Part 2: The Halstead brothers heal alone

It's the hybrid OR, Doctor Marcel has finished the surgery, there's still bloody gauze all over the floor, empty blood bags from the transfusions. A ventilator tube is still down Jay's throat, it'll be taken out soon but it was necessary for the invasive surgery. He's still mostly under the sedation but Will knows it'll only be a matter of time once he's settled in recovery that they'll drop the dose in his IV and wake him up. The relief of knowing Jay will be awake soon is comforting.

Two surgical nurses are helping clean Jay's bloodied body up some before he is taken to recovery.

It crosses Will's mind as he helps a nurse wash blood out of Jay's hair that his brother would have a fit if he knew he was on a vent.

He sighs tiredly, looking down at Jay's still too pale face. He rinses a matted patch of hair clean and tries to keep focused on the task but he keeps staring at all the wounds on his brother's face. He's already placed a butterfly closure on the open wound of the cheek. But even more bruises litter his body, scrapes in odd places. Will sighs deeply, running the back of his hand hand gently over Jay's forehead.

It must have hurt like hell. It must have been hell he went through...

When he glances back up, they are no longer in the Hybrid OR, cleaning Jay up but in the hospital morgue. Will looks down into his brother's cold, pale face. Washed clean of all blood and without the bright lights of a surgical area, the bruises seem to be glaring. His lips are blue, his freckles like lifeless dots. And then there's the whole in his chest that Will can't look away from. A large gaping wound that tears through his naked his chest. A thin white sheet covers his lower half.

Natalie Manning is standing at the other side of the slab.

"Do you think he's cold?" Will hears himself ask.

Natalie eyes him slowly before dropping her left hand with an engagement ring, that stupid engagement ring from that stupid guy who caused so much chaos a few months ago, on her finger to Jay's throat. "Time of death 13:05." Medical terms swirl through his mind but the thing that keeps repeating itself is his brother is dead...

Will wakes with a start, nearly jumping up from the recliner he had fell asleep in. Jay is laying on the couch, close by. His soft snores just barely heard over the tv. Will watches the rise and fall of his naked chest, stark white bandage covering the gunshot wound. The actual wound from the outside isn't terribly big, the gauze covering it just a standard square. Jay fidgets in his sleep, pushing the flannel blanket down some, more proof he's alive and mostly well.

He takes a shaky breath, it was all a dream, just a dream. Jay lived. Jay is alive. He's on the couch right here, asleep, and fine, except for the healing shoulder.

The nausea hits Will next and he pushes himself out of the recliner as quietly as possible. He stumbles as he makes his way to the bathroom and quickly splashes cold water on his face, hoping to settle the brewing feelings in his chest and stomach.

The tears soon follow. He cries silently, the pain of almost losing his brother a few days ago is still too real. Still too hard to think about. He's busied himself in looking after Jay. Camping out in his brother's apartment, making sure he's taking all of his meds, helping him shower, and keeping bandages changed. But it still feels like a sucker punch anytime his mind slips to the real possibility of Jay Halstead being dead.

"Will?" Jay's voice comes groggy and cracked from behind him.

Will clears his throat but doesn't turn around, not ready to face his brother. "Go lay back down, Jay."

"Will? What's wrong?" Jay asks, concern and alarm coming into his sleepy tone.

"It's okay. Everything is fine, just go lay back down." Will tries again and finally straightens up and turns to face him. The evidence of tears still there and he wipes hurriedly at his face when he notices Jay start to frown.

"Are you okay?" Jay asks quickly, he's leaning hard on the door frame but his eyes show his alertness. The dog has padded into the bathroom and lets out a soft whine, even he can sense Will's discomfort.

"I'm fine. It's nothing. I'm okay, just give me a minute?" Will tries but watches his brother's slumped shoulders.

"What's going on? Something is wrong. Do you need anything?" Jay questions and Will shakes his head.

He clears his throat and give himself a few seconds of controlled breaths. "Everything is okay, I'm good, I just need a second. You can go lay back down."

Jay stands up straighter and takes a step towards his Will and wraps his right arm around him, pulling him into a hug. Neither one

Up close Will inhales the scent of his brother's shampoo and carefully wraps his own arms around his brother. The tears start back and he rests his forehead on Jay's good shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Jay murmurs as he gently uses his left arm to hold onto Will.

"No, no Jay don't be sorry, okay?" Will says shifting to look Jay in the face. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You are okay and that's all that matters now. I just couldn't imagine losing you after losing dad. And it's still bothering me. I don't know... That day just keeps like repeating in my mind how close I came to losing you."

He drops his head back against Jay's shoulder as his brother remains silent. A moment passes as they stand holding onto each other, before Will speaks again. "We're all we have left, Jay. I was scared."

"I was scared too, Will." Jay finally says just above a whisper.

TBC!

Thank y'all for reading as always! And thanks for the all the comments/faves/follows!

This chapter feels angsty more than I intended to at first but it just didn't feel write being all cheery in the end... Anyways more to come soon!