Unshown Moments for KLA (4)

This is for Cbloomer

Matt sat and watched as Kitty turned and left the jail. He maintained rigid control of his emotions until the door was shut and he was certain she was gone before throwing the pencil he held in his hand clear across the room in frustration.

"Kitty, you know how I feel." He'd told her flatly. He hadn't meant to sound so detached and cold and he hadn't meant to make it seem that he didn't want her but he'd been scared half to death to show her any emotion lest she take that as an encouragement of some kind. He wanted her, he even needed her but he didn't want his need of her to keep her from getting what she wanted and needed. What he couldn't give her.

"Sheesh, I'm a dang fool!" Unable to continue sitting, Matt got to his feet and went over to the coffee pot. But no sooner did he touch the pot then he changed his mind. He didn't want coffee. He wanted to run after Kitty and tell her to say no to Will Stambridge.

But instead he turned away and went back to his chair, burying his head in hands. Never in his life was he this confused and angry and heartsick. He'd meant what he'd told Kitty. The decision to stay or go was hers and as long as he wasn't willing to marry her, he had no right to a say in it. But it hurt to know that she could leave him for someone else, even if he was practically pushing her away.

"DAMN!" He got back up and paced around his office, hands in his pockets trying desperately to think of something, anything he could do or say to change things, but ultimately, he decided there was nothing. He was not going to spoil Kitty's chance for a future, even though it would be a future without him.

He knew Kitty well enough to know that if he had of asked her to say no, she would've without hesitation. She would throw away any chance she might have at a normal life with a husband and maybe even a child in order to be with him. As much as he wanted her to do that, he decided that was selfish and he couldn't. He had to stand back and leave the decision totally up to her. If to do that he had to distance himself from her, than he would do it, no matter how much it killed him to do so.

Deciding on the coffee again, he went back over to the coffee pot and poured a cup. Taking a couple of swallows, he barely noticed the acrid taste of Festus' brew as his mind centered on the woman who held his heart. From the moment he'd spotted her in the cafe, he knew there was something special about her, and the closer he got to her, the more he loved her. But he was determined not to let his love come before her happiness.

Putting the cup back down, he picked up the pencil he'd thrown and walked back over to the small table, sitting down. He had to finish his report and yet he couldn't focus on it. He could only focus on Kitty and how he would feel if she did marry Will Stambridge.

"You're a dang fool." He muttered to himself again. Taking a deep breath, he looked back down at the papers in front of him but the only thing he saw was a lovely red headed woman whose blue eyes haunted him.

'DAMN!" He shook his head and threw the pencil again.

End.