Chapter Five: Human

My name is Dr. Nora Hawthorne and I work for the Joker.

It sounded so strange in her mind. Strange but also good. Nora had seemingly given in to a dark desire for thrills. But where did it come from? She felt trapped by the expectations of everyone around her. Every day was a new barrage of dealings with impatient, greedy, entitled people that she wished she could scream at. But that wasn't it. Nora felt something else. She felt something weird around the Joker. Like she was held by some kind of magnetic pull every time he was around her. But she wasn't ready to acknowledge what this meant yet, so she pushed it back into that dark corner of her brain.

The next day her mind was busy with questions, when she would hear from the Joker again being the predominating issue. But there was nothing she could do, she had to continue to wait with her questions unanswered. It was Wednesday, the middle of the week tends to be busy. Hopefully that will help keep her anxiety under control.

It didn't. All day Nora was jumpy and distracted. She was sitting at her desk reviewing a case file when her technician, Jamie, came to speak to her about her next patient.

"Dr. Hawthorne," he said from behind her.

Nora practically jumped out of her seat at the sound of his voice. "Ah! My God, Jamie. Yes, hi," she stammered, embarrassed about her overreaction.

The young tech's face flushed red, her embarrassment apparently contagious. He cleared his throat and said, "I have a six-year-old German Shephard here with acute blood-tinged vomiting here for you in room four."

"O-Ok thank you, I'll be ready in a sec," she replied. She turned back around and rolled her wide eyes, cursing at herself for being so jittery. Christ, woman. Get ahold of yourself and do your job. She stood from her chair, the chair Joker had sat in the night she met him, and headed toward her awaiting patient.

The rest of the day was a rapid fire of cases to see. A cat with an asthma attack, a geriatric Husky with congestive heart failure, a horrendous bite wound on a Doberman, a Persian cat with diabetes. Each patient came and went, getting the care they needed. Nora was still on edge but felt like it had been a good day, despite it being a busy one. No one yelled at her or her staff, everyone was fucking civil for once. She was the last one in the building and was getting ready to leave around nine at night. It was then that she started to feel some uncertainty. This uncertainty grew into a full-blown panic.

What have I done? The realization of what she agreed to do came crashing down on her. She was good at her job, her life was stable. She tossed that out the window when she saved the Joker. Her life was never going to be the same. She took a few shaky breaths in an effort to calm down. This was her conscience testing her. She just had to reason with herself.

Well, what was I supposed to do? Run? Run and call the cops?... Yes. But you didn't. You saved that man's life. A man who kills people for fun. Why?

Nora had sunk to the floor at this point, tears in her eyes.

You saved his life.

She felt hot droplets starting to roll down her face and squeezed her eyelids shut.

You saved him.

Her chin dropped to her chest. Then, her eyes flew open.

You saved him because he was dying.

Maybe it was the look in his eyes when he tried to breathe. He was going to die and he came to her for help. Ask anyone in Gotham, they'll tell you he is an inhuman beast. Even though he didn't act like it, the Joker was a human being and he didn't want to die. She didn't want to let him die. He had a heart pumping blood, a stomach that growled, hair that grew. He was a man.

She sat straight up and took a sharp breath in through her nose.

You're attracted to him. It scares you but you love it.

She had been trying to deny her attraction to the Joker for days. The night she met him, something stirred in her. He made her nervous. Not just because he was intimidating, there was something else. Seeing proof of his mortality right in front of her eyes was something she assumed very few people, if any, have witnessed. It made her want to know him. She knew what he'd done, terrible things. He was dangerous. But saving the Clown Prince's life was forcing her to see past all of the news stories, past the fear mongering, down to the flesh and bones. She was left with a morbid curiosity about what else made him human. What does he eat? When does he sleep? Does the Joker have sex? …. What would his scars feel like against her skin?

Nora made her quiet journey home with an expressionless face. She stared straight ahead out the window of the bus, watching the rain tap against the glass. She was trying to accept this turning point in her life. These feelings couldn't be ignored any longer, but she couldn't act on them. No way. She didn't feel it was possible that the attraction was shared. It would only set her up for severe embarrassment or even death if it pissed him off. She acknowledged them, but she had to ignore them.

The bus groaned to a halt at her stop and Nora slowly made her way out the doors, into the now pouring rain. By the time she reached her building, she was soaked. She shivered as she boarded the empty elevator and hit the button for the sixth floor. It was so quiet. Kind of an eerie quiet. Was it the weather? Maybe everyone was staying in to avoid the storm. The sound of the steel doors opening broke the silence and a feeling of unease crept its way into Nora's stomach as she approached the door to her apartment. She stopped to listen. Nothing. You're just being paranoid. She clenched her fist and placed her other hand on the door handle. Its unlocked.

She took a deep, shaking breath and slowly pushed the door open. Her drenched clothing dripped on the floor, making a steady tapping noise on the wood during her slow walk down the short hallway toward her living room. The downpour of rain beyond the walls was the only other sound. It was dark inside her apartment, only a slight glow from the street light outside the window cast soft shadows around the small living room. As soon as she set foot into the room, a small desk lamp clicked on, illuminating the space around it.

"Helloo, doc," said the Joker from the old armchair in front of her. His purple coat was draped over the back of the chair and he was leaning back into the seat, one plaid-socked ankle balanced on his opposite knee. His clothes were completely dry.

Nora suppressed a yelp of surprise, recoiling reflexively at his sudden appearance in front over her. "H-Hi, um… J," she finally responded to his greeting after a pause to catch her breath.

Joker smirked at the use of the nickname he had instructed her to use. "Welll, the hard working doc has fiiinal-ly made her way home. Long day, dollface?" His eyes trailed along the rain-soaked scrubs clinging to her wet skin as she shivered.

"Um. Yeah, kind of," she replied through chattering teeth. Am I ever going to stop being so awkward?

"Isn't. That. Unfortuna-te," he said slowly. "Don't let me, uh stop you, doll. Wouldn't want my doctor catching a collld," he said pointing up and down at her dripping clothes.

She stayed in place, shifting her eyes toward her room then back at the Joker. "Uhh no its ok, I-I'm ok," she said as she continued to shiver. She didn't necessarily feel comfortable undressing with the Joker in her apartment, even with a closed door between them.

He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows before he said, "Uhh, no. No you're not." His voice dropped deeper as he spoke.

Heat traveled up Nora's neck and into her cheeks. Her body shook harder, this time more from nerves. She just stared at him, her jaw tight. Fuck fuck fuck. What do I do?

Joker rolled his eyes and uncrossed his legs before standing from the chair. He approached her with a bored expression on his face. Nora watched him close the small gap between them in a few long strides and continued to tremble, crossing her arms. He stood in front of her for a moment, looking down at her as she shook. Then, he grasped the bottom of her shirt to bring it into his glove-less hands and twisted the fabric, wringing a surprising amount of water out onto the floor around their feet. He dropped the shirt, put his hands on her shoulders and spun her around to face away from him. Nora held her breath, waiting for him to strike in some way. But instead he nudged her forward, steering her into her bedroom. Before she could turn around, he had let go of her and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

She stood blinking at the closed door. Um. What? She waited. She heard nothing. Nora realized what he was trying to tell her and wasted no time tip-toeing into her bathroom to peel the soaking wet clothing from her body. She hurriedly grabbed a towel and dried herself off before throwing on a nearby pair of black jeans and a dark grey sweatshirt. After her frantic wardrobe change, she stood still and took a few deep breaths to calm herself. She blew the air out through her lips and turned to the door. It was still silent. He's here. In my apartment. With me. She felt her heart do a flip and tried to ignore it. She had to leave her bedroom sooner or later before he came in after her.

The door to her bedroom slowly opened. The Joker was back sitting in the armchair, his shoes flat on the floor and his hands in his lap. Their eyes met as Nora cautiously entered the room across from him.

"Ahhh much better. Make yourself comfort-table, doc," he said, staring at her. She slowly moved her bare feet toward the small couch facing Joker and sat down. "So, as my newest employee, I believe your uh orientation is in order," he said, tonguing his scars. He blinked his eyes, waiting for her response. Suddenly, they were interrupted by a loud meow. Oh God, not now. Bowie is hungry. Joker narrowed his eyes and shifted them toward the sound. The little tabby cat stood at the entryway to the room with her tail in the air, confident it was her dinner time.

He turned to Nora. "What is tha-t?" he asked, pointing to the cat.

"Um, that's Bowie, she's my cat. She's probably hungry," she replied sheepishly, looking at her hands.

"Bowie?" he replied.

Nora nodded her head, looking over at the cat. Joker looked back to the creature and bowed forward, extending an open head toward her. Bowie craned her neck and sniffed at his hand. Then, she stepped her paws forward and rubbed her whiskered cheek along his fingers. The cat continued to rub her head around on the man's hand, clearly enjoying the attention. Nora almost choked on her saliva. Ahhh Bowie what are you doing?

Joker let out a breathy chuckle, reaching to stroke her fur. "Hah! I think it likes me," he said, amused. Nora couldn't believe what she was seeing as the criminal, a professional killer who wears face paint to scare people, pet her cat.

She is clearly not a good judge of character but neither are you. Nora cleared her throat, "Y-Yeah she is a nice cat but she usually hides from strangers."

"I am, uh, flattered," he said, putting a hand to his chest. Does the Joker have a thing for animals? Nora didn't say anything and just stared at him, wide-eyed.

Joker feigned a look of concern and said, "What's the matter, doc? Cat got your tongue?" before bursting into a fit of roaring laughter at his own joke. Bowie was startled by the loud sound and leapt into the kitchen. Nora wasn't sure what came over her but she couldn't help it, she cracked a smile and giggled a little before trying to drop the grin from her face to hide it from him. He leaned back in the chair as his laughter died down to rumbling chuckles before stopping.

"Welll are you gonna feed it? Hm?" he abruptly asked her, licking his lip and nodding his head toward the kitchen. Nora jumped from her seat and headed to the kitchen.

"Where were we, doc?" he called to her from the chair as she quickly prepared the cat's meal. Bowie chirped a series of excited mews and hopped up onto the counter to eat. Nora rejoined the Joker in the living room and took her seat across from him.

"Um. My orientation?" she asked quietly.

Joker sat up. "Ahhh yes! We have some-ah basic etiquette to go over, doll," he said, leaning toward her with his elbows resting on his bent knees. He put up one finger, "One. Ev-ery-thing is confidential. No squealing. And I will know if you squeal." His tongue darted out from the corner of his mouth and he put another finger up, "Two. When I call, you answer." He put up a third finger, "Three. When I tell you to do something, you do i-t." He dropped his chin and rolled his eyes upward at her, a dark look in them as he stared. "Oh and I almost forgot, doc," he said as he stood from the chair and walked around the couch. He leaned in close from behind Nora, his lips right next to her ear. She could smell his musky scent and feel his warm breath on her face. Her pulse raced and she stiffened. "Have some funnn," he hummed deeply, suddenly straightening back up and walking away.

Nora let go of the breath she had been holding. She was honestly hoping for more information than that. What would she be told to do? Have fun with what? She turned to respond and saw Joker rooting around in her kitchen, opening cabinets and drawers, looking in the fridge. Bowie was watching him curiously from the counter.

"W-What are you looking for?" she asked cautiously.

Joker looked up from the fridge. "You, uh, keep any human food around here, doc-tor Nora?"

Nora blushed. "Oh, um, well I haven't really had time to go to the store lately," she answered.

He shut the fridge door and took the phone in the kitchen off its receiver. He stood at the edge of the room and tossed the phone to Nora, still sitting on the couch. "Order something, will ya, doll?" he said casually, clicking his tongue.

She caught the phone and looked at it, then back at him, then back at the phone. He switches gears so fast, he's hard to keep up with. Am I really about to order delivery for the Joker? So he does eat. She chuckled to herself about putting the name "Joker" on the order.

She looked up from the phone to see the Joker bent down in right front of her, his face inches from hers. "Now wha-t is soo funny, doll?" he grumbled. Nora froze and stared into his eyes. She couldn't look away. "Hm?" he hummed, tilting his head.

She had to answer. "I-I thought it was funny. Giving them your name for the order," she squeaked.

"HA!" he puffed in her face. "You are a strange one, doc. I like it," he said as he stood up and turned to sit next to Nora on the couch, leaving her as stunned as ever. He didn't seem to be familiar with the concept of personal space since as he sat close enough for their outer thighs to touch. She reacted by stiffening up again and staring straight ahead, trying to ignore the feeling of his leg against hers as her skin started to burn. Then, he took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned her head to face him. A rush of warmth ran through her from her cheeks to her toes.

"Are you gonna dial it or wha-t?" he asked, still holding her chin.

She swallowed and answered, "Um. What should I get?"

Joker grinned. "What-ever your heart desires, my dear," he purred before releasing her chin and watching her. Nora thought about it for a second. She had no idea what Joker ate but her guess was anything. Thai food it is, then. She held up the phone in her hand and pressed the numbers for her favorite Thai restaurant that she had memorized by now. She took a breath and readied herself to sound normal before hitting the green button.

Running her fingers through her hair, she brought the receiver to her ear and said, "Hey Tom, its Nora. Yeah the usual, thanks. Can I get two though? Yep. Thanks, see you soon." She hung up and looked to Joker sitting next to her. He looked a little surprised, maybe confused.

"Tomm?" he asked, drawing out the name.

Nora felt a little embarrassed. She shifted to create an inch or two of space between them as she spoke, "Uh, yeah, Tom. They kind of know me at that place. I, um, I order from them a lot if I've had a long day. Which is a lot I guess."

Joker chuckled and leaned back on the couch, lacing his fingers behind his head and crossing his ankles in front of him. He closed his eyes. Nora continued to shift little by little, toward the armrest. She was having a hard time being so close to him. It made her prickle with anxiety and feel warm in the pit of her stomach. She wanted to ignore it. He cracked an eye open and rolled it toward her.

"Am I making you uncomfor-table, doc?" he asked.

She froze. "Uh. N-No," she replied, at a loss for anything else to say.

He scoffed, blowing air through his nose. Then he opened the other eye as he dropped his hands to gesture at Nora. "I know a lie when I hear one, Noraaa. Haven't I told you too loosen up before? Hm?" He stared at her and waited for a response. He didn't get one. She just stared back, her unease visible on her face. "Listen doc, let's make a deal," he continued as he turned himself to face her, popping his tongue on the roof of his mouth. "How about, if you thaw out that frozen uh demeanor of yours, I'll give you a rewar-d," he said, leaning in toward her.

A reward? Like what?

She blinked and replied, "Um. A reward?"

"Mmmhm. A rewaarrd," he said, his voice deepened and a grin stretched his scars.

Her mind started buzzing with possibilities. He could mean more money, but he'd given that to her already and he didn't seem like the kind of guy to make the same offer twice. What else could he have to offer her? As she was lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice the Joker take something out of his pocket and moved closer.

Nora felt his hands grab both sides of her face and she gasped, her blood running cold.

"Your rewaarrd will be keeping that beau-ti-ful face intac-t," he growled, a knife tucked into his palm as he held her in place, a scowl taking over his features. This served as a reminder for Nora of who she was dealing with. Why did it seem to bother him so much when she acted nervous around him? Wasn't he used to that? She didn't know how she was supposed to relax with a knife at her cheek. He held her there as they looked into each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity. Her heart thumped in her chest. Then, Nora came to a realization. Maybe he just wants to be treated like a person.

She swallowed before she spoke quietly, "Ok, I understand." She forced her tight muscles to release and sunk into the cushions under her, softening her expression. It seemed counterintuitive that being relaxed around the Joker was in her best interest, but she knew for sure that defying him wasn't.

Joker's furrowed brow raised. "That's betterrr," he grumbled before he let go of her face and leaned back, still turned to face her on the couch.

The tense moment was followed by extended silence. They just watched one another breathe. Nora tried to concentrate on controlling her body's reaction to his presence. Every time she was in the same room with him, she felt stiff. Like a deer when it knows its been spotted by a potential predator, ready to run. Not only did she feel her fight-or-flight response kick in, but an intense attraction that made her tingle all over clashed with it. This left her a trembling mess. She thought maybe she had figured out why it made Joker angry to see her show her fear of him. He probably gets that reaction from almost everyone around him, maybe he wanted to interact with someone who didn't. That person could be Nora. She had seen him at his most vulnerable, when his life was in danger, and she helped him. She knew the people of Gotham well and wasn't confident in anyone else doing the same for him.

The Joker spoke again, his tone much lighter, "Ya know doc, you've got poten-tial." Nora responded with a confused expression.

"Self controlll isn't something every one possesses. One lit-tle sign of trouble and they fall to pieces. That doesn't get anyone anywherrre," he said, shaking his head. "Youu know how to keep your, uh, head on your shoulders when things take a turn in another direction," he continued, pointing a finger up and then curving it down. "Don't let your emotions spoil tha-t." He shot his tongue out over his lip and waited.

Nora sensed something from him. Was it respect? Could it be respect? She didn't think the Joker could respect anybody. "You really think so?" she asked, suppressing a look of disbelief.

He responded by slowly nodding, keeping his eyes on her face.

She looked down at the floor before speaking again. "No one has ever said anything like that to me before."

"Tha-t is a pity," he said.

She looked up and turned to the Joker. "Um. I don't know what to say other than thank you."

Joker curled up one side of his mouth to form a crooked smile and replied, "Oh no no no, no need for thanks, doll. Just stating the facts."

"I guess working in the medical field does that to you," she said.

He shook his head, "Noooo I beg to differ, doc. People can think they are prepare-d all they want, doesn't mean they are when shi-t hits the fann."

It seemed Nora had made an impression on the Joker that night they met. Honestly, this scared her. It made her feel like she had set some expectations that she was supposed to meet. What if she couldn't meet them? She had to ask.

"What is it that you're expecting me to do? You know, working for you?" she asked, honestly.

Joker chuckled a bit, "Ahhh well that is to be determined, doc. I can't see into the future. You'll be useful, don't worry."

Nora didn't really like that answer but she wasn't going to push it. They were finally establishing some kind of rapport. Now she had to maintain a hold on her emotions, fear being the predominating one, to keep things as friendly as they could be with the Joker. Wait. Did he say my face was beautiful?

A knock on the door startled Nora and she jumped in her seat. Oh the food!

She leapt up from the couch and grabbed her wallet from her bag, heading for the door. Before she went down the entryway hall, she stopped. What if someone found out he was in her apartment? She turned to look at the Joker, he flashed an innocent smile at her. Another knock on the door. "Yeah just a sec!" she called toward the sound. She stared back a moment before turning to approach the door. Fuck, I'll just answer the door. Her hand lifted to the knob and turned it.

"Hey Jai, thanks. What do I owe you?" she said to the dark-haired teenager at the door.

He smiled at her, "Hey Nora. Fifteen will cover it. How have you been?"

Nora took a twenty dollar bill out of her wallet and handed it to him, trying to keep her hand steady but failing. "Um I'm doing ok, thanks. Keep the change," she replied. She wanted to grab the bag of food and slam the door to get the poor kid out of there as soon as possible but she had to stay discreet. The seconds ticking by felt never-ending.

"Oh thanks! Here you go," the teen said, handing her the brown paper bag.

As Nora took it in her hands, an exaggerated voice shouted from the living room, "Is that the food, sweetums? I'm starvinnggg!"

The color drained from her face. OH MY GOD. "Uh y-yeah! I'll be right there!" she yelled over her shoulder, then turned to Jai. "Um, uh, I have a-a friend over."

He nodded his head "Oh ok, well have a good night!" he replied, almost as awkwardly as Nora.

"You too, bye," she stammered quickly before stepping back, shutting the door and locking it. Nora held the warm bag in her arms and leaned against the closed door, running through the interaction she just had with the delivery boy in her head. Could he know it was the Joker? Would he recognize his voice? No it sounded different, like one of those husband characters on a seventies sitcom. Her waning panic turned into anger. Why the fuck would he do that? I could have gotten caught! She took deep breaths in and out, starting fast then slowing. Once the fury boiling inside her started to die down, she walked slowly down the little hall, back to the living room where Joker was waiting for her.

Once she was in view, Joker wheezed a series of high-pitched giggles before he said, "I couldn't resist, doll."

Nora was trying to control her hostility. Her hands were trembling. She walked swiftly into the kitchen and dropped the bag on the counter. Then she turned to him and stated, "I could have been caught."

Joker abruptly stood and walked toward her, only stopping once his face was square in front of hers, their foreheads almost touching. "So serious," he said, his breath warming her lips. They were close enough to kiss. Nora didn't dare to move, she only shifted her eyes to meet his gaze. His closeness sent waves of pulsing tingles through her body. He spoke again, "Don't be so serious." Then he suddenly stepped to the side, taking his warmth with him and sending a chill over Nora.

She closed her eyes and exhaled, almost forgetting what she had been mad about. I thought he was going to kiss me. She felt a little disappointed. No, focus! She squeezed her shut eyelids together and tried to think about anything but kissing the Joker. Old men, socks with sandals, garbage trucks, spoiled milk. Her nerves slowly dissolved away. She wasn't sure how long she had been standing there, not moving, hypnotized by her hormones.

"I'll try," she said softly, before turning around. Joker had opened the paper bag on the counter and was inspecting the contents. He took one of the containers in his hands and opened it, slanting up an eyebrow upon seeing what it held. He reached back in the bag and withdrew a pair of wooden chopsticks. Balancing them between his fingers, he scooped a large portion of noodles out of their container, tilted his head back, and lowered them into his open mouth. Nora smiled and started to quietly laugh, showing her white teeth.

As he chewed, he pointed the chopsticks at her and said, "Ah! See? That's better."

Nora continued to laugh. All of this was just so ridiculous. She now works for the most notorious criminal in the city and he's standing in her kitchen eating Pad Thai. Joker swallowed the mass of noodles and let out a small cough.

"Yeah, I like it spicy," she replied through her giggles.

Song for this chapter: Human Behaviour by Björk