Joe's Note: I got some surprise from people at seeing Buffy in the Tela Vasir chapter. To clear the air once and for all… I don't hate Buffy. I don't like Buffy. I am wholly apathetic towards Buffy. Every character in the series has their own negatives; Buffy is - to me at least - sole holder of the distinction of not having any unique positives to counterbalance those negatives. To me, there is literally nothing about her that I can't find in at least one other character that I like more. So I don't write her. Why? Because then I'd be forced to do constant BINO writing to justify my 'love' of the character - you know who I'm talking about - or they'd probably all end up bashfics because I do see a lot of negative aspects in the character - and you can probably take a guess as to who I'm referring to here, too. And gosh darn it, if I'm going to be known as the one-note author dude? I'd much rather be the "who are the hot chicks Joe is hooking up this week?" guy than the "where is Joe's not-really-Buffy being a Mary Sue this week?" guy or the "what's the setup for Joe's weekly Buffy bashfic?" guy. Because really, isn't cute lesbian fluff much more fun than either of those prospects?
Edit Note: While I originally entitled this chapter 'Ahsoka Tano', it was a half-hearted - at best, probably closer to quarter-hearted or even eighth-hearted - attempt to pin at least one of the characters to a canon Star Wars counterpart because none of the others were viable. So when I sat down to rewrite it as part of revising and expanding the story, I decided to give this chapter a more thorough rewrite than anything else in the collection. Hope it's better this way.
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Alonsis2, Connor, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Janne, Eric, DireSquirrel, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Joel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

She hadn't been back to school since Halloween.

It wasn't as if Cordelia Chase had no interest in attending high school because despite what she'd told her peers here and there over the years, she did see its value. After all, while she'd liked to dream and talk about a future as a television or film actress, she also knew the odds she was facing trying to get into that industry in any meaningful way. And since being Crime Scene Victim #3 didn't exactly keep a nice roof over one's head or decent food on the table, she'd known that she needed a backup plan. Which required a college degree, and colleges were generally sticklers about needing those 'high school diploma' things when it came time to apply for admission. No high school, no college, no bachelor's in anything.

Although it'd definitely be a Bachelor of Arts in something. Because there was no way in hell she was going to walk around bragging about her BS.

But while Cordelia wanted to go to school - somewhat missed it, even - circumstances had conspired against her to make it quite impossible for her to attend classes with her peers at Sunnydale High School any longer. After all, there were plenty of weird-looking kids that walked the halls of her former school… but no carnelian, white, and blue aliens. Or just plain blue aliens. Or pointy-eared, color-changing aliens. Or white fish-girl aliens. Or… okay, aliens were just plain out. No aliens to be found. Meaning that - thanks to Halloween - her and school were two things that no longer got along. Although it could be worse, she consoled herself. At least she wasn't stuck here spending all day everyday on her own.

Opening the Camera app on her iPad, Cordelia switched to the front-facing camera and studied the image staring back at her on the screen. At first, her bizarre transformation had offended her sensibilities on a number of levels. Her perfect, carefully maintained tan had disappeared in favor of carnelian skin. The odd white patches around her eyes made her look kinda like a panda. Her gorgeous hair was gone, replaced with three blue and white tentacles: a matching, semi-flexible, thigh-length pair that tended to cascade down her front along with a thicker but shorter tentacle that hung down her back. Oh, and then there were the twin horn-like protrusions that matched the patterning of her tentacles.

But as time passed and Cordelia absorbed and processed the fragments of her costumed persona, she'd slowly come to accept her new self. She was stronger this way. Faster. More flexible. Smarter. More rational. More patient. And that was before she even factored her newfound ability to manipulate the Force into things. Sure, she wasn't Cordelia Chase anymore, at least not in the strictest sense. But… Cordelia Ti, or whatever she wanted to consider her composite form? It wasn't that bad a life. And-

Click!

Cordelia looked up from her iPad, letting out a soft sigh at the familiar sight of a camera lens hovering far too close to her face for comfort. As she stared straight into the camera impassively, Harmony Kendall took another picture before holding up one finger, taking a big step to the side so that she could capture things from a different angle. Once she was satisfied, Harmony brought her camera up to rest on one magenta shoulder and then brushed some soft blue hair out of her eyes before taking a seat on the brown wicker ottoman in front of Cordelia. After a few seconds of blissful silence, she cleared her throat. "So, not trying to pressure you or anything, but have you talked to Kat about the couple shoot? Because my followers really liked the pictures of Sia and Lani at the beach, and-"

"How you haven't gotten us dragged off to Area 51 by now, I have absolutely no idea." Cordelia sighed as the former blonde opened her mouth, raising her free hand to cut Harmony off. "Rhetorical statement, Harm. I actually do know the answer, it's just hard for me to wrap my mind around. These days, the cops start getting twitchy if you try to take pictures near the train station, and you can forget the airport. But here you are, posting photos of a bunch of Star Wars aliens on the Internet. Constantly. I just… how has nobody from the government seen these yet and demanded the site give up the information they need to track us down here?"

Grinning widely, Harmony hefted the Canon 1D Mark IV in her right hand and waved it back and forth, making Cordelia cringe. With how much she'd paid for the thing as a 'sorry that the costume I made you wear for Halloween got you turned into an alien' present, she would have appreciated it if Harmony treated it with a bit more care. "Duh. I'm not posting 'pictures of aliens' on Tumblr. As far as all of my many, many fans know? I… am a Photoshop goddess who likes to post pictures of my pretty friends who I've 'shopped to look like aliens as part of an art class assignment. And since that's evidently something that people already do for fun when they're bored and lonely and nerdy - well, the transforming people into aliens part; of course they don't have hot girls as friends if they're nerds - nobody thinks 'whoa, real aliens!' when they see my stuff. It's just 'whoa, cool art' to them, and I rack up tens of thousands of notes for each. Lots of likes but plenty of reblogs with comments for me to respond to, too."

Cordelia stared at Harmony in disbelief; even though the Force was telling her that her friend was speaking the truth, it just… seriously? People were honestly stupid enough to believe that a girl could go from accidentally getting her fingertips and hair in iPhone photos to an artistic 'goddess' that quickly? Granted her viewers probably weren't thinking with the big head, but still. Wow. Cordelia wasn't sure she could sell anyone who actually knew the girl on that particular lie even with the Force as her ally. But getting back to the original question… "And no, I haven't talked to Kat about your idea. Not that I need to, now that you've brought it up right in front of her. Kat? Thoughts?"

"Pass. For now, possibly forever if you're looking for the same kinds of photos as the ones you took of Sia and Lani." Lowering the book that she was reading, Kat McKee shot a baleful look at Cordelia. "And shame on you for not telling her no right off the bat. You should know me better than that. I wouldn't have done that sort of thing before Halloween, and now it would be even weirder and more awkward."

That earned the now-younger girl a bemused smile from Cordelia. "To quote the illustrious Grand Master? 'Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter'. We both know who and what you really are, no matter what Halloween has done to you. Didn't we already have this discussion the morning after, when you were worried that I would break up with you now that you're physically fourteen instead of twenty-six? About how as far as we should be concerned, you're the same as those poor short girls who look like middle schoolers even when they're most of the way to thirty and so there's nothing weird about us staying together?" Thankfully, while Cordelia had inherited Shaak Ti's physique and her memories, she neither looked nor perceived herself to be fifty-something years old. Kat, on the other hand, still felt like her old self but it was hard to ignore that her body had reverted to that of an adolescent Togruta. Personally, Cordelia didn't really see the problem: there were plenty of juniors who dated freshmen, and she even knew a few who weren't gross guys trying to score with naïve younger girls. "So no, I didn't automatically assume that-"

Kat leaned down and set her book on the ground before flopping over against the taller girl with an annoyed huff. And that was another fun aspect of their transformations: Cordelia had gone from being two inches shorter than her girlfriend to a good three inches taller. "First of all, I've never been a fan of having my relationships publicized for any reason and you know that. Secondly? Given what most guys are probably doing while looking at Harmony's pictures, I feel like even if that wasn't true, the fact that this particular 'crude matter' is fourteen would make doing that sort of shoot… kinda really gross?"

"…well yes, when you put it like that, obviously it's disgusting." Wrapping an arm around the girl's shoulders, Cordelia pressed a kiss to the spot between Kat's montrals and then rubbed her cheek against the top of her girlfriend's head. "You know, I've been trying to be graceful about all this but… you do realize that if you'd listened to me about your Halloween costume then you wouldn't be in this situation, right?"

Tipping her head back, Kat scowled up at Cordelia. "How was I supposed to know that I was going to get turned into my costume? Besides, Clone Wars Ahsoka is a lot simpler than the Rebels version, and a whole lot easier to find stuff from on Etsy. Sure, I could have 3D printed her new lightsabers from that file you found me, but her headpieces would have-"

Cordelia reached up to tap Kat on the nose, bringing the girl's ramble to an abrupt end as she sputtered and reached up to rub at her nose frantically. "Been something that I could have bought you as a present? From the same person who was already doing an adult Togruta prosthetic for me?" Kat opened her mouth to reply, only to close it with a snap as Cordelia batted the tip of her right lekku against her girlfriend's cheek. "I'm sorry, were you going to say something else about how hard it is to make an adult Togruta costume?" Kat tried to defend her costume choice for a second time, only to be brought up short as Cordelia flicked her wrist and swatted the girl's orange cheek with her lekku again. "Oh dear, I seem to be developing a tic. I should really see a doctor about that, or maybe our resident healer. Tarriss?"

"What can I do for you, Cortilia?" Sweeping through the Snake Creeps Down movement, Tara Maclay coasted to a stop in the middle of her t'ai chi form and peered back over her shoulder, meeting Cordelia's offended expression with a faint smirk of her own. "Oh, sorry, I thought this was Completely Unfunny Name Portmanteau Day. Is it not?"

Even as both Harmony and Kat - traitor that she was - began to giggle, Cordelia sniffed haughtily and looked away. "Tarriss is funny."

"No. No it's not." Tara shifted to balance on one leg, curling her right leg up under her before slowly kicking it outward for the Golden Rooster Stands on One Leg, displaying the sort of fluidity and balance that Cordelia would have envied before Halloween. Now? She was easily as graceful as the Mirialan if not more so, and she did it all with a trio of swaying lekku altering her center of gravity. Slowly spreading her arms, Tara set her right foot back down on the grass and shifted her weight onto it before slowly mirroring the previous move with her left leg. "And I don't even need to go get my medkit's scanner to figure out that you're suffering from an infection. I believe the scientific name for it is… Obnoxiosae cunnus?"

"…what?"

"You're a bitch, Cordelia. I'm calling you a bitch."

Wow. Rude much?

"'The beast will walk upon the earth and darkness will follow. The several races of man will be as one in their terror and destruction.' Aww, that's kind of sweet. Different races coming together."

"You never get even a little tired of hearing yourself speak, do you?"

From her perch atop one of the stacks, Cordelia watched as Mayor Wilkins chuckled before turning to Giles. "That's one spunky little girl you've raised." Pausing, he leaned in and lowered his voice a hair. "I'm gonna eat her." With speed surprising for a man his age, Giles grabbed a sword laying on the table and thrusted it clear through the mayor's chest, making Wilkins stagger back a few steps before regaining his balance. "Whoa! Well now, that was a little thoughtless." Reaching up, he wrapped one hand around the hilt of the sword and pulled it out of his chest… but seeing the wound that was quickly healing over was enough. He could heal, sure, but he could still be hurt. Their plan was sound. "Violent outbursts like that, in front of the children? You know, Mr. Giles, they look to you to see how to behave."

Buffy scowled at that, crossing her arms over her chest. "Get out."

"I smell fear. That's smart." Pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket, Wilkins slowly wiped the blood from the sword as he looked from Buffy to Giles and back. "Some of your deaths will be quick, if that's worth anything. Well, see you all at graduation." Smirking, he tossed the sword back to Giles before turning away. "You don't want to miss my commencement address. It's going to be one heck of a speech."

'Now, Sia.'

Before the mayor could take two steps toward the door, an icy blue plasma blade lashed out and severed his head from his body. "No. It's not." The air rippled as Aphrodesia released her grip on the Force, light unbending itself from around her body and make her perceptible to mere mortals once more. "Well. That was easier than we expected, wasn't it?"

Cordelia leapt nimbly from her perch, landing in the center of the library even as the remaining members of her odd little alien girl gang came boiling out of the stacks. As they descended on Wilkins's corpse, using their lightsabers to separate the immortal man's body into smaller pieces for transport, Cordelia circled around to stand next to Aphrodesia before pantomiming holding an envelope to her forehead. "What entire fraternities have said about Harmony."

"You're just jealous that guys still want me and you couldn't pay them to fuck you looking like that."

"Pfft. I'd fuck her for free." All activity came to a halt as everyone turned to stare at Hokulani Palakiko, the Nautolan looking back and forth nervously as her face flushed a darker shade of green. "…that was out loud, wasn't it?" Cordelia nodded slowly, making Lani groan before drawing herself up straighter. Good girl. Own your fuck up. "I mean, I would. Just out of curiosity, how do you feel about threesomes and reverse sushi?"

"Reverse sushi?"

"You know… fish eating you?"

Personally? Cordelia found herself a more than a little intrigued by the offer, especially after having witnessed how long Lani could hold her breath in the pool. She shot a beseeching look over at Kat, who raised her inactive shoto and drew the emitter across her throat. Well then. That answered that. Because as curious as she was about fishgirl-on-her sex - and no matter how much her inner Shaak Ti was calmly whispering that it was very much possible to have sex purely for the sake of sex, without any attachment or emotion involved - she wasn't curious enough to damage or destroy her relationship over it. "Definitely a tempting prospect, but I think I'm going to have to decline." Locking eyes with Lani, Cordelia reached out with the Force. 'For now, I mean. If Kat breaks up with me, though… call me.'

'…I heard that.'

Shit.