Okay, this was it. I was standing in front of Ruff and Tuffs apartment. I had a key to get in, but just walking in seemed like an awful idea.
I raised my hand to the door. The dark oak stared back at me. Once I knocked, there was no going back. I would officially be trying to fix the damage I caused.
But Hiccups words drifted to me. He thought I was being to hasty. He thought that I was ruining my chances by rushing in. 'Rushing in' is just another way of saying that I trust my gut, I argued. My instincts had gotten me through almost every adversity I'd faced since infancy. Why should I abandon them now?
Was it my gut instinct to be self-centered? Would it be better to follow the advice of someone else in this case?
I sighed, why did this have to be so difficult? I wanted nothing more than to punch a hole in frustration, but I don't think would appreciate having to buy a new door. Maybe Hiccup was right, though.
I lowered my fist. I needed to give Ruff time. Right as I turned away, I heard a slight creak. Turning back around, I saw Tuff had opened the door. I used to mistake him for his sister when we were younger because they both had the same long, matty blond hair and freckles. Instead of being greeted with his usual goofy smile, his face was as hard as stone.
He knew.
It was obvious. His stare alone could slice me in half. No one cared for his sister more than him.
"Where's Ruff?" I tried my best to sound sincere. That's not to say that I wasn't, because I was. But I had a history of messing around with Tuffnut. I needed him to know just how bad I felt about everything.
"Not here." Tuff's tone was as cold as ice and I involuntarily shuttered. He didn't seem to care how sincere I was; this was not the Tuff I'd grown up with. Although I'd always been a good friend to his sister growing up, it was obvious how quickly things could change.
"What do you mean she's not here?" Was he lying to me? I couldn't imagine him doing that in this serious of a situation.
"I mean literally that. She came home in tears last night and is currently off licking her wounds with her new boyfriend." Tuffs words reopened the words on my soul, but I refused to break. I deserved everything he said and more.
"So, her date went well?" At that, his gaze softened. I think he could tell that I was genuinely curious about it and not just mocking her. I wanted her to be happy.
"From what she told me, it started off really awkward because of the, uh, tears. But it all worked out in the end because he's a great listener or something." I nodded, taking it all in like water. I may not have always paid the most attention to Ruffs… endeavors, but that was the old me. The new me would be interested in everything she did.
"Look…" Tuff rubbed the back of his neck. "I realize that you would never mean to hurt Ruff as bad as you did – I get that – but the fact is that you did and that's not something I can just look the other way on." My face fell. I should've known that he would side with his sister; it really wasn't a surprise. Sure, they would always compete and mess with one another, but they were still family.
"However," He continued, "I can give you a bit of advice so that you can at least get a foot in the door." Tuffnut glanced both ways before leaning in close. It was like he didn't want anyone else to hear whatever secret he was about to spill.
"Let her calm down." My jaw almost dropped; it was almost exactly what Hiccup had said. "You need to give her time. My advice, give her two days and try again." I could brush off advice from someone that didn't know Ruff, but no one knew her better than her brother. Her twin brother.
Why did it seem to be the obvious course of action to everyone besides me?
"If you think that's best, then that is what I'll do." Tuff gave me a critical look, like he wasn't sure if I actually planned to go with it or text her the moment I was alone with my phone. I must've passed his test, because he moved back towards his door.
"You've known Ruff a long time, I wish you the best of luck." And with that, Tuffnut retreated back into his apartment.
I stood alone in the hallway for a few minutes. I wasn't sure what to do; I didn't know what the next step was. All I wanted to do was curl up in a blanket in the apartment I was standing outside. I could almost taste the ice cream I would share with Ruff as we watched some stupid romcom – ironically of course.
The mirage faded before my eyes. Replaced by beige walls and doors. I needed to get out of here.
I walked around the block aimlessly after leaving the apartment complex, not really paying attention. The streets all blurred together after a while. It was admittedly peaceful, not knowing where I was in the city. I was surrounded by strangers that had no idea what heinous crimes I'd committed.
Was this what real criminals thought when they were in public areas? I felt as if my insides were physically rotting, with maggots eating through my intestines.
There was a flash of auburn hair in front of me, about twenty feet. It was unmistakably Hiccups by the way it bounced in movement. I thought about letting him be, but only for a moment.
"Hiccup!" The man next to me looked at me like I was crazy. I inwardly laughed because maybe he thought that I was hiccupping.
"Astrid?" Hiccup was wearing all of his new clothes today. He had on both of his new jackets, even though there was a warm front coming through. "…Are you stalking me? Shouldn't you be off ignoring my advice or something?"
Hiccup was trying to play it off, but I could see how my actions had hurt him. I hadn't meant to completely sideline him in my quest to get Ruff back. Why did it seem like I couldn't have one without the other?
"I actually just left her apartment. She wasn't there and I ended up talking to her brother for advice." I said as I grabbed his hand and pulled him off the sidewalk into one of the alleys. The smell of mold from restuarants trashcans permeated the air, but at least it was more private. "I'm so sorry Hiccup for not listening to you. Tuff me basically the exact same thing you did."
"And so you listened to him." and not me. I could hear what he was leaving out just as loud as the things that he actually did.
"No – well I guess I technically did – but I'd already decided that you were right before then. I couldn't knock on the door. In fact, I'd turned away and was leaving when Tuff opened the door." His face softened, but not by much. His brow was still furrowed slightly and his hands were jammed in his jacket pockets.
He studied me for a few minutes. I wanted to say more and to try to convince him of my sincerity, but I did something I should've done earlier today; I took Hiccups advice and shut up. Hiccup should form his own decision. After what felt like forever, Hiccup finally broke the silence.
"You sure are a piece of work, you know that?"
"I know, and I'm really sorry about it. I don't know why I didn't listen to you before."
"Because you're…" Hiccup gestured vaguely to all of me, struggling to come up with the right words. "Well because you're Astrid." He concluded. I rolled my eyes; what a genius.
"You're very headstrong and you blindly trust you're gut one hundred percent of the time. You're so used to being the only one that you report to that you overlook other people's opinions if they don't line up with yours."
"How do I change?" I felt too old to be able to reinvent myself.
"That's like changing a boulder." I looked down at my hands. Was there really no hope for me? Hiccups hands wrapped around mine and I looked up to see him staring at me intently. "It's just going to take a lot of effort and time, but it can happen if you really want it to."
"I do." I replied without hesitation and Hiccup sighed in relief.
"Good, then let's get out of here, it really smells." He dragged me by my hand and led me out of the darkness.
"Where were you headed?" I asked him. We were nowhere near that job opening on main street and I doubted he decided to just go for a stroll this far from the apartment.
"I'm headed to see my mom – Well, now I guess we're headed to see her." He corrected.
"W-what?" I sputtered out. His mom? Taking a quick look at my surroundings, we were only a few blocks away from the hospital, but he wanted me to go with him? "Are you sure you want me going with you?"
"My mom would kill me if I didn't bring in the person who took me in off the streets, although maybe don't tell her that. I don't want her to worry about me." I tried to protest for another minute, but Hiccup was having none of it. Besides, it would help me pass the time before I could get back to trying to become friends with Ruffnut again.
It was better than sitting at home, mindlessly gazing at the TV while I replayed all my mistakes on repeat in my head.
I always hated hospitals. When we walked in, all I could smell was white. I can't even describe how hospitals smell using regular methods; it somehow smelled like a color. It didn't help the entire building was comprised entirely of various shades of white and gray.
Having blue walls wouldn't make the building less sterile and it could make the place more inviting. But nooo, they had to make it feel like the hospital was made entirely out of hand sanitizer.
"What do you want?" The lady at the front desk was the antithesis of what I expected. She was compressed and snide. Her hair was like straw and honestly her makeup skills could really use some work.
"Ignore her." Hiccup dragged me to the nearest elevator. He hit the fourth floor and the steel box took off with a surprising amount of speed. The stainless-steel doors opened and we walked down the modern hallway.
I was lost after the first turn, but Hiccup just kept leading the way. He must know the place like the back of his hand.
We ended up in front of another desk, but at least the lady behind the wooden counter seemed kinder. She recognized Hiccup and pointed down one of the hallways.
"Nice to see you again. You know where to go." She gave him a bright smile and waved us on our way. Hiccup stopped in front of one of the doors to our left suddenly. He wiped his hands on his jeans and then opened it for me.
The room was very simple. The walls were white with a few motivational posters, there was a sink with a private bathroom, and a couch by the window that overlooked the parking lot. The bed was in the center of the room with the headboard against the far wall.
The woman laying in it seemed very fragile. Her brown/gray hair was like straw and veins formed spider webs across her arms. Her eyes opened at the sound of us walking in and a wry smile creaked open.
"That wouldn't happen to be my dear son, Hiccup, no would it?" Her thick Scandinavian accent made it hard to understand every word, but I got the gist through the warmth in her big round eyes.
"No, ma. I'm just one of the janitors to clean the place up." Hiccup joked. His mother laughed lightly until her eyes roamed over to me.
"A girl? Don't tell me you've finally got a girlfriend?" She looked me up and down. Not in a demeaning way or anything; I wasn't feeling judged. She was just trying to get a good look at me. "Haven't even introduced me to her yet."
"She's not my girlfriend, just a friend. Her name is Astrid. Astrid, this is my mom, Valka." I went over to shake her hand, but she yanked my outstretched hand and pulled me into a hug. Her lavender hair contrasted sharply with the general aroma.
"It's very nice to meet you, Valka." My words were muffled because my face was currently stuffed in the pillow that was supporting her.
"None of that Valka business," she told me, "All my friends call me Val, and as one of Hiccups friends, you are automatically family." My cheeks turned red as warmness filled my stomach. It felt good to be with a mother again. "And it is very nice to meet you too."
She released me from her embrace, only to drag Hiccup into it. He didn't complain one bit, though. It was nice to know that he was a certified mama's boy and wasn't afraid to show it in front of me.
"So, how are things going for you in that big bad world, Hiccup?" Val refused to let go of Hiccup completely so even though both Hiccup and I had sat down on the couch, she was still holding his hand; It was very cute. I'm sure that the couch was made of some high impact, microbial polymer that was very easy to clean, but I would've much rather had one of those couches that was actually comfortable. This one was like sitting on plastic. It made sense and all, but a girl could wish.
Hiccup rubbed the back of his neck before answering, "I'll admit things looked a little rough for a little while, but now I have a place to stay," Hiccups eyes flickered to me briefly," and someone told me all the places that are hiring in the area and tomorrow I'm going to go around and interview."
Val smiled broadly, although it didn't quite reach her eyes. "That's wonderful, although I wish you were able to find a job that goes with your degree so that you can finally do what you enjoy."
"You know that being close to you is much more important to me than any job." Hiccup replied. Valka tried to do her motherly duty in getting him to promise to start looking for jobs elsewhere, but Hiccup flat out refused to compromise.
"I'll leave town the day you leave the hospital." Hiccup promised. Val obviously wanted the best for her son and decided to drop the subject.
"Deal, but only if you tell me everything that's happened since you last visited."
"So, it all started when I was walking home one night and this drunk girl rammed into me out of nowhere…" I listened just as intently to Hiccup as his mother. He didn't leave a single detail out, or pull his punches.
"I thought she was an absolute mess, there was no way she would survive the night." Hiccup was telling it just like a story; he paused dramatically to build the tension and I could see that Val was on the edge of her seat. "I couldn't just leave her there, so I took her to the apartment I was staying at."
"That's my son." Val said to me. "He's always had a heart of gold." Hiccup didn't stop telling the story, but his cheeks blushed at her words. Hiccup's hands were flying all over the place as he started to really get into it.
"… and in the morning, she tried to attack me!" laughter erupted out of all three of us. Valka's laugh was smooth and buttery; it was an angel's laugh. Unlike me who snorted like a hyena, which only served to make the other two to laugh harder.
Valka's laugh soon turned into a coughing fit and her body rocked violently. Hiccup was up instantly by his mothers' side, trying his best to help her get through it. He was rubbing her back gently while I just sat there and stared. After a solid minute, she was finally able to get herself under control.
"Sorry about that." Val said. Her voice was just a little bit rougher than before. Hiccup continued to rub her shoulders as he laid her back into her bed. His big emerald eyes oversaturated with concern.
"Oh, don't give me that look," Val chided, "Coughing is just a reminder that I'm not dead just yet. There's still a bit of fight left in me."
I just sat in my chair, awkwardly fiddling with the zipper of my jacket. This was a deeply personal moment and I felt like an intruder. Hiccup and his mom whispered words of comfort back and forth for the next few moments. Hiccup glanced over and actually jumped a little when he realized that there was someone else in the room.
He cleared his throat to get his moms attention and they awkwardly parted. Valka pushed her hair back behind her ears.
"So, what else happened?" Valka asked. Hiccup was quick to change the subject.
"You need rest," He deflected, "And I have a job interview soon that I should really go to. We'll continue this story the next time we visit." We? I came here by accident today, was he inviting me back?
I mean, I really liked Valka; she'd grown on me fast. But I felt out of place. I didn't belong here. Hiccups bond with his mother was special.
Val tried to argue, but she soon relented because she didn't want for her to be the reason that Hiccup didn't get a job. She gave both of us powerful hugs and sent us on our way. As I closed the door to Valka's room, I saw her wipe a tear from her eyes.
AN: Whew! I almost didn't get this uploaded today. I completely forgot that my Canadian relatives were flying in for the week to see some band. I came home for the weekend expecting to be able to write in my room but I spent almost all of my time out of the house doing things. It was a ton of fun, but some late nights getting this chapter finished.
I want to once again thank everyone for reading this story. I try and make sure that each chapter is at least 3k words, not including authors notes.
I also wanted to thank everyone for reviewing, I read every comment and they all make me smile.
And finally, I especially wanted to thank anyone reading this from a country where English isn't the first language. It blows my mind what countries some of my readers live in and I just wanted to say that you rock.
Hope you guys liked the chapter! See you next week!