A/N: Where did she get to now?
Pen: She's drawing fanart of this nonsense.
It can't be helped then. Would you mind doing the hon-
Pen: If you finish that sentence, I'll beat you to death with your own arm.
Fine. Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy belong to Danny Antonucci and Cartoon Network. The story, Sword, and Pen belong to me. Please do not use without permission. Thank you and please enjoy.
Chapter 3 – Sneaking Ed
"Well, well, well," Eddy said, smug and standing high and mighty above a seated Edd, despite his head barely reaching the taller's shoulders standing. "Our little Double Dee wants to be a cheater."
They huddled together in the quiet of the library, where Edd had instructed them to meet after school. Eased by the surrounding of books and knowledge, Edd spilled his predicament and plan to the pair, begging for their help. After Eddy and Ed had a good, long laugh, and subsequently were shushed by the librarian, Eddy had adopted a wicked grin that Edd did not enjoy at all.
"Will you help or not?" Edd asked, his stomach already churning at the prospect.
"Yeah, yeah, we'll help you," Eddy said. "But you know, since we're going to be doing this," he thumbed Ed and himself, "we could use a bit of a boost as well."
"A-A what?" Edd stared at him.
"You know, a little 'extra credit', in a sense, to help us pass some classes too," Eddy said slyly. "Maybe, just to pick a random subject, Biology and History?"
"Oh, yeah!" Ed piped up. "I really need a C in English!"
Eddy and Edd both grabbed Ed by the lips and shoulders, respectively, yanking him down and smothering his face in the floor. "Can it, lummox! Or the whole school'll hear!" He looked up at Edd. "So, what'll it be? Can you do it?"
Scoffing, Edd sat back and folded his arms. The nerve of the two! "You're seriously asking me to change your grades as well?"
"We're doing you a solid. Besides, you'll be in the computers anyway. Same teachers, different subjects."
Edd watched their larger friend struggle and twist his head in Eddy's hand, sucking down air. He didn't like the idea, but he did need their help. And as Eddy pointed out, he was already changing Marie's. May as well help any others who need it. Knowing his friends' grades, they did need all the help they could find.
With a heavy heart, he nodded. "Fine, fine, fine. I'll do it."
"Great," Eddy said, finally releasing the larger Ed, who popped up and smacked the back of his head into a bookcase. "What do you need from us?"
"First, I'll need the passwords for the teachers' computers," he said. Digging in his backpack, he pulled out two small cameras, barely the width of a thumb nail. "These are a couple of prototype spy cameras I whipped up." Immediately, the pair snatched the cameras out of his hands and he stiffened. "Be careful! They're extremely sensitive!"
"What do we do with them?" Eddy asked.
"Put them high above the teachers' chairs, somewhere they won't notice them, but where you'll get a good view of their keyboard."
"Why can't we use some super hacking stuff?" Ed asked. "Like in 'Rubies are Eternal' where they hack the doomsday satellite?"
"I gotta agree with Lumpy, for once," Eddy said. "Can't we just use a program to hack the computers?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, do you know how to hack a computer?" Edd asked. The addition of changing their grades already had him in a bad mood without their criticism of his available skillset and plan
"Okay, okay, geez." Eddy mumbled something that sounded like "touchy" quietly to Ed, but Edd chose to ignore it for now.
"Look, with summer around the corner, we're short on time, so this is the best I can do. Once we have the teachers' passwords, you and Ed will act as lookouts while I go in and change the grades. It's that simple." Even Edd didn't believe that lie, but he forced a grin all the same.
"So as soon as we have the passwords, we do it?" Eddy asked.
"Yes, during the lunch period." Before either could pick their jaws up off the floor and protest, he quickly explained his reasoning with the computers tracking keystrokes. "Therefore, if the computers are being monitored, this won't look suspicious. Any questions?"
Eddy raised his hand. "Yeah, just one. How can you be sure the teachers won't notice the grades changing?"
Edd bit his lip and shook his head. "I can't. Given my observation and limited knowledge of the teachers, it's possible they won't pay attention. But I can't be one hundred percent certain."
"Great," Eddy said. "This is looking like a real winner."
"What's your idea then?" Edd asked, crossing his arms in a huff. "Let's hear it."
Eddy cleared his throat. "Glad you asked. It's simple. Where do all the grades go when the teachers submit them?"
"Oh, oh, I know this!" Ed waved his hand excitedly. "To our parents so they can yell at us about being a disappointment!"
"Close, you dope," he said. "When they submit grades, they go to the principal. Then he sends the grades to the secretaries, who print out the report cards. I doubt he'll notice a few changes before he reviews and sends them off." He puffed out his chest, as if waiting for adoring accolades for his brilliant scheme. "See? Simple."
"Not to deflate your plan, but there are several problems with that," Edd countered. "One, we don't know how long the principal will take to send the grades to be printed. He might send them immediately or he might carefully review each student's report card."
Eddy swatted away the notion. "No way. He'll pretend to take a few days, but he won't really go over them."
"Two," Edd continued over him, "the offices, the principal's included, are rarely empty during school hours, unlike the classrooms." His friend's face drooped a little, realizing the accuracy of his point.
"And three, do you know where the principal also sends the grades when having them printed?" He waited a second before answering his question. "To the county school board, on our permanent records. If we somehow failed to get into the principal's computer, then that's it. No more chances, since you can't break into a government center, including the school board offices."
Conceding his point, Eddy nodded. "Alright, alright. Fine, we'll do it your way."
"Good." Edd zipped up his backpack and stood. "Eddy, you take care of the Biology and Math teacher. Ed, you got the English and History teacher."
"What are you going to do?" Eddy asked.
"I'm going to deal with the coaches. Remember, don't tell Marie about this. I don't want her to worry." This was a burden he would bear himself. It was only right in his eyes after she had carried it herself for so long. "And that goes for anyone else. Not a word of this to anybody." Both he and Eddy directed their glares to Ed, who appeared confused.
"What?" he asked, swiveling his face between them.
"That means no telling Sara, your parents, May," Eddy said, ticking off his fingers. "Nobody."
"Gotcha!" he said, but Edd wondered if he should worry more.
I don't have enough worry to go around, he thought. His word will have to do. With that, he left them to their tasks and made a beeline for his.
Placing a hidden camera proved to be trickier than he thought. During the year, it had seemed like the teachers and staff were frequently away from their offices, teaching classes, visiting the break lounge, eating lunch, or chatting in the hallway. Now whenever Edd walked by the gym and locker rooms, the coaches were always in their offices, checking their computers. Probably inputting final grades, he thought, and shivered. It would do no good to worry. He had to stay focused on his objective.
A week later, he finally found a golden opportunity. During a free period, he made his way over to the gym, where several mats were laid out on the basketball court that encompassed the main interior. The wrestling teams formed a tight circle around the mats, the coaches among them, cheering on several people that Edd couldn't see.
Yet what stood out were the locker rooms across the gym itself. If everyone, coaches included, were out in the gym, then the offices would be completely empty. Edd fingered the camera in his pocket, glad he had kept it constantly on him for such a chance.
Just need to sneak around, he thought, slinking along the bleachers, which were folded up against the wall. As he reached the middle of the court, the crowd around the mats yelled, a mixture of applause and moans. Edd feared he may have been caught and turned to the commotion.
Instead, he saw a shock of blue hair pop up among the shoulders of the taller boys and Marie exited the circle, leaving a wheezing opponent lying on his back on the wrestling mat. Meanwhile, the head coach, the oldest of the coaches there, was pulling the wrestling team together, praising Marie as she passed.
"You see what she did?" he said, clapping her shoulder and pointing at the grounded student. "If you can get behind the other guy like that, it's all over. Take note and you might be as good as she is!"
Before Edd could move or hide, Marie spotted him, said a few words to the coach, and rushed over to him. "What are you doing here?" she asked.
He fumbled over his rehearsed statement. "Oh, I, er, think I left something in my locker this morning," he said. It was true. He had deliberately left a calculator in his locker as an excuse to come down here. "What about you?"
"Teaching," she said.
"Teaching?"
At that, the head coach yelled and swore at a couple of the students on a different mat, making Edd jump at such obscenity. "What are you doing? Are you trying to bring him down, or get to third base? Keep him in that hold!"
"Yeah, a while back, they asked for my help," she said, thumbing the head coach, still red-faced and directing the students. "Wanted me to show them a couple of moves. Been helping during gym and free periods when I can."
"Since it's no secret that you're no stranger to a fight," Edd said and Marie punched his arm playfully.
"Careful, or I might show you too."
The head coach quickly approached them as Marie's beaten wrestler was replaced with two fresh members. "Marie," he said. "Think tomorrow you could show them that arm bar you demonstrated last week? If we have any hope of making it to state, they'll have to master that."
"Sure," Marie said, looking to Edd. The head coach took notice of him as well, giving him a once-over.
"Oh, Edd, third period, right?" he said, recognizing him after a moment and then quickly checking with Marie. "Wait, this is your Edd?"
She grinned and Edd himself couldn't help but flush at that description. Her Edd. Deep down, he liked it. "Yeah," she said, pecking her boyfriend's cheek.
The coach clucked his tongue, not questioning the mismatched pair. "Did you need something?" he asked.
"Yeah, forgot something in my locker," Edd said and hoped he could start making progress to the office.
"Actually, I'm glad you're here," the coach said, dashing Edd's hopes of leaving. "Perhaps you can convince her to join the team."
"The team?" Edd turned to Marie for an explanation, but the coach filled him in.
"The wrestling team. She's the best wrestler I've seen in years. Could certainly teach these pansies a thing about it." At that, he turned around, catching one of the students on the ground, doing a poor job of holding onto his opponent. "Oh, for the love of God, will you two wake up? I swear I'll cut you!" He marched back over to the team and Edd tried to block out the obscene yells.
"I got to hit the showers," Marie said, pulling him along to the lockers. "Wait for me?"
"Uh, sure," he said. He watched her enter the girls' side and once he was certain she was out of view, he dashed into the boys' locker room.
Rows upon rows of lockers stood before him, separated by long aisles and benches where a gym bag or two and smelly shoes had been carelessly abandoned. Behind a partition to his right, wet shoeprints and water trailed out of the showers. The air stank with a mixture of sweat and body spray that always made Edd feel nauseous from one whiff. Holding his breath, he dashed through the empty room, spotted the office door in the back, and threw it open.
The office was quiet and small, with a simple desk, computer, and chairs. Another door opposite him opened to the girls' locker rooms across from him. Edd shut the door quietly behind him and it seemed to close with a thunderous bang!
He froze, listening intently, but no one came rushing into the office to investigate the noise. Unclenching his rigid arms, he hurried to the desk, fishing the camera out of his pocket. As he rounded the monitor, he again stopped in his tracks.
Sitting in the chair was a piece of wood, a crude pair of eyes and simple smile drawn on it. "Plank?" he asked, staring at the small board. Edd looked around. If Plank was here, then his owner and friend, Johnny, was nearby. He had to hurry.
Edd circled the desk, keeping one watchful eye on the door and Plank, the other judging the angle of the keyboard. He found an inconspicuous spot on the wall that, according to his calculations, would have a clear view of any typed passwords.
He half-expected someone to walk in while placing the camera, but nobody did. Only Plank witnessed it, his blank stare rather unnerving. "Don't suppose you could hack the system and change everyone's grades now?" Edd asked, laughing at his joke. The silence that followed didn't help, as those red eyes appeared to consider the idea, imaginary gears working between the splinters. Sometimes, Edd almost swore that Plank could move, then shook his head. That's just Johnny rubbing off.
Still, he glanced back a few times while exiting, an eerie sense of someone watching him crawling up his neck. It lingered even when he had finally shut the door, causing him to not pay attention and bump into Johnny himself.
"Oh, hey, Double Dee!" Johnny said, entering the office. "What are you doing here?"
"Thought I left something in my locker," he said automatically. Then added, "Or maybe dropped it. Was checking the floor, you see? What about you?"
"Plank's helping the teachers install some new software on their computers," Johnny said. "He's a whiz at that stuff. Even hacked the government once for the fun of it." The way he talked with such confidence about his "friend" after all these years made Edd wonder if Johnny would be in therapy at some point. "I'm down here to watch him. Make sure he's on the straight and narrow."
"Right," he said, maneuvering around Johnny and backing to the exit. "Good luck with that."
"Thanks," Johnny said, whistling a tune and entering the office to resume his duty. He didn't suspect anything.
Edd breathed easier and left the locker room, waiting at the entrance for Marie. By now, Eddy and Ed should have accomplished their tasks. If all went well, they should have the passwords soon enough and the grades would be easily changed.
I hope.
A/N: Whew, done with that one.
Sword: On to the next chapter!
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