Chapter 7

Bella – How – Maroon 5

Edward – One Last Chance – Daughtry

EPOV

I was so nervous for my meeting with Bella, that I paced my room half the night. Twenty minutes! It was more time than I ever dreamed I'd have, and yet it wasn't nearly enough. I went over everything I wanted to say countless times, rehearsing it all: my remorse, pain, longing and love, maximizing the words to take full advantage of each second. I went over each question I had for her. I pondered how to ask each, and in which order. I needed to minimize any chance of scaring her. No matter how desperately I wanted to tell her I loved her, I had questions I fully intended to find the answers to. This would be close. Maybe, just maybe if everything worked out perfectly, she would agree to meet with me again, but I needed to not get ahead of myself. With Bella, things rarely went the way I wanted them to.

I pulled into the school parking lot ten minutes to seven. I looked around at the deserted blacktop. It was way too early for students, and there were only a few cars in the teachers' lot. Bella had not yet arrived. The front doors had only just been unlocked, and I had to force myself to walk through at a human pace. The halls were empty and quiet as I made my way down the main hall. The only thoughts in the building came from the service departments, and even then, the focus was on consuming vast quantities of coffee.

I tried to belie my nervousness by leaning against the wall by her office door. I put my head back and closed my eyes. Alice never told me this meeting would go well, only that everything would work out for the best. That could mean almost anything. Doctor Sutton's thoughts of the ring slipped through my memory, and my stomach felt nauseous again. "Working out for the best" for Bella could mean she would marry the doctor and live happily ever after. The irony did not escape me. This is what I once hoped would happen for Bella, and it looked like I was, horribly, about to get what I had wanted. I didn't want to think about that. I went over my carefully planned words again, when I heard Bella's car pull into the parking lot. I imagined in my mind what she would look like as I heard the door close, alarm chirp on, and the click of her heels as she made her way across the lot, up the stairs, down the hall, and around the corner. I trained my eyes as she turned, and my breath caught in my chest.

She was wearing a dark blue wool skirt that slightly flared and ruffled around her calves. Her maroon cardigan was form-fitted around a cream ruffled blouse that framed her lovely face in a most soft and feminine way. I never tired of seeing this strange but beautiful grown-up version of Bella. Her body had matured in a very pleasing way, and her professional wardrobe only enhanced her beauty. It took me a moment to register the 'V' between her eyes, and I realized that she was not looking forward to this long-anticipated meeting. The look in her eyes told me she was just as nervous as I was, and her rapid heartbeat confirmed my observations. She took her key ring out of her bag and nodded to me in acknowledgement.

"Good morning, Edward," she somberly greeted me.

"Good morning to you, too, Miss Swan," I nodded back with a slight smile. I had hoped to lighten the mood a bit, but she shot me an awkward glance as she set her bags on the floor to unlock the door. I scooped up her things and walked in behind her. If anything, I would be a gentleman.

"Thanks, Edward," she said quickly, "Please have a seat." She motioned to the one mismatched chair across from her desk. She closed the door and sat in her own chair behind the desk being careful to avert her eyes. She had her hands resting in front of her, staring at her fingers. I was patiently waiting for her to say something. She finally looked up.

"You've been trying to have this chat for a while." I nodded. "I'm still not sure if this is a good idea, but I want you to get whatever is bothering you off your chest." She sighed heavily and looked a little strained around her eyes. "Please understand we only have twenty minutes." I nodded again. She stared at me, waiting for me to begin.

I swallowed hard. There were so many things I wanted to say. I tried in vain to remember what I had rehearsed the day before, but words failed me, so I blurted out the first thing I thought.

"Who is the child's father, Bella?" I inwardly cringed. I hadn't planned on asking anything like that until we had hashed out other vital details. So much for all my careful planning. I glanced up to see shock in Bella's face. Apparently, she hadn't expected that, either. She stared at me for a moment, then a look of understanding washed over her face. The hint of a smile appeared at the corners of her mouth before she looked up and met my eyes again.

"Jason isn't my son, Edward." Jason. "He's my brother." It took my mind a moment to comprehend. Brother.

"Yeah, um, Renee and Phil," she glanced over my shoulder. "They passed away a few years ago." She sighed deeply. "In a car accident. They were hit by a drunk driver, so now I am raising him." She turned her face and looked right at me. The 'V' intensified. My brain was processing this new information at vampire speed.

The child, Jason, I reminded myself, was only a few years old when Renee and Phil died, which means at the time Bella was only barely legal herself, and most certainly still in college. Adjusting to parenthood while continuing with school and dealing with her grief must have been insurmountable. I could not imagine the difficulties she must have faced, and a new wave of horror and shame washed over me as I realized the many new ways I had failed her. I should have been there. I remembered the love and easy manner between them as they played in the leaves in Bella's backyard. She had a good job and she worked hard to provide well for him. Somehow, she had made it through, seemingly alone. Bella was so much stronger than I had ever realized.

Then the question hit me: does she even need me? No. I swallowed again and glanced down at her hands still clasped and resting on top of the desk. I was too ashamed to meet her eyes. She continued to speak in a matter-of-fact tone.

"So, Phil is his father." The look of sadness in her eyes was anything from matter of fact. She continued to look at me, waiting.

Since I was obviously unable to stop the word vomit, the next question erupted from my mouth, "Do you love the doctor you're dating, Bella?" I just couldn't believe what an ass I was. Tentatively, I looked up to see the look of utter disbelief on Bella's face.

"You have absolutely no right to ask me that!" She nearly shouted.

I quickly backpedaled. "Yes, Bella, I know." then a bit softer, "but, please answer anyway."

She glared at me. "David is a good and decent man. I respect and admire him, and he's good to me and Jason," she replied defensively.

I knew all this, but she hadn't really answered the question. I had to know.

"Yes, but do you love him?" I was suddenly afraid of her answer. What would I do if she did?

She looked at her hands again, debating on whether to answer. Finally, she met my eyes with a troubled look.

"I don't know. It's too soon to tell." A strong wave of relief settled over me, and I felt like I could breathe again. I looked up at her face and caught my smile from spreading. Bella looked incredulous.

"Is this why you were so desperate to talk to me? You wanted to pry into my family and personal life? I don't get it, Edward. It's none of your business, and why would you even care?"

We had come to the heart of the matter, and with only (I took a quick glance at clock on Bella's desk) fifteen minutes left. I desperately wanted to reach across and take her hand. I wanted to guide her over, settle her across my lap and stroke her hair and back as I looked deep into her eyes to tell her what was coming, but I knew that in her agitated state, that would not be a good idea. Instead, I settled for strong eye contact, and hoped it would be enough.

"Bella, there seems to be some misunderstandings we need to clear up."

Bella had a resolved look in her eye. I wished, for the millionth time, I could simply read her mind. She gave a nod, encouraging me to continue.

"The day I left, when I was saying goodbye…." I suddenly felt my throat constrict. This was not going to be as easy as I hoped, but I knew I would not have another chance. I took a deep breath and steeled my own resolve. Screw gentlemanly behavior. I leaned forward with determination and took her hand in mine, looking deep in her eyes.

"…I made a huge mistake, Bella. The biggest one of my life."

"Look, Edward," she began, "You don't have to say any of this. I know. I understand."

I was shocked.

"You do?" She nodded slowly. This was confusing. "What do you understand, Bella?"

She pulled her hand out of mine and folded them in her lap. She looked at the floor and continued.

"I never blamed you. Any of you. I'm only human. I totally understand how you could get bored and lose interest. Plus, it was about time for you to move on anyway, so…"

She trailed off with a wave of her hand. It took me a second to process what she was saying.

"Bella, are you trying to tell me you thought I left because I wasn't interested in you anymore?" I could hardly believe what I was hearing.

"Um, yeah. Like I said, I don't blame you, and I thought I made it clear from the first day that I would in no way pursue you, so there is really no reason for you to worry or anything." She continued to look anywhere but at me.

I was incredulous! She believed that ugly, blasphemous lie? No wonder she avoided me like the plague. I had to set this straight. Now. She didn't understand my attempted explanations, so I started in on my confession.

"Bella, like I said, this is a misunderstanding. What I did was wrong. Don't you see? I lied. I had to. It was the only way to protect you. If I had stayed, you would have continued to be in danger. I did it to save you."

Time seemed to stop as her eyes got big and her mouth hung open. Her stare bored into me as she nearly shouted, "You lied to me? Edward! Do you have any idea at all what that lie did to me?"

The course of this conversation was going downhill fast. I had to do something. At vampire speed, I ran around the desk and kneeled in front of her and took both her hands in mine.

"Bella, please listen. You don't understand. I now know what I did was wrong. I have suffered every day, every minute of these last six years. Every time I close my eyes, I see you. Hell, Bella, I see you in everything! I've barely been functioning, regretting with everything that I am for what I did. When I saw you again that first day, I knew. Bella, I can't ever be away from you again. Now that I know how painful it is, how deeply I suffer, it's no longer an option for me."

I was now apologizing with everything I had.

"I know there is no way I can understand what you went through, Bella. I hope sometime soon you and I can work all that out, but please understand I am so sorry for all the pain I've caused. You have no idea how anguished I am over this whole mess."

I untangled my left hand from hers and reached up to cup her cheek. I stared deep into her chocolate depths and prepared to lay my heart bare.

Proclaim.

"I love you, Bella. I always have. I never stopped. You are my life. I am a hollow shell without you. I don't want a life without you. I am tortured every moment we are apart." I emphasized every phrase slowly and concisely. There were to be no misunderstandings. She looked shocked and confused, but she was listening, so I continued.

"My life was a moonless night before you. There were stars, points of clarity and reason, but there was no meaning; I merely existed. Then you came and shot across my sky like a meteor, setting everything ablaze. There was brilliance and beauty. For the first time, I could truly see. Then you passed over the horizon and everything went dark. I was blinded by your brilliance, and I could see nothing. After having known your light, everything was dark, even worse than before. I am nothing without you, Bella. Can't you see? I don't want to be without you."

Bella looked at me with an indecipherable emotion in her eyes. She sighed and looked down to our intertwined hands. I continued to cup her cheek and gently stroked her soft skin with my thumb.

"Please talk to me, Bella. Tell me what you are thinking."

She looked up at me with tortured sadness. A huge tear slid down her cheek and landed on my wrist, and I immediately swiped it away.

"What can I say, Edward? After believing for six years you don't want me anymore, I am to suddenly believe you feel differently now?"

"I never felt differently, Bella. I told you, I told a horrible, blasphemous lie. It killed me to say those things to you, but I thought I was doing the right thing. The only thing I could to keep you safe. My world is not right for you. That hasn't changed, and after your birthday party," A shot of anguish tore through me, "I was terrified! Everything I had feared for you was staring at me with agonizing reality. I couldn't just stand by and watch you continue to get hurt or killed. I thought you would eventually get over me and move on with your life." I looked at her with a small smile, "And you did." I was so proud of her.

"Edward, this is all so unexpected. I would be lying if I said I no longer had feelings for you, but…"

I didn't think. As soon as the words left her lips, my hand pulled her face to me and I was suddenly, and passionately kissing her. I pulled her from her chair and onto my lap on the floor. My hands were moving smoothly over her shoulders, back and hips. Oh, her lips! Their soft warmth sent jolts of electricity through my body. This kiss was unlike any before it. It was more heated and primal. It spoke of need, want, and the heartbreak of an anguished soul. It went way beyond the careful limits I had set long ago. This kiss was glorious, sensuous, and full of longing and need. It was all I could do to keep from bruising her. A moan escaped me as her hands wound their way through my hair. The pleasure of her fingers gliding through, gently tugging at the roots almost undid me. I was so lost in the sensation of her soft lips, the sweetness of her breath and the feel of her soft curves under my hands that it took me a moment to realize she was struggling to pull away. I came back to myself and instantly let her go, shame shooting through me as reality crashed.

Bella was beet red and a bit breathless. I quickly stood and helped her to her feet. I couldn't find it in me to apologize. How could I be sorry for a kiss like that? I was sorry for my untoward behavior, however. She continued to look away, averting her gaze.

"Bella, I don't know what came over me…."

She pulled in a huge lungful of air, and slowly released it.

"Edward." She stopped me mid-sentence. "I was trying to say that, yes, even though I still have feelings for you, it makes no difference. I'm not the same eighteen-year-old girl you knew. I'm not the same person at all. I've changed. So much has changed."

She looked up at me with such deep sadness in her eyes. "I really don't see how being together is possible."

"Please explain." Hearing her concerns would help me formulate a plan.

"We need to be sitting, Edward, and I need you to stay on that side of the desk." I smirked just a bit. If I was able, I knew I would be blushing right now. I could sit.

"Things aren't as simple as they were, Edward. I am raising a child. He will always come first." I nodded.

She raised her eyebrows. "Do you understand what that means?" I nodded again. "Edward, I will have to make decisions based on his needs and well-being. I won't be able to pull up roots and relocate at a moment's notice whenever the need arises. His safety is paramount. Can I trust him around everyone in your family?"

The question was rhetorical, but I grimaced anyway. I had always known I could trust my family around Bella. That is, until her fateful birthday party. Bella taking risks with her own safety was one thing. Risking the boy's safety was something else entirely. She simply wouldn't do it, and I couldn't expect her to.

"How would we explain your family's vampiric nature to him? He's a very smart boy, Edward, and he will notice differences. I'm not entirely sure he'll understand or accept what we tell him. He is very close to Charlie and friends back in Washington. He'll tell someone something eventually, and that could create problems."

That was something that hadn't occurred to me. Before I could think about it, or even respond, Bella spoke again.

"Edward, even if by some miracle, we were somehow able to resolve all these issues between us," she moved her hand back and forth, "and assuming we could work out the logistics of safety and security, I still don't see how it could work." I was watching hope slip through my fingers.

"Why do you think that? I would do anything to make it happen, Bella. Anything. Please tell me."

Bella stood from her chair and looked at me pointedly.

"I am your teacher, Edward! I would get fired!" She looked horrified as a new reality hit her. "I could get arrested!"

She didn't understand. My family and I had done this routine so many times it had become second nature. We would keep low and eventually move out when the time was right. She could give notice at the end of the year with the story of a teaching job closer to her family in Washington. Her superiors would understand, no one would suspect. We could start somewhere far from here with a new cover story together. I couldn't help but smile at the simple easiness of this plan. What to tell Jason of the nature of my family would come in time, I was sure. Just the prospect of being together again with Bella was starting to fill me with a joy I had not felt in so long. It was a heady feeling. I had barely processed all this as Bella started voicing her next thought.

"And what about David? Edward, I may be unsure of my feelings for him right now, but I know something is there. I don't want to make any rash decisions and regret them later."

Hearing her concerns over the doctor shoved that hopeful feeling away, and I could feel the heavy weight return.

Beg.

"Please, Bella. I need you. I love you. I'll understand if you need time to work all this out. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please know I can't be without you. I'll take anything you can give me, even if it's only friendship. I will work on your concerns to make things happen the way you want. Take all the time you need to sort your feelings for the doctor. I will wait for you, Bella. Forever, if I have to." I sounded a bit like a petulant child, but I couldn't find it in me to care. She had a dumbfounded look on her face, and the sad look was still in her eyes.

"I hear what you're saying, Edward. I'm sure you've worked through tough situations before, but even so, I still have my doubts about a relationship beyond friends. I honestly don't know if I can trust you." I sat in my chair, stunned, as her words hit me. There it was. No matter what her feelings may be, she didn't trust me. Why should she? Relationships are built on trust. I had brutally lied to her. She was right that she couldn't trust me.

Bella looked down at her intertwined fingers and nearly whispered, "Edward, I heard you were dating Mandy Skinner. Are you?"

Damn that horrid date to hell. I hated it even more now that it seemed to have somehow offended Bella.

I sighed and briefly closed my eyes. "No, Bella, that date was a one-off that I was tricked into. Trust me, Mandy and I have absolutely nothing going on." She had no idea how true those words were. Bella would forever be the only woman for me.

"I see."

She turned and moved toward the door as the first bell rang. She suddenly stopped and looked over to me.

"Did you come into my house a few weeks ago, Edward?" I was startled by the unexpected question. Alice's warning of Bella's anger raced through my memory. I was on such shaky ground as it was, and I did not want to upset what little gain I had made. However, I could not lie to her. I had to rebuild this trust if I had any hope of being with her again.

"Yes." I held my breath as incredulity shot across her face.

"Do you know that Jason saw you? He thought I had a monster in my closet!"

I snorted. She did! Could it possibly get any more ironic?

"Edward, I don't know why you feel this need to stalk me, or whatever, but you are not to come into my home without my permission again. Jason could have been traumatized! Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"Good, now get to class." And with her final words, Bella walked out the door and down the hall. I was so lost in my thoughts, I barely heard all the noise and chatter of students and staff finding their way to first period classes. If I had any doubts about my idiocy, this failure of an apology erased them all.

I pulled the white rose from my satchel and set the delicate bloom across Bella's desk. I had wanted to give it to her as a small token of my sincerity, but regretfully, the course of our conversation hadn't presented an opportunity. Perhaps when she found it later in the day, it would be cause for her to smile. It would keep me on her mind a bit longer, anyway.

I walked on autopilot to my first class, thinking about all that had transpired in the last twenty minutes. This whole situation was an uphill battle of ridiculous proportions. Bella was right about everything. It would not be in her best interest to be with me.

She still has feelings for you, my mind taunted, she momentarily lost herself in your kiss. The kiss. I could still feel her soft curves under my hands, and her delicious scent still burned in my throat. I licked my lips and smiled as her sweet essence caressed my tongue. How did I ever live without her lips on me? Yes, it was a battle, but I knew I couldn't ever give up. The prize was too precious. Until she ordered me away, I would fight for her. I couldn't live without her. I hadn't for six long years.

EPOV

Mandy had been avoiding me for the last few weeks, and I didn't go out of my way to find her. I realized my behavior was rude, but I couldn't say I was sorry. Nothing good had come of the disastrous date, but I was still treated to her and her friends' thoughts concerning the matter.

Mandy was embarrassed, and a bit freaked out that she had wound up in her brother's empty bed soaking wet and wrapped in a strange blanket. She correctly surmised that she had drunk way too much and had passed out. Her memories halfway through the party had turned fuzzy, and she didn't recall how the date had ended. She was currently grounded. Her parents were angry that she had been so irresponsible, and she had begged them not to contact Esme about my unusual behavior. In return, she promised to never go out with me again. Mandy was fine with her punishment as long as she was spared from further embarrassment. She wanted to know what had happened but was horrified to ask. My avoidance further confused her; she wondered if her behavior been even more embarrassing than she had originally thought.

Mandy's circle of friends were dying to know how the date ended, and even though she didn't know, she supplied them with a version she wished had happened. Apparently, we had a heated goodnight kiss, bordering on indecency, and they eagerly believed Mandy's claim that I had a hard time keeping my hands to myself. The fact that I hadn't tried to contact her since then proved that I was indeed the prick they desperately wanted me to be; my supposed "character flaws" supplying the vindication they were looking for.

I loathed high school drama, where one misstep was elevated to the point of ruining one's life. I had always thought myself above such pettiness, but here I was, smack in the middle of the most interesting drama Westmore had seen in years. What would Mandy and her friends think if they knew that she had gone out with a vampire? Or if that same vampire was actually in love with their English Lit teacher?

Emmett caught up with me, and observing the scowl on my face, shook his head. He was beyond teasing me; he was embarrassed for me. My ineptitude was worthy of his sympathy, and he was actually considering asking Tanya to come for a visit. Would I be open to coaching? Emmett gave me a contemplative look, and I glared at him. No, I would not. He was about to suggest that Bella might appreciate a more experienced partner but was cut off by Mandy's approach. He gave me a look of pity and melted away into the crowded hallway.

"Hey, Edward." Mandy avoided looking me in the eye, and her heart rate spiked. "Mind if we talk for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure." Her thoughts were conflicted. She really wanted to know what had happened but was afraid of my answer. I had to give her credit for bravery.

"Look, I should apologize to you for drinking so much. I really didn't know I would get so drunk. And, um, sorry for puking on you." Her eyes darted up to my face. "I did puke on you?"

"Yes, Mandy."

"Oh, man." Her face flooded with embarrassment. "Look, I don't blame you if you never want to speak to me again, but I have to know. How did you get me into my house without anyone knowing? Both of my parents were home, and no one saw us come in." She was genuinely curious.

"Mandy, I opened the door, and walked you up the stairs. I didn't see anyone. I didn't know which room was yours, so I put you on the first empty bed I saw." Lying was second nature. "I'm sorry you were wet and unconscious, but after bringing you home drunk, I didn't really want to talk to your parents." Mandy's look was contemplative. "I'm not saying I did the right thing, but you understand?"

Mandy nodded her head. Everything finally made sense. "Yeah, I get it. My parents were pissed, though. I am forbidden to ever go out with you again." She conveniently left out the part where she was "forbidden" to go out with anyone in the foreseeable future. She gave me a small smile.

"I didn't get the chance to thank you for the date and getting me home, even if I was in rough shape. I hope you're not disappointed that our relationship is over before it could begin."

I was more than willing to allow her this one grace to save face. "I'll have to live with the disappointment, then."

She smiled and moved along to her next class. Mandy was a good person, but a handful. I felt a bit of pity for the next guy she set her sights on.

BPOV

I made my way through the throngs of students to my fifth period class. Edward gave me his usual blank-faced attention all through my lecture on Emily Bronte's life and work, but his eyes burned with a hot intensity. I, in turn, thoroughly avoided eye contact and tried my best to ignore his stare.

The end-of-period bell finally rang, and I retreated to my office for my prep period. Sitting at my battered desk, eyeing my mug of lukewarm coffee, I pondered the meeting I had with Edward. Was it only this morning? If not for the long-stemmed white rose currently sitting on the desk in front of me, I would have questioned if it had all been a very bizarre dream.

Gingerly fingering the soft petals, I ran the conversation through my mind. Edward still wanted me? After six years of believing he had grown bored with our relationship, the concept refused to absorb. He said he left to protect me and had resorted to lying, presumably to avoid my legendary stubborn streak.

He had lied to me.

I finally allowed myself to let go, and I crumpled under the emotional overload. Hot tears began to run down my cheeks. Edward truly had no concept of the enormous consequences his decision had caused. The harrowing pain I had so carefully buried surfaced in ugly heaps. He still wanted me, but he had left me. He claimed to still love me, but he had lied to me. I couldn't make sense of the contradictions.

The crippling pain threatened to open the patched hole in my chest. I rubbed the stinging tears from my eyes and gasped as a sudden wave of anger tore through me.

Not only had he lied, that arrogant ass had decided my fate for me! Without coming to me and working through our fears and concerns together, he had single-handedly made decisions that forever altered my life. Not to mention my self-esteem, mental stability, and emotional health as well. Now he casually walks in six years later and expects to pick right up where we left off?

I caught myself rubbing the old scar on my wrist and then did something I rarely allowed. I closed my eyes and thought back at our brief relationship. Those few months seemed long ago, and yet the clarity of the memories seemed so recent.

I was young then. Way too young and inexperienced to realize what was going on right under my nose. He didn't trust his vampiric nature against my weak human tendencies, and looking back, I could clearly see how he had made decisions for me all along. He had never considered me an equal partner in our relationship. In his supposed superiority in worldly experience, he had taken control, and in my naïveté, I had let him.

It incensed me further to realize that if he had returned any time within the few following years, current relationship be damned, I would have immediately taken him back, no questions asked. I didn't know with whom I was angrier, him or me.

I jumped up from my chair and ripped the petals clean from the stem. The nerve of that pompous, self-righteous bastard! If for one moment he thought he could waltz right back in and assume control my life, he was going to have one hell of a rude awakening.

Exasperated, I ran my hands through my hair and walked around the desk. Pacing the small confines, I tamped the anger down and tried to look at the situation rationally. Edward and his family were here, I was here, and I was not willing to leave. Edward insisted on remaining in school and posing as my student, and I had no choice but to tolerate his presence in my classroom.

I couldn't help but remember the assignment Edward had recently turned in. I opened my bag and pulled it off of the top of the pile. I had read it several times already. Of course, it was an "A" paper, without a doubt. The thesis was clearly defined and supported without a single grammar error in any of the perfectly four double-spaced pages. The meaning – possible message – contained within those pages had me reeling. Edward's claim that Heathcliff's weakness, his inability to love and accept Catherine beyond his personal fears, was the reason both of their lives ended in tragedy. I reread Edward's conclusion:

"Had Heathcliff accepted Catherine for who she was and tamed his own emotional turmoil regarding their supposed inequality, they could have found peace and happiness together despite their differences. Instead, Catherine found the adoration she craved through another, and in the process, destroyed her true soulmate; the one with whom she was destined."

Was I reading into this seemingly innocent essay? Edward had already made his feelings and intentions clear. He was obviously not willing to back down and seemed more than ready to fight for what he wanted. Question was, what did I want? I had proven to myself in the last few months I was quite capable, outwardly, at least, of continuing my life in the Cullens' presence in a reasonably normal fashion. I could live day to day until they inevitably decided it was time to leave again. No harm, no foul.

Seeing him in the halls, in class and around town still tugged at me, though, and I couldn't deny that hearing the rumors of his date with Mandy Skinner flat out hurt. As shocked and angry as I was with his presence, confession, and stated intentions, truth was, I still loved him. I couldn't deny that.

I thought back to the meeting we had had only a few hours ago. Edward admitted his lie and professed his love. He had all but begged for forgiveness and pleaded for me to take him back.

Opening my heart again was a risk I wasn't sure I could take. Forgiving Edward and continuing right where we left off wasn't going to happen, either. As much as I still loved him, the issues that complicated our relationship were bindings that seemed impossible to reconcile. The same problems, unresolved, would always be stumbling blocks constantly tripping us up and threatening our happiness. However, I didn't want to spend the rest of my life regretting not taking the second chance at true love fate was offering. Despite my misgivings, I would always love Edward.

Was it possible to somehow forgive him and overcome all this mess? The hurt and betrayal was layered and multifaceted. The trust between us had been destroyed. Was it beyond repair? How could we possibly live in a strong, trusting relationship with hurt and betrayal at the forefront? The sheer amount of work needed to overcome this would be immense. Was it even worth it? He had told me himself that vampires rarely changed. It just wasn't in their nature. I knew without a doubt I would not be able to be with him if he continued making choices for us himself. Was everything doomed to happen again?

I thought of David. I knew he loved me. He had told me repeatedly, even though he knew I was unable to return the sentiment just yet. I expected I would be able to eventually, before Edward had crashed back into my life. I knew he was ready to be a father and settle down. He was always telling me I was a great mom and would continue to be for our children. I did have some feelings for David, and I wanted to be able to marry him and lead an idyllic human life as his wife and mother to his children. Knowing I could do this would solve so many problems. But of course, it wasn't that easy. Edward still had my heart, and I suspected he always would.

Being with another man knowing my heart lie elsewhere was in itself a betrayal.

David was kind and patient, but I knew his patience would only go so far. I suspected that breaking his heart to resume a relationship with my supposedly seventeen-year-old student would not go over well. I ran my hands through my hair again.

There was a whole other set of concerns to consider. I was Edward's teacher. The lines of authority were clear. There was no doubt in my mind he would find some way around it, but I couldn't quite get over the "ick" factor.

I was serious in my remarks regarding Jase. How would our complicated relationship weave and mesh with his mental and emotional development and natural curiosity? Noticing differences between the Cullens and his friends' families was inevitable. Children tend to voice everything. Loudly. Jase certainly was no exception. The obstacles seemed impossible.

I briefly thought of the kiss we had shared. The shock of Edward's unrestrained passion disarmed me, and I momentarily lost myself. Being in his arms again, feeling his hands and lips moving over my face and body immediately took me back to a simpler time. It felt familiar, comforting, and right. It also shut off all coherency. Heat rushed through me as I recalled his soft moans of pleasure as I moved my fingers through his hair. I had always loved his unruly hair; it was the most human part of him.

I could feel the blush on my cheeks deepen as the shame bloomed over me. How was it that within twenty minutes of being alone with him, I was making out and pawing my hands over him like some hormonal teenager? I was sure I had overcome Edward's hold. The thought that he still had that power over me incensed me further.

I collapsed into my chair. Staring at the shredded rose on my desk, I slowly licked my lips, and heaved a huge sigh. Truth was, in the brief moment Edward's lips touched mine, it was the first time in six long years I had felt whole and healed. I had never in my life felt so confused. Edward had managed to completely unravel me.