"And that concludes my presentation. If anyone has any questions, please ask them now before we move on to our next presentation." Germany said, scanning the room. The other world nations sat around the room with bored looks, some nations with glazed over eyes and some whispering to each other.
"Does anyone have any questions?" Germany asked. Italy raised his hand excitably. "That does not involve anything to do with lunch." Germany sighed, rubbing his eyes. Italy lowered his hand.
"Very well, we will now move on to the next presentation. America, do you have your presentation ready?"
"Yeah dude, I do! I've got a power point and everything!" America said cheerfully, practically bouncing over to the podium.
"Very nice America." Russia said sarcastically. "Next you'll be telling us you can read."
"Aw, don't be like that, you cold hearted jerk." America said with a wink. "It's not my fault you're jealous of me."
"The day I am jealous of you is the day I stop drinking Vodka." Russia snorted.
"Anyways, I'm not hear to argue with you, or anyone else." America said with big smile, fiddling with the computer. "I actually have something serious to address today, and you guys aren't going to like me for this."
"What did you do this time?" England groaned, putting his head in his hands. There were similar comments muttered across the room, but America just chuckled.
"Aw, you guys have like, no faith in me." America said as he pulled up the power point. "But today isn't about me, it's about all of you."
"Us?" France asked, frowning at the younger nation. "Whatever do you mean?'
"When is it ever NOT about you?" China scoffed.
"Well, you know how you guys always complain about how rude my tourists are, like how they're too loud, or how they ask stupid questions, or can't speak the language of the home nation, or how they're just a fashion disaster on legs?" America asked, giving France a pointed look at the final point.
"Oh, are we finally going to cover how to fix that?!" Cuba asked excitably.
"Nope, we're going to talk about how your tourists can be just as fucking annoying and rude!" America said cheerfully, finally pulling up his power point, which its title said, "Rude tourists in America, and what should be avoided in the future." There was an outcry in the room, and America waited patiently as the other nations yelled at him.
"Our tourists are not rude!" England barked, standing up suddenly.
"You should be ashamed of yourself!" France said angerly.
"You're one to talk! Your citizens are some of the worst people to host!" Romano spat, with Italy trying to calm him down.
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Germany shouted, bringing the yelling to a stop. As soon as order was restored, America sighed. "Thank you Germany. Now, if you had let me continue I would have added that yes, I know that my tourists aren't the best and that there is room for improvement. However-" America said, looking at everyone in the room, "I think that it's only fair that I get to point out all of your tourists short comings, seeing as you all of you don't have a problem pointing out my flaws, as you just demonstrated. Please also be aware that I am only talking about a small percentage of tourists, and this be no means applies to all tourists who visit."
There was silence at America's words, and when no one spoke America happily clapped his hands together. "Ok, with that out of the way, let's start. So, the first major problem with tourists visiting my home is that people, especially from Europe, love to just point out that they're from Europe, and that they have so much more history than I do and how much better Europe is than the U.S." America glanced at England, France, and China, then continued. "Look, I get it. Compared to a lot of you guys my history is pretty lacking. But for goodness sakes please don't do this, many of my citizens A), don't give a shit and B), are going to take offense to this. My people are pretty proud, so when some foreigner comes strolling into their home and starts dissing them, they're going to be a little upset."
America clicked the computer, and a photo popped up of an American tourist arguing with a local. "For those who don't see what the big deal is, this is one of my tourists doing the same thing I just described your tourists doing. Do you see that angry look on the local? Yeah, now imagine that that pissed off dude is an American, and the American is one of your citizens. It works both ways. Treat others how you would want them to treat you when they visit your country."
No one said anything, but a few countries frowned, and America saw a few people squirm in their seats. Still smiling, America continued.
"Secondly, please do not say that American food is awful. Look, I know what you guys think American food is, but I'm just going to say it here and now. Fast food is not, and I would like to repeat, IS NOT true American food. Not even close. It may be part of American culture, but fast food is not a good representation of what American's eat on a regular day to day biases."
"Of course it is!" Spain said. "That's all I ever see when I go to your place."
"Spain, have you ever asked any of my citizens where they like to eat?" America asked, turning to address the other nation with an annoyed frown.
"Ah, well…no." Spain said. "But why should I?"
"Because if you actually asked them, none of them would say McDonalds." Then pausing for a second, he added, "Well, maybe the kids would, but that's mostly because kids are kind of dumb. But my point is that my citizens love food, so of course they love to look for local restaurants that actually serve good food. Southern gumbo, shrimp, fish, oysters, rice, soul food, corn beard, beans, stews, soups, barbecues, and all sorts of beef, pork, and chicken recipes can all be found in the southern part of my nation alone! Not to mention that on the west coast and there is a large influence of Mexican and Asian food, and with how many different environments my people offer a huge selection of food. Think of the famous New York hotdogs, pizzas, and cocktails! Philadelphia cheesesteak, the crab cakes in in Maryland, buffalo wings in the Midwest! Apple pie, cherry pie, blueberry pie, pecan pie, cheese cake, steaks, baby back ribs, vegetable dishes and so much more! And when you include all the food introduced through all the immigrants into my country you lose track of just how many different things my citizens can offer you."
America paused. "And yet, all people can think about when visiting my place is the god damn fast food places. Because that's all they know and don't want to go looking for real restaurants they could actually enjoy. It's all you can see Spain," America said, addressing the other nation, "because you won't get off your ass and ask people what they enjoy."
Clicking to the next slide, it showed a number of different of dishes. "In order to solve this problem, what I would suggest is not looking for the nearest fast food place, but to ask the locals where you could find a restaurant that they enjoy. I promise, you won't be disappointed, and you'll be helping out the smaller local shops as well. They are a bit more expensive than fast food, but I promise that it'll be worth it." America said.
Spain gave America a small nod, and America moved on.
"The third point I would like to bring up is something that I have wanted to talk about for awhile now." America said, getting to his third slide, which had pictures of numerous Presidents on it. "Politics. If you are not a citizen of my country and are visiting, please do not talk about politics. Now, if someone wants to have a discussion with you about it, that's fine. But most of my citizens hate it when people from around the world give their opinions about our politics, and how to fix it. No, you do not know United States politics as well as the citizens who live there. Please stop offering how to fix my politics. Please stop saying how stupid my leaders are. Please stop pointing out things you don't agree with like guns control, federal laws, or current events that cause tensions. Please stop saying you know better than my citizens. You aren't helping, you look like a jack-ass, and everyone within ten feet of you will want to punch you in the face.
Remember, you are just a visitor. You shouldn't be butting into things that don't apply to you. And yeah, I'm a super power and I have a large influence on the world, but remember that when it comes down to it, what American citizens do in their own country is not up to you. We will do things our way, and my citizens do not need, nor want your 'help'." America said, making air quotes at the word help.
"Fourth, let's talk about the misconception of how large my country is." Going to the next slide, a few nations laughed when they saw multiple states strewn over a map of Europe. "My country is huge, I'm in the top 4 largest countries in the world. So when you come to my place, please be aware that no, you aren't going to visit New York, L.A., and the Grand Canyon all in one day. My nation is 3.797 million mi², (9.8 million km2), and many of my states are larger than European countries. Texas alone takes more than 12 hours to drive through in some parts. It takes Seven hours to fly from the East to the west coast. Please plan your vacations beforehand and do a little research on how far away everything is so you can have a better trip."
"Next, lets talk about the drinking age in my country." America said, going to the next slide, which had a picture of Germany crying outside of a bar. Germany sputtered in anger and there was a roar of laughter in the room.
"Where did you get that picture?!" Germany demanded.
"Prussia." America said, pointing at the laughing nation.
Germany glared at his brother, who just smirked at him. "What? It was funny." Prussia said with a shrug.
"Anyways, back to my point." America said, cutting them off. "Yes, it's a shame, but the drinking age in my country is 21. That is not optional, it doesn't matter if you are a tourist from a nation whose legal drinking age is lower, too bad. You come to my country, and you're going to follow the laws. And what I mean by that is all the laws and regulations. Do not try to bribe the cops, you will be arrested. Do not talk back, disrespect, or confront the police. You will be arrested. If you are pulled over, do not get out of the car. The police see that as a sign of aggression and will not take it lightly. Stay in the car, turn off the engine, and wait for the officer to come to the car. Be polite and nothing will happen."
Sixth, do not say that all American's are the same. My citizens are all different, and each state has its own culture and history. The northern part of my country is not the same as the south, and the east is not identical to the west. There are people from all over the world there, each with their own beliefs and views. Saying that all Americans are the same is like saying that all Asians are the same, or all Europeans are the same, which we know isn't true. Its narrow minded and rude to say such things, and no one is going to take kindly to it."
America looked around the room with a stern look and clicking the final slide, which listed a number of stereotypes. "My final point I would like to bring up is the way people view American's. Did you know that many people who visit my country are shocked to find out that my citizens are nice? Yeah, that's a thing. Not all American are fat, southerners are not stupid, not everyone who lives up north lives in New York, hell not everyone who lives in New York state lives in New York city. People on the west coast aren't all weed heads, not all of them are surfer dudes, and the Midwest isn't devoid of people, even if there is a shit ton of wheat growing out there. And here's the thing, American's are aware of these stereotypes. Some of my own citizens believe them. We even made up some of those stereotypes. But do you know who the main culprit is of making fun of American's?" America asked, glaring at the nations in front of him.
"Russia?" England asked.
"China?" France suggested.
"Europe?" Japan said.
"Nope, it's Americans." America said with a grin. "American citizens love to rip into themselves. They love to criticize everything from the government, to the people, to the stories we tell and the stereotypes we made ourselves. But you know what American's hate more than anything? Foreign tourists critiquing them. Not the politics, them. When they call my citizens stupid, fat, lazy, arrogant, selfish, and unlikable. And you know what, I really hate that too. So I think I can say confidently that American's can make fun of themselves all day long, but the moment someone else says something rude about us, every one of my citizens is going to rise up and punch you in the face. So please be aware that I wouldn't go to France and call every person a wine drinking, mustache twirling, croissant eating, chain smoker coward.
"Hey!" France said.
"I would never go to Mexico and call everyone a drug taking, taco eating, sombrero wearing, donkey riding idiots."
"I would kill you if you said that." Mexico growled.
"I never would dream of calling China a dog eating, smart at math ching chong person."
"What the hell did you just say?!" China shouted.
"And I wouldn't go to Russia and call the citizens there sad, communist loving, starving, scary looking weirdos."
Russia narrowed his eyes at America, and America grinned and winked at him.
"Just some examples dude."
"Hmm." Russia hummed, clearly not impressed.
"So, when someone calls my citizens stupid, greedy, culture stealing, culture destroying, fat, ignorant, and obnoxious, you can see why they would get annoyed. Basically, what I'm saying is please be respectful when you come to my country, look past the stereotypes and try to see my people with an open mind. If you do this, I'm sure my citizens will treat you with the same respect you show them. They might even ask you questions about where you live and visit your country. Thank you for your time, and I hope that you take what I've said today to heart." America said, turning off the power point. "I will now take all questions."
"When's lunch?" Italy asked.
"Not soon enough dude, not soon enough." America laughed.
"ASK QUESTIONS THAT RELATE TO THE SUBJECT, OR DON'T SPEAK AT ALL!" Germany shouted.
A/N: Hi guys, I have returned! Again, please don't take offense to what I'm saying, I'm just saying that some, (Not all, SOME), tourists who come to the U.S.A can come off as rude. While I am aware that people from the U.S. who go tour different countries don't have the best track record, that doesn't mean foreign visitors have the right to be rude. Just treat others as you would want to be treated and things should go smoothly.
I actually got the chance to be a U.S. tourist when I went to England a few years ago. (Yes, I was a bit loud, no, I did not realize it. My dad kept shushing me.) England was weird. It was weird driving on the left side of the road, everyone kept asking me if I was alright, the highways and roads are narrower than the ones in America and I felt like if we moved three inches left or right we would get into a crash and die. The people are nice, but don't just start chatting with you like they do in America here. I got to drink at a pub! That was weird because I'm not legal age in America, but in England I could order drinks. You had to pay for refills on soda! Also, people eat pizza with a knife and fork. YOU HAD TO PAY TO USE A PUBLIC TOILET.
Ok, embarrassing story time. Me and my dad went to the lake district, (Really pretty, I recommend it if anyone wants to go to England), and when I went to the bathroom I had to pay to get into the bathroom. The way you do that is there was a turn turnstile that you put in change and then you can walk into the bathroom. So, I do my thing and when I try to leave, FOR SOME REASON I thought I had to pay to get OUT of the bathroom. (I think I thought that because the turnstile was having trouble spinning.) So there I was, panicking because I didn't have anymore change on me and I think I'm stuck in a bathroom. And just as I'm thinking of climbing over the turnstile this lady walks by me and just walks through the turnstile with zero problem. I left after that, and I was really embarrassed how stupid I could be.
Anyways, have a good day!