when he saw Will talk to their father and they both disappeared, Will coming back later looking distressed. He had gotten in trouble just like Jay had the previous night. But he suspected that Will got it even worse since he was older and he had initially lied. Pat Halstead did not tolerate lies or the liars saying them and Jay wondered what that now meant for him. He froze, his ice cream melting, dripping down to his hand, wondering if he had further punishment waiting because he had covered for Will.

"I admire that you wanted to protect your brother, but the guilt tore him up. Even though you protected him, it didn't seem to matter in the end. Sometimes you have to defend yourself and sometimes you have to protect others. It can be hard to decide which one to pick."

Jay wasn't exactly sure what this meant or what he should have done differently. He was secretly glad that Will had felt bad enough to admit his role in the ordeal. But he wasn't sure what his father's message was and Pat seemed to realize that.

The older Halstead seemed to see the confusion on his son's face. "You picked your battle, I can't say if it was the right one or not—only you can decide that. But either choice came with repercussions, just like your brother's choice had consequences. Sometimes you can foresee them, sometimes you can't and just have to do what is right even if you may pay for it later." His father seemed to be looking for a response so Jay just nodded and said okay.

"Don't put yourself into situations that you need to wiggle out of. Do you understand?"

"Yeah." Jay said as Pat looked at him, his eyes narrowing. "I mean yes sir."

"Accountability son, you always need to be accountable for your actions, good or bad. Let's go get your bike fixed."

"Then can I ride it?" Jay asked just before he tried to bite off a big chunk of his cone to save it from the garbage can.

"Not this week kiddo. We'll get it fixed, but then it will sit. You did a lot wrong last night, including the lie you told me."

"But I already cleaned the shed and the car. Why can't I have my bike?" Jay pushed.

"Because I want you to remember all that you had to go through in case you ever decide to break the rules and stay out late again—no wiggling out of this one pal. Throw it out," Pat said of the last half of Jay's cone he wasn't able to finish.

Jay tossed it, his eyes following it as it disappeared. He had thought his dad had been nice treating him to ice cream, but as he sighed after losing the final bites of it, he wasn't so sure. It just seemed to be one more thing that his father could take away