Chapter 14

BPOV

I'd done enough crying for a lifetime.

I'd laid in my bed for what felt like weeks. When I thought I was all cried out, all it took was remembering something he said or did and my heart would break all over again, causing a fresh round of tears.

Though I found plenty of time between crying fits to be angry, too. I'd think about the way he brushed off what was happening between us, how in the end he had no respect for me, and I'd see red. For a few moments I'd curse his name, screaming and yelling all the things I wished he could hear, but the anger was short lived.

I loved him too much to stay angry.

In our last couple weeks together, I started to see a different man than the one who'd initially walked through my door. His smile had been bright, he laughed easier, and, God, he'd been insatiable. I'd never felt more wanted and beautiful than when I was with him.

It caused me to become one of those naive girls. I'd let myself imagine that he'd realize what we had, that he was in love with me the way I was in love with him. I'd let myself dream for a moment that I'd have something lasting with someone, but in the end I wasn't worth anything more to him than someone to keep hidden away.

In my weaker moments, I'd regretted sending him packing. I'd wonder if maybe it would have been better to have him in my life in any capacity, but I knew I was better than that. I was worth more than that.

—

I sighed at the loud banging on my door. I had no real desire to see anyone, but I knew I couldn't avoid the world forever.

"Oh, thank God! You're alive!" Alice rushed into the house as I opened the door.

"Of course I'm alive. Why would you think otherwise?"

She stood there, hands on her hips. "You haven't come out in weeks, you haven't thrown any parties, nothing! You being dead was the only obvious explanation."

"Yeah, and you're just now checking up on me? I see where I stand," I snapped at her.

She had the decency to look chastised. "Sorry."

I shrugged her off, walking over to the couch and sitting down. "It's cool."

Alice sat beside me. "So, who is he?"

I gave a nervous laugh. "What are you talking about?"

"Gimme a break, Bella. You look like shit, your eyes are puffy like you've been crying—"

"It doesn't matter who he is—was. It's over." I could feel my lip quiver as I spoke.

She wrapped her arms around me as tears began to fall again. "Tell me what happened."

I nodded, then spent the next hour telling her about the whirlwind that had been Edward Masen.

—

"Wow. That's... that's some heavy shit, Bella."

I sighed, throwing my head back on the couch. "I know."

"I don't really know what to say. I don't have any answers for something like this, except that it sounds like you made the right decision. You're worth so much more than just being someone's mistress. I think I have something that might cheer you up, though."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"I scored us tickets to Woodstock!"

I was sure my eyes lit up, and I smiled for the first time in weeks. "Right on!"

"I thought that'd get you. Now, go take a shower, we're going out. I know the girls have missed you."

—

I gasped as I sorted through my mail. I'd only seen his handwriting a couple of times, but there was no mistaking it. I'd never seen such perfect penmanship before.

I bit my lip as I turned the letter over in my hands. I didn't know what I would find inside, and I honestly wasn't sure I wanted to find out.

I'd been in a better place lately. I'd been going out and seeing my friends, I'd registered for my fall classes; I was doing everything I could to move on. If I opened this letter, depending on what was inside, I knew it had the potential to set me back. So I set it on the kitchen table. I'd weigh the pros and cons before opening it, and while I did that, I'd just go about my business.

—

I'd taken out the trash, I'd scrubbed the kitchen and the bathroom until they'd shined, and I'd done my laundry. I did everything I possibly could to ignore that letter, but it just sat there, constantly whispering my name.

"Fuck it," I muttered as I tore it open. I'd never rest until I knew what it said.

"Dear Bella,

I know I have no right to contact you after the way I treated you. In fact, you have every right to tear up this letter without even glancing at it. I wouldn't think you were harsh if you did, but I figured a letter was my only chance. I knew if I called or attempted to show up on your doorstep, you'd never hear me out. So, here it goes.

I love you, Bella, but I am a stupid man. I have willingly been walking through my life with blinders on. When I was young and in college, much like you are now, I met a girl and she changed everything for me. She showed me a way of life I didn't know existed, but obviously it didn't work out. So I hardened my heart and pushed everyone away. Then I met you, and once again my world shifted on its axis. I was scared. I am scared, but that is no excuse for how I behaved toward you, Bella.

You deserve to be everything to someone. You should never be put to the side, and I'm so glad you told me no, and, frankly, that you went ape-shit on me. It was the kick in the ass I needed. Victoria and I are no longer together, as I refused to settle for second best any longer. I won't be taking over for my father, but Carlisle is willing to keep me on. I have never felt more free in my life.

The only thing that could make it better would be you, sweetheart, but I don't expect to hear from you. That would be more than I deserve. Please know that if you are reading this, that I do love you, and I always will.

If for some reason you decide to write me back, even if it's just to tell me to fuck off, I'll include my address.

I love you,

Edward"

I clutched the letter to my chest as I slid down to the kitchen floor. Tears ran down my face and I was so confused. I didn't know what to think or what to say.

I didn't know if there truly was anything to say.

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