Gruvia Week 2020
Day 6: Failure
Fairy Tail World
Pairing: Gray Fullbuster, Juvia Lockser
Series: Fairy Tail
Day 6: SHE'S OKAY
"I promise to take you more seriously."
Gray held a limp body in his arms. He couldn't see clear as the tears and the pain blurred his vision and his mind. His hold around the body tightened as he pleaded.
"So, please, Juvia. Please wake up."
But she was cold. Gray remembered Juvia's warmth – her heat, her softness, the kindness in her smile that brought not a surge but a gentle ripple of that warm feeling that gradually spread across his chest, then, to his whole being. This wasn't Juvia. This person nestled in his arms couldn't be Juvia. Because Juvia was warm and the body he was clinging unto was as cold as ice.
Gray wasn't a religious man but at that moment, as he closed his eyes, Gray called out to all the gods that he knew.
"Wake up…"
His chest tightened and the words that he wanted to say hitched in his throat and blocked the passageway.
"Please,"
The cold body in his arms stayed motionless and it was all becoming real to him. So real that the fire of hope in his heart began to die out.
"Juvia."
His voice cracked. The coming sobs gripped at his throat. He released Juvia's lifeless body, gently placing it on the ground. Juvia Lockser became a casualty in this stupid war that none of them wanted to be a part of. He gently pressed his quivering lips on Juvia's bruised forehead. Then, his gaze lowered to her lips drained of color, lingering for a moment until reality ripped through his body.
Gray stood on his feet, swaying at first until he found his balance. He screamed to the sky, letting out all his anger and pain to the gods he now knew did not exist. Because if they did, Juvia would have still been alive. When he was done, when the anguish and sorrow had exhausted everything that he had, everything that he was, his spent frame immediately fell on the ground, kneeling next to Juvia.
She was dead. She was dead and it was all because of him. Pain, anger and darkness consumed Gray, eating away on his whole being. His surrounding was reduced to nothing but a mere landscape of what was left of her, of Juvia. Gray felt nothing and felt everything, all at once. The dark marks on his body began to appear and his mind was focused on one thing and one thing alone – revenge.
An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
His determination to take Invel's life made him stand on his two feet, difficult as it may. He was going to kill that bastard who stole Juvia's future – and now his.
It didn't take him long to find the Winter General. And when Gray saw him, his mind and body focused on one thing and one thing alone – to make him pay with his life. The ground beneath him shook as Gray marched over to where Invel was. He was laughing at him, at his condition.
"Well, you can't hope to fight with that wound."
Then, the Ice Devil Slayer saw red.
Gray attacked the Winter General, rained punches on him like there was no tomorrow, there was no future. Gray managed to put Invel down – one of the Spriggan 12, Alvarez Empire's Chief of Staff – and keep him on the ground with his final attack.
But the tightness in his chest didn't disappear. The acid in his stomach churned its way up. The lump in his throat turned to thorns. And the tears never stopped. The tears blurred his vision but he could clearly see a path – a dark road to an eternity of pain. He watched the marks on his arms disappear. That magic, that power couldn't save anyone.
He couldn't bring his parents back. He couldn't protect Ur. But worse of all, he couldn't save her.
Once again, he failed.
That body he left on the icy ground tainted by her blood was proof.
She wasn't coming back. Juvia wasn't coming back. She's dead.
"No!"
Gray bolted up. It wasn't the scream that woken him up but that painful feeling that followed him into his awaking. His whole body trembled and he struggled to even his breathing. For the first time, his skin reacted to the cold air but a layer of sweat had already covered his body. He wiped the bullets of sweat that formed on his forehead and the corners of his eyes. But Gray knew that the latter was wet with tears.
It was a dream but it felt all too real – his pain, his anger and Juvia. Too real that Gray himself almost believed it. But if it was indeed just a dream, how come he felt like dying?
"Gray! Are you alright?" It was the Requip Mage who ran to Gray, face furrowed in panic and worry.
"Yes. I was just," Gray pushed himself off the ground. He commanded his body to stay awake, not wanting to fall asleep and relive the same nightmare. "it was just a bad dream." finished Gray as he patted his coat and pants.
"Juvia?"
Her name made the hair on his neck stand. In these past few days that he was away from her, Gray had been having dreams about Juvia; dreams that made Gray skip a few nights of sleep. It was always the same dream – Juvia walking away from his reach and when he called out to her, Juvia would jump into a dark abyss without looking back. This was the first time that he dreamed of her death.
A static noise brought Gray back to reality. From a glass ball that Erza was holding, muffled voices called out to the Requip Mage.
"Erza, are you there?"
Gray walked up to Erza to inspect the ball closer. The display would dart back and forth from familiar faces and static.
"What is that?" asked Gray, keeping his eyes glued on the strange ball, a good distraction from his dark thoughts.
"It's a communications lacrima." explained Erza. "Master wanted me to bring it along so we could give them updates on our mission." explained her further.
"Gray-sama! Gray-sama, are you there?"
The familiar voice dislodged the large thorn stuck in his throat. Relief and a feeling that resembled happiness settled in his heart, washing away all the pain, anger and guilt that consumed him everyday.
"Hello? Is Gray-sama there?"
Gray didn't understand why tears welled up his eyes. He wasn't going to cry in front of Erza. So, he managed to bit down the sob that was about to erupt.
"Oi, Juvia. I'm here." He talked into the strange ball. He almost kissed the glass when it spit out a clear image of the water-mage.
"Gray-sama! Juvia already misses Gray-sama."
She was there. She came back. Juvia was alive.
The tears fought back as they stung the back of his eyes. He could only watch her face inside the ball. Juvia was the same: her vibrant blue hair; her soft, crinkled eyes; her disarming, bright smile. Gray missed all of them.
Wait for me, thought Gray.
"Oi, Rain Woman! Stop hogging the lacrima."
Both Gray and Erza recognized the voice of the Iron Dragon Slayer. Gray had a little panic when Juvia disappeared entirely from the screen. His dark onyx eyes frantically searched inside the communication lacrima, almost snatching the glass ball from Erza. He only let go when he heard her voice getting smaller from inside the ball. He assumed that Gajeel was the one who pulled Juvia away from the screen of the ball. It was the only plausible explanation that calmed him down.
"Juvia just wanted to say hello to her Gray-sama." reasoned Juvia.
Peace settled in him, even allowing himself a weak chuckle, when the water-mage, perfectly in good condition, reappeared on the screen and shoving Mirajane aside.
"Please take good care, Gray-sama. Juvia couldn't wait to see–eep" Juvia didn't finish what she was about to say when she disappeared from the screen again.
"–Mira has more important things to say!"
The screen panned to Mira again, her face was pulled into a worried and sorry expression. She was looking at her side, presumably at Juvia being dragged away from the communication lacrima, despite her clear protests. But even so, Gray's ears and his consciousness picked up her voice from the cacophony of sounds.
"Gajeel-kun, Juvia just wanted to say goodbye to Gray-sama."
That pulled the corners of Gray's lips into a soft smile.
"Juvia's okay, Gray."
"I can see that." replied Gray, eyes still glued on the glass ball.
He wasn't sure if he was waiting for Juvia to reappear on the screen. He wouldn't hate it. He'd like to see her face again, alive and well and smiling. Juvia was alive. She was perfectly fine.
And like what that one song said, tears always win.
He tried to be discreet, even turning his back from Erza to wipe the tears that managed to fall. Erza saw through it. She knew the feeling firsthand; Erza lost too many people not to know that painful feeling. But for some, for the lucky ones who survive, there was also that elating feeling, so powerful that it leaves you no choice but to let the tears fall.
Erza let him be, knowing what Gray went through. They were all scarred. She returned to her communication lacrima and talked into the glass ball, giving Gray the space she knew he needed. The Requip Mage returned to her post.
Gray decided to return to his sleep but unlike before, he wasn't going to sleep with a broken heart. She was okay. Juvia was okay. His heart was at peace. Gray cushioned his head on one arm and stared into the sky above him, and smiled at the gods he knew now existed.
The stars were so beautiful, shining just for him. It was as if they were comforting Gray, reminding him that Juvia was okay. She might be looking at the same sky. She might be praying to the same stars. Juvia was in his universe – alive.
"Please wait for me, whispered Gray.
Gray prayed once more, asking the stars, the moon and the gods that brought his Juvia back to him, for guidance as he made a promise: Gray would be a man that could protect Juvia.
This time he would not fail.
"Juvia."
Writer's Corner: Okay, so by now we are approaching the end of Gruvia Week 2020. Tomorrow's the last so stay in tune.
Phew. Angst ins't really my strong suit. I tried everything, listening to sad songs, watching sad clips, everything is just sad, sad, sad. But still can't get that powerful feeling into words. Thanks for staying with me, I appreciate everyone!