Chapter 20
Friday, January 3rd, 2031
I wake up a little annoyed because I know that today we go back to Hogwarts, but I'm excited to be with my friends all the time again. Well, everyone but Xinia of course. Only joking...(maybe)
I quickly pack my bag and head downstairs for breakfast where Mum, Dad and Bailey are already there. We greet each with a smile, and Mum offers me a plate of waffles. I scoff it down before going to check I have everything I want and need.
Once Mum's made me triple-check that I have everything, we're finally ready to head off. We apparate to King's Cross and arrive on the platform at 10:50. I hug my parent's goodbye, ruffle the twins' hair, then rush off to find everyone.
It doesn't take long for the eight of us to find a carriage and settle down for the trip.
We all talk about what we have done during the holidays. I find out that George and Kimmy were in Edinburgh for a week, visiting family and celebrating New Years there.
The train ride seems to be shorter than last time, and we get back to Hogwarts a lot quicker than I expected. We mostly follow the older students as we get off, having travelled by boat last time.
We find carriages ready to travel the path up to Hogwarts, and we climb in. The three boys take one and us five girls take another.
I look around and notice the carriages ahead seeming to move on their own. I don't question it as we wait until I hear someone talking loudly. When I turn around to look, I'm not surprised to see Parkinson and his mates in the carriage behind us.
"What do you mean they're moving on their own?" he asks Pucey in confusion. "Can you not see the big ugly thing right there?"
I look towards where he's pointing and see nothing but air. I frown, wondering what Parkinson is going on about. I don't pay attention when Xinia gasps quietly as Parkinson notices us looking at him.
"Shove off blood traitors," he scowls at us.
"No, do continue," I smirk. "What are you imagining today?" I gesture towards the empty space he was pointing at before.
"Gone blind have you?" Parkinson smirks.
He doesn't notice his group giving him wary glances. Susie tugs on his robes and whispers something to him. He frowns then rolls his eyes, turning away from us.
Sensing the obvious dismissal, I roll my eyes and turn back to the girls. I frown when I see Xinia still looking at Parkson with an odd expression.
"Something in your eye?" Anica jokes, noticing her expression as well.
She shakes her head, eyes still not moving from Parkinson. I glance at the others and notice Ciena with a thoughtful expression, and Kimmy glancing between the two before seeming to realise something. I glance at Anica and notice her confusion.
"Care to enlighten us?" I ask, glad at least one person doesn't know what's going on.
"We found a book about Hogwarts at some point and decided to read it," Xinia explains. "It mentioned that the carriages seem to move on their own to most people, but some can see that a magical creature draws them."
I frown, glancing at the front of the carriage again. We had started to move, but I saw nothing drawing us.
"What sort of magical creature?" I ask, wondering why Parkinson could supposedly see it.
"A Thestral," Ciena answers. "They're like a horse, but with wings and a black skeletal body. Supposedly."
"So why can that git see them and we can't?" Anica questions.
"Well, to be able to see a Thestral, you have to have seen and comprehended death," Xinia turns her odd look on us.
Anica's eyes widen, and I gasp when I realise what she means.
"You mean Parkinson's seen someone die?" I ask quietly.
"He must have, and not know that we can't see them," Ciena says.
"I don't see why he would be going on about them if he knew," Kimmy explains.
I glance at Parkinson again and notice a blank expression on his face. I can't see what he's thinking.
After that, the ride is pretty quiet. When we reach the castle, we move into the Great Hall for dinner then head to bed, everyone too tired to stay up much later.
The weekend passes too quickly for my liking, and before we know it, we're thrown back into school.
We settle into our classes and daily routines quickly, and I find myself quickly falling into a familiar rhythm.
On the weekend and most days after classes, Tatum was calling us for Quidditch practices in order to prepare for the next game. The next match would be on the third weekend of February, and it's Slytherin versus Ravenclaw. Everyone is excited to see how it will go down, but between Anica and I's practices and Xinia's, we didn't have a lot of spare time with each other.
In the time that we did have, we continued to make changes and adjustments to the Marauder's Maps. We continue exploring the castle without its aid as well to find more classrooms, shortcuts and corridors.
Classes were getting harder, and schoolwork was piling up. Xinia was always on our backs - as was Ciena and Kimmy - about getting it all done. We weren't allowed to play games or have fun until everyone had finished their work. Only then would the three Ravenclaws let us be.
Tuesday, January 21st, 2031
When I woke up, it was because Anica was shaking me. I groaned and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I was about to ask why I had been woken up so early when it clicked. Today was my birthday! I grin when I spot Anica impatiently waiting for me to get up.
"Come on! Everyone's waiting for you!" she says once she notices that I'm awake. "Happy Birthday by the way."
I race to get ready before Anica pulls me down the stairs, out of the common room, and all the way to the Great Hall.
As we walk inside, I see Xinia, Ciena, Wyrene, Bailey, Xandler and Xander running over to us.
"Happy Birthday to you," they all try to sing in unison. "Happy Birthday to you."
Even though they sound terrible, I smile and laugh while Xinia moves my arms to conduct them all.
They finish the song with Xinia and Wyrene trying to add some harmony, which doesn't sound amazing. I applaud anyway receiving hugs from them all.
"Thank you guys," I grin.
"Oh, we're not finished!" Xinia smiles. "Hit it!"
I hear a muggle song that I recognise as 'Birthday' by someone called Katy Perry come on, and the doors behind me open. Anica then twists me around so I can see Dylan, Nick, George, and surprisingly, Fred, who each have a large cardboard cutout of a letter from my name.
At first, the letters are jumbled and spell G-A-N-E before Ciena sighs and moves Nick and Dylan into the right positions. I laugh as everyone shakes their heads at the boys.
The four boys dance around us before throwing the letters aside and moving to face us. They kneel on the ground, lip-syncing the words for a bit. I notice Fred looks a little embarrassed as they stand back up and each of them takes one of our hands. George takes Xinia's, Nick takes Anica's, Dylan takes Ciena's and Fred takes mine.
"Happy Birthday!" he says before he twirls me around.
I beam as the song starts to end.
"How did they even manage to convince you to do this?" I ask Fred.
He shrugs with an embarrassed smile.
"Xandler mostly. Although Xinia and Ciena threatened to take away all my books."
I wince.
"Harsh."
He laughs.
"Yeah. It's not all bad, though."
"Well, I'm glad. Everyone else seems more than happy to embarrass me in front of everyone; I wouldn't want you to be the odd one out."
He laughs as we join up with everyone else.
"Thank you for embarrassing me," I laugh.
"No problem!" Dylan and Nick grin.
"Come on, we have your presents in the Quidditch room," Xinia beckons impatiently.
"How long did you guys spend getting this ready?" I ask in amazement. "You know you didn't have to do this," I add.
"Oh, don't worry, it's nothing special," Anica reassures me. "And we expect something in return for our next birthday," she laughs.
When we reach the Quidditch room, I see a few presents on a small table.
I walk over to see that most people had put in gifts together. The top one was from my parents, and there was a smaller one from Jamie, Quinn, Bailey and Wyrene. Nick and Dylan, George and Kimmy and Xander and Xandler had gotten me a present between the two of them and Anica and Ciena got me separate gifts that they said went together. Xinia had also brought me one.
I gave everyone a big smile and thanked them all before opening them all.
My parents had gotten me a few clothes and some essentials I had been wanting, Nick and Dylan and George and Kimmy had brought me some Quidditch supplies and Xander and Xandler had gotten me Weasley's Wizard Wheezes products. Anica and Ciena got me sweets and a new quill and inkpot and Xinia got me some jewellery.
When I saw the present my siblings had gotten me I glared at the two that were present. They had wrapped one of Bailey's old textbooks from last year, and written a note on the wrapping paper.
To our little nerd, I read.
I bunch the paper up and throw it at them. They laugh as they duck out of the way.
"Thanks, guys," I tell the rest of the group. "The presents are great."
Just then, Ciena points at the table.
"What's that?" she asks.
I frown and look at where she's pointing. On the table is a small box wrapped in plain brown paper. I pick it up and inspect it, noticing the note attached to it.
We thought you might like this.
It's not signed, but I recognise the writing. It's the same as the writing on the letter from my birth parents.
"Who's it from?" Xinia asks curiously.
"No idea," I lie, pocketing it. "I'll look at it later."
She looks at me in suspicion, but I ignore it, putting on a wide smile.
"So I don't suppose there's a big surprise party or something later where you all admit how amazing I am and proclaim yourselves my servants for the rest of your lives?"
Everyone laughs and the present is forgotten. Unfortunately, we have to head to our first class of the day soon after, so we all head our separate ways.
The day goes by quick enough, and once all our classes are finished, we decide to head outside, and we spend the time before dinner talking and laughing and somewhat doing homework. Eventually, we head to the Great Hall for dinner.
We find a space at the Slytherin table, a little way down from the Staff table. Unfortunately, Parkinson's group had also taken a seat at the table. We did our best to ignore them - laughing and talking amongst ourselves, but of course, Parkinson interrupted.
"Oh, look!" he exclaims. "If it isn't the birthday girl," he drawls.
I bite my tongue to stop a sarcastic remark. I try to ignore him, but he persists.
"I wonder if your parents remember your birthday?" he drones.
I talk loudly to Anica and Xinia in an attempt to drown him out.
"Of course I don't mean your mummy and daddy," he laughs. "No, I wonder if your real parents remember."
I tense, but I do my best not to show it.
"I mean, I see no reason why they would," Parkinson continues, and the people around us are now listening in.
I give up ignoring him and instead choose to focus on my food.
"Who would care about someone they didn't even want?" Parkinson laughs. "I certainly wouldn't. They probably forgot about you the moment they tossed you on a strangers doorstep. They've probably got their own kids now, you know. Normal ones they love and actually care about. Not freaks like you."
That was the last straw. I slammed my fork down and turn to glare at him, my hair turning fiery red in the process.
"Shut up Parkinson," my voice comes out louder than I intend and everyone in the Hall turns to look at me. "You don't know what you're talking about."
He grins, happy to get a rise out of me.
"Maybe," he admits, uncaring of all the eyes on us. "But you have to admit, the chances of me being wrong are low. Your parents probably cast you away as soon as they saw you. I mean look at you. Who would want to give birth to an abomination?"
I clench my jaw and force back the lump in my throat. I put my knife down, wipe my face of any stray food and stand up.
"I've lost my appetite," I announce.
Aware of all the eyes on me, I leave the Hall with as much dignity as I can muster. As soon as the doors close behind me, I find myself running to an isolated spot in the castle, angry tears threatening to fall.
I kick the wall and punch it angrily, ignoring the pain that flares through my arm at the contact.
I lean against the wall, desperately trying to blink the tears away.
Why was I even upset? Parkinson was just trying to rile me up, and I was an idiot for taking the bait. He didn't know what he was talking about. My parents didn't feel like that.
Then I realise I don't actually know if that's true. I desperately claw at my robes in an attempt to find the note I had stashed away in them when I was packing my things. Finally, I find it and pull it out.
I stare at it for a few seconds with uncertainty. This is a note from my birth parents. Am I ready to read it? Then I feel a tear roll down my cheek, and I make the decision. I unfold the note and begin to read.
To our beautiful daughter,
Whenever you're reading this, we hope you are able to see the truth in our words.
When we found out we were pregnant with you, we were so young and so scared. You have to know you were not planned. But we still loved you and cared for you.
However, the idea of raising a child was just so daunting.
For a mother who has never wanted children, even from her earliest years, and a father who didn't grow up with his parents, having a child was something we just weren't ready for. And maybe we never will be ready.
This is why we're giving you away.
Please, never think for a second that it is because we don't love you. It is because we love you that we are doing this. You deserve much better than we could ever give you. That is why you're going to a family with their own children, who are able to provide for you and will love you like their own; who will welcome you into their family.
We understand that once you find out they are not your real family, you may want to find us. If you don't, though, if you want nothing to do with us, that is alright as well. We understand that you have every reason to hate us for giving you away.
If you do want to find us, though, simply ask your parents. They will tell you.
Do not feel pressured into a decision. Take your time, so you know what you really want. We love you so much, and we know that whatever you decide to do, you will grow into an amazing woman.
We love you so much, sweetheart.
With love,
Your mother and father
Ps. We let your parents name you, but in our hearts, you are our Andi.
I read the note three times over, attempting to commit it to memory. I barely notice the tears that are now freely falling down my cheeks as I read the words from my parents.
The parents I had never met but had left me a note when I was born. A letter that I was currently holding my hands.
I suddenly remembered the present Ciena had pointed out and I reach into my pocket and pull it out. I undo the wrapping to reveal a box. I take the lid off and see a beautiful necklace amongst the packaging. I pull it out and lay it on my hand to study it.
It had a long silver chain with a silver pendant. The pendant was a small circle with three hanging charms; sort of like a dreamcatcher. Inside the circle was a wolf howling at the moon, and the hanging charms were two crescent moons with a silver feather in the middle.
I admired it for a few more seconds before noticing another note.
My mother intended to give this to you one day. The wolf has a special meaning to both our families, and we wanted to share it with you.
Beneath it, in different handwriting was a message.
Happy birthday sweetheart
I let out a quiet sob as a small smile makes its way onto my face. I reach up to clasp the necklace around my neck and see that it hangs beneath my robes. I was okay with that because it meant people wouldn't ask questions.
I then read the letter once more. Somehow, I know every word is true. I want to be angry, because they gave me away because they 'weren't ready,' but I find myself focusing on the last part of the letter.
In our hearts, you are our Andi.
My parents had given me a name. Andi. I rolled the name around in my head for a bit, deciding it was a pretty name.
I then realised they had said I could ask my parents to find out who they were - the reality of that sunk in. I could simply ask my parents, and I would be able to know who my birth parents were.
I itched to owl them straight away, but something held me back. The way the letter had been worded, some of the sentences. They were the words of parents who weren't sure they would ever be ready to have a child. If I contacted them, what would happen?
Would they shut me out, and decide they didn't love me? Would they welcome me with open arms and try to take me back? I shivered at the thought. I couldn't imagine a life without my parents, without Bailey and Wyrene and the twins. What if they didn't even live in England and I was taken away from Hogwarts?
The thought of losing everyone I loved and cared about terrified me. I couldn't risk that. I couldn't face the possibility of being taken away.
With that in mind, I knew I had made a decision.
I wouldn't contact them. I was content with my current life. Hell, I was more than content. I was happy. I had everything I could ever want. I would know that somewhere out there I had biological parents, but I didn't want to find them.
Although I knew it was the right decision, the one I would ultimately make, I couldn't help the sadness that came with it.
I was turning down the chance of finding the people who had given birth to me.
Tears pricked my eyes, and I didn't stop them. I felt my body sliding down the wall as I laid my head on my knees, clutching the letter and my necklace to my chest.
I don't know exactly why I cried; for the letter, the necklace, for not knowing my birth parents, but I had to get it out. I'd been ignoring my emotions for too long, forcing them to the back of my mind, and I needed to face them. So I cried.
I don't know how long I was there for until I hear footsteps coming my way. I realise it's probably way past curfew, so I hastily morph into the Slytherin fifth year prefect and pretend to be patrolling the hall I'm in. I realise I don't have any luck going for me when I find out it's Lupin.
He had been able to tell before that it was me, but I was hoping it was because he had seen Anica and Xinia. Maybe he wouldn't recognise me on my own?
Too late I realise I'm still holding the note, so I attempt to hide it in my robes as Lupin comes to a stop in front of me.
"Evening Miss Carr," he greets cheerily, looking down at me with kind eyes.
"Evening Professor," I reply, trying to keep the quiver out of my voice that came from crying moments before.
Lupin smiles, and I'm a little put off at the look.
"You should really do some research about who you're pretending to be Gena," he says pleasantly. "I don't think I can remember the last time Miss Carr called me Professor. She always seems to like 'Lupin' for some reason."
I sigh as I morph back into my usual look - minus the bloodshot eyes and blue hair I had previously been sporting.
"Sorry Sir," I mutter, not in the mood to return his - for some reason - happy mood.
His expression doesn't change from a pleasant smile.
"Not to worry, I think I will let it pass this time. Wouldn't want to give you a detention on your birthday now, would I?" he chuckles.
I fake a small smile and fold the letter away and tuck it into my robes. Lupin follows my movements with his eyes, but I ignore him.
"I should be heading back to my dormitory anyway," I say in an attempt to leave.
He nods, and I start down the hall. Before I can even take five steps; however, Lupin calls me back. I sigh before turning around to face him, a questioning look on my face.
"Are you alright?" he asks tentatively.
I nod, mustering a bright smile. It falls short though, judging by the look on Lupin's face. He gives me a look evidently meaning he wants me to explain. I struggle internally for a moment, but something about him pulls it out of me.
"I'm just a bit put off from Parkinson's words," I admit.
He nods understandingly but doesn't say anything.
"My uh, my parents gave me a letter when I went home," I continue, the words spilling out. "It was from my birth parents. I only just read it."
An unreadable expression crosses Lupin's face.
"I hope you don't mind me asking, but was it something in the letter that made you...uh, cry?"
I look at him in surprise and a little anger. I hated it when people caught me crying. Lupin's face immediately turns apologetic.
"I heard you when I was approaching," he explains, tapping his ear.
I sigh, knowing I have no real reason to be angry.
"Sort of," I answer his question. "I mean, I won't lie, knowing my parents gave me up hurts, but it was mostly because I had made a decision."
Confusion is evident on his face.
"They - my birth parents - said I could find them if I wanted. But I decided not to. That's - that's why I was crying," I explain.
"Forgive me for asking, but why would you be upset if that's the decision you made?"
I wave his apology off.
"It's the decision I made, yeah," I say. "But that doesn't make it easy. I -" I struggle to find the right words. "A huge part of me wants to find them," I feel tears pricking my eyes, and I force them back, not wanting to cry in front of Lupin. "But I'm afraid of what would happen with my current life," I say quietly.
"I mean, I have a family. I've got parents and siblings that love me, and I've got amazing friends and everything I could ever want, here. I don't know what would happen if I reached out to my birth parents. They could want to, I dunno, take me back or try to be part of my life and that could mean losing everything I have right now," my voice breaks. "I just, I'm scared, I guess."
I hate admitting it, but I can't seem to stop my words.
"And it's stupid, I know, but -"
Lupin cuts me off.
"It's not stupid, Gena," he says gently. "Everyone's scared of something. Being afraid doesn't make you any less. It doesn't make you weak, and it certainly doesn't make you stupid. It makes you human."
I look down as tears fall and I do my best to stifle a sob. I silently scream at myself to stop, that I'm being an idiot. I mean for God's sake, Lupin's right there! But I just can't. Tears cascade down my cheeks and I have to clamp my hand over my mouth to stop ugly sobs from escaping my mouth. I feel myself breaking down, and I can't do anything to stop it.
I desperately try to stay quiet, but the sound of my sobs still fills the small corridor. I'm grateful that Lupin doesn't say anything and keeps his distance. As much as I appreciate his being there, embarrassing as it may be, I didn't want him trying to be all Hufflepuff friendly to me.
Eventually, I manage to calm down. I wipe my tears away and take a few deep breaths. I make sure to morph my bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face away before looking up at Lupin. I give him a small smile.
"Thank you," I say quietly.
"For what?" he asks in confusion.
"For not just leaving as soon as I started crying," I laugh a little. "Most people freak out or get uncomfortable when people cry."
"It's not in my nature to leave someone alone when they're upset. Unless they ask me to leave, I'll generally be there."
"Still, thanks."
He smiles gently.
"You'll be okay?" he asks.
"Yeah," I nod, wiping my eyes even though they're dry. "I should go."
He nods, and I walk off. Before I turn the corner, he calls out quietly.
"If you ever need to talk, I'm here."
I give him a grateful smile before continuing to walk away. As I do, I wonder the whole time why I just spilt my guts to him. My breakdown was completely embarrassing, and I told a teacher, of all people, about all my stupid problems. What was I thinking?
I sigh as I enter the Common Room, not surprised to see Anica still up, even though it's way past curfew. When she sees me, she stands up abruptly.
"Gena, are you okay? No one's seen you since dinner!"
I wave her off, ignoring how my name sounds off now I know the name my birth parents gave me.
"I'm fine. I just wanted to be alone."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine," I repeat. "Anyway, couldn't you have just looked for me on the Map?"
"We couldn't find you," she tells me.
I frown.
"What do you mean?"
"We looked everywhere. You weren't on it. Even in the parts we haven't mapped, your dot didn't show up."
"How's that possible? I was only in…" I cut off, trying to remember where I had run off to.
For some reason, I couldn't remember. When I had walked back to the Common Room, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I just walked on instinct.
"Actually, where was I?" I wonder aloud.
"You have to show me tomorrow!" Anica smiles. "Great place to hide from Xinia and Ciena. No more homework!"
I laugh half-heartedly, still thinking about where I could have been.
The rest of the night we spend talking and laughing with some of the others still awake, then with a final 'Happy Birthday' from some people, Anica and I head down to bed. When I finally manage to make peace with the fact that I had a meltdown in front of Lupin, I fall into a restless sleep.
My dreams are crowded with thoughts of me finally meeting my birth parents and them taking me away. The people look familiar, but I can't quite work out who they are. I wake once in the early hours of the morning, clutching my new necklace, my dream still playing in my head. I toss and turn for a bit before I finally fall back asleep, thankfully undisturbed.
Guys I just want to let you know that I'm not the greatest at writing emotions and describing how people feel. I try my hardest, but I'm not sure how well I did. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and thanks again for reading!