Naia's POV

The rest of Jane's funeral was a blur.

A complete blur.

Now, during the car ride home, I couldn't remember what happened besides telling Jane's parents what Jane's last day was like.

That was it.

When we got home, I immediately hung up my coat and went to my bedroom without saying anything to anyone. I shut the door behind me and changed out of my nice clothes and into a pair sweatpants and a baggie Bears hoodie.

After hanging up my pantsuit and my blouse so they wouldn't get wrinkled, I slowly made my way to my bed and crawled underneath the covers, pulling them over my head.

I knew Matt and Gabby would come and check on me in a little bit but I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to be "checked on".

Just as I said, a few moments later I heard a knock on my bedroom door followed by Gabby's gentle voice.

"Naia?"

When I didn't reply, I heard the footsteps of two people walking away and down the hall towards the living room.

"Everything is going to be okay,"

No, it isn't. That's a big, fat lie.

If everything was okay, Jane wouldn't be dead.

The air underneath the covers was becoming stuffy so I pulled them down to my chin. I shifted, trying to find a comfortable position as I felt my eyes start to droop. I debated whether I should stay awake but waking up at 5:30 was making me lean more towards taking a nap.

Before I could do any more thinking, my eyes shut and I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I could tell I had been asleep for a while. Turning over, I looked over at the clock and saw that it was almost 7:30. I wasn't sleepy anymore but I didn't feel like getting up. However, I knew I couldn't stay in bed forever and I reluctantly threw the covers off my body and trudged across my bedroom and out to the living room.

To my surprise, nobody was in the living room but I heard a commotion in the kitchen and headed towards there.

"Hey Sleepyhead," Matt said as I walked into the kitchen. I gave him a quick smile before taking a seat across from him.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Gabby asked me, "We saved you something from dinner, thought maybe you wanted some sleep from waking up so early."

I shook my head, "No, I'm okay."

Gabby nodded and didn't press it any further as she took a seat in between Matt and me. I leaned forward on the table, propping the side of my head up with my hand.

"Are you sure?" Gabby couldn't help but ask again and I nodded unconvincingly. Everyone, including me, could sense that I was starting to shut people out again.

"Naia," Matt's voice was almost pleading, "Just talk to us."

I shook my head and got up with the intent of going back to my room, wanting nothing but to go to sleep and forget about everything that was going on.

"Naia, don't shut us out like this," Gabby said, "We understand-"

I cut her off, "No, you don't understand." My voice was quivering, I was on the verge of tears.

"Then explain it to us, we want to understand," Matt said gently, coaxingly.

"Everything is going to be okay."

My knees gave out and I crumpled to the floor in a fit of tears.

"She wasn't supposed to die," I managed to get out between sobs, "Jane shouldn't be dead."

Gabby and Matt both got out of their seats and sat down on the floor next to me. Gabby pulled me into her lap, off of the cold floor and stroked my head comfortingly while Matt took my hand into his.

"The gun was against my neck, it should have shot me. Killed me," I cried, "Not Jane! She wasn't held at gunpoint so why is she dead?"

Neither Matt or Gabby said anything while I was hysterically crying. They just kept doing what they were doing, knowing I didn't really want to hear anything right now.

"I should have died instead of her," I mumbled.

Gabby and Matt let me cry a little bit more, waiting until I calmed down before talking.

"Naia," Matt said quietly, "Do you think Jane would want you to feel this way?"

"No," I sniffled, "She wouldn't."

I knew what they meant but it didn't change the fact that I felt guilty. I replayed what happened that night in my mind and shook my head.

"Why are some people so mean and terrible?" I asked, looking up at Matt and Gabby.

"I don't know, some people are just mean. Sometimes it's because they're really desperate or maybe they're struggling with something and being mean is how they deal with it," Gabby suggested. "But you know, there are some really good people in the world as well and you know, sometimes you just have to focus on that."

I nodded, "There are good people in this world."

There were.

Like Matt and Gabby, and everyone else at Firehouse 51. There were the people at District 21 and Chicago Med. There were Nate and Sophie. Their parents. And Ellie and Shane and Thomas.

And these were just the people I knew.

"Thank you," I told them, "For all you've done for me."

Matt chuckled and ruffled my hair, "You've done a lot for us as well."

"I have?"

"Of course," Gabby said, "You've brought a lot of happiness into our lives."

"I met you in late October," I told them. "Can you believe it hasn't even been four whole months?"

Matt smiled, "A lot has happened since we first met you."

I nodded, agreeing.

A lot has happened.

Now that I think about it, it all really started from that walk home. When Matt and Herrmann pulled up next to me, offering me a ride. And then when I had tried to see the firetruck and Kelly spotted me, calling me out. Then Ellie called 911 that morning Mr. Samual pushed me into the coffee table, knocking myself unconscious.

Man, a lot has happened since then.