Apache: The fierce scalp-taking killers of the American Southwest.
(Several Apaches are seen ambushing several settlers. The white men fall to their various attacks as several are scalped.)
vs.
Maori: The brute force cannibal killers from the South seas.
(Some Maori are seen battling it out with a rival tribe. One Maori swings the blunt end of his taiaha straight into the temple of a rival.)
WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, we've assembled a team of world class fighters to test history's most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when two warriors go toe to toe.
No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death to decide who is...THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!
Here in our elite fight club we have gathered doctors, medical scientists and weapons experts to test out the lethal arsenals wielded by each of our combatants to determine who would win a fight between two of the most fearsome tribal warriors known to man.
Apache
Circa: 1830
Height: 5'7''
Weight: 140 lbs.
Armor: Rawhide Shield
Maori
Circa: 1785
Height: 5'9''
Weight: 180 lbs.
Armor: None
DeadAliveManiac, Zivon96, MKDemigodZ-Warrior, and PFC Rice Man walk into the fight club, they walk over to the armor and take out the weapons of the warriors setting them down onto a table before gathering around it.
''Alright guys, today we have a battle between two incredibly fierce and bloodthirsty tribal warriors. The Apache Indian from the Southwestern U.S. against the Maori warrior of the Southern seas. Both these guys are incredibly dangerous, lethal and will outright kill you.'' DAM explained
''I'm giving this one to the Maori.'' Zivon said, ''They are big sons of bitches and I think their more savage nature helps them out.''
''I'll go with the Apache.'' Demigod countered, ''They have the better long range weapon for this fight and not to mention getting up close to one is just, well you're fucked.''
''Regardless of who wins, this is going to be a damn good battle. Let's review the weapons warriors.'' Rice Man said
The Apache came equipped with simple, yet deadly handcrafted weapons that painted the landscape with the blood of his victims.
Short Range: Knives
Mid-Range: Tomahawk
Long Range: Bow & Arrow
Special: War Club
In turn the cannibalistic brute used nature based weapons that assisted in preparing their victims for the last supper.
Short Range: Mere
Mid-Range: Taiaha
Long Range: Hoeroa
Special: Wahaika
For short range, these two warriors used highly versatile tools allowing them to hack, slash and bludgeon all opposition. The Apache knives and the Maori mere.
The panelists review the testing of each weapon in their debut episodes and soon it doesn't take long for them to come to a decision. Boys?
''I'm giving this all to the knives. They can be thrown with lethal accuracy and if the Maori closes the distance the Apache's awesome knife fighting skills will cut him down.'' DAM started
''I disagree and give this to the mere. If the Apache does miss, he's fucked. The mere can bludgeon, slash, stab and well everything.'' Zivon countered
''Well, sorry Zivon but I'll go with DAM, he took the words right out of my mouth.'' Demigod inquired
''As much as I appreciate your input Zivon I go with the knives. DAM already explained it.'' Rice Man concluded
In short range weapons, the edge goes to the Apache for his knives.
Now for mid-range weapons our warriors carried two different but highly versatile weapons capable of slaughtering with deadly ease. The Apache tomahawk and the Maori taiaha.
The team now reviews the testing of the weapons in action from previous episodes. After a very long and lengthy discussion an edge has finally been decided. Or so we believe..
''No no no!'' DAM shouted, ''The tomahawk gives range the taiaha wishes it had! It can hit the Maori and he is a huge guy therefore a huge target. Edge tomahawk for versatility and range.''
''Alright fine, but I'm calling this even. These two weapons prove to be highly versatile and it's based on that alone that I'm saying even.'' Zivon said
''I agree with Zivon, if the Apache is farther away he takes it, if the Maori is up close he has it. A wash.'' Demigod added
''Yeah, what Demigod said.'' Rice Man said with a yawn
In mid-range weapons, it's an even comparison.
Moving onto long range, our warriors used different means to take their foes down from a distance.
The panel now...
''Bow.'' All four of them said in perfect synch
Um, can I finish at least? Shit...
Anyway, for long range weapons the edge well, it obviously goes to the Apache.
XXXXXX
Now we conclude the weapon's review by looking at the favorite special weapons of our warriors.
Since we will have the wahaika appear in the redemption battle with the Maori, we will review the testing of it in that episode and the war club in it's debut episode.
''Alright, both are made to bludgeon but I'm standing with the wahaika for durability.'' DAM said
''I agree, the war club will break after like what? Two strikes? Wahaika takes this.'' Zivon seconded
''Not to mention that little notch which can catch an enemy's weapon. Edge wahaika.'' Demigod added
''Again, what you guys said.'' Rice Man finished
In special weapons, the edge goes to the Maori for his wahaika.
And now moving on to armor...
''The Apache is carrying a shield, while it's rawhide it's still better with what the Maori has, which is nothing.'' DAM said sternly
Well...Apache gets the edge in the armor category...
XXXXXX
''Now I look over these x-factors.'' Metal Harbinger said
''Training went to the Apache with an 80 to the Maori's 79.''
''For ferocity the Maori with a 93 to the Apache's 88.''
''Endurance went to the Apache because he came from a harsher climate. 89 and 87 respectively.''
''Killer instinct went to the Maori with a 95 to the Apache's 93.''
''Fifth is physicality and the Maori got a 92 to the Apache's 90.''
''Last is intimidation and the Maori had a 91 to the Apache's 90.''
Metal has just finished reviewing the x-factors. He will now run the simulator 1,000 times in a duel to the death.
Who will win between the most fearsome and bloodthirsty tribal warriors known to mankind?
''Let's see who it is. Will the Apache be able to end the Maori's life or will the Maori eat the Apache?'' Metal said before hitting the enter key
XXXXXX
The battle takes place in a small forest. Tall trees hovering over the area giving off an eerie vibe. Along a path we see a lone Maori walking along the forest armed to the teeth. Deciding to take a break he sets his taiaha and hoeroa aside a tree trunk before sitting down.
He is unaware that he has company however. Several yards away we see a lone Apache, he was out trekking to find some food for his people when he happened across this strange man with weird tattoos on his face.
Taking that as a sign that he is from a new enemy tribe the Apache strings an arrow onto his bow and takes aim. Taking a few breaths he unleashes the arrow and it goes sailing through the air.
The Maori is taken by surprise when the arrow lands literally inches from his feet. Jumping up in surprise he looks ahead and spots the Apache stringing another arrow.
Realizing he's under attack the Maori picks up his mere and charges towards the native American. The Apache tries to go for another shot but the Polynesian warriors comes to close for comfort and he tosses his bow aside drawing his knives.
The two warriors meet in a test of strength as they wrestle for dominance. The Maori larger size plays in his favor and he manages to headbutt the Apache sending his reeling back against a tree trunk.
With his opponent dazed he raises the mere high and brings it down only for the Apache to swing his knife upwards and slices into his forearm. The searing pain causes the Maori to drop his mere and he quickly takes his wahaika strapped to his belt.
He sees the Apache go for a thrust with his knife and he brings his wahaika forward and the blade gets caught inside the notch. With a simple twist the knife is flung out of the Apache's grip.
Seeing this the Apache kicks the Maori backwards and runs off into the foliage. Landing on his rear end the Maori shakes his head and looks up to see the Apache has disappeared from sight.
Not wanting to wait for his dinner he rushes back to his little improvised camp and scoops up his hoeroa and gets into position ready to throw. He waits for a few minutes when suddenly the Apache comes charging out of the brush with his war club drawn and shield in hand.
Closing one eye he takes a moment to try to get the perfect aim but the Apache comes too close and he is forced to hurl it. The whale bone spear striking the rawhide shield causing the Apache to toss it aside.
Turning around to pick up his taiaha he swings around with the weapon held outward hoping to hit the Apache only for the native American to roll under it.
The Apache stops rolling and ends up on his back he looks up to see the Maori thrust the taiaha's sharpened end down. He raises the war club and bats it away.
With his opening, he quickly gets to his knees and swings the war club hitting the Maori in his gut. The pain causing him to double over with a grunt. Filled with bravado the Apache then raises his war club high and brings it down only for the Maori to recover and swing the taiaha's blunt end at the war club breaking the handle.
Grunting in anger the Apache tosses the broken shaft at the Maori who only bats it away. With only one weapon left the native American draws his tomahawk and both warriors then circle each other.
The Apache points his finger at the Polynesian warrior and does a slicing motion across his neck. Showing no fear the Maori then sticks his tongue out at the Apache.
With that the two warriors then charge each other and meet again in another test of strength. The Apache tries to shove the Maori away but again, the Maori's larger size plays in his favor and he quickly swings the taiaha's blunt end striking the Apache across the face sending him spiraling downwards.
With his opponent downwards the Maori goes to finish the fight by raising his taiaha and bringing the sharp end down. The Apache however rolls out of the way and with great speed swings the tomahawk deep into the Maori's back.
Screaming in pain the Maori tries in vain to shove the native American warrior away but the Apache just ducks and brings the tomahawk down onto the Maori's collarbone shattering it and cutting into his body. He follows up with by grabbing the Maori's forearm and brings the tomahawk down.
The axe head cutting deep down into the bone. The pain becomes too much for the Polynesian warrior and he is forced to relinquish his grip on the taiaha.
The Apache tosses the taiaha away and follows through with another hack into the Maori's and in severe pain the Maori tries one more time and goes for a headbutt but the Apache just smacks his head away sending him to his knees.
Smiling at his upcoming victory, the Apache smirks before walking away a few feet while twirling his tomahawk in his hand. Suddenly he turns around and tosses the tomahawk.
The weapon flies through the air before embedding itself into the Maori's face cutting vertically from the crown of his skull down the bridge of his nose.
The Maori twitches before his body falls over.
With his enemy dead the Apache raises his fists into the air shouting his signature war cry.
XXXXXX
Winner: Apache
Apache: 509
Knives: 206
Tomahawk: 199
Bow & Arrow: 40
War Club: 64
Maori: 491
Mere: 200
Taiaha: 204
Hoeroa: 1
Wahaika: 86
X-Factors
Training: 80/Training: 79
Ferocity: 88/Ferocity: 93
Endurance: 89/Endurance: 87
Killer Instinct: 93/Killer Instinct: 95
Physicality: 90/Physicality: 92
Intimidation: 90/Intimidation: 91
Armor Failure Rate
Rawhide Shield: 5% - No Shield
Following a brutal and gruesome back and forth battle between two very fearsome and deadly tribal warriors. It would be the Apache who achieves a narrow victory. His knives, tomahawk and bow are what contributed to his win getting him 50.9%. The Maori was easily the greatest challenge he has ever faced as the he was able to match the Apache in close range with his mere, taiaha and wahaika getting him 49.1%.
''It was a good battle. Despite the Maori being so much larger the Apache's weapons proved to be just as versatile if not more than the Maori's. Not to mention that the Apache's bow and skill with it allowed him to take the Maori down before he even came close. You got to admit regardless of the winner the battle as freaking awesome!'' DAM explained
(The Apache is scalping the Maori's corpse, raising it high into the air he sighs in happiness at the newest trophy for his collection at home. He then scoops up the wahaika, taiaha and mere and begins the long journey home.)