Chapter 15

EPOV

I closed my eyes, listening to the music floating through the air and the voices of the people milling around me. There were hundreds of acres of land to roam, but still so many of us packed together in one spot.

I'd tried in the last couple of months to search within my soul for the person I truly was, the person I wanted to be, and it had been mentally exhausting. I knew for a fact I wasn't the stuck-up snob my father wanted me to be, but I also wasn't a completely free spirit.

I liked hard work and being part of the business world. I enjoyed the feel of donning a well-tailored suit. There was also no sense in lying about the fact that I also found appeal in having a wife do the cooking and cleaning. Though that wasn't all I thought a woman was good for; I never had. I'd just convinced myself they were all the same so I wouldn't be hurt again. I'd told myself they didn't have more value than cooking and popping out babies, but deep down I knew a wife—a lover, really—was more than that.

They were supposed to be a friend, a partner, someone I could lean on, and vice versa. I'd had all of it with Bella, but I'd been so thick-headed. I took full responsibility for that. Instead of realizing that Rachel was just following the path she thought was right for her, I'd taken it as a personal assault. In the end, that wasn't fair to her, to me, and especially not to Bella. Hell, Bella didn't even truly know about my past except for what I wrote in the letter I'd sent her. She may not have even read that, though I hoped she had.

I prayed daily that she'd find it in her heart to give me a second chance.

—

"You seem to be enjoying yourself," Rachel said as she rested her hand on my shoulder.

I hadn't even known she was back in the country until I'd run into her at the grocery store near my new apartment building. Just as I'd figured he would, my father completely cut me off. Instead of having my parents' housekeeper grocery shopping for me a few times a week, it was now up to me. I was left to my own devices, and I'd had a difficult time learning the life skills I should have already known.

So it had been an awkward encounter at best when I'd accidentally crashed into her cart with my own, which was filled with TV dinners. They were all I could truly manage; well, that and scrambled eggs.

I'd always imagined I'd be full of anger if I ever saw her again, especially with the way my heart had hurt for so long after we ended. Instead, I felt nothing except maybe friendship toward her. All of my heart belonged to Bella now, and there wasn't room for any anger or hostility in it.

We'd ended up chatting, and she'd invited me to join her at Woodstock. Her other friends had flaked on her and I had nothing better going on, so I'd agreed. It was better than sitting in my apartment alone.

I opened my eyes, giving her a lazy smile. I definitely wasn't opposed to smoking a joint every so often, especially after a hard day. She really was still so beautiful, but it was different now.

"Yeah, it is different now, isn't it?" She took another toke.

"Fuck," I groaned. "Why do I always do that when I'm high?"

She giggled, but it wasn't the right sound. It wasn't that sweet, soft giggle that made my dick ache. I let out a heavy sigh, knowing I needed to change the path of my thoughts before I went somewhere dark. "You wanna walk around?"

She shrugged. "Sure."

—

As I slowly came down from my high, I truly began to take in my surroundings. I started to think about Bella's words that first night we'd smoked together. She'd called me a square, and part of me was starting to believe she was right.

How had I not realized how bad it smelled here before? Or how there were naked men and women, some covered in head to toe mud and who knew what else.

"You cool, Edward?" Rachel asked, a smirk on her lips.

"Just taking in the surroundings."

She giggled, but just like before, it was all wrong. "This is nothing! You should see some of the places I've been."

"I'm sure," I replied, but honestly, I felt completely disinterested. Now that I was no longer high, I had to wonder what I was even doing here with her. Was I that desperate for companionship? "Look, Rachel, I think—"

Before I could finish my sentence, I heard it; the sound that sometimes woke me from a deep sleep.

I'd know her laugh anywhere. It was forever ingrained in my mind. They way she'd squirm and giggle as I'd kiss down her belly, only to gasp as I ran my tongue through her slick folds. I could still feel the way she gripped my hair.

I could still hear how she sighed my name in her sleep some nights, and I could see the way she fought not to smile as she filled a plate with eggs and toast for me in the morning.

Bella was here.

"Edward?" Rachel called, and I held my hand up to silence her.

I turned in a circle, trying to find her face in the crowd, and when I finally did, I felt my knees go weak. Rachel must have noticed my stumble, and the moment she gripped my arm to steady me was the same moment Bella chose to look in my direction. Her eyes went wide as they locked with mine for a moment until they drifted down to where Rachel's hand rested. She scowled before turning away from me and back to her friend.

"Bella!" I shouted as I shook Rachel off me. "Bella, please, wait!" I cried out as I ran after her.

Oh Edward! What have you done?

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