Chapter Twenty
"The girl and boy. Their plane crashed into the North Pacific this morning."
Have you ever known true loss? Like a piece of your heart has been stolen from you and you know it won't return? I remember Mikoto waxing poetic about the tragedy of her pet cat dying during summer. The girl had almost started weeping. She described the animal licking her cheeks whenever she cried because of the salt in her tears. Nozomi had patted her back, said the right consoling words, and given her a hug. She said that having good memories of the cat was the most important thing.
Good memories.
Was Quinn thinking of our good memories when he died? Or was he dwelling on the secret I had kept from him for so long?
Whatever had been going through his mind in the moments before that plane crashed into the ocean, it didn't matter now. His forgiveness was forever out of reach. He was forever out of reach. What a cruel joke. Just when it seemed nothing could get worse, the universe decided to throw a curve ball. I'd fumbled the catch. We'd lost the game. It was my fault.
"Let's see what Kira does now his sister's dead," said Mello, too much relish in his voice.
The crushing guilt on my shoulders disappeared for a second and I saw the truth.
It wasn't me who'd lost us the game. It was the one who threw the ball. It was who hit the ball. I was the casualty caught up in their uncaring sport and dragged Sayu and Quinn down with me.
Kira.
Mello.
The guilt boiled in the back of my mind like an infection but it was nothing compared to the sudden tsunami of rage. With a snarl, I shoved Matt to the side. He fell to the ground with a yelp, head colliding with the concrete. Mello took a step back, confusion and fright in his eyes.
"You did this," I spat at him. He cocked his head to the side.
"What? Made their plane fall out of the sky? What am I, God?"
"If you hadn't kidnapped them, they wouldn't have died in the first place!" Screaming, I lunged for him. He was no match. We hit concrete hard, all the air knocked from Mello's lungs. As he gasped I took hold of his head and held it off the ground; ready to slam it down.
"Valerie," he said, "It wasn't me who killed them! It was an accident!"
"An accident that wouldn't have happened if you left them alone!" Mello was fumbling for his pocket. I crushed his wrists under my knees. The boy winced in pain.
A cold, hard object was pressed against my temple. Click. Matt was holding a gun.
"Let go of him," he commanded. The gun was shaking in his hand. I grinned and he saw something in the smile that made him gulp.
"Kill me and Kira will murder both of you." The idea wasn't as horrifying as it might have been, compared to the image of Sayu and Quinn screaming, holding hands, strapped into seats with no escape. The picture was so vivid I could taste the smoke, hear the flames, see Sayu's eyes dilate to almost black as she held onto my brother.
"He doesn't have our names." Mello attempted a sneer.
"It can find them." My hands were shaking and I swore my back was beginning to burn.
"It?" Matt repeated.
"You wouldn't let him," said Mello softly. His eyes were still wide. "You know he's a monster. Don't you want to stop him? He's the real reason your brother and sister are dead."
"Shut up," I hissed, twitching to relieve the sensation of sizzling skin. It was spreading up my shoulders and over my hips. My fingers were curling into talons, the nails scraping Mello's scalp. He winced again and glared. I found I couldn't pay him an ounce of attention anymore; the thought of the plane exploding had manifested itself in front of me. It roared in my ears. Mello's mouth moved but I couldn't hear a word. For a second I saw Quinn, the blonde hair shortening and brightening, the eyes changing from brown to blue. There was still blood on his crown. I shouted and wrenched myself away. Blink. Mello returned, rubbing his head in pain.
"Tie her up," said Mello as he pulled himself to his feet.
Hands roughly grabbed my arms and dragged me away.
Seconds before everything gave way I managed to spit at Mello. It landed on his perfect leather shoe.
The world was on fire again. It licked the walls, burned the soles of my feet, singed my hair. The lights swung on their chains. Burning balls that dripped flames and ash. A river of heat filled the old boat tracks and smoke curled into the air. Choking. Cloying. It tasted of death.
My shoulder was touched again. I lashed out, using the last dregs of strength to slam an elbow into their stomach. The attacker grunted and released their hold. That was the last time I could fight them off. I was losing the ability to move with every inhalation of smoke. It felt as though tar was coating my lungs.
How long had this been going on? Days? Weeks? It felt like an eternity. Life before the flames was nothing but a distant memory, a bright speck I couldn't grasp no matter how hard I ran. It stayed permanently out of reach behind a wall of brilliant red and orange.
"Help me," I pleaded to anyone who was listening. "Help me, please!'
Occasionally a deep, female voice would reply. Her words were always lost in the roar of the flames.
At times it felt as though a scalpel was being drawn across my back. At others, a sharp nail tearing into my thigh. The worst moments was when he appeared. A man bent over me, blood dripping from his teeth as he smiled.
"Pretty lass," he rasped. He stretched out a hand. I always screamed, high-pitched and terrified, and he disappeared. His constant, invisible presence was a heavy weight on my shoulders, a phantom hiding in the shadows.
They gagged me. They used a cloth that pulled my lips away from my teeth and scratched the sides of my mouth. Finding new strength, I thrashed, clawing and screaming through the material. They cursed and retreated back into the flames to become no more than hazy silhouettes wreathed in smoke. I was left alone once more, unable to cry aloud for help.
Get me out of here. Save me.
It was in the midst of another yellow-eyed nightmare that a shaft of light broke through the orange haze. The harsh sound of a door slamming against concrete jarred me into semi-awareness. Beyond the smoke I could make out figures filing into this hell I was trapped in.
Help, I thought. I'm over here.
Another scalpel-gash opened up my back and I moaned, all thought of the figures disappearing. This new cut was deep. It felt as though it had nicked my spinal cord, sending spasms of agony along my arms and legs. My jaw clenched so tightly I could almost hear my teeth cracking. Surely the ending was near. This sort of pain was not made to be borne.
"Light-kun!"
The name was like a gunshot. Suddenly the fire was gone, the pain vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. My lungs cleared of soot and I could taste the stale saliva soaking the gag.
Light. Light. He was here. How was he here?
I blinked and the figures resolved themselves into people. The angle was all wrong. They were sideways, hanging off a wall.
No, not a wall. I was lying on the ground. Cold concrete leeched warmth from my frozen limbs. My head ached like it had been bashed with a rock. The rest of my body fared no better.
A bright streak of copper caught my eye. There, near the doors, was Light. He appeared to be grappling with someone. Blonde bob. Mello.
Light easily gained the upper hand and brutally slammed his fist into Mello's jaw. The boy crashed to the ground, lifeless as a ragdoll. Light bent down and pulled an object from Mello's limp hand. He tossed it to one side. It caught the light as it spun through the air. A revolver.
"Light-kun," was repeated. L was here too. Hunched over and still in the same white shirt and blue jeans, he was walking towards me. And behind him hovered two creatures, one white, the other black. At once I knew who to thank for bringing L and Light to me.
"Minerva!" Light had spotted me and he ran forwards. I flinched, trying in vain to scrabble away. His heels scraped the floor as he halted. "Minerva?"
"Valerie," said L. He was kneeling at my side. Pity and concern filled his eyes. How must I have looked to provoke something like that in the stoic detective? With careful fingers, L untied the gag and pulled it away.
Trying to talk brought on a coughing fit I couldn't stop and the corners of the warehouse began to flicker again. Hot tears spilled down my cheeks, into my mouth, dripping off my chin. L gathered me into his arms without a word.
"Ryuzaki," said Light. "Allow me –"
"I think not, Light-kun," said L. He held me closer to him and I buried my face in his neck, tears soaking the collar of his shirt.
Relief came first.
Then gratefulness.
Bitterness.
Anguish.
Guilt.
"They're dead," I whispered, strands of Ryuzaki's hair brushing my lips. "Mello killed them."
L stiffened before holding even tighter. "No. It was a freak accident. Don't let your judgment be –"
"I didn't even get to say goodbye. I was asleep. And Quinn still. . ." I couldn't bring myself to say it. 'Quinn still hated me.' He had died and taken the last chance of my being forgiven for what I did with him.
"Quinn loved you, Minerva," Light said softly.
Those words, from him no less, flipped a switch within me I didn't even know I had. The flames disappeared. Coldness swept through in their place.
Homicide is not a common urge for me, but upon looking up and seeing his face, his haggard, worried face (as though he had the capability to even feel worry anymore – that would require him to be in touch with his humanity), every inhibition I had about murder seemed to disappear. In his case I found myself justifying it.
"Why?" I said, the compassion within my heart desperately searching for one last chance to let him off the hook. "Why did you do it? Why did you pick it up and take it home? Why did you keep writing?"
He knew what I was asking before the words came out of my mouth. Light wavered openly, shifting between guilt and calculation, and then It was there.
"Because I was bored," it said calmly. "Bored of being bored."
Compassion handed over the reins to Rage.
"Rem." The Shinigami stood to attention. "There should be a lighter on Matt somewhere, wherever he is. Can you get it?" She went out of sight just as L was drawing his arms away from my waist. "Help me stand," I told him. He did so while glancing between Kira and I. He wasn't as confused as I thought he would be, considering I'd been talking to someone clearly not in the room to his eyes. Kira was the one frowning.
"Ryuk?"
"Yeah?"
"Get Light's Death Note for me, would you?" Kira jumped as though it had been electrocuted.
"Sure," said Ryuk. He glided over to Kira. The murderer walked backwards, hands raised to fend off the creature.
"Ryuk," it said. Its voice was smooth as it became when it was trying to manipulate someone. "You know what she's going to do. Remember your promise to me when we first met?"
Ryuk chuckled. "Yeah, I remember." Faster than a human, he reached around Kira and snatched the notebook out from the waistband of its jeans. "I just like Minerva more than you."
That brought an unlikely smile to my face. "Thanks, Ryuk. Is that all the pieces he has?"
"Yup," said Ryuk as he tossed the Death Note over. Kira jumped forward. Ryuk clotheslined it in the neck and the bronze-haired monster hit the concrete floor with a thud.
I considered passing the Death Note to L so he could see Ryuk. His disturbed expression told me that may not be a good idea right at this minute.
"I'll explain later," I murmured to him.
"It will be a long explanation, Valerie," he replied. I nodded to him and he stepped back.
"Here, Minerva-san." Rem had returned with the zippo lighter in hand. She passed it to me and flapped over to Ryuk. The Shinigami flanked Kira, looming above it in case it should try to attack.
On unsteady legs, I took a step forwards. Kira had scrambled to its feet and now watched warily, feet spread, ready to jump into action if the chance arose.
Closing my eyes, I reached into myself, drawing out all the pain Kira had caused me. The mind games, the manipulation, the way it just took without giving anything in return and felt no remorse or guilt. The crackle of fire started burning in my ears again and this time I embraced them, letting the madness fuel my anger.
When I spoke, my voice dripped poison.
"I want to you to remember this moment, Light, while you're still Kira," I said. "Remember that I am done playing your games. You took away my sanity, my brother, Sayu, Sachiko and Soichiro. Because of you, I can't sleep at night since all my nightmares are of you and that damn Shinigami and my name written in your damned notebook. It's your fault I'm like this! It's your fault my world's been destroyed." I stormed over to Kira, grabbing its collar. I wanted it to feel my anger, my hatred, because in that moment I realised that I loathed what Light had become. This twisted monster that had taken everything I loved. There was no changing him now. His only redemption would be through destruction.
"I'm going to burn your Death Note. I will give you a year, one year, to live without your memories. Enjoy it while it lasts, Light Yagami. Because then I'm getting you your memories back and if you turn back into this thing . . ." I yanked it even closer so it could feel my breath on its lips. I could feel its helplessness. "If you become Kira again," I whispered, "I will personally drive a knife through your skull." Kira almost fell when I released it, stumbling back and running into Ryuk. The Shinigami became intangible and laughed when the owner of his Death Note hit the ground hard.
Righteous anger flowing through my veins, I flicked open the zippo and lit it with a click. The flame was mesmerising. So much power and destruction all in one little flicker of heat and light. This was what had robbed me of my parents, destroyed my family, ravaged my mind for years.
Now I would use its power to take away Kira's.
"Wait, Minerva, don't!" Kira lunged just as I set the book alight. With a frantic swipe, it threw smacked the book from my hands and sent it skittering across the floor. The corner smoldered and the tiny flame flickered out. We locked eyes for a second.
I ran for the notebook. Kira grabbed my hair and yanked me back. Using the momentum I pushed it to the ground, elbowing it in the chest when we fell. All the air left its lungs in a wheeze more suited to an old man than a young murderer.
"Valerie!" L shouted. Footsteps pounded on the concrete.
"No! Don't interfere," I said as I scrambled to my feet. L stumbled to a halt and glared, fingers twitching as he tried to suppress his urge to attack Kira.
"This is between me and Kira."
L's saw something over my shoulder that caused his eyes to widen. "Valerie!" he cried in warning just as Kira grabbed me around the shoulders. I writhed in its hold. A hand wrapped around my throat. I froze.
"Kira," said L. He watched us warily. His cell phone was in his hand.
"Don't call anyone, L," said Kira. "This is between us."
"Let Valerie go. She is innocent in this."
Kira laughed. It was grating and wild. "Minerva is more involved than you are." He stroked a finger down my cheek. "After all, she was there when I first got the notebook."
"Light," I whispered urgently. "I know you're in there. Fight this."
"You still think I'm an alternate personality." It clicked its tongue. "Sorry to disappoint you, Minerva, but I am Light Yagami."
"You can't be."
"Why not?" It actually sounded curious.
I licked my lips nervously, thinking fast. There had to be a way to get the Death Note and lighter to L so he could burn it in my place. Rem caught my gaze and then saw me toying with the zippo. It took a second for her to understand. Invisible, she flew towards us, hand outstretched.
"You can't be Light because Light wouldn't do this," I explained. "For all his faults, Light has always protected me, invested his time and effort into keeping me safe and close. For you to decide to kill me like this and ruin all that effort means you can't be Light. He doesn't ruin investments."
Kira crooned. "Minerva, you're not an investment. You're a distraction. Were a distraction. I had to keep you under control. Also, you had the added bonus of helping my cover. Just my luck it turns out you knew the detective L." It chuckled.
Its words swam in my mind. This was something I had always thought – I was nothing more than an accessory to offset suspicion.
No. That didn't seem right at all. Sure, there were times when it was obvious Light was associating with me in order to gain some sort of control of me through emotional manipulation, but there were times when he was genuine. Like that kiss in the hospital, his anger of me getting hurt. Those times weren't part of his game. That had been Light caring for me.
Light. Flawed, bored, intelligent Light. Light who saw the world as a game and people as chess pieces. Light who's mistakes mirrored his own ego in magnitude.
Light who had held me close when I slept.
Who consistently came to my aid when I was in trouble.
Who became part of my family.
Light who kissed me.
The more I thought about it, the more I was sure. Kira wasn't Light. They were separate entities, two side of the same coin. It was time to destroy one in order to free the other.
Rem's long fingers scraped my palm and took the zippo lighter at the same time that Ryuk threw the Death Note at L. Immediately the Shinigami flew out the door, out of sight. I thanked him internally. The death god was smarter than he let on.
The detective startled to see the notebook fly through the air towards him and caught it in one hand. The lighter he caught in the other.
"Burn it," I said. Kira tore its gaze from the side of my head and saw L standing there, with the recipe of Kira's downfall in his hands. Its thumb pressed harder into my windpipe as it shouted,
"Ryuk! Where are you!" The murderer was beginning to panic.
"He's gone," I croaked. "You're alone, Kira. Just as I said you would be."
L clicked the lighter.
The Death Note was devoured almost instantly.
L dropped it to the floor just as Kira tried to throw me aside. I tackled him, the two of us tumbling over in a mess of limbs. Kira reared over me, eyes bright red. It grabbed my hair, threaded its fingers through, and lifted my head off the ground in one final act of fury. I watched, waited. Part of me begged Kira to do it. To end my life. For its final murder to end my suffering.
Then Kira slumped forwards, my hair slipping free. It blinked and the redness disappeared from its irises. Before my eyes all the brutality and calculation I had grown used to vanished and was replaced with pure concern, guilt, confusion.
"Minerva?" he said and it was the voice of an eighteen-year-old boy, not a self-made god of cruelty. "Are you okay?" He touched my hairline and winced, fingers brushing along the skin that was sore from his harsh grip. He saw my throat and frowned in puzzlement.
I gazed up at him and couldn't find a single thing to say. Who was this person? Was he the Light I knew or the one from before the notebook, the one I had only known for a day?
It hit me that the Light I knew was most likely nothing but a memory for me now. And with Kira finally gone, there was no one remaining who knew me and what Light and I had been through. I was the one who was alone.
In a moment of déjà vu, L dragged Light off me.
"Ryuzaki!" Light shouted. "What are you doing?"
"Preventing you from ending Valerie's life," said Ryuzaki shortly, fighting as Light struggled in his hold.
"What are you talking about? I wasn't going to kill her!"
"Your actions suggest otherwise." In one smooth move, L flipped Light onto his back and snapped a pair of cuffs on him. Light gaped.
"Stop talking, Light," I said tiredly. Even though Kira was gone and his reign of tyranny at and end, all I wanted was to go home and sleep. Dealing with the aftermath was not my forte.
"Minerva, you know I wouldn't do anything like that," Light said. "When have I ever hurt you?"
That was a little too much to bear. Striding over to him, I planted a knee on his chest and leaned down. My fingers tightened on his shirt collar.
"Kira still killed my family," I said, choking on the words. He stopped speaking. "Get rid of him, L." L spoke into his phone. In seconds Aizawa and Matsuda appeared to haul Light up by the shoulders. His feet dragged across the floor as they took him away. They disappeared into the bright sunlight outside.
L stepped up, placing a hand on my shoulder. "He'll be taken to the House."
"Good. Perhaps being surrounded by other insane people will help him deal with his problems. Like a support group for the immoral."
"Valerie . . ."
I turned away from the pile of ash cooling on the floor.
"V. It's just V." He didn't say a word as I walked past him, not sparing Mello or Matt a second glance. With Rem at my shoulder, I left the warehouse and entered a world without Kira.
"Misa Misa here! Who's Misa speaking to?"
"Hey, Misa. It's V."
"V?"
"Minerva."
"Oh, Minerva-san! How is Minerva-san? Where are you?"
I laughed for the first time in what felt like years. I'd forgotten Misa's weird propensity to switch between pronouns.
"I've been better. Driving up to Canada."
Someone was talking to Misa on the other end of the line, voice muffled and frustrated. "One sec!" Misa cried. "Misa is talking to a friend!" She huffed. "Sorry. Misa's manager is annoying. Why is Minerva-san driving to Canada? You're not alone, are you?" She sounded horrified at the idea. I laughed again.
"Don't worry, mate. I just needed to clear my head. And there's a grave I need to see."
"A grave?"
"I was wondering what you're doing for the next few months."
Misa hummed. "Well . . . Misa's schedule is pretty busy. Why?"
"I've got some free time and an urge to travel. I thought you might want to come along."
"Oh! Okay. Misa will talk to her manager. She needs a holiday! This will be so much fun! Misa has always wanted to go to Milan." She sighed. "The shoes . . ."
"Call me back when you sort it out. See ya, Misa."
"Bye, Minerva-san!"
The call ended and I tossed my cell into the passenger seat. I was driving along the California coast in a bright blue convertible, bought with the money from my paintings sold at Miss Hisashi's sister's gallery. I'd pulled the top down and let wind whip through my hair. Waves crashed onto rocks far below, the thunder accompanying the roar of the engine. The sun was high in the sky, the breeze cool and salty, and I felt as though I could finally breathe.
I smiled, tasting the sea air on my lips.
The fire was out.
TOWRTA: The watch Light uses in canon is given to him by his father as a present for getting into To-Oh. Since I killed off Mr Yagami before that, it doesn't come in to play here.
This is the final chapter in V's book, and the last we hear from V's POV. Next is the epilogue. So I'm not saying goodbye just yet! It's been fun though.
Yours Truly and God bless
TOWRTA