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Agatha hadn't exactly asked for permission before taking the jeep. If she had mentioned it to Dracula then he would have insisted on coming with her, and this was something Agatha needed to do by herself. In truth she needed some time to herself. The last few hours had been life changing and Agatha still wasn't sure any of it had truly sank in yet.

That she had apparently swapped to a six-monthly cycle was one thing. It was surprising, annoying even, but it was something that Agatha could deal with; she just needed to find a supermarket or a pharmacy and buy some hygiene products. Of course, whilst she was there Agatha could also pick up some condoms. Not that she was sure just yet whether she was even going to let Dracula within five feet of her, but if she changed her mind, it would be sensible to have precautions to hand.

However, all of that was overshadowed by her first kill.

Agatha just couldn't force from her mind the child's face. It was there every time she closed her eyes, accusing. She was a murderer. She had taken a life, the life of an innocent no less; vampire or not, the child had never committed a sin save that of hunger, and instead of protecting it the way she should have, Agatha had destroyed it…and she was not as upset about it as she should be, which was in her mind far worse a sin. If there had ever been better evidence that she should never be a mother, Agatha couldn't fathom it.

Then if that revelation of her own corruptibility wasn't enough, it had all been compounded by her fight with Dracula about it.

As she drove through the countryside, the fresh air did help to clear away some of her cobwebs, her disturbed night's rest and subsequent shock had not left Agatha's brain functioning at its normal efficiency. Now she was able to think without Dracula fussing over her, Agatha was able to let go of some of her irritation towards him. To concede that maybe her initial reaction to his, almost sensible request for her to stay behind whilst he dealt with it, was more influenced by her hormones then Agatha had realised at the time.

He loved her and Dracula showed that loved by being overly demonstrative and protective. Normally Agatha would have shrugged that off, and come up with several logical reasons, that would bring him to see things from her point of view. Or at least given them both time to calm down, they would have been able to talk things through, and consider each other's point of view a little.

She would even concede now she was alone, that Dracula hadn't meant to order her to stay put, he hadn't realised just how far his powers as her Elder went; in truth Agatha hadn't herself until she found herself in the very same situation. She had only heard about it anecdotally, almost as a whispered vampire legend. In some ways now she had experienced it for herself, Agatha realised it suddenly made a lot of other things clearer; how else would Gilles de Rais have avoided being offed by one of his own clan by now, if it wasn't for this Elder privilege?

Dracula hadn't meant to do it, he had apologised, and yet Agatha was still angry with him; more than anything else, more than when he laughed off her attempts to prove she could look after herself, more than when he popped the bubble of her cosseted view of the world. He was a killer, she was a killer, it was their nature, even if they chose to suppress it and cover it up with pretty words and practices. She needed to accept it, and worryingly Agatha knew she almost had. She still saw the child's face, still regretting her actions deeply but it was the ease with which it had happened that was really haunting her. She had just acted on instinct, preserving her own life without even a pause, for a moment there had even been a thrill from letting go…until she had been faced with the consequences.

Pulling up as the jeep entered the town, they had passed through on their way here. Agatha was only too keen to stretch her legs instead of driving further in and trying to find a parking space near the shops. She certainly didn't trust her own driving skills to accomplish that feat, no matter how she had ribbed Dracula for the same inadequacy. It didn't take Agatha long to find a pharmacy, and she pushed the door open to find several older women sitting, and waiting for their prescriptions, and generally gossiping amongst themselves; well older looking at least, they would have to be seriously long lived to be older than her at this point. They paused in their talk when they spotted her, a clear outsider in this small town, and worse a foreigner to boot.

Approaching the counter Agatha smiled at the younger girl who was serving, wracking her brain for her long rusty Romanian, yet even if she could remember many words, the words for sanitary products and certainly condoms had not yet been invented. So, it took them a few tries and few interesting selections from behind the counter, including Agatha having to send back one pack of condoms for being the wrong size, Dracula would certainly not thank her for that, and she was under normal circumstances rather fond of his cock.

In the end she settled for buying two packets and some towels for herself, happily accepting the rather discrete brown paper bag the girl placed them in. It was on the way out that she heard it. Her Romanian may have been rusty, but she knew the word for whore in several languages. It had been muttered lowly by one of the older women, barely more than under her breath, but vampire hearing was sharper than normal, and Agatha couldn't stop her head from whirling about to stare down the commenter.

It was only watching as the older woman literally recoiled from her glare, that Agatha realised she was probably projecting far too much of the top predator vibe, one that she had seen Dracula execute so well. Her anger had risen up so quickly, as had her desire to rip the old woman's throat out, that it fell just as quickly with her own horrified realisation.

She had to get a handle on this. Agatha couldn't allow herself to be consumed by the vampiric tendencies within her, she had spent her whole life controlling and suppressing the wickedest parts of herself, now all that self-control was unravelling, what would be left when it did?

Stepping out on to the street Agatha let her feet take her away, walking and walking so she didn't have to engage with any more mortals right now. In the end her instincts steered her, and Agatha looked up to find herself in front of the small church off of the square. Pushing open the door, Agatha stepped foot in a church for the first time since her rebirth.

She didn't burst into flames, she didn't feel pushed out or unwelcome. It smelt a little of damp, not unusual for a religious building. There was a service in progress, and Agatha slipped quietly into a dark spot near the back. Vampires were generally good at going unnoticed if that was what they wanted, and right now Agatha just wanted to disappear into the woodwork and hide for a good long while.

Closing her eyes, her head bowed in effect of prayer, she listened to the mass, letting the Latin service wash over her, even if she mentally corrected a few of the priest's pronunciations. Agatha felt a part of her settle, the familiar routine of church, had always been a place she had been able to quiet her thoughts. Even though she struggled to believe in a god that had all but abandoned her to her fate, Agatha couldn't help but draw comfort from the ritual of it all. Her life had been much simpler back then. She had strived for more, to learn, to not be contained by her limitations in life, but she accepted them for the most part.

Now her life had precious few limitations. She was free to live, and learn, and love and travel, and she had wealth that enabled her to do so, borrowed though it maybe, Dracula had never been anything but generous with her. She would live forever, barring no accidents, and would remain healthy and strong throughout it all. She had a man who loved her fiercely, just as she loved him…and she did love Dracula, even if sometimes he did drive her mad. So why did all of this leave her feeling adrift and bereft?

Was the loss of her purpose and her faith that destabilising, or was it the lack of any clear goal to aim for? Throughout her mortal and most of her immortal life Agatha had been focused on her learning, or the hope of learning, always having projects to keep herself occupied. Was it this lack of goal that was causing her to be frankly a bitch to Dracula whenever she had the excuse to?

Sure, she gained some satisfaction from helping teach her siblings, but it wasn't what she wanted to be doing with her days. She cared for their wellbeing, but they couldn't be her whole life, just like Dracula couldn't either. Agatha needed something else, something that was just hers. Something that wasn't debutant lessons and pretending to be a socialite, when she was clearly a scholar, but did that mean she needed to be a "Scholar"? Agatha was no longer so sure that was her path anymore, but what other option was there, other than being a wife and…a mother…

A quiet but pointed cough drew Agatha's attention and she was surprised to find herself in a darkened room, the earlier bright daylight now fading. Mass had clearly been over for some time and Agatha hadn't even noticed so wrapped up in her own problems. Glancing up she was surprised to see an elderly nun in front of her.

"Sorry." Agatha blurted it out in English first, it was a habit now, before following it up in Romanian.

"I am sorry for disturbing your prayers, but the priest is keen to lock up for the evening." The nun explained, clearly picking up on the minute shift in Agatha's face.

"My child you are clearly struggling with something, you have been asking god for his wisdom…"

"A rather one-sided conversation as always." Agatha quipped, even if her gallows humour was more for her own benefit.

"Perhaps it would help to talk your troubles through with someone who could provide more direct guidance?" The sister suggested, indicating for Agatha to step out of the pew and follow her.

By rote Agatha did so, turning to genuflect to the alter and even reaching for the blessing of the holy water on the way out, crossing herself as a force of habit, even as the nun watched her in surprise.

"Most of the young people no longer do that." She mused, causing Agatha to smile at thought of anyone thinking of her as young.

"Let us just say I had a very traditional upbringing." Agatha added, following the nun out of the side entrance and down the quiet cobbled street, to a small unassuming gate.

Inside was a simple townhouse, that clearly doubled for the town's convent. The sister did not take her inside, probably keen not to disturb her sisters in their quiet time, but she took Agatha around the side gate and into the kitchen gardens.

"I am very proud of my onions." She pointed out the row of large bulbs already showing above the ground. "I know some might say pride is a terrible sin, but as I am dependant upon the lord's grace for my bounty, I think there is some allowance for our joint effort." The sister added with something approaching a toothless grin.

Guiding Agatha to sit on a rather rickety bench along the stone wall, where they could watch the sun begin to set, the sister waited for Agatha to break the comfortable silence.

Yet when she opened her mouth to speak, the words that came out what not those that she expected to say… "I was a nun once."

Clearly the sister hadn't expected it either, yet she didn't interrupt, merely turned as if to scrutinise Agatha more closely, yet there wasn't censure in her gaze.

"For almost twenty years in fact." Agatha added, her mouth suddenly dry.

"I struggled for years with my faith until finally…no I have to be honest with someone…I met this man that made my attempts to devote my life to god all but pointless. He was everything I had ever been told to avoid in this world, totally devoted to living his life to the fullest and not giving a d…well…" Agatha paused at her almost slip.

"He fascinated me, and I suppose I fascinated him. We were so very opposite in so many ways and yet…we were so similar as well. I was attracted to him from the first moment we met, and I fought so hard to deny it; I convinced myself that my interest was solely in trying to stop any damage he might cause to those around me."

Agatha sighed, listening to the warble of a song bird in one of the many fruit trees.

"It took me far too long to admit I was in love with him and I was just afraid of what that meant, to me, to the life I had dedicated myself to, of what it would mean for my future. I never in my wildest dreams thought that he could fall in love with me too. I was far from the type of woman he had preferred in the past, I was neither young nor beautiful, and yet he insists I am the only woman he has ever been in love with…and I know it is the truth…for all his past faults he has never lied to me, he has barely felt shame, so why would he lie?"

It wasn't really a question, Agatha didn't need an answer.

"If I were any other woman, I suppose that would be the end of the story, the happily ever after, we'd get married and have children and everything would be perfect."

The barely smothered scoff from her companion indicated what the sister thought to that silliness.

"I know, only fools and children believe in fairy tales."

"Are you unhappy with him, with this choice?" The sister finally spoke. "Is that what drove you to the church today?"

"I…I am lost." Agatha admitted. "I am discovering things about myself that I never thought possible, and I just not sure what to do, or where to turn for answers, and I am turning my anger and frustration onto the person I care about the most."

"Your love has no such answers for you?"

"Oh, he would have, if I asked…I am just unsure if I should ask, what if I make a mistake and it hurts him if I later change my mind? Isn't it better not to raise his hopes? I have spent so long being sure of what I wanted, and what I didn't want was so clear to me then, but now I am questioning everything I thought I once knew. Did I just make those choices out of fear and am I now afraid of the alternative, of trying to change, to let go of the past, even though I know it would make him so happy? What if I try and it simply makes things worse?"

"When you close your eyes, what is the one thing you know to be true, even through all the confusion? What is the one thing you know you couldn't live without?"

Closing her eyes, Agatha breathed in the scent of spring, allowing the peaceful warmth of the setting sun to centre her. What was the one thing she couldn't bare to live without…the answer to that came easier than she expected, she could almost see his smiling face, just the memory of him laughing like a mischievous boy as he revved that blasted car and caused her to grab on to the car door.

Dracula was the most important person in the world to her. The idea of living in this world without him was unbearable. The idea of hurting him and causing him pain, caused her to hurt, but the idea of bringing him joy...was that supposed to be her purpose now? Was that why God or fate or whomever had brought them together all those years ago?

"As a nun your life was dedicated in service, you were used to giving of yourself to God and to others, it gave you a sense of belonging and purpose?"

"Yes." Agatha found herself nodding, even though she kept her eyes closed, imagining Dracula's amused reaction if he was here, listening to her being counselled by another nun of all things.

"You need to find a purpose in your new life, one that satisfies that need to give but in a way that gives back to you as well. You need to ground your new purpose, in what is so central to your life now, in what brings you joy; use that as your foundation and you will not stray too far from your true path."

It wasn't the simple answer Agatha had been hoping for, but it was a start, and certainly more guidance than she had ever received in her prayers.

Nodding her thanks Agatha forced herself to stand, as lovely as it was to sit here in this garden and imagine she was back in simpler times, that wasn't the reality of her life now. It was time to stop running from her problems, it was time to face them, and talk them through properly. It was time to stop being so damn selfish about everything, time to listen to what Dracula wanted from this relationship, even if those weren't things Agatha was ready yet to give him, it couldn't keep being about her and her fear. She needed a direction, something to work towards, a star to guide herself by.

The quiet cough drew Agatha's attention once more and Agatha was suddenly relieved, she had lost the ability to blush, as the sister handed her the package she was going to leave behind, a package none of the sisters would have any use for. Laughing nervously Agatha accepted the brown paper bag, and bidding the sister farewell, headed back out of the garden, following her way back to the church, and from there towards the pharmacy and then from there a rather long winded route back to where she had left the car…only to find it wasn't as unoccupied as she had first left it.

Yet instead of being annoyed at the unexpected company lounging against the passenger door like he had ever right to be there, which he did, Agatha felt her dead heart lurch in her chest. Crossing the street Agatha didn't pause for a greeting, she reached up and cupped his face with her free hand, pressing herself up on to her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. Once, twice, three times until Dracula finally responded, wrapping his arm around her waist, resting his forehead against hers as they traded soft, chaste kisses.

"I'm sorry…I overreacted, you were right, and I was a bitch about it." Agatha whispered like it was a confession.

Sighing either in relief or in acceptance of some sort Dracula's stare bore down into her eyes, as though he were weighing the truth of her words, either that or waiting for the 'but' that would normally follow. When it didn't come, or he found what he was looking for he nodded, a simple acceptance.

"Please do not run away after we argue, I couldn't bear it when I first realised you had gone." Dracula muttered, tucking a lock of hair back behind her ear. "Tell me you need space, I will give you space my dearest but never leave me."

"I can promise to try, I am struggling at the moment, I'm not at my best." Agatha confessed again, leaning into the way Dracula's grip on her tightened, and she could relax into it, knowing he wouldn't let her fall. "Can we go somewhere and talk? Not the castle, somewhere else…somewhere special?"

Smiling at her request Dracula answered it by gesturing to the passenger door, opening it with the key he had swiped from Agatha's pocket, and holding the door open for her. "Milady."

Accepting the courtly gesture for what it was, Dracula trying to be sweet, and obliging of her request, whilst being unsure just what this talk would entail. Agatha accepted his hand to help into the car, even though she was perfectly capable of getting in all by herself. As an answering gesture when Dracula jumped into the driver's side and quickly started the car, driving away far quicker than Agatha would have liked; instead of gripping the door handle, she reached across and placed her hand on his thigh instead.

It earned her a quick glance of surprise, Dracula smiling across at her, easing off the accelerator just a little and feeling the tension in her hand abate when he did so.

Relaxing into the car seat, Agatha allowed herself to simply enjoy the moment, they were together, the world was not ending and perhaps by talking through everything that was going on in her head, together they could come to some sort of solution…for once she didn't have to be the one coming up with all the answers to everything…perhaps this time they could do it together?

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