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Chapter 28: I Thought You Knew
"Rachel, are you sure this is a good idea?"
They were making their way back out of the house, having dropped Philip off at home. He had insisted on joining them, but Rachel really didn't think it was for the best. She was planning on initially playing her and Eddie's visit off as checking in on a new pupil. Granted, she would normally only go as far as a phone call, but Julie wasn't to know that. So if Philip was in tow, surely the woman was bound to suspect something?
"It's probably not the best," Rachel turned to Eddie as they got seated in her car, "but it's our only option if we really want to know what went on. Melissa certainly isn't going to come clean. And frankly, I don't want an excuse to have her back in my life. Even though that is looking pretty likely at the moment."
"I know it's our only option. I'm just over worrying about it."
Rachel couldn't resist a smile now, "well doesn't that make a change?"
Eddie chuckled, "it sure does."
They simply glanced at each other as a silence fell for a few moments. Rachel sensed that Eddie wanted to say something else. Maybe about her mention of Melissa coming back. Given what he just said about over worrying, Rachel kind of thought that he was just as anxious about the return of Melissa as she was. Sometimes she forgot that she could read him just as well as he could read her.
"Unfortunately, I have to agree with you. I can imagine coming back into our lives right now would be something that she would do. Especially now with this whole Mollie situation."
Rachel nodded and sighed. It was the reality, however hard for her to accept.
"But it doesn't matter," Eddie said as he reached across to place a hand on her leg. She couldn't deny the sparks that flew within her at the contact. Even after a couple of weeks it felt amazingly special, "because she's not going to come between us. Remember? No one can."
It was more on instinct that she placed her own hand over his. Once again his words and physical contact was something that Rachel hadn't realised she craved. No matter how uncertain she was feeling about visiting Julie, Rachel felt utterly relaxed in that moment as she leant across to plant a kiss on Eddie's cheek.
Once they arrived at the address noted in Mollie's files, Rachel had to admit to herself that she was having second thoughts. Second thoughts about getting involved. Second thoughts about their only option. Second thoughts about revealing the truth. It was unlikely that the reality was going to be a pretty picture. And what if none of this went to plan, what then?
As she stepped out of the car, she felt Eddie's fingers brush her own and this seemingly reminded her of the reasons why they were doing this. Nothing else mattered because this was for Philip. And Rachel would do absolutely anything for her nephew.
Rachel sensed Eddie becoming hesitant about a minute after knocking. She had to relate; Rachel was unsure what they would do if Julie didn't answer the door. Like she had thought - if this didn't go to plan, what would they do then?
Just as Rachel was about to start conjuring up alternatives, the door opened, to reveal a woman who she could only presume to be Julie. Rachel realised that she needed to speak, but she couldn't help think about how young Julie looked. Late twenties at a push.
"Hello, I'm Rachel Mason, headteacher at - ''
"I know who you are," Julie said with a smile.
This certainly wasn't what Rachel had been expecting, and turned to Eddie, flabbergasted. Did Julie mean she knew that she was headteacher at Waterloo road? Or did it run deeper than that. Did she already know that Rachel was Mollie's auntie?
It looked like they were about to find out as Julie took a step back to open the door wider, and let them in.
"You can come in. Mollie is at dance class, won't be back for a good few hours. Can I get you both a drink?"
This was the strangest of scenarios, Rachel found herself thinking subconsciously. Perhaps it shouldn't have been but it was unnerving how nice Julie was being. It made Rachel feel like she knew a lot about what had gone on. But maybe that could be a good thing.
Both she and Eddie politely declined a drink before being directed to the living room. A slightly awkward silence fell as the three adults sat down. There was uncertainty surrounding who should speak first. Rachel kind of decided to just bite the bullet.
"What did you mean, Julie. When you said that you know who I am?"
"Well you're Melissa's sister aren't you," the woman said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. As if Rachel was stupid for asking.
Rachel clammed up at Julie's words and found herself glancing at Eddie for support. Or maybe it was a cry out for help, she wasn't sure.
"If you don't mind me asking Julie, how do you know that?"
As Eddie spoke, Julie hesitated. Far more than she did with Rachel's initial question. She just had to hope that Mollie's adopted mum wasn't going to hold information back like Melissa had done.
"Look… I thought you knew, Rachel? About what went on."
Julie seemed to ignore the fact that Eddie had answered the question and aimed her response in Rachel's direction. She just had to guess that it was Julie not knowing Eddie. But having said that, Julie didn't know her either?
"No I… Melissa never told me."
Julie half scoffed, half laughed, "you might want that drink after all. Maybe something stronger than coffee."
This didn't do anything to calm Rachel's nerves, and she was glad that Eddie was close enough to rest his leg against hers. It was a small gesture that brought a huge amount of comfort to Rachel. Just knowing that Eddie was by her side was enough to bring back her confidence.
So she just smiled nervously and internally prepared herself for whatever Julie was about to reveal.
"We used to be at aa meetings together. Me and Melissa."
"I'm sorry… aa meetings?"
If this first piece of information was anything to go by, this whole conversation was going to be a shocker.
"Oh Melissa used to be an alcoholic. Did you not know that either?"
Rachel shook her head slowly.
"Looks like you've got a lot to find out then."
Rachel could tell that Eddie wanted to reach out to her and bring her into his arms. He was the only person, probably with the exception of Philip, who would know how much this was going to hurt her. Because it obviously wasn't going to be a joyous revelation.
"So anyway," Julie recommenced, "that's how we met. I was only 18. She was what… 24?"
"If this was 11 years ago then yes."
Julie nodded, "so we got talking. Sat next to her in every meeting. I was pretty much homeless at the time. Parents kicked me out… but that's another story. Melissa told me of her baby girl… Mollie. I remember making a joke about how I'd only have a kid if someone paid me. That was when her expression changed."
Rachel tensed up, and could even feel Eddie getting uncomfortable next to her. Surely this conversation wasn't heading in the direction which she thought it was?
She closed her eyes briefly, willing for everything to just disappear. But then she heard Julie's voice again, and was forced back to reality.
"Like I said, it was meant as a joke. But as that week passed, she started asking more and more questions. And that was when she found out I was strapped for cash, and without secure accommodation. So she made me an offer. Melissa said, that if I took Mollie she would give me five grand and pay for the rent on a proper place to live for a year. She helped me get a job as well."
The more and more Rachel heard, the more and more she wanted to be sick. Or scream at Melissa. She wasn't sure which. Rachel knew how significant it was to feel loved by your parents. She knew how heartbreaking it was to feel unloved by them, or abandoned. Melissa knew that too. Or Rachel thought she did.
She glanced at Eddie briefly as Julie paused, he looked as equally disgusted as she felt, if not more.
"I just don't understand…" Eddie sighed in fury, "how could she do that? Her own child…"
It hit Rachel then why this would be effecting Eddie just as much. The loss of his son, Stephen. As well as not seeing Michael for a good chunk of his early years. Now it was Rachel who desperately wanted to comfort Eddie. For the moment she settled for a look which she hoped was comforting. His expression softened and Rachel was glad that she could settle his upset like he could settle hers.
"I don't know either," Julie responded, "but you've got to understand that I was skint. There was no other option for me. It was either take Melissa's offer, or starve and live on and off the streets for the rest of my life…"
"No Julie, we aren't blaming you at all. I completely… understand why you might've seen it as the only way out. Melissa should have never made the offer in the first place. Please… don't think that we are judging you for one second."
Rachel was glad that after her words Julie smiled slightly. At least it showed that what she said had been believable. And it was true. Rachel didn't blame her, and she knew that Eddie wouldn't either. Rachel could entirely understand the anxiousness and the desperate feeling that came with having no money. Not being able to get yourself out of a whole. So of course she could comprehend why Julie took Melissa's offer with both hands. It was Melissa who should be feeling responsible, not Julie.
As another silence fell, Rachel recognised that there was still a hell of a lot she wanted, no correction needed, to know.
"Has Melissa kept in touch with you, all these years?"
"On and off," Julie shrugged, "it was pretty consistent for the first 3 or 4 years of Mollie's life. But after that, not much."
"Mollie said that you… homeschooled her. Up until this point."
Julie's eyes flicked up to meet Rachel's. Surprise flickered across her expression which quickly changed to something that Rachel couldn't quite decipher.
"Oh, yes. That was part of Melissa's… agreement. That was when you came into it. She spoke of you quite a lot, said that the two of you weren't close anymore. Somehow she knew of your… name change. Don't ask why, I couldn't tell you."
Rachel didn't need to ask. She remembered bumping into Melissa in the street, shortly after she had ridden herself of Amanda. Melissa had been with a group of friends, so it was brief, and Rachel remembered how quickly they had almost gotten into an argument when she mentioned her name change. That was when Rachel thought she would never see her sister again. She didn't, until Philip had just turned 11. Another out of the blue meeting, but slightly calmer.
"She was adamant that you couldn't know…" Julie continued, "about Mollie. She mentioned that you were a teacher, but she didn't know whether you were primary or secondary. Just that you had always wanted to be a teacher and you weren't someone who gave up easily on what they wanted to achieve."
Rachel felt Eddie smile, almost chuckle, beside her. It brought her a great deal of warmth. It was just privy to how well Eddie knew her. He had probably seen that attitude within her several times in recent years. But along with this sensation came a sense of sadness. She and Melissa had grown apart entirely since their childhood. They had never been overly close, yet they did have that sisterly bond. A sisterly bond that was long gone now. Rachel knew why, why they were so far apart now. It was down to Melissa's repeated selfish actions, and the blame she repeatedly put on Rachel for her own mistakes. So for once, Rachel didn't berate herself, not entirely.
She zoned back into the conversation as it registered that Julie was speaking again. This seemed familiar. Rachel couldn't help the way she segued into a world of her own every now and then. This conversation was evoking far too many memories and feelings that she didn't know she remembered or felt.
"I mean, it was unlikely… highly unlikely. And I couldn't help but think Melissa was being overcautious. But she said that I could never send Mollie to school, in case she ever came into contact with you. She said that you would have tried to be in her life, that it's what you always did. Stick your nose in. Her words, not mine."
And there was the real Melissa, Rachel thought. Certainly not the 'new and improved' one that she had been bragging about when she came to Rochdale.
"So why bring her to school now? And Waterloo Road… that's not a coincidence?"
Rachel found herself once again extremely glad that Eddie spoke. There was a lump forming in her throat and she was finding it increasingly difficult to hold back the tears. All she wanted to do was collapse into Eddie's arms. Comfort him whilst he comforted her. Because as she suspected before, Eddie would surely be affected by Melissa's actions too, as a result of his own past with his sons. Rachel just hoped that she could support and reassure him just as much as he constantly did for her.
"No it's not," Julie sighed as she glanced between Rachel and Eddie, "you know how I said that Melissa's contact kind of… faltered after the first few years of Mollie's life?"
She waited for a nod from them both, "well over the past year she's been almost constantly ringing me, texting me, emailing me… all sorts. Cut a long story short, she's been threatening me. They were vague, not specific, just that I had to give Mollie back to her otherwise bad things would happen to me. She said that it would be when I least expected it."
