"Slow Burn"(def.): an attraction for someone that is not instant, but grows over time.
-x-
Chapter Fourteen: Proceed With Caution
-x-
She wished this conversation would have taken place an hour ago, maybe even a day ago.
Preferably a week ago.
But right now was the one time she wished it wasn't happening.
She was too emotional and too confused.
Though the last one seemed like a permanent state of mind these days. And everything about Yamato Ishida was confusing to her.
Sometimes, that fact thrilled her (though she could never admit it) because it was like seeing a whole other side to him. Almost as if she could separate him into two people, Matt who was her friend, who she had known her whole life and this other person—Yamato, who was enigmatic and puzzling, responsible for rousing all these new feelings inside of her that she had no name or place for.
Matt was her comfortable place, her safe space. The thing she clung to when everything else around her was blowing away. And nothing in the world would compare to that, nothing would ever mean more than him.
But then there was Yamato, devastatingly handsome and completely enamoring. The one that would plague her dreams with soft caresses and sinful kisses, leaving her hot and breathless. The guy that she had this indescribable attraction to, that was more instinctual than rational, animalistic rather than logical. She was drawn to him unwillingly, like a moth to a flame, even though every inch of her knew she would get burned.
It was easier to come to terms with these new, foreign feelings clawing inside her chest when she compartmentalized him this way.
Easier just to give in.
Because she was so tired of fighting the war that raged in her mind, continuously, arduously, incessantly.
But the distinction only extended as far as her imagination because right now, standing in front of her, was both Matt and Yamato.
And they were exactly the same.
Perhaps if she could make the discernment right now, she wouldn't be feeling tingly all over her body. She wouldn't have a somersaulting stomach or an overzealously beating heart. She wouldn't notice his perfectly chiseled face, his carelessly tousled blonde hair, his broad shoulders or those smoldering pools of ocean blue.
She would just see Matt.
And she definitely wouldn't feel those slight pangs of arousal in places she was too mortified to admit.
Just the thought of it had a hot blush rising from her neck.
"Can we go somewhere quieter?" He yelled over the music.
Mimi shrugged a shoulder, "Whatever." She said coolly, because regardless of how sexy she might find him right now she was still really mad at him.
And she wasn't going to make this easy on him.
His eyes travelled around the room, before he surprised her by taking her wrist in his hand and gently pulling her behind him. She stumbled a few steps forward before she was able to keep up with his quickened pace.
And from somewhere in the corner Sora, who'd watched the entire exchange, met the eyes of a wild haired brunette across the room. She gave him a nod, before excusing herself from Sam's company.
They met somewhere in the middle, both of them watching their pair of friends retreating into the back of the house. "Well, what do you know." Tai mentioned to the redhead.
Sora took a sip of her drink, "The ice seems to be thawing." She said.
"What do you think will come outta this?" Tai asked, genuinely concerned.
Sora shrugged. "They live in extremes, all or nothing—it's always been that way, hasn't it?" She only half asked, because they both knew it was true. Matt and Mimi had gone from barely acknowledging each other's existence, to becoming inseparable (well, metaphorically, at least) and no one could really put their finger on what had happened in between. "So the way I see it, it'll either be really good or really bad." And Sora sincerely hoped for the former because she wasn't sure if their seemingly fragile friendship could handle another devastating blow so soon.
It was straining the four of them as well, their hang outs now few and far between and she hated that. Mimi, Matt and Tai were so much more to her than childhood friends, they were the closest thing she ever had to a real family.
"Stairway to heaven or highway to hell." Tai let out a dry chuckle.
When she didn't say anything, he looked over at her, noticing the creases lining her forehead. "Hey." He gently put a hand on her shoulder, "Don't worry so much, they'll be alright." He said honestly.
"But how do you know that?" She asked him, practically pleading for reassurance.
He turned her to face him, both hands on her shoulders now. "Because I would never let anything happen to us." He promised through fierce brown eyes.
She believed him before the words had fully left his mouth, because underneath that playboy façade was still the same Tai who had never, in his life, let her down.
She felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude towards him then, not for anything specific but just for who he had always been. Their de-facto leader through all of life's trials. It couldn't have been an easy job, being responsible for everyone else, being brave in the face of everything that had been thrown at them, holding them all together and keeping himself from falling apart at the same time.
Without wasting another second she put her arms around his neck, "Thank you." She whispered, and even over the pulsating music and noisy chatter she was sure he heard her.
Matt led Mimi through the living room and the kitchen and the makeshift bar area, through the glass doors and out to the patio. But as soon as he had closed the door behind them, he regretted the decision, the chilly November air biting at his skin instantly.
He felt even worse for dragging her out here, seeing goosebumps puckering on her bare arms. Strangely, she had yet to complain about it, instead wearing a faraway expression in her eyes.
He slid his arms out of his leather jacket, putting it around her shoulders. He knew if she hadn't been so cold she would have protested, she was mad at him after all. But she accepted it wordlessly as he pulled down the sleeves of his crewneck sweater.
She welcomed the weight and warmth of his jacket, but hated how his scent immediately assaulted her senses. She could knew her feelings of resentment were beginning to ebb out of her and she wanted to hold on to them. Anger and resentment were much safer than all the other things she was feeling for him right now.
It didn't help that his scent on this jacket was like catnip to her right now.
"Sorry for bringing you out here."
"And that's all your sorry for?" She raised a brow.
He pulled a hand through his blonde hair. "Well, no. Obviously not." He mumbled. "I was going to get to that."
"Then get to it."
"Look, of course I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately." He admitted. "I know I haven't been much of a friend to you lately but you have to know it wasn't on purpose."
"Wasn't it?" She asked. "I mean it's what you do, Matt. The second things get a little uncomfortable you bolt." She rolled her eyes.
"Okay, yeah you're right." He sighed. "But it's not because I'm trying to hurt you or because I'm particularly angry with you. I was just… put off by everything."
A bitter laugh escaped her. "Because it's all about you?" She shook her head. "I mean seriously, Matt. I don't get you anymore. It's like one minute you're all about being friends and you wanna make music together and it's like everything is back to normal and then the next minute you're just gone." She felt it all spilling out of her, coming out like word vomit she couldn't control. "And because of what? A date? Ryo? Because I am having a lot of trouble believing that that's all it would take for you to decide to ice me out like that. No, seriously, what the hell could I have done that was so bad that you legit stopped speaking to me!" She demanded.
Matt was a little stunned by her outburst, he hadn't been on the other side of a royally-pissed-off Mimi rant in a long time. It caught him off guard, he didn't know how to respond because everything he had carefully crafted to say was practically inadequate. He had half been expecting to sweep this under the rug the way they had done everything else lately. But clearly Mimi had other plans.
"It, it wasn't like that." He defended feebly.
"Really? Then I guess I must've I imagined the whole thing."
"No, Mimi. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that it was an uncomfortable situation for me and I just wanted some time away from you to get over it."
"But why?" She implored. "Why was it even something that you needed to 'get over.' Because I know the date part isn't what mattered to you, you made that really clear to me. Like I get that what happened hadn't been ideal but was it such a big deal that you couldn't even talk to me afterwards? It's not like I brought him there to—
"I lied, okay! I fucking lied." He interrupted her out of frustration.
The sudden exclamation made her jump, "Lied? Lied about what?" She asked, brows furrowed.
"When I said I didn't care about you being on a date, I lied." His head was reeling, everything was in a state of flux.
Her eyes widened, mouth popping open into an 'O'
"I…I didn't think it would matter, but…it did." His voice was low and she could hear the uncertainty that burdened it.
For the first time since she had come back, she felt like she wasn't crazy for everything she had been feeling.
"What…what does that mean?" She asked in a small, dazed voice.
He swallowed down his fear, the anxiety, that voice in the back of his mind telling him that he shouldn't, under any circumstances, answer that question. "That, that seeing you with someone else matters to me, Mimi." He said gruffly. "Actually, it really sucks."
"But, you slept with Zoe." She said, her voice barely above a whisper.
He winced at the mention of it, "I know and that was stupid. And I'm sorry." He said, his voice ridden with guilt.
"Would you ever have told me?"
"Honestly?"
"Yes, honestly."
He let out a sigh, his breath coming out in short, smoky puffs. "No, never." He raised a shoulder.
"Why?" She asked, not because it was something the sort of thing they usually shared with each other but because she needed something more than that.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, aside from the obvious reasons. It's because if it were the other way around, and I'm sure it will be at some point." He added with a grunt. "I never want to know, Mimi." He gave her a hard stare.
Mimi sucked in a deep breath, feeling as if she was going to suffocate. She felt as if she'd gone numb from the inside out.
She was assaulted with a barrage of memories from the morning she had walked into the loft. And for some reason, it almost hurt more now after hearing everything he'd just said to her, than it had when it happened.
"I care about you, Mimi. I was never trying to hurt you." He laid a hand over her cheek. "It kills me that I did, you know that don't you?"
She stared at him through thick lashes, "Do you like her?" She asked him, deliberately avoiding his question. "Because she likes you, Matt."
He shook his head, "I…no, I don't like her, I barely know her." He said honestly.
"But you're open to liking her, aren't you?" She could practically feel her heart breaking as she waited for his answer.
But she had to know, because nowhere in this conversation had he said anything about caring for her as more than a friend. He didn't even hint at it and for some reason, it was as if the moment had passed. If there had been a time for grand gestures and romantic revelations, it was gone now.
"I…" He stared into those familiar hazel eyes.
She was so beautiful, it was hard to focus on anything else. Her caramel waves and her rosy cheeks and wet lips. Her adorably tiny frame wrapped in his overly large jacket.
"I need to know, Matt." She didn't say anymore, he had to know why she was asking.
It was just torturous to make her spell it out.
There was no easy answer because what she was asking what she really meant were very different.
Because he knew as well as she did, sleeping with someone wasn't nearly as serious as dating them. One was purely physical and with the way he had been that night it could have been with anyone. But what she had with Ryo was different, it was the beginning of something.
It had potential.
And he didn't want to ruin that for her, but he didn't want to push her away either.
"No. Not if it means hurting you."
She squeezed her eyes shut, "If it didn't?" She asked hoarsely, barely holding in her tears. "If it didn't hurt me? Then would you be?"
Matt took her face between his hands, "It isn't important." He told her.
These were the moments where it got hard to tell apart the feelings he had for her, especially hard when she was standing in front of him looking so thoroughly kissable with her pink pouty lips and sultry hazel eyes. He could see himself doing it too, kissing her and holding her and everything else.
But what if their chemistry only extended as far as friendship, what if the reason they were so drawn to each other was partly because this unexplored part of their relationship was so shrouded in mystery. This idyllic, air around what could be.
How about if the real thing was underwhelming and distorted, then they'd be too far gone to ever come back.
This girl meant damn near everything to him, he just couldn't lose her.
But for some reason, letting her leave right now to be with someone else felt a lot like losing her too and he just couldn't ignore the jealousy that raged inside him when he thought about that.
All of a sudden, it felt like too much pressure. As if they were standing at the brink of something, looking over the edge of a cliff. There was no end in sight and all he could see below him was a dark, cavernous abyss. And so here it was, the precipice of their relationship, everything they had so carefully built coming to a head. He saw his two choices so clearly in front of him, continue to stand safely on the edge of that cliff. Or take a leap and hope for the best.
And maybe the outcome would be beautiful, all their doubts and questions being put to rest so completely, they would finally find resolution. It would be all blue skies and rosy sunsets and fields of gold.
But then there was the other outcome of what could be. The one that ended in a blazing fire of destruction.
And truly there was no way to know which would be their fate.
She gave him a small, sad smile, "This is stupid." She withdrew herself from him, turning her body so her back was to the glass door.
"I just want things to go back to the way they were." He said openly, shoulders slumping.
She tucked a few loose waves behind her ear, "Yeah, I do too." And she did, most of the time. But then there were times when she thought about how much better things might be if they gave into what they were feeling.
But she knew she couldn't just jump into something with him on a whim. He wasn't some guy she had met on a blind date, he was the guy who had been in her life through some of the happiest and hardest times she'd ever faced. The one who knew most of her secrets and had kept them to this day. Who would answer her manic phone calls at three in the morning. And always wished her Happy Birthday at twelve AM on the dot.
And he was always there for her, no matter what happened, she could rely on him.
Still, with all her logic and reasoning telling her to bury these feelings forever, a question steadfastly remained.
But what if I love him?
"So what do we do now?"
And for that he had no answer, from her helpless tone he knew she didn't either. So instead, he drew his eyes away from her, following her stare to the indigo night sky. Where the stars gazed down at them mournfully.
After all, seldom did star crossed lovers have happy endings.
-x-
The conversation left her dazed, feeling as though it had done nothing but raise more questions in her already confused mind. As though she were no closer to figuring out a solution to her predicament than she had been before.
And even though the ice had thawed between them, things didn't feel the same.
Something told her they never would again.
Mimi navigated through the crowd, convinced she should find Ryo at least that would distract her from her Matt problem for a while. But when she saw Tai and Sora off to the side, she couldn't help but go to them instead. Perhaps Ryo would provide a distraction, but it was nothing in comparison to the comfort she felt being around her friends.
"This party is kinda lame." Tai mentioned once she had caught up to them.
Sora sighed, "I'd have to agree with you." She said ungrudgingly. "Parties are so not my scene." She relented with a sigh.
She tried, mostly for Sam's sake, to have fun at these typical, exclusive, useless parties that were thrown by the privileged youth of TU but they were all the same.
Redundant, with the same blueprint outlining the events that would partake through the night.
And, Mimi, who'd originally thought this party would've been a good time, now couldn't wait to get the hell out of here. "Should we bail?" She asked.
Tai and Sora exchanged glances, "It's not the worst idea I've heard all night." The redhead spoke first.
A thoughtful look crossed the brunette's face, "We could take a cab back to the loft, I wouldn't mind having a quiet night in, just the four of us." He said.
She inwardly winced at the word four, because being in close quarters with Matt didn't seem like a very good idea right now. But then, they all hadn't hung out in so long she felt traitorous to decline.
Especially since Tai was the one suggesting it, normally he would never miss the opportunity to party.
Sora perked up at the suggestion, "I'll go get my coat." She said quickly.
"Well that didn't take much convincing." Mimi laughed.
"Yeah, she might be dating the captain of the soccer team but she's still Sora after all."
Mimi pulled out her phone, thumbing through her texts.
Hey, Sora wasn't feel too great so we left, sorry!
She knew she probably should have made some sort of effort to find Ryo instead of texting him goodbye, but it just felt so much easier to be standing here next to Tai. If she didn't have to face Ryo and his adorable green eyes, she wouldn't have to feel even worse about everything that was clouding her mind.
His reply came almost instantly,
Where are you, did you already leave?
She groaned inwardly
Not yet, almost.
Tai had disappeared, Sora still wasn't back yet and even though she wasn't sure if she wanted to be alone with Matt again, it might be better than having to make up some lame excuse for her early departure to Ryo's face.
Her phone vibrated again.
Can you wait a minute? I wanna see you before you leave.
Now that she thought about it, she hadn't seen the soccer star in a really long time. What had he been doing this entire time? Where was he now? He hadn't bothered texting her to ask her where she was or made an effort to find her. For all his profound confessions and seemingly uninhibited candidness, he sure wasn't concerned much about her tonight. And she had been too preoccupied with other things to realize it before, but now it was really beginning to tick her off.
Why was it that he could be so caring and genuine when they were alone, yet became inattentive and uninterested in a crowd?
This is why I don't do athletes, she rolled her eyes.
She didn't bother answering his text, feeling herself begin to question his whereabouts and motives with every passing second. Maybe it was because residual uneasiness she felt after coming to terms (sort of) with her situation with Matt.
Luckily, she didn't have much of a chance to dwell on it because Sora was back, with Matt trailing behind her. Tucked under his arm was her long, cream coat which she had forgotten all about in her haste. But it was cold outside and she allowed herself to feel an ounce of gratitude towards the blonde.
"Ready?" Sora asked perkily.
Mimi nodded.
Matt came around behind her, slipping the coat over her shoulders much like he'd done so many times before. She looked over her shoulder, her hesitant gaze meeting his turbulent eyes as his hand traveled over her arms for a moment. He then put a hand on the small of her back and led her towards the exit. And all she could remember thinking was no matter how uncertain things were, how incredibly chaotic her thoughts were, how jumbled her emotions seemed to be, nothing felt more reassuring than his touch.
-x-
Ace of Spades was a game that Matt and Tai had made up sometime during their sophomore year of high school. It involved a bottle of cheap whiskey (or rum or sake, whatever they could get their hands on) and a deck of cards. Where a card was given to each person, then flipped over to determine who had the lowest number. Two of the same number were decided by suits, diamonds being the lowest, then clubs after that was hearts and finally the spade.
And by that logic, the lowest card in the game was the two of diamonds, highest being the Ace of Spades.
At the end of each round scores were tallied and the member with the smallest card was subjected to two things, a straight shot from the bottle in the middle (the amount of alcohol chosen by the winner) plus a choice between answering a personal question or taking a chance on being given something to do.
The game would be over if someone drew the Ace of Spades, after which that player would be King able to dictate what every other player was supposed to do.
A new twist on an old game.
They had decided to play it tonight, though Mimi didn't think it was a very good idea given the fact that she could hardly trust herself around Matt sober, she shuddered to think what her mind would be like when she was drunk. But it hadn't been just the four of them in so long and she had missed being able to have fun with her best friends.
They all looked genuinely happy too, even Matt who was more at ease now than she had seen him in the last few weeks.
By the fourth round, Mimi and Sora gave each other hi fives for not having yet to take a drink while Tai was on his third loss and Matt was snickering at his sheer bad luck.
"It's rigged." Tai complained, grabbing a throw pillow from the couch.
Sora shuffled the deck, "Of course it is, sore loser." She rolled her eyes.
Tai dropped the pillow on Mimi's lap before dropping his head on it as well.
Sora stretched out her toes to the side, as Matt laid vertical with his head propped up on his hand.
The redhead handed out a card to each of them.
Matt turned out his card with a smirk, revealing a Jack of Spades.
He knew he wasn't going to be taking any truths or dares for this round.
Sora relinquished her card, Nine of Hearts.
Mimi hissed as she shoved a Four of Hearts into the fray.
And finally, Tai with a grin, revealed a Ace of Clubs.
He rubbed his hands together diabolically, "Drink up, princess." He poured out a very hearty shot for the brunette, handing it to her mischievously.
Mimi wrinkled her nose at the dark liquid. "Seriously, Tai. This is so not a shot, it's like three!" She shoved his shoulder.
He just laid back down, "So, what'll it be?" He stared up at her, waggling his eyebrows.
She held her nose and drank the shot at once, shaking out a full body shiver as the liquid warmed her all the way down. "Do your worst, Kamiya." She said, a fearless glint in her eye.
"Eat the pizza that's been sitting in the back of the fridge for three weeks." He smirked.
Mimi almost threw up in her mouth just thinking about it.
"You're insane, that shit probably has mold on it." She was horrified.
"Yamato, would you do the honors?" Tai was undeterred.
"Sorry, Meems. Rules are rules." The blonde shrugged.
Mimi shot Sora a helpless look, "Any intervening from you would be appreciated, best friend." She implored.
The redhead shook her head, "I'm outnumbered!" She defended, by which time Matt had returned with the pizza.
Sure enough, there was something green and suspicious growing on the side of it. "Bon appetit, Miss Tachikawa." Tai got up, grinning like a maniac.
"Hey, we've eaten worst in the digital world, M." Sora offered feebly.
Mimi lifted the slice, eyeing warily as if expecting for something to come out and eat her instead. "Tai, can you just ask me something instead." She wasn't past begging.
"Too late, princess." He said. "It's just a bite, do it and get it over with." He took a swig from the bottle just for the hell of it, before handing it to the blonde.
Matt knew better than to refuse Tai, so he just took it and took a swig as well, wincing at the bitter taste in his mouth.
Mimi closed her eyes, willing the old pizza in her mouth. It tasted like a mix of old cheese and cardboard and something very disgusting she didn't want to think about. When she finally swallowed it, she suppressed a gag before shoving the plate back at Matt.
"You are so dead, Kamiya." She glared.
Sora gave out the cards.
Four of Clubs for Matt.
Sora breathed out a sigh of relief when she turned over a Six of Diamonds.
Mimi saw a Five of Spades but gave Matt a satisfied grin in knowing he still held the lowest card.
"Yipee!" Tai slammed a King of Diamonds and pumped his fist. "Two in a row. Looks like my luck's turned around." He tried placing his head back in Mimi's lap but she shoved him off.
"Truth…or Dare, Ishida." He handed Matt the bottle.
Matt pushed his hair out of his eyes, "Let's mix it up with a question." He said carelessly.
"Where do you keep your diary?"
Sora and Mimi collapsed into a fit of giggles and the vein in the side of Matt's forehead jumped to signal his annoyance.
"And don't bother saying you don't have one, I know you do."
Matt took a long gulp, feeling the alcohol burn its way down his esophagus.
"It's a fucking journal." He grunted. "In my sock drawer."
Tai looked like a kid on Christmas morning, while Sora and Mimi couldn't stop laughing. "Do you think Matt takes a class on how to be the perfect brooding musician?" The redhead ribbed.
"Ah yes, Tortured Artist 101—they offer it in the spring, don't they?" The brunette held her stomach, wiping the corner of her eyes.
"Haha, very funny. Keep 'em coming, assholes." Matt said sarcastically.
The three continued to laugh until Sora began to deal out the cards again.
Matt was safe with a Ten of Clubs.
Sora seemed okay, a solid Eight of Spades.
Mimi squealed at the sight of the Queen of Hearts, wondering if she would get to extract her revenge on the soccer star.
But Tai managed to stay alive, dramatically dropping a Ten of Spades into the pile.
Sora groaned.
"No one can be lucky forever, Red."
Sora rolled her eyes, "Go easy on me." She requested the brunette.
"Don't worry, you're not the one who will feel my wrath." She poured a shot for Sora who took it back like a champ.
"Ask me anything." She said a bit breathlessly.
Mimi tapped her chin, "A secret that none of us know about?" She raised a brow.
Sora was pensive for a few minutes, during which Matt and Tai exchanged the bottle between themselves.
"I had night terrors." She confessed in a small voice. "After we got back from the digital world. They were really bad, always the same thing with a different ending. Someone dying. Everyone dying. They would be so vivid I would wake up screaming. At one point my mom got so worried she sent me to a psychiatrist, one we definitely couldn't afford, but she just wanted me to feel better." She chewed her lip, her heart thumping against her ribcage so hard it was making her nauseous.
Mimi reached over, placing her hand over Sora's thigh.
"I guess, I guess we never really talked about any of it, you know? Everything we saw and had been through. I felt so…damaged after we came back. Like there was a part of me that I had lost somewhere." She continued, her voice was level but ghosts of the past floated through her eyes. "The therapist didn't help much, I wasn't really comfortable talking to a stranger about things that were otherwise so imaginary, delusional even. I was afraid she'd have me committed so I told my mom I wouldn't go back after the first session."
"Why didn't you say anything?" It was Matt, and he sounded angry. "To any of us? To me." He all but demanded in a gruff voice. "Sora, there was no way I would have let you go through that alone if I'd known."
Sora shook her head, "I know, Matt. It wasn't about you. I just didn't know what to say." She sounded a little ashamed. "Everyone else just seemed relatively well adjusted, our lives were finally getting back to normal. I didn't want to bring everyone down. After all, it just seemed so silly to get everyone worked up over a few nightmares."
His brows furrowed. "You were wrong for that, Sora." He seemed genuinely disappointed, but Mimi knew Matt well enough to know it wasn't in Sora, he was disappointed in himself. "You should have told me." He repeated.
"I'm sorry, guys." Sora apologized, looking at all three of them on by one. "I really thought I'd be able to get through it on my own, that eventually they'd go away. I really didn't want to burden anyone with more bad news." She sighed.
"Sora…" Mimi said softly.
"How'd they end?" Tai asked, his voice strangely calm. "Did they end?" He asked, Mimi looked at him quietly, taking in his stoic features. His eyes that were normally so expressive and full of mirth, right now unreadable.
Sora nodded, "It was Jyou." She said with a small, fond smile. "He uh, he saw me one day drawing under that big Sakura tree outside of Miraikan." She remembered. "I don't know, something about the way he had looked at me that day made me burst into tears. Perhaps it was because of how distant we had all become at that time, or because I hadn't seen him in so long but I don't know, something just snapped. I told him everything about the night terrors and how I hadn't been sleeping and he just… he listened, so patiently." She finished.
Mimi saw some of the tension draining from Matt's face, she knew he was relieved that someone was able to give Sora the kind of emotional support she had needed at the time.
She was too, it killed her to think about how horrible that time had been for her—feeing so alone and helpless.
She crawled over to the redhead, enveloping her into a warm hug. "Love you, Sor." She whispered.
Sora let out a chuckle. "I love you too, M." She said gently.
"Sorry you had to drudge all that up, just so you know the dare I had planned for you was much easier." She joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
Sora shook her head, "Nah, it's okay. I'm honestly glad I told you guys and I know now that I probably should have told you back then too."
Matt nodded tightly, feeling a sense of self-loathing wash over him. He should have known, he should have been there for her. He thought back on it, all the signs had been present, he just had been too preoccupied with himself to really notice. She was so strung out, always looking exhausted and disheveled. Her smiles were hollow and her eyes were empty.
Really, she shouldn't have even had to say anything at all—he should have known.
Some friend he was.
His participation in the game was half-hearted after that, he hadn't gotten up and left solely because he didn't want to make Sora feel as if she chased him away by laying all that out. It was the opposite, Sora was courageous for telling them about her demons. He admired her for it. He just hated himself for not being a friend when she had needed had one the most.
By the end of it, Tai had streaked bare ass around the block. Mimi had confessed to stealing lip gloss from Sephora when she was fourteen, something that still haunted her to this day. And Matt told them a particularly embarrassing anecdote about his father catching a pornography tab open on his laptop when he was sixteen, he could barely finish the story over Tai's loud guffaws.
Somewhere in the middle the girls had raided the boys closets and chosen sleepwear that suited them, Sora had on a pair of Tai's loose practice red shorts and the tank top she'd been wearing underneath her sweater. While Mimi had opted for one of Matt's old teenage wolves bad tees, that had the sleeves missing and cut off midthigh. She'd always been a pants optional kind of girl, so she decided the shirt that was practically a dress on her wasn't too scandalous without bottoms.
When it was clear that the game was over, they'd thrown on a movie but when Sora was softly snoring ten minutes in, Tai had announced that maybe they should all call it a night. A quick glance at the time told them it was well past four in the morning.
Tai scooped the redhead into his arms.
"You can put her in my room, the girls can share my bed—I'll take the couch." Matt offered.
"Matt don't worry about it, we can seriously sleep out here, it'll be fine." Mimi protested, though she was hoping he wouldn't take her up on it.
Matt sent her a disbelieving glance, "How gracious of you, Mimi. But it's fine. One night on the couch won't kill me." He told her.
Sora shifted in Tai's arms, her face buried deeper into his shirt. He gave an appreciative nod to Matt, before disappearing down the hall.
He carefully laid her in Matt's bed, pulling the comforters over her. "I'm sorry I let you down, Red." He throat constricting painfully. "It will never happen again." And with that, he pressed a soft kiss into her forehead.
Her hand reached out to grab his, "You didn't…you never do." She mumbled drunkenly. "I love you, Tai."
His eyes widened, his entire body going stiff as his heart lodging itself in his throat. But as quickly as the panic had set in, it left him. This was Sora, of course she loved him and he loved her too. It was the same platonic love he'd had for her since he was a kid, it wasn't the same as the other kind, though. The kind that would have sent him running for the hills. Letting out a sigh of relief, he slipped his hand out of hers and softly padded out of the room.
-x-
Mimi cleaned up the deck of cards from the floor as Matt rearranged the pillows that had been thrown around haphazardly through the night.
She could tell he was tense and she was certain what he was mulling over.
Matt wasn't exactly an open book, but there were times when she knew exactly what he was thinking.
"You don't need to blame yourself about what happened with Sora, I know you do but you shouldn't." She mentioned quietly.
His head snapped up from where he had started cleaning a spill on the carpet. "I, yeah…" He trailed off. "It just sucks because I should have been a better friend to her. I owed her as much." He scrubbed the spot harder.
"You feel friendships more deeply, don't you?" She knew the answer to that, he was given that crest to bare for a reason. "As in, you feel responsible for them?" When he didn't say anything, she shook her head. "Regardless, I think you should know that Sora would never blame you for not knowing she needed someone to talk to. Just like I know she doesn't blame me. Don't beat yourself up over it, Matt. You're an amazing friend, you always have been." She finished brightly, tidying up the small wooden table.
"Thank you." He said simply, hoping her conveyed to her how much he needed her to say those things to him.
How grateful he was to hear it.
She didn't say anything else, just shot him a radiant smile that practically knocked all the air out of his lungs.
This girl was either an angel or the devil himself, and he wasn't sure which he preferred.
Mimi grabbed the almost finished bottle of whiskey, "Jeez, this was not how I thought this night was going to go." She mentioned, swirling around the liquid at the bottom.
When she got to her feet she felt the effects of it, wobbling back and forth for a minute. Matt had rushed forward but she held a hand up. "Don't worry, I'm fine. Just got up too quickly." But actually, she was pretty drunk.
Not that it should have come as a surprise.
Slowly, she walked towards the kitchen, almost empty bottle still in hand. Matt trailed behind her, empty cups in his arms.
When he deposited the cups into the garbage, he noticed the bottle still in her grasp.
"Finish it off." He said, nodding towards it.
"No way." She already felt unsteady on her feet but that was the least of her problems.
Being alone with him was worse.
"Fine, let's split it. Why let it go to waste?" He dropped the cups into the garbage can before walking back towards her.
This air is getting so thin
go down, go down, go down
She could see it on his face, in his low lidded eyes, he was drunk and so was she. She took a few steps backwards, until her back was pressed against the counter top. And before she knew it, he was standing in front of her so close she could feel the heat radiating off of his body.
She wanted to ask him what he was doing, wanted to remind him of everything they had just talked about a mere few hours ago. But the words never came out, all she could think of was the proximity of his body to hers. How badly she wanted to feel his hands on her skin. How easy it would be to reach her head up and place her lips over his.
Her eyes met his, she saw all the same things in them that she knew she was feeling.
Lust. Temptation. Desire.
The honey whiskey's kickin' in
Go down, go down, go down
Without breaking eye contact, she wet her lips with her tongue—slow and tortuous with a knowing smirk ghosting over her features. She brought the bottle up languidly, taking a sip before pressing it into his chest.
Matt reached up, his fingers curling around hers as well as the neck of the bottle. Electricity shot through his fingertips at the slightest touch of their hands and he knew he wasn't in control of his own body anymore.
And it was the worst idea he had ever had, but right now he didn't care. He could taste the remnants of her vanilla lip gloss and there was something else that he wanted to be the taste of her that mingled with the harsh whiskey in his mouth. Once every single drop had been finished, he reached an arm around, placing the bottle on the counter top behind her.
I think I better go,
before I try something I might regret
Both his palms rested on either side of her now, caging her between the counter and his body. She wouldn't be able to leave now. But escaping was the last thing on her mind, in fact there was nothing on her mind except him.
Mimi felt emboldened, energized by the sparks crackling between them, her skin humming to life under his molten blue gaze. Something inside her had sprung to life, liberating her darkest inhibitions, encouraging her most sinister thoughts, her mind ignoring reality as it into the things that made up her fantasies.
She had wanted this for so long, she had ignored it for even longer—but he was here and he was in front of her and for the first time in a long time it didn't seem so complicated.
And maybe if she were in her right mind she would have thought this was the most terrible idea in the world but thankfully she wasn't and whatever repercussions may come, she would deal with them tomorrow.
Her eyes locked with his, daring him to move. Tantalizing him with a seductive smile. She shifted her weight, a bare leg rubbing against his as one of her fingers trailed over his exposed arms. "Your move, Ishida. What are you going to do?" She quirked an eyebrow at him, her husky voice sending all rational thoughts into oblivion.
"Depends on the rules, princess." He said smoothly.
"There are none." She raised her chin confidently.
"You might want to be wiser with your words, Mimi. Forgoing rules could get you into trouble."
She lowered his face so he was close enough to taste. "Maybe I want to." Her breath teased his ear lobe.
And if he'd had any doubts before, it was very clear now that she knew exactly what she was doing and was very aware of how much her actions affected him.
He suppressed a groan, "I've been wanting to do something for a really long time." He confessed, his voice was strained as he trailed a finger along the side of her face, feeling her shiver as he drew it over her neck.
She stood up on her tippy toes so she was pressed against him enough to where she could feel something rather hard pushing into her abdomen. "Do it then." She whispered across his lips.
And all at once, there was nothing he could do about the feral impulse that ripped through him. A hand was behind her head to steady her and his lips crashed down onto hers.
This black heart angel's calling
with kisses on my lips
there's poison in the water
and the words keep falling out
I think I better go
before I try something I might regret…
-x-
A/N: SORRY FOR TAKING A MONTH TO UPDATE. As always, I was confused about how and when and where to end this chapter. The beginning and end were kinda easy it was the damn middle that always trips me up. Yes, this chapter was Mimato heavy and YES THEY FINALLY KISSED (Spoiler alert, but not really since hopefully you've all read the chapter before reading this)
YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE SERIOUSLY I WAS SUPER CONFUSED IF I RUSHED THE KISS! But I really thought it was the right time.
I have a few references to get out of the way before I forget.
1. Stairway to Heaven and Highway to Hell are both songs (not mine)
2. Miraiken is a museum in Odaiba (I don't know if there's a big sakura tree outside of it, but I thought it made for good imagery.)
3. Sephora is a makeup store in the states.
I'm not sure if I missed anything, but feel free to ask me.
So it's currently 4:30AM here right now as I'm writing this so needless to say I'm not in the right mind to reply to the reviews, but I will do one of two things. Either I can reply to both Ch13reviews and this chapter's reviews in the next chapter, or I can PM you individually. Let me know what you would prefer in your review, I LOVE REPLYING AND TALKING AND CONVERSING WITH YOU GUYS SO SERIOUSLY TELL ME BECAUSE ITS LIKE WE'RE FRIENDS AND I FEEL WEIRD NOT PUTTING IT IN AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER LIKE I NORMALLY DO.
Sorry there's so many caps, and sorry I'm rambling so much, like I said it's 4freaking30 in the morning and I am so sleep deprived but I wanted to get this out because I love you guys and yeah.
So in case I haven't said it enough, THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU DO AND ALL YOUR CONTINUOUS SUPPORT AND LOVE AND MOTIVATION (oops there I go with the caps again) I swear I'm not yelling, I'm just excited.
Drop me a review and let me know what you though, I'm so sorry for this obscenely long A/N, I will totally understand if you ignored most of it.
Lastly, the song I used at the end is called Honey Whiskey by Nothing But Thieves, if you get the chance to reread that part with Matt and Mimi in the kitchen, play that song in the background—I swear it'll change the whole scene for you and you'll totally get the vibe I was going for.
Til next time!