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Chapter Twelve: Constipation

It started in homeroom. "It's so ugly outside," Haruhi said. "Why does it always have to rain?" Her miserable frown complemented the overcast weather.

I considered extolling the benefits of rain, but something told me this wasn't normal cranky Haruhi. So I kept my mouth shut.

As the day wore on, Haruhi made no attempts to hide her annoyance with the world. Her foul attitude polluted everyone's chipper mood like nails on a chalkboard, like rocks in a shoe, like an oil spill in Tokyo bay, like… you get the picture.

When club time rolled around, things didn't change. From the start of the brigade meeting to the end, Haruhi exuded displeasure. Our leader was snappy, bitchy, and mean. Mikuru got the brunt of it.

"This tea is awful. It tastes like swill." A short respite. Then finger-pointing. "Look at those wrinkles. Don't you ever iron your outfits? Button up that blouse."

Koizumi and I got our share, too.

"The clubroom looks like a pigsty. You two need to do your share to keep things spic and span." A growl. "You two are the laziest club members in the world."

Even Yuki got a dig. "Did anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?" The bookworm ignored it.

We kept our eyes glued to the clock. When would this meeting end? How soon can we escape this witch's presence?

At five minutes to closing time, Haruhi rose and rested her hands on my shoulders. "Kyon, I need to speak with you after club."

"Is it serious?"

"Just do what you're told."

The bell rang. Mikuru, Yuki, and Koizumi dashed out the door; the breeze created by their wakes disheveled my hair. Haruhi and I had the room to ourselves.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I feel horrible. I think it's something I ate last night. Whatever it was settled in my stomach like wet cement that hardened in my colon. I was hoping things would have cleared by now, but no dice."

"What can I do about that?"

She held up a large oblong pill. "I need you to help me insert this suppository. I can't do it myself, and you're the only other person I could think of that I felt comfortable asking to help me."

"Why me?"

"Because we had sex, albeit accidentally. Still, you're the only other person besides my doctor that's intimately familiar with my plumbing down there." She bit her lip. "And no, I don't want to take a train all the way to her office just to remedy this."

"I don't blame you." I extended my palm.

She dropped the pill into it. Then she fished in her pocket and handed me a tube of lubricant. "You need to grease it up before you insert it."

I nodded. "Where should we do this?"

She patted the table to my right. "This should be fine." She reached under her skirt and pulled off her panties. Then she spread her legs and bent forward until her chest compressed into the tabletop. With her head resting in the pillow of her arms, she breathed deeply and arched her back.

"You seem really tense," I said.

Haruhi groaned. "I'm about to get a deformed ping-pong ball shoved into my asshole."

I looked down at her bum and at the pill. Lift skirt, insert suppository, lower skirt. Easy peasy. "Are you ready?"

She wiggled her bottom. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"Great." I flipped up the back of her skirt — and took in one of the most amazing views of my life. Haruhi's bum was perfection. The spherical symmetry of her butt cheeks, the way they tapered to her thighs, the contours of her vaginal lips, and the cute little anus that twitched when I stroked it.

"Come on, Kyon. Quit playing around. We don't have all day."

I squeezed some lubricant out of the tube and liberally greased up the pill, my finger, and her butthole. "Relax." I held the tip of the suppository up to her glistening orifice. "Here it comes."

Haruhi took a deep breath and nodded. As I pushed in the pill, her legs and bottom shifted, her fists clenched, and her anus clamped shut. "You're hurting me."

"It hurts because you're fighting the thing. You need to relax."

I tried again with similar results.

She glanced over her shoulder. "I guess I'm not used to things going in there. I usually feel fine when stuff's coming out."

I considered dialing Tsuruya's number so she and Haruhi could have a chat about acclimating to back door deliveries, but thought better of it and tried a different approach. "Focus on the goal. The stuff clogging your colon is hard, and you feel miserable. This pill will soften it and let it come out."

"Sheesh, Kyon. I know what this suppository is supposed to do."

"So relax."

Her eyes bulged as her fists and butt cheeks clenched. "I'm trying."

"Right."

I tried pushing the pill into her one more time. After a mighty struggle fraught with groans and complaints, I got it to the point where her anus closed up around most of it. A tiny bit of the oblong end still stuck out.

"How's that?" I patted her bum, hoping that would placate her.

"It doesn't feel right." She ran her fingertips over the dome extending from the center of her anus. "You need to push the pill all the way in, or it won't be effective." Haruhi slapped the table. "Come on, Kyon. Don't half-ass this."

She chirped when I put my thumb to her butt hole. "Are you sure?"

"I'm a big girl. Do what you need to do."

Do what I need to do, huh?

The image of Tsuruya maintaining a similar posture flashed into my mind. "Okay. Here's how this works." I patted the insides of her thighs. "Legs straight, ankles spread."

Haruhi followed my instructions and rested her cheek on the table. "Why all the stupid posing?"

"Stop arguing." I smacked her bum. "Back arched. Butt high."

She groaned but complied.

"Good. Arms to the sides, eyes closed. Now picture someplace relaxing."

She complied and closed her eyes. "I see the beach at sunset."

"Perfect." As she focused on the scene, I gently kneaded her lovely bottom and thighs.

She turned her head and glanced over her shoulder. "Is that necessary?"

"Don't talk. Breathe."

After expelling a defeated groan, she rested her cheek on the table and closed her eyes. Eventually, her breathing deepened, and her clenched fists opened.

That 's it. We're getting close.

Gradually, her tense thighs and bum cheeks softened in my hands.

Almost there.

When her anus twitched, I dropped my pants. As you might have guessed, standing in the presence of one of the world's nicest asses had evoked a physiological reaction. I performed the rest of the procedure on auto-pilot.

After crossing Haruhi's arms behind her back, I clamped her wrists together with my left hand and moved my shaft into position with my right.

"What the hell?" Sensing the telephone pole seeking admittance into her anus, Haruhi instinctively tried to rise.

I pushed her down — "No you don't." — thrust my hips forward, and rammed my shaft into her ass.

"EEEEEEP!" Haruhi's eyes bulged.

Impersonating a human pile driver, I drove the pill deeper and deeper into Haruhi with each stroke. "I'm getting that sucker in there," I said. "Way, way in."

WHAP - WHAP - WHAP

Haruhi squealed, "Oh, my god."

"Hang in there." I smacked her bottom. "We're making excellent progress."

She returned a wince and a nod.

Gradually, Haruhi's shock wore off, and her hips moved in sync with mine. Her fists unclenched, and her squeals turned into moans. I grabbed her left wrist with my left hand and her right wrist with my right hand, twisted her arms straight, and used the extra leverage to fuck her even deeper. The table rocked beneath us.

When I came inside of her, Haruhi's body shuddered. Though her anal muscles protested against its presence, my rigid injector would not be deterred. A copious stream of semen drove the pill even deeper into her belly, like water from a fire hose driving a basketball down the road.

Haruhi's mouth dropped open to form a silent scream as her insides spasmed and churned. Eventually, the spasms died down, and her body relaxed like a puddle on the table. When I eased my dick out of my prone leader, cum spurted from her anus onto the floor.

"I can't believe you just butt-fucked me," she said, still breathing heavily. "I can't believe you pushed that suppository up my ass with your dick."

I released her wrists, stepped back, and put myself away. With her arms draped at her sides, her breathing steadying, and semen dripping from her asshole, Haruhi lay motionless.

Suddenly, a loud gurgling noise emanated from her belly.

"Oh, shit," she said. "It's coming."

Literally.

She pushed herself off the table and dashed out the door.

###

For the next half-hour, I felt like a death row inmate who'd just eaten his last meal. Buttfucking Haruhi hadn't been part of the plan, and I feared I wouldn't like the consequences.

To my surprise, she returned to the clubroom with a pleasant smile. "Thanks, Kyon." She rubbed her bum. "I feel a whole lot better."

"You're not angry?"

"I felt like punching your lights out thirty minutes ago for fucking me — again — without permission… in the ass no less. But I had some time to think about it as my lower intestine cleared."

"And?"

She shrugged. "It couldn't be helped. Your instincts were right. I told you to do what you needed to do, and you used the best tool for the job. It's not like I haven't experienced your penis before. And I sure as hell can't argue with the results." She snatched her panties off the table and pulled them on. "If I were in your shoes, I would have done the same thing. Don't misunderstand me. Under normal circumstances, having anal sex with subordinates is unacceptable. But a good leader will make an allowance for a special case." She smoothed her skirt over her bottom. "As usual, don't go thinking this event had any special meaning, because it didn't."

"As usual," I said.

She tossed me the clubroom key and pointed to the floor. "Clean up this mess and give me the key tomorrow in homeroom." She pinched her nose. "And please wash your thing as soon as possible."

She opened the door and was about to step into the hallway when the epiphany hit.

"Haruhi," I shouted. "Wait."

She turned. "What?"

Haruhi had handed me two keys, not one. In addition to the silver piece of metal I gripped in my hand, she'd given me the key out of my prison. All I had to do was lower my zipper, pull out my penis, and demand she "clean me up."

There was no way in the world that Haruhi would consider placing the stinky shaft that had just reamed her ass into her mouth. No way. Forcing the issue would change her perception of my dick. By definition, she would no longer find it irresistible, and the universe would follow suit.

I hooked my fingers in my pants pockets and tapped my legs. "Regarding the subject of cleaning up."

"Yes?" She put her hand on her hip. "I don't have all day."

My hands twitched. "Regarding the cleanup."

"Yeah, you said that already."

"Would you… would you… would you…"

"Would I what?"

Would you please suck me off?

The words echoed in my brain, but I couldn't get my lips to enunciate them. And I couldn't get my hands to move to my zipper. Something at the depths of my being wouldn't allow me to free myself from the prison of incomparable sexual bliss I'd grown accustomed to.

"Would you… um… would you mind if I bought us a mop?"

She squinted. "From club funds?"

"Uh-huh."

Haruhi paused and gave me a look I couldn't decipher.

"Good night, Kyon."

She closed the door.