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Chapter Fifteen: Reexamination
The incident on the roof made me reconsider my "curse."
Maybe the universe had given me an irresistible appendage for a reason — to save a life. Thanks to my dick's overwhelming charisma, I'd easily convinced an irrational girl who'd blown a test to blow me as well — instead of ending her life. The incident taught me that no matter how depressed I got about the state of my existence, no matter how guilty I felt about sexually violating the hypnotized beauties in my harem, no matter how badly I abused the power bestowed on me, in the final analysis, my dick's magical qualities if utilized properly, were a force for good.
Word of my talking Angie down from the roof circulated quickly around the school, making me a celebrity. To her credit, Angie kept mum about the blowjob part. The fact that I made all future dick-sucking sessions contingent on her maintaining silence about the matter may have helped.
Fortunately, Angie got involuntarily detained at a mental health facility and would be spending the next two weeks institutionalized. Though I had no idea how I was going to schedule her after her release, I now had fourteen days to figure it out.
Haruhi remained uncharacteristically quiet throughout all of "Rescue Week." During club hours, she spent most of her time behind her commander's desk, staring at the computer screen, surfing the Internet, and sighing.
The one time she talked to me occurred the morning after I'd saved Angie. "What happened there?" she asked during homeroom.
Haruhi was pleased to learn that I managed to get to the distraught girl quickly by using the secret roof access portal Haruhi had shown me. She also had no problem believing I'd used my exceptional powers of persuasion to talk Angie out of jumping.
"You can be a very persuasive guy when you want to be," she told me. "Very persuasive."
And that was the extent of our conversation that week. Since servicing my harem daily kept my mind occupied, the lack of club activity worked for me. My busy schedule also kept me from noticing the 800-pound gorilla now residing in the clubroom and masquerading as a five-pound mop.
That's right. Over the weekend, I purchased a mop, just as Haruhi and I had agreed. I set it in the back corner to the right of the door. As it sat dry in a gray bucket, its clean white strands draping over the bucket's edge, its presence troubled Haruhi Suzumiya's psyche. Each glance at the floor-cleaning-apparatus resting peacefully in the corner of the room elicited a sigh from our brigade leader.
The mop didn't do a damn thing for me. I'd blurted out the words, "Would you mind if I got us a mop?" as a lark to fill in the empty space created by my inability to say, "Would you please suck me off?" After placing it in the corner, I forgot it existed.
I would soon learn, however, the mop had a very special meaning to Haruhi Suzumiya.