Joe's Note: Given the fact that pretty much everyone who both knows Kat and has seen Steven Universe compares her to Pearl in some fashion, it took a lot of wheedling to convince her to sign off on this particular ficlet. Thankfully, the Summer of Steven episodes, and following fall 2016/winter 2017 Steven Bombs did a lot to show off Pearl's better side and so Kat is finally coming to terms with the fact that while some of the similarities are negative things? A lot of us see the positive parts of Pearl in her too when we compare the two. Which is a lesson that Cordelia will be instilling in her Kat in this particular story, actually. And so without further ado? Story.
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Alonsis2, MJ, Christopher, Daniel, Brian, Crusifikz70, Rollin, Chris N, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Janne, Joseph, Jason, mpop, Riley, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Timothy, Leigh, Chris, George, Koby, Dimitria, William, Mauday, Stephane, Ken, Warslick, Paul, Pat, Mitch, Joel, Warren, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

"There aren't words to describe how much I hate you right now."

"I'm sure that this is going to be an adjustment for you, my Kat, but in time-"

"I'm Pearl. And not in the way that your shitty little friends kept insulting me. I. Have. Literally. Been. Turned. Into. Pearl." Kat McKee crossed her slender ivory arms over her chest as she glared up at Cordelia Chase angrily, the fact that she now had to look up at her girlfriend serving to drive home the changes that they'd both undergone. "You guilt tripped me into being the other half of a couples costume that I outright hated, and now I'm stuck as fucking Pearl for all eternity! Because Gems are immortal! I'm going to be living with the consequences of your decision long after all the stupid little girls you wanted to impress are dead and gone, and their children are dead and gone, and their children's children!"

Cordelia sighed as she reached out to rest both hands on Kat's shoulders, inwardly marveling at how much more surface area her palms covered now. Then again, she'd put on two and a half feet in the past twenty-four hours while her girlfriend had only grown three inches in the same time. She wasn't just the taller one in the relationship now, she flat out dwarfed Kat. Kat, who was glaring up at her angrily still. "My Kat, you need to calm down. This is going to be an adjustment for all of us, but what's done is done and-"

Growling lowly, Kat reached up and slapped at the insides of Cordelia's forearms, forcing the larger girl's hands off of her shoulders so that she could pull away and start pacing. "An 'adjustment'? All of this is just an 'adjustment' to you, Cordelia? I have peach-colored hair, freakishly blue eyes, my skin is so white that I can probably use Wite-Out for foundation…" Pausing abruptly in her pacing, she whirled back around to glare at Cordelia as she pointed at her forehead. "…and oh yeah, there's a giant freaking gem stuck in the middle of my forehead! I can't even think about food without getting nauseous and when I tried to unlock my iPhone, I ended up interfacing with it somehow. Archer startled me coming out of your room and I almost stabbed him with a sword that I somehow pulled out of I don't even know where. And-"

"Oh my God, is he okay?"

"I said 'almost'."

"That could mean that either you caught yourself before taking the stab… or that you tried to stab him and missed." Cordelia raised both hands, pantomiming weighing something before lifting her left hand higher than the right. "I feel like one of those options would give him a lot more gray hairs than the other."

From the way Kat rolled her eyes but then pointedly looked away from her, Cordelia was pretty sure which of those possibilities had unfolded upstairs. "He's a Maine Coon, Cordelia. He's supposed to have gray hairs."

"You probably made him grayer."

"Can we move on? Maybe get back to the part where I'm still really, really mad at you?"

"Kat, you're going to forgive Cordelia the first time that you two fuse into Rainbow Quartz. Because unlike when Pearl and Garnet were fusing into Sardonyx, she's going to lay her mind completely bare for you. You'll discover that unlike us, she only saw the positive qualities of Pearl inside you and so she was never mocking you. That all she wanted was to include you in something that she was into, and so you'll feel very foolish about how angry you're getting right now." Sprawled out on her side on Cordelia's couch, Aura White waited until both Kat and Cordelia were looking at her before using one hand to gesture to her own lanky body. "Meanwhile? I'll forever be a seven foot tall, maroon-skinned gay made out of two smaller gays who I can constantly hear whispering in the back of my mind. So in my opinion, if anyone has a right to complain right now? It's neither of you." Reaching up, she slid her sunglasses down her nose enough to reveal the third eye in the middle of her forehead and wink it at the pair. "Just… putting things in perspective for you."

Cordelia exchanged looks with a suddenly mortified Kat; apparently neither of them had realized how lucky they were in comparison to the third member of their group costume. Or the fourth, for that matter. "I mean seriously, at least you two can still go outside." Casually vaulting the banister at the edge of the second floor landing, Harmony Kendall landed in the living room with a thump before glowing and stretching upward to her previous height of a few inches over five feet tall. Putting one hand on her hip, she waved the other up and down her body. "Even if I shapeshift back into what I used to look like, I'm stuck as a purple Harmony. The rest of the time?" She glowed again, shrinking down into a shorter and wider form. "I'm a short and dumpy purple Harmony."

Given that Cordelia's sole complaint with her new situation was that she couldn't pass through doorways without ducking… yikes. Kat was slightly worse off than her, but both of their circumstances paled in comparison to what Aura and Harmony would have to endure for the near future. And the far future. As Kat had so astutely pointed out, they were functionally immortal thanks to the magic spell that had affected them on Halloween. Also, was it Rose's influence that she now knew what the word 'astute' meant, or was the Word a Day calendar that Kat had bought her for her birthday paying off?

"You know, back when I was your age, girls could just commiserate together about how they were all different levels of fucked. We didn't need to compete to see who was the most fucked." Scowling, Kat crossed her slender arms over her chest as Cordelia bit her lip and resisted the urge to laugh. Because holy mom moment, Batman. 'When I was your age'? Seriously? Sure, there was a bit of an age gap between them, but sometimes she felt like Kat went out of her way to make it as awkwardly obvious as possible. And- "It's not like you get an award for being the most fucked or anything."

Cordelia managed to muffle but not entirely suppress a second burst of laughter, her black eyes glancing over at Harmony for a second before returning to her girlfriend's face. "Do STDs count as an award? Because if they do, Harmony got something for being the most fucked."

Groaning, Kat rolled her eyes before reaching out to swat at Cordelia's bicep… only to end up hitting her girlfriend's elbow as she misjudged their newfound height difference. "Oh, ha ha. Very funny. Yes, yes, Harmony is a slut. We get it. You know, for someone who loves to talk about how witty and savage she is, you sure do recycle the same insults an awful lot." Cordelia arched a brow at that; considering some of the stupid stuff that came out of Kat's mouth on occasion - especially just before she fell asleep or in that stretch between when she woke up and when she drank her first Coke of the day - did her girlfriend really want to pick a fight over verbal wittiness? Turning away from Cordelia, Kat let her gaze drift over the impassive Aura onward to where Harmony was busy stuffing a rolled up magazine into her mouth… and then back to the significantly safer territory of Aura. "Just out of curiosity… how long can you hold a shift for? Because I'm almost done with my new Jedi cosplay and you guys would probably make a pair of really awesome Twi'lek."

"Do what now?"

"The dancing girl aliens from Star Wars. I could get you out of the house for a long weekend every few weeks by bringing you to conventions with me." As Aura and Harmony exchanged dubious looks, Kat threw her hands up in frustration before stalking over to throw herself down in the nearby recliner. "Whatever. I was just trying to help but fuck you all very much. If you want this house to be the sum total of your existence from now until God only knows when, be my guest."

As Kat drew her legs up to her chest, glaring over her knees at Aura and Harmony as the former went back to staring off into space and the latter resumed rummaging through the mess on the coffee table in search of something else to try eating, Cordelia found herself wondering… what would Rose Quartz do? The memories that Cordelia had inherited on Halloween filled in a lot of the gaps in what Steven Universe covered, such as the entirety of the war against the Diamond Authority. The true fate of Pink Diamond in particular… fans were gonna shit bricks when the show finally revealed the truth. Apart from that, what really stood out to Cordelia was that Rose had managed to serve as the leader of a group that included some incredibly disparate personalities. Not only had she led them to victory again and again, but she'd held them together during the times in between and in the peace afterward when they could have gone their separate ways. So in the situation that Cordelia now faced… what would Rose have done?

In the end, the answer to that question was simple: move to ensure the continued loyalty of her first ally and most trusted lieutenant, and then from there work together with Pearl… Kat… to deal with the rest of the problems currently facing them. If Aura was being truthful about what she could see of the future - and Cordelia had no reason to believe she wasn't - then the way to achieve her first objective was obvious. And so Cordelia made her way over to where Kat was curling up, extending a hand to her girlfriend as she offered up a hopeful smile. "What can I do… for you? What can I do… that… no one else can do?"

While Kat took the proffered hand and allowed Cordelia to pull her to her feet, Cordelia quickly discovered that was the extent to which her girlfriend was willing to play along. "I appreciate that we're going to be having a lot of musical moments in our lives from now on, but could you maybe not try to serenade me with the song that Greg wrote for Rose? That's just… eww."

"Sorry, it was the first Rainbow Quartz-y thing that came to mind. Hmm. Most of the songs that I remember from Rose and Pearl's adventures before Greg are those musical episode-esque 'let's sing rather than have dialogue and internal monologues' sorts of things." Cordelia idly pulled Kat toward her and then spun her as she thought, one of the smaller girl's legs coming up to make the move reminiscent of a ballet dancer's pirouette. "Oh! I know! What about a song from one of the like, three bands that we have in common?" She spun Kat again before pulling the lithe girl back into her arms, leaning down so their foreheads touched. "If you can hold the stars in place, you can hold my heart the same."

"Whenever I fall away, whenever I start to break…"

"So here I am, lifting up my heart…"

"To the one who holds the stars…"

The world went white.

"It has begun. My destiny. It's a little sooner than I expected; I had this whole section on civic pride. But I guess we'll just skip to the big finish."

Cordelia rolled her eyes as Mayor Wilkins began to groan and squirm behind the podium, his face distorting as he transformed from a ridiculously mundane-looking human into a demonic snake. A demonic snake that quickly grew to outrageous proportions, towering over them all as he let out a loud roar of triumph. Thing was? "From the way that Giles and Summers were going on about the whole Ascension thing, I thought he'd be bigger."

"That's what she said!" Coming out of the spin dash that had carried her clear across the courtyard from where she'd been hiding, Harmony hopped up onto the seat next to Cordelia's and bounced on her toes excitedly as she looked from her exasperated friend to the giant demonic snake and back. "Get it? He'd be bigger? That's what she said?"

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Kat let out a long suffering sigh as she made her way over to join the pair, Aura following a step or two behind as a white glow sprung up around her hands, her gauntlets snapping into existence. "We know that's what she said, Harmony, she literally just said it." As Harmony huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, sulking at the reaction to what she'd probably assumed was a great joke, Kat gave Wilkins's new form a slow once-over before turning her nose up and sniffing haughtily. "Do we even need Rainbow Hematite for this? He doesn't look much more threatening than Centipeetle. Probably easier, actually; I bet he doesn't spit acid like she did. And so help me God, Harmony, if you try to make some kind of dirty spitting-related joke…"

Harmony slowly turned her head to look up at Kat, her expression a mixture of awe and disgust. "You think I would… from you mentioning spitting acid? How does your mind even work?" Looking away from the thoroughly mortified Kat, Harmony was silent for a moment before snickering. "Then again, I mean, I guess that Centipeetle is proof that it's never good when a girl spits…"

Even as Cordelia bit her lip to keep from laughing at the joke, Kat threw her hands up in exasperation before turning to Cordelia. "Let's start fusing before I decide to go home and let you beat the Mayor by forming… whatever the hell it is that Garnet, Amethyst, and Rose form without Pearl." Chuckling, the cheerleader picked Kat up off the ground and spun her around playfully as the first tingles of the fusion process washed over them, their luminous forms synchronizing in preparation to merge. "I love you, but your friends are idiots."

"I know." Cordelia pulled Kat in for a kiss as the world went white, their bodies merging together into a singular glowing form that grew taller as their need and singular focus summoned Rainbow Quartz into existence. It wasn't quite what Cordelia had imagined fusion would be like; the closest analogs she could think of were Pacific Rim or the Power Rangers inside a megazord. Sure, they were one being physically but mentally? She was there, Kat was there, but she and Kat were still she and Kat… working together to achieve a goal with the help of the very distinct, separate, and wholly sentient entity that was Rainbow Quartz. Thankfully, Rainbow Quartz seemed to take after the best in both her and Kat, unlike Sugilite. Then the fusion's four eyes opened, and Cordelia gave an exasperated sigh at the sight that greeted her. Speaking of Sugilite…

"Where do you think you're going, little man?" Clearing the distance between them in a single leap, Sugilite brought all four fists down along the mayor's body, eliciting a scream of pain as his attempt to flee the pair of giant women was abruptly cut short. "I'm just getting started!"

'…we probably should have fused all together like the Gems do for Alexandrite, huh?'

'Probably.' As Sugilite picked Wilkins up by the end of his snake-like body and began whipping him back and forth violently, slamming him into building hard enough to turn the walls into powder, Cordelia amended her statement. 'Make that definitely.'