Cold Stone Heart
Chapter 4
-You are a force to be reckoned with-
I woke up this morning relaxed and optimistic, the blanket felt soft on my skin, the bed was warm and cozy and so did my heart feel, warm and cozy. I was lucky enough to be left alone by nightmares, at least for a night. A brand new day had started and although I had no idea of what will happen today, I felt confident and strong.
My bare feet flinched as I touched the cold floor getting out of bed. I hummed quietly as I made the bed and changed in another black outfit.
My hair looked nice today as it fell in loose waves on my back. I brushed it gently and pulled it in a high ponytail, this way it won't bother me during training. It was strange to be able to look in the mirror without any restrictions, I didn't bother to stare at my own reflection for too long, the abnegation beliefs being somehow still engraved in the back of my mind.
"When did you come back?" I recognized the sweet yet firm voice of Jess asking and I turned to face her. She was drowsily pulling a pair of black jeans on.
"Last night, and you were snoring just as I said you would." I answered trying to hold in the giggles.
"Yeah, sure let's just go get some breakfast." Jess rolled her eyes as we got out of the dorms and headed towards the dining hall.
As we waited in line I chose a sandwich and some fresh fruits as Jess filled her plate with all sorts of vegetables and rye bread.
"I'll sin today with one of these chocolate muffins. Do you want one?''
She asked me as she grabbed a fluffy, chocolate muffin and placed it on her plate.
"No thanks, that muffin will turn into hell during training."
"Whatever, a hell that tastes like heaven sounds pretty exciting to me."
We laughed as we sat at our usual table while Marc and Alex joined us.
"Hey, that muffin looks so delicious give me some" Alex whined as he got up on his feet trying to steal the muffin away from Jess while she stuck her tongue out at him. God, they are childish
"No way am I sharing this goodie with you. There are enough left at the food line." Jess answered before taking another bite from the chocolate muffin.
"You are a stingy little girl. That's what they taught you in Amity?"
"Alex, I was from Amity, not Abnegation. I thought you would know better as you came from Erudite." Jess answered calmly giving Alex a cold glare. Who would have thought muffins can start such heated conflicts?
"Guys calm down. You are arguing for a muffin and you are dauntless initiates, that's just silly." I stepped in giving them both a small smile
"Aviana, leave them alone. Can't you feel the sexual tension between these too?" Marc smirked as he gestured between Jess and Alex. In Abnegation those words were considered taboo to say the least. However, I am Dauntless now and although, I felt the blush forming on my cheeks a few giggles escaped my mouth.
We continued to eat in silence only Marc would crack a joke from time to time as Jess and Alex took glances at each other secretly. Maybe Marc was right about them
After breakfast, we went to the training room and gathered in a semi-circle around Four. He stood in the middle of the room, his arms crossed and the same calm expression plastered on his face.
"Today you'll learn some basic fighting techniques before you'll step up in the ring and fight each other." He explained as he made his way to a line of red punching bags.
We followed him quietly and chose a punching bag.
He named a few punching styles as he explained the techniques in the air and then on the punching bag.
I looked at his demonstration intently and then I mimicked his moves on the punching bag before me. My hits were weak as I have no muscular fiber but I gritted my teeth and stroke as hard as I could, the bag barely moving.
After several punches, I felt the pain taking over my hands that were red and swollen at the edges and on the knuckles.
I continued hitting whilst moving my entire body and using my legs to strike also.
As I focused on my hits and kicks, I didn't even hear the footsteps that approached me until I felt a cold hand on my shoulder.
I gasped surprised as my brown, warm eyes met Eric's grey, cold ones.
When did he even come here?
"You are never going to win like this." He said as he grabbed me by the waist roughly and turned me to face the punching bag. Who does he think he is grabbing me like that?
I was on the verge of asking him to leave me alone, but I bit my tongue when I felt his hands on my hips.
"Separate your legs a little and tense your stomach" He ordered and I executed swallowing my words.
"Lean back and lift your leg to hit the bag with your knee. You should also strengthen your elbows as these represent your only useful attack weapons."
I follow his orders quietly putting all my force in the hits. My mouth opens to thank him, but he leaves before any word leaves off my tongue.
I don't know if I should be thankful to him for helping me or upset for the way he grabbed me. You can never know with Eric he is hot and cold, bipolar for sure
I clear those thoughts from my mind as I continue hitting the punching bag, no matter what I need to win the fight.
The scratching sound of chalk dispersed my attention and I turned to see Eric writing something on a blackboard; our names, he is pairing us for the fights. I started to play nervously with my fingers as I was waiting for my name to be written and as I saw who I was paired with a feeling of nausea hit me. Candice
She was part of Keith's limited group of diabolical friends, and her appearance matched her personality perfectly. She was big build with strong, large arms and an imposing figure with a head taller than me.
A mischievous smirk was plastered on her face as she looked at me. Great
Our fight was the second and all I could think about was kicking Candice's ass and doing it fast. The combat techniques Four showed us earlier were spinning around my head as I was thinking about my odds. I remember what Eric told me and try to focus on that.
"First fight Jack and Keith. You fight hard until one of you can no longer continue." I hear Eric say and a smirk appears on his face.
"Or until one of you concedes." Four says reassuringly
"According to the old rules, the new rules say you must fight until one of you is knocked out. So, fight hard as your rankings will be considerably influenced by it." Eric spat with authority as he motioned for the two to start
I couldn't bring myself to look at the fight as I was too concerned to think about winning mine. Plus, Jack was very strong; he came from Erudite and Alex told us how hard he was training for these fights since he was twelve. As selfish as I might sound right now I really hoped for him to kick Keith's arrogant arse.
I let out a big gasp of air as I tensed my entire body.
"Finish him off!" I hear Eric say and I turned my attention to the ring to see Jack on top of Keith as he sent him a powerful punch on his already bloody face. Keith squirmed before his eyes fell shut.
As I look at his unconscious body I can't feel any joy provoked by his state, as horrible as he is I am a better person than him.
"Aviana and Candice you're next."
I gulp and squeeze my fists tight as I make my way to the ring. I stay on the left side while Candice takes the right, her infamous smirk still plastered on her square-like face.
She is going to enjoy this, but I won't. All I have to do is win without taking pleasure in someone else's pain even if that someone is Candice.
The last thing I hear before our fight starts is my motivation
Winners never quit, quitters never win.
"I am going to enjoy punching that pretty face of yours, stiff." She said coming closer to me and balancing from one foot to another.
I ignored her ignorant comment as my attention focused on her weak spots, I am much lighter and smaller than her so I've got the speed and she's got the strength. If I could hit the right spots and defend myself very well the victory will belong to me.
I took a step further towards her so we were only a few inches apart and sent her a punch fast on her neck. She hissed in pain and gave me a look of shock and rage. Her fist came in contact with my stomach and I felt like coughing, the pain shooting through me as if she hit me with a hammer. I ignored the pain and turned away before she hit me again as my foot collided with her hip. She crumbled a little, taken aback but got fast on her feet and she hit me right in the face, splitting my lip. The blood dripped down on my mouth and chin and I saw a smirk appearing on her face. I lifted my foot to kick her again, but my slow attack was anticipated as she grabbed me and threw my body forcefully on the floor. I let out a low groan and opened my eyes to see Candice ready to throw herself on top of me. I rolled fast and avoided the contact as she fell right on her face with a loud thud.
I took advantage of the situation as I sat on her back hitting her head numerous times before I clawed my arms around her neck holding onto the grip with all the strength I was capable of.
She tried to hit me, but her arms moved all over the place as I kept my iron grip.
"Finish her off!" I heard Eric say clearly bored and I nodded my head involuntarily as I got off of her.
She gasped for air and coughed, but I didn't let her time to breath as my fist collided with her nose and my knee kicked her in the stomach. My body acted robotically as my hits and kicks didn't seem to stop, and my mind went blank. The rage that took control of me was an unknown feeling and my instincts defeated my conscience and abnegation values.
"Aviana, stop! You knocked her out!" an authoritative voice woke me up as I felt a strong grip on my shoulders lifting me up.
Only then I realized what happened. My eyes fell on Candice's unconscious body and on her bloody face. I did that to her
I broke away from the grip and turned to see Four with a concerned look on his face.
I turned away from him as my feet moved fast out of the ring. My hands were shaking, and I felt tears forming in my eyes. I won and the victory should feel sweet or at least comforting, but it didn't. How could I enjoy my triumph as I saw Candice being carried by Four and Keith out of the ring. Keith shot me a death glare as he made his way towards the exit. I just turned my head away blocking my thoughts.
I can't be a hypocrite and say that I would have preferred to be in Candice's place because that would be a lie. Someone had to win and I wanted to be the winner just not in this way. The way that rage took control of my mind and body as if I turned into someone else, cruel and merciless. A cold hand touched my bare shoulder making me shudder and my eyes met Eric's.
"Do you need to go to the infirmary?" he asked with a frown on his face as he looked at my lip. I forgot about that
I brought my finger to my lip and flinched at the contact.
"No, I'm fine. I'll just go and get cleaned up if we're done for today?" I asked while I stared at the floor.
"You can go. I'm surprised, though, you don't seem very happy for the victory."
"What do you expect me to cheer and jump for knocking out a person?" I asked bitterly looking him in the eyes
"I expect you to wake up and realize this is not Abnegation. You are in Dauntless now and if you keep regretting fighting for your place here then you better just go and join the factionless. Leave the guilt behind and keep going." He spat at me before he turned away and declared Alex the winner.
I didn't even look at my friend's fights.
Alex had a bloody nose and a scratch on his eyebrow but other than that he looked just fine. I joined Jess and Marc quietly.
"Here she is. God, Aviana when did you learn to fight like that?" Marc asked surprised
"I don't know, I just got carried away." I murmured staring at my boots
"Really carried away, you should've seen the way you kept hitting her even after Eric declared you the winner." I felt my stomach queasy as I processed what Marc just told me
"I didn't even hear that part." I whispered
"I thought so as Four had to take you off her."
"Marc, just shut up already." Jess spat as she hugged my trembling body.
"Sorry, I…did I say something wrong Aviana? I didn't want to upset you, you looked fierce. I thought you would be happy, it's not like Candice is the sweetest girl on earth or something, she deserved it."
"I'm not upset for what you said. Just forget about it, okay? I just want to get my face cleaned up." I answered giving him a small reassuring smile
"You're right, I want to get cleaned up too." Jess said as she took my hand and we headed towards the bathroom
On the way, she told me about her fight which I also missed. Fortunately, she was paired with Lia, that girl was so fragile she didn't seem able to hurt a fly. Though, she managed to break Jess's nose.
"I wanted to talk to you after the fight, but then I saw Eric talking to you and I didn't dare to come closer. He terrifies me." She said while she washed the blood from her hands.
I washed the blood away and took another look at my pale face before I answered.
"He wanted to remind me just how weak I am." I said remembering his harsh words and cold glare.
"What? You just beat the shit out of Candice which is twice your size. How does that make you look weak?"
"Not that, I felt bad after I looked at her. When I pinned her down and hit her, my mind went blank as if I couldn't control myself, the rage. Only after Four dragged me away I realized what happened. I know how important the victory is, but I'm scared of turning into a monster." I said feeling the tears forming in my eyes again
"Aviana, you are the complete opposite of a monster. Candice would have hit you worse if she had the chance. Either we like it or not we need to beat people to a pulp if we want to make it here. That doesn't change who you really are, okay? Don't torture yourself like this, as Marc said you looked fierce." Jess soothed as we engulfed in another hug. She was right, I can't let my emotions soften me when shit gets tough.
"Thank you for being my friend. You're the best." I whispered as I placed a kiss on her cheek.
"No, we are the best. Now let's go and grab something to eat."
She said before we got out of the bathroom and made our way to the dining hall. On our way, we saw Marc and Alex talk about something and laughing.
Marc managed to win the fight and fortunately, all four of us succeeded today.
I ate in silence trying to clear my head off today's events.
Visiting day was in two days and I thought about my parents and my sister. I wonder if they'll visit me or maybe my betrayal hurt them too much. Maybe
"Aviana, are you here?" I heard Jess ask as she waved her hand in front of my eyes
"Uh, yeah" I murmured embarrassed
"I was saying that we could go shopping today, we didn't even use our point."
"That sounds good." I answered with a smile on my face
"Great!" she chirped clapping her hands
"I'm thinking about getting a tattoo." Marc said out of the blue as we were heading towards a shop in The Pit.
"I'll come with you. I'd rather roam around in a tattoo parlor than going shopping with girls." I heard Alex say as he hit Jess playfully in the arm
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes at him as we parted ways
We looked around a shop filled with various black clothes. I chose a pair of tight jeans and a V-neck tank top.
"Look what I found. This will look so good on you." Jess said as she showed me a black, leather dress with thick spikes on the shoulders.
"I don't know what to say." I said skeptically as I looked at the dress
"What are you talking about? It's not like you have to wear it on training just try it on and then you can take it or not." She said as she pushed me towards a fitting room
I took the dress from her hands and pulled the curtain.
The dress felt like a second skin and it ended just below my knees. I'm not wearing this during training, no way
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and a smiled made its way on my face. Jess was right, this dress really looks nice
"Are you done?" she asked impatiently and I didn't have the chance to answer as she pulled the curtain away and gasped at my sight.
"I told you will look incredible. Don't tell me you don't like it?" she asked, a frown forming on her face
"No, I don't like it. I love it." I said in a soft voice as Jess gave me a proud smile on her face
"See, I'm a real stylist." She said giggling
We continued to look around the shop and I also decided to buy a pair of black boots with small metal chains on the edges. Jess bought two black dresses and a sporty jumpsuit.
We got out of the shop and headed towards the tattoo parlor while Jess talked proudly about her new clothing additions. As we got inside an idea made its way on my mind.
"I'll get a tattoo." I said in a flat tone as I looked at the designs exposed on glass shelves
"Are you sure?'' Jess asked as she followed me between the different tattoo designs
"Yeah, why not? I want something…meaningful inked upon my skin."
"Hey girls, are you done shopping?" Marc and Alex asked at the same time as they spotted us
"Yup"
"What do you think about this?" I turned to see Marc pointing towards his left arm. He had the Dauntless symbol inked on his upper arm, a flame in a circle.
"It looks nice." I answered genuinely
"Yeah, it's nice. Aviana wants to get one as well." Jess said looking at me
"Really? The same model?" Marc asked with hope in his eyes.
I shook my head as I answered
"I don't know what, yet."
My eyes analyzed the designs trying to find something interesting. I felt a smile forming on my face as my eyes landed on a beautiful flying blue bird. I took the glass in my hand as I thought about it, a blue bird symbolizing happiness, freedom, transformation.
I spotted the tattoo artist and headed towards him.
"Could you do me this one on my shoulder?" I asked the tall bald guy covered in tattoos and pierced in numerous places.
"Sure thing, girl." He smiled at me as I took a seat on the leather chair.
He got his utensils as I looked at my friends and gave them a smile.
"A bluebird, huh?" the guy said as he looked at the design I chose.
"Yes, it just looks like happy and free." I said simply
"Like you?" He asked as he started to work on my tattoo
"Something like that." I said giving him a smile
It took him about 35 minutes to finish my tattoo and when it was finished I went to the nearest mirror and looked at it. It looked perfect, I thought smiling at the beautiful bird inked upon my shoulder
"It looks perfect, thank you." I thanked Gus, as he later introduced himself.
"You're welcome darling. Now you need to cover it with this bandage when you shower and when you fight as it is going to heal in a few days and it's not safe to let it uncovered." He explained while he gave me some white bandages.
"Alright, see you!" I said waving at him as I went next to my friends.
"This is so sweet, look at the little bird." Jess chirped as she stared at my tattoo
"Thanks," I answered with a smile
"What does it represent?" I heard Alex ask, his Erudite curiosity showing.
I looked at him smiling while I answered
"Happiness."
We headed towards the dorm as we remembered today's events, wondering who are we going to fight against tomorrow.
When I opened the dorm the rest of the initiates were sleeping and we stepped in trying not to make too much noise.
I changed quickly in my pajamas and laid on my bed feeling the exhaustion hitting me.
"Goodnight Aviana." I heard Jess say before I murmured something back and closed my eyes letting the sleep take my mind away.
"So here we go bluebird, gather your strength and rise up."
–Sara Bareilles