I know what I feel isn't "normal." I've felt this way for so long I can't remember being anything else. At some point during my childhood with Sora, I just knew that I always wanted to be beside him. It was as if the thought came to me as the most natural thing in the world. He wanted the same, but I don't think it was ever quite alike.
I've always had to hold myself back around him. I would rather be close to him as a friend than to scare him off with these unnecessary feelings.
I decided long ago that no matter how much it hurts, I would stay by his side.
Now as I see him develop interests in others I want nothing more than to sink away again.
I can't let myself do that once more. What I used to do was dream about a day when I'd wake up and no longer have these thoughts inside my head. Things wouldn't be so difficult then.
Another dream is that he would reciprocate such thoughts, but that illusion is too thin to sustain itself for long.
So I just keep chasing, but at a distance. Close enough to feel the warm beams of the sun without being burned by its brilliance. All in all, it's a good if unsatisfactory system.

Sora was standing outside no doubt trying to be as still as possible, but his boundless energy made that an impossible feat. His head perked up upon seeing Riku open his front door and lethargically walk towards him.
"Good morning, Riku!" His smile was like the sun itself.
Riku only grunted in reply. "It's too early for any living creature to be as awake as you are."
Sora cocked his head to the side, getting closer to his friend in order to observe his face from beneath. "You look like you just fell out of bed."
"I wonder whose fault that is?" Riku was not in the mood for this, and quietly began straightening up his clothes. "There. Better, O' King Sora?" His sarcasm could not have been thicker. Leave it to Sora to be able to breathe in that which would choke most.
"I don't know..." Sora began walking circles around him in mock inspection and scrutiny.
"Your hair is definitely too messy." Sora ended up settling for this observation.
Riku would not lose in a contest of jokes.
"I cut it off so I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. Are you saying I need to brush my hair too?" He smirked as he added the last part. "Maybe I should just shave it all off."
Sora's face fell. "No! Riku, don't! You would look terrible! ...Also hilarious, but mostly terrible!"
Riku paused for a moment, genuinely taken aback by Sora's intense reaction.
"You think I'm serious? We are definitely still worlds apart." Riku left his words hanging in the air as he started walking in a random direction.
Sora quickly showed up by his side with the eyes of a sad puppy. "No we aren't! We're both right here, in the same world!" His tone was almost pleading.
Riku looked over his friend quizzically, until he realized that Sora had taken his words literally.
He smiled and put his hand on Sora's head, ruffling his hair for a few seconds. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Your Majesty." Riku could handle touching as long as it was instigated by himself. That way he was able to think about it in advance in order to prepare. The contact had to be quick, controlled and casual. He wanted to keep his hand lingering there longer, but didn't wish to overstay his welcome.
Sora puffed out his cheeks at being treated like a kid. "Hey!" His complaints remained unsaid, however, as he resumed smiling.
He really is still such a child. Riku thought amusingly as his simple actions had already placated the rowdy boy.
"Anyway," Sora started as he moved his position behind Riku. "You're going the wrong way." He playfully shoved his hands against Riku's wide back. Riku would never quite be used to this, how Sora touched him so nonchalantly without even so much as a warning beforehand. If only he knew what that did to him. Riku's breath hitched, but he kept himself in check while he let the other boy steer him around.
"So, you had somewhere in mind-Hey, not so hard!" Riku laughed at Sora's imbalanced attempt to get him to move around more quickly.
"Yeah!" Sora couldn't hide his excitement, paying Riku's complaints no mind. Once they were in the right direction he stopped pushing him. "It's somewhere really amazing. I want to show you!" The child-like wonder never seemed to fade from Sora, and Riku was comforted by that fact. Not all things had changed.
"Alright, alright," he resigned himself, exaggerating a heavy sigh as if this whole ordeal was a chore. "Lead the way."

A little while later after many jokes were exchanged, Riku was in a better mood. As annoying as Sora could be, there was no one he'd rather be around. Sora managed to bring out the best in him these days. Before, it had always been the worst due to Riku's jealousy. Now that Riku had worked through so many things, he expected nothing from Sora. Accepting the path offered to him was one of warmth and friendship, so he was able to smile from the bottom of his heart. He had given up on the path he had truly wanted, but he never really tried to reach such a path anyway. It was too dangerous. This path was safe, and no one would be hurt. No one but Riku, but he was used to it by now.

They had been walking for quite a while now as the sun had changed several locations in the sky above them. Riku had been thinking this supposed destination had become unreachable, for Sora had most likely gotten them lost.
"We're here!" Sora exclaimed. Riku glanced around, relieved that they hadn't been lost after all but seeing nothing of note. "Where is "here"?"
Sora stood triumphantly in front of him with hands on his hips. "Well, we almost didn't make it since you went in the wrong direction, but luckily I was here to guide you!"
Riku chuckled at his goofy friend. "Yeah, great job not getting us lost on the way, but that still doesn't answer my question."
Sora nodded as if thinking deeply, but it was more along the lines of dismissing anything that did not mention how amazing his find was. "A forest!"
Riku waited for more to accompany the obvious, but far too many seconds had passed for that to still be a possibility. "And?"
Sora opened his eyes in surprise, staring at him. "And... a mountain." This was sure to placate Riku.
However, never an easy one to please, Riku urged him on. "And?"
Sora was beginning to get nervous. He didn't want to give away the surprise, but it seemed like Riku needed more of a reason to explore this place rather than it simply being a place that could be explored.
"And... I thought we could play and explore like we used to." It wasn't really a lie.
Riku was taken aback by Sora's bluntness about the issue. He had missed the days of simply playing by Sora's side. The lament for such times coming to an end was already on his mind enough, but this made the boy realize that they were never over at all; merely put on hold. His happiness threatened to spill over.
Don't act too excited. It's just a glorified play-date. No, why did I have to use that word!? Ugh. He was kicking himself for his stupid thoughts. Just play it cool. Calm. Collected.
Riku exhaled like the whole idea was nothing but a bother, and added, "You are such an idiot."
Sora's face fell and he dropped his head. He thought Riku would at least be a little happy, but before he could think on the issue further, a blur of silver streaked across his peripheral vision. He immediately glanced up in order to find out what the mysterious blur was, and lo and behold it was Riku was running right into the forest.
"Such an idiot for thinking you still stand a chance at beating me at anything!" He was laughing like he hadn't a care in the world.
Sora's grin returned as he quickly took off after him. "I never said there would be contests!"
Riku looked back at him with the slyest smirk. "Isn't everything we do a contest?"
Sora thought deeply for a moment, but the perfect way to disprove such a thing had been carried out that very morning by none other than he himself. "If everything is a contest, what was the window thing for?" Sora was sure he had outsmarted Riku this time.
Without missing a beat: "Obviously to see how long you can survive if you keep waking me up like that."
Sora gulped. He sounded so serious. Shaking it off, he had realized that Riku was rapidly approaching the thing he wanted to show him. His face turned into that of complete horror.
"Riku! Stop!" He pleaded with every fiber of his being.
Riku only scoffed in reply. "You'll need to do better than that to win a race."
"No, Riku. I told you this wasn't a contest! Stop! Please!" His alarm rang out with every word, and this was not lost on Riku. Realizing that the other boy was genuinely afraid, he came to a halt.
Sora stopped once he saw this and bent over, panting as he supported himself with his hands on his knees.
Riku tentatively approached the out-of-breath boy to provide some form of comfort.
"Hey." He offered quietly. "It was a joke." Riku sounded as though he had done something terrible.
Sora smiled despite his current state, and raised his head to see Riku's face downcast in worry.
He reached his hand out to touch Riku's shoulder in order to catch his attention and keep such sad thoughts out of his mind. Riku jumped in reaction to the unexpected contact.
"I know you were kidding, especially about that last part." He offered Riku his biggest grin.
Riku had nothing to offer back except for a hearty laugh. "I was serious about that."
Sora gulped again. He genuinely could not tell if Riku was joking when it came to this.
He removed his hand and pointed in the direction they had been running just before that point.
"Come on. It's just over there." He started to walk.
Riku looked confused but followed him nonetheless. "What is? I thought you didn't know what was here?"
Sora looked a little guilty. "I've already been here."
Pain pricked at Riku's heart as he realized the adventure had been too good to be true.
Of course he had. He knew where the place was. How could I have overlooked such obvious information?
Riku kept his silence even though there was anything but inside his mind, the ache gnawing at him as he tried to keep it all in check.
"Sorry I had to lie a little, but I really wanted to show you what I found." He looked over at the sullen Riku and knew he had taken it the wrong way. "But we can still explore that place! I didn't go down there!"
Riku's ears perked up. "Down there?"
Sora's stupid smile returned as he stopped Riku in place, taking a few steps forward.
He then offered him the sight. "Down there."
Riku peeked over the edge that was dangerously hidden among the trees.
A large fall presented itself, the decline littered with rocks and narrow paths one might just be able to grab onto if the poor soul had fallen. At the base of it all was a large pool of water making its home under a nearby waterfall.
"Doesn't it look like fun?" Sora offered. "When I saw this, I knew I had to show you."
A smile returned to Riku's features. Sora really had wanted to explore with him like they used to. He wanted to show him this place.
Tired of hiding how he felt by downplaying his emotions, he simply replied with a contented, "Yeah. It does," and met Sora's stupid grin with his own.