A/N: To all my British – and not so British – readers:
Writing this story really was an effort given that I'm not British and thus unfamiliar with English traditions. I had planned to stick to them and did lot of research which left me with rather confusing information. I finally had to admit defeat after reading this on Wikipedia:
"In the North of England, North and South Wales, the English Midlands, Scotland and in rural and working class areas of Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland, people traditionally call their midday meal dinner and their evening meal tea (served around 6 pm), whereas the upper social classes would call the midday meal lunch or luncheon and the evening meal (served after 7 pm) dinner (if formal) or supper (if informal).[10] This differentiation in usage is one of the classic social markers of English (see U and non-U English). However, in most of the south of England, the midday meal is almost universally called "lunch", with "dinner" being the evening meal, regardless of social class."
However, 'Christmas Dinner' is – as I was given to understand by all Brits I spoke to – in fact a very late lunch or an early afternoon meal, but definitely not 'dinner' as most people would understand it. It is followed by 'tea' (low tea) in the evening, when Christmas cake might be served (with cheese).
I assume that if you're not British, you might be as confused about this as I was. For the sake of understanding I decided to stick with expressions I feel are more universal: Breakfast is the morning meal, lunch the midday meal, and dinner the evening meal. Tea time, for me, is Afternoon tea – similar to what is coffee&cake time in Germany, just with sandwiches.
In order to solve the 'Christmas Dinner' dilemma, I'll try to remain utterly vague about the actual time of the day. Whereas I am thinking of everybody having Christmas Dinner at about six or seven in the evening, Brits are welcome to imagine it taking place at a much earlier time, depending on their liking. I'll have Kreacher put out finger food in the parlour at some point after breakfast. You may think of it as luncheon or an afternoon snack if you go with the idea that Christmas Dinner is taken in the evening, or just call Kreacher crazy for thinking that people can eat even more food in between the rather short time between breakfast and an early afternoon 'Christmas Dinner".
Likewise, think of everything that happens after 'Christmas Dinner' as 'low tea' (like in 'evening meal') if you are British, or just as a late night snack if you're not. I'll try to avoid calling it anything at all.
Make the Yuletide Gay
Hermione was the first to come down to the kitchen on Christmas morning. She had slept surprisingly well for most of the night, thanks to the pain potion Severus had given her. It had been a great relief to be allowed to take it at least after the procedure, just no magical salve or charm that would speed up the healing process. By morning, however, the potion had started to wear off. Too uncomfortable to fall asleep again, she had decided that she might as well get up early and get a cup of tea.
The stockings she had given Kreacher to put up were hanging on the mantel of the fireplace, beneath a garland decorated with berries, pine cones and leaves. Hermione had filled them mostly with fruits, nuts and lots of sweets, but a shopping excursion to the Weasley store had given her some inspiration for a few fun gifts. There was a brain teaser puzzle and a muggle book on optical illusions for Draco, a pair of nice gloves for Remus and a pair of eatable, Christmas tree shaped earrings and a scented brush that made your hair smell nice for Luna.
For Severus, she had gotten a self heating coffee mug that read 'I don't do small talk" on the side and "Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" at the bottom, and a bottle of self-correcting ink. Not the kind that corrected spelling mistakes, but one that after drying turned everything that had been written into flowery compliments. Hermione found that it complemented his scathing quill rather nicely, and wondered if it would be possible to slip it to him before he started correcting essays... Wouldn't that be a nice surprise for his students?
For Harry, Hermione had found a rather peculiar present in a muggle shop which she had only bought because of its name: It was a Potty Putter – a sort of mini golf set for the loo, which came with a green putting mat, a putter, a cup, a flag, balls and even a 'Do Not Disturb' door hanger. And just because she had thought it funny when she found it in Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, she had also gotten him toilet paper that was charmed to read a joke, show a funny picture, give hilarious advice or impart other shreds of wisdom on each sheet as soon as it was torn from the roll. Thankfully, Grimmauld Place had more than one loo, in case Harry became too engrossed with the provided entertainment while using the throne.
Harry had taken on the task of filling a stocking for Hermione, and she was curious what he might have found for her. Hermione lit the fireplace and placed a heating charm on the tea kettle. A little natural light fell from the kitchen entrance at the other end of the room which led outside. The two other windows in the room were artificial. The original charms on them had stopped working when the previous owners had died. No one had bothered to renew them while Grimmauld Place was Headquarters, though Hermione wondered why not. It seemed that wizards didn't mind dark, claustrophobic places so much as Muggleborns did, who nowadays preferred airy and open rooms. She and Harry had worked hard last week to renew the window charms. It was a tricky piece of magic, but they had finally managed to create the illusion that the windows gave out to the backyard and reflected the actual light and weather conditions. Today, it was grey and rainy. Typical Christmas weather in London.
Still, now that the room was considerably brighter with the added light and the fresh paint, the kitchen seemed almost cozy, especially with a merry fire going and the Christmas decorations up. Hermione had just poured the hot water into the tea kettle when she heard steps coming down the main staircase, and a moment later, Severus appeared. He looked surprised to find her up already.
"Good morning," Hermione greeted him with a fond smile. "You're up early, too."
"I'm an early riser. I hadn't expected to find anybody else up at such an ungodly hour, though."
"I couldn't sleep anymore."
He frowned. "Nightmares or pain?"
"The latter. The wounds started to bother me a bit."
Without a word of explanation, Severus turned on the spot and walked back upstairs. Slightly puzzled, Hermione still put a second cup on the table before she sat down, expecting him to return. When he did, he had another vial of pain potion in hand which he offered her, and fresh bandages.
"Let me see your arm," he demanded. "I need to make sure it doesn't get infected."
Hermione put it on his thigh and Severus undid the bandages. He seemed satisfied with the result of his inspection. "I don't think you will need any more pain potion after this. I'll give you a soothing Muggle salve you can put on it tomorrow."
"Thank you!" Hermione said, watching him as he carefully wrapped her arm up again. It was such an innocent contact – just a teacher taking care of one of his charges, or maybe a friend helping a friend out – but his obvious concern and gentleness filled her with warmth nevertheless. She always felt safe and taken care of when he was around, and she wished he would allow her to make him feel cherished and cared for in return. But she had the nagging suspicion that it was a totally alien concept for him. He probably didn't even expect a stocking.
"Let's finish our tea and then start making breakfast," Hermione suggested. "I can't wait to open our stockings. I hope the others won't sleep in too late, but it'll be more fun doing it together."
Kreacher, who was suspiciously absent this morning, had prepared an amazing amount of treats for them, which Hermione found sitting in the pantry under either cooling or warming charms. All they had to do was to lay the table, brew fresh tea and coffee and warm up the buttermilk pancakes, the spinach, cheese and egg casserole, the Black Pudding Potato Cake and the crumpets. There were also cinnamon rolls, smoked salmon, granola and breakfast porridge, as well as a selection of fruit and jams. The bread went onto the table as it was – wizards used a quick heating charm to bronze it to their individual liking.
Hermione briefly wondered if she should have used the dining room instead of the kitchen given that it was Christmas, but decided against it. Although six people would easily fit at the smaller table upstairs, Christmas breakfast had always been served in the kitchen while serving as headquarters. And now, with the window charms fully functioning again and the air of neglect and decay vanished, the long and narrow room with the long table was surprisingly welcoming.
"What a pity that it's always raining in London," she said with a regretful glance at the rivulets of water that were running down the window. "On Christmas day, I always miss the snow we have at Hogwarts."
"Are you a witch or not?" Severus asked, shaking his head before he waved his wand at the windows. Instantly the rain changed to snow, and everything, including the brick and the ivy, was dusted in white. Another wave of his wand had snowflakes falling from the ceiling, too, vanishing just before they could touch anything beneath, just like in the Great Hall on Christmas Day.
Hermione felt silly. The window charms had been made to appear realistic. So realistic in fact, that she had completely forgotten that they were magical and needn't necessarily reflect the real weather outside.
"Of course I am a witch," she retorted and, just to prove it, conjured twigs of evergreens to decorate the long table. It was almost as long as the entire kitchen and easily seated twelve people – more, if they squeezed together. Frowning at the large empty space, Hermione split it in half with her wand and sent the upper end out of the way. There. Much cosier.
Taking this as invitation to show off, Severus waved his wand and transfigured one of the excess chairs into a high chair for Teddy, and another one into a Christmas tree. Compared to Harry's and Draco's labour yesterday, he did it so effortlessly that it made her a bit jealous.
"Very impressive!" she complimented him, "and so thoughtful of you!" Not wanting to be outmatched, she grabbed some walnuts and transfigured them into baubles, which she floated into the tree. Severus added fairy lights that reminded her of her blue flame spell.
"Avis!" said Hermione, conjuring her favourite yellow birds, which she then transfigured into little Santa Figures on broomsticks that flew around the room.
Grinning, Severus whipped his wand at them and charmed them to sing Christmas carols, then transformed seven paper napkins into green-and-red elf hat chair covers.
"Okay, you win!" laughed Hermione. "Who would have guessed that you had a hand for decorating? And here I thought you despised Christmas."
He did. Or rather he used to. Christmas had always rubbed him in all the wrong places... parading things in front of his nose he had never experienced himself: Love, warmth, family. A time to relax and enjoy. Peace, presents, happiness. It had stirred a weird longing and envy, which he had resented. By snubbing Christmas, he'd convinced himself that it was all ridiculous and artificial anyway and that he couldn't care less about it.
But this year... There was a Christmas stocking hanging from the mantel of the fireplace that had his name on it. He'd been given a rather touching Christmas present. At least three people were truly happy for having him around for the holidays, as hard to believe as it was. And he'd received an invitation to Prince House as well – to have lunch with his aunt and his cousin. And Severus found that it put him in a strangely mellow mood that was not altogether unpleasant.
Breakfast turned out to be a cheerful affair. The smell of coffee, breakfast tea and bacon drifting through the house had eventually lured the rest of Grimmauld Place's house guests down to the kitchen. Remus was pleasantly surprised to find the high chair for Teddy. Everybody assumed that Hermione had done the decorations, and when Severus didn't claim responsibility for any of it, Hermione chose not to correct them. He probably was a little embarrassed for letting himself get carried away by Christmas spirit.
The opening of the stockings elicited cheers and laughter – not only from Teddy, who soon had chocolate all over his face. He was smiling happily and waved his rattle, which made funny noises and gave off differently coloured sparks, depending on how he moved it. Hermione found it an ingenious toy to make children pay attention to how the different effects were caused, thus familiarizing them with the concept of wands early on.
But everybody else seemed happy with their little presents, too. Severus even smiled openly enough for everyone to notice when he pulled out his cup, and declared that he would use it in the staff room from now on.
To Hermione's delight, Harry had put a magic wand into her stocking that could do twenty different, elaborate hairstyles on long hair. Some of them were rather funny – she doubted that she would ever want to wear her hair looking like a pair of antlers and couldn't think of an occasion she needed a crown or something that looked like a giant seashell on her head. But the others were really usable: Complicated braids, updos and semi-updos she would never have managed on her own. She really liked the one that left her hair down but elegantly twisted out of her face by a sort of loose Celtic knot and decided to wear it for the day.
Draco didn't participate much in the conversation – he was totally absorbed in the Rubik's cube that would show six Christmassy pictures... provided he managed to put it together correctly.
When they had finished their meal, they gathered in the living room again, where a pile of wrapped gifts lay waiting beneath the Christmas tree. Most of them were for Teddy – almost every order member had sent a gift for the boy. With the help of his father and Luna, Teddy started unwrapping them right away.
There was also a pile of presents from the Weasleys for Harry and Hermione. As usual, Hermione had received a book from Ron, while Ginny had gotten her a nice bracelet and George a box of joke products from his store.
For Harry, there was a ticket for a Quidditch game between the Falmouth Falcons and the Holyhead Harpies that all three had bought him together. And of course, there was the obligatory Weasley Christmas jumper from Molly for him, too. This year, it was red with a big, golden H on the front and two crossed wands underneath, probably meant to signify Harry's legendary duel with Voldemort.
"Let me guess – H for hero?" Severus asked, when Harry held up his new sweater.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Haha, very funny!"
"Look, I think you've got one, too!" said Hermione, surprised, holding up another wrapped bundle that felt like a Weasley jumper, but carried his name on it.
Severus looked confused. "Why would Molly Weasley knit me a jumper?"
"Well, you saved her son's life when you sent Dobby for us," Hermione ventured. "And you protected Ginny during the Carrows' reign of terror. I guess that's her way of saying 'thank you'. Not to talk about everything else you did to save our asses."
"Then let's see if you got an 'H', too..." joked Draco. "Come on, unwrap it!"
He did, furrowing his brows. The jumper he spread out on his lap was black – at least Molly had respected his signature colour. There were two big green-and-silver letters on the front.
"S.S.," mused Draco. "Hm... wonder what that might stand for... Snarky Saviour? Sneering Saint?"
"Sexy Slytherin," giggled Hermione, which made Draco raise his brow. "If you say so, Granger..."
"That's a really nice jumper," Luna added appreciatively. "I'm sure you'll look smashing in it, Professor Snape. I only think Mrs. Weasley should have made it in a different colour. But at least the snakes are silver and green."
The snakes? Severus gave the jumper a closer look and saw that the Initials were indeed two snakes. At least they weren't moving. He smirked. "It reminds me of a Christmas present a certain charitable Ravenclaw gave me many years ago. It was a self-knitted scarf that also had snakes on it."
Luna smiled widely. "You remember! It was rather ugly, wasn't it?" She looked pensive. "I had only just started knitting at the time and wasn't very good at it yet. The design was a bit childish, I guess. I wanted to do unicorns at first, but then thought snakes were a bit more manly."
Hermione suppressed a grin and saw her professor's lips twitch, too. Only Luna would consider a pink scarf with glittering snakes manly.
"Yes, thank you. That was very considerate," Severus said, managing to keep his face straight.
"You gave Severus a Christmas present?" Draco asked, astonished. "Why would you do that? And don't tell me he was your favourite teacher."
"No. But I felt he was in need of a present."
"Did he hex you?"
"Of course I didn't!" Severus said indignantly. "Contrary to certain other people, I do have some manners. Although I believe I have never properly thanked you for it..."
"Oh, but you did", Luna said, still smiling.
"I did?" Severus blinked in surprise. Try as he might, he couldn't remember. He'd never known how to express his feelings, least of all feelings as complicated as gratitude.
"Yes. You gave me an 'E' in my next essay and wrote a really nice comment beneath it."
Seriously, he doubted it. Well, not the E. If she had managed to refrain from suggesting the parts of hitherto unknown animals as a suitable substitute for the potion-ingredient they had been instructed to research, he might have given her an 'E', as it would indeed have exceeded his expectations. But a nice comment? Most likely, he had been utterly sarcastic, and she had failed to notice.
"It was comforting to know that at least one of my students didn't wish to see me dead or in despair. It was a very – touching gift."
"Then you must really feel touched by this," Harry said, pointing to the jumper and looking amused. "Getting a Weasley jumper is as good as being adopted into the family."
Severus looked horrified at the thought. Remus laughed. "It looks like you're really held high in regard by the ladies, Severus. Minerva doesn't tire of pointing out your virtues to anybody who dares criticise you, and even Molly is full of praise for you. And judging by Hermione's happy expression whenever she exits the dungeons, I daresay you are high in her favour, too."
Hermione felt the blood rise to her cheeks and quickly busied herself picking up the discarded paper wrappings from the floor to hide her blush. Remus' remark hit a bit too close to home, and Draco knew. Severus saved her by drawing attention to himself. "Yes, I'm such a lady's man," he said ironically. "I hide in the dungeons just to get a respite from being chased all the time."
"The billowing of your coat certainly makes you look like you're taking flight," Draco joked. "Molly should have chosen a bat instead of a snake. Would have suited you!"
"He's right!" Harry exclaimed, looking as if he had just made a brilliant discovery. "Have you ever heard of Batman? Ambivalent super hero, curmudgeon, always dressed in black with a billowing cape?"
"Oh yes," Hermione enthusiastically agreed, supressing her laughter as an image of Severus in a tight-fitting costume and a bat-ear cap on his head sprang to mind. "He's a master of disguise and an expert in espionage, often gathering information under the identity of a notorious criminal," she said, citing what she had read in a Muggle magazine once. "His intimidating and frightening appearance alone is all that is needed to get information from suspects. Batman is highly skilled in stealth movement and escapology, which allows him to appear and disappear at will... And just like you, Batman has the ability withstand telepathy and mind control! It's just as if the creators of Batman knew you!"
"Unbelievable!" declared Draco, open-mouthed. "Don't tell me he lives in a cave, too..."
"Bat-cave," Harry nodded, snickering. "It's really uncanny..."
"You nitwits have just blown my cover!" Severus said sarcastically. "Now I shall have to get my utility belt and my Baterang and make sure the secret dies with you!"
"You know Batman?" Harry asked, utterly surprised.
"I thought we had just established that I am Batman."
"Then you know that you can't kill us," Hermione put in, stifling laughter. "Despite having the potential to harm his enemies, Batman's most defining characteristic is his strong commitment to justice and his reluctance to take a life, which has earned him the respect of several heroes, most notably that of Superman and Wonder Woman..."
Draco laughed. "That would be you and Harry, right? Oh this is rich! Is there a book about these people?"
"Comics. And movies. I'll show you, if you want," Harry offered. "I thought about buying a gas-fuelled power generator for Grimmauld Place, so I can run electrical devices such as a CD-Player, a VCR and a TV."
Hermione shook her head. "You can't. Electrical devices don't work in a magical environment."
"Only if there's too much magical energy in the air," Severus corrected. "There were electrical appliances in my old home – like the fridge and the electric lights – that worked reliably, even though I was using magic in the house. You should just refrain from using any magic while electronic devices are on, since those are particularly sensitive to magical interference."
"See, Hermione, I told you! We won't have to live without some of the luxuries of the Muggle world once we move in here. I loved watching TV whenever I had the chance while with the Dursleys, and I don't want to make do with the wizarding wireless or you playing the piano for some music. I might even buy a computer. You can do amazing things with those..."
"I don't really know what you are talking about..." said Draco, frowning. He really didn't like the feeling of being left out.
"Neither do I," said Luna, and for a moment Draco thought she replied to his inner thoughts, not his comment. "But can I can come, too?"
"Of course," Harry said, eagerly. "And Severus has to come as well. We'll have a movie-night with Batman and popcorn!"
"Thank you for the invitation, but I must decline," said Severus promptly. "I'm afraid I already have another commitment."
Luna looked confused. "But we haven't even specified a date yet..."
"There!" said Severus solemnly. "That's how busy I am!"
Hermione rolled her eyes, Remus laughed.
Another happy squeak came from the floor, where Teddy had been crawling around. Six pairs of eyes found him sitting on Severus' foot as if ready for a ride, clutching his arms around his leg. Curious about the child's antics, Severus stretched it, lifting Teddy up in the air. "What are you doing there? I'm Batman, but it looks like you're mistaking me for my batpod. "
Teddy squealed even louder. Obviously expecting some kind of movement, he began to rock himself enthusiastically on Severus leg, as if to spur him into action. However, he literally lost his footing and started to slip sideways. Quickly, before he could fall, Severus grabbed him beneath his arms and pulled him up on his lap. Perplexed about how they had ended up like this, boy and man stared at each other, Severus' face mostly sceptical, Teddy's wrinkled in concentration. Then, much to everybody's delight, Teddy's nose slowly transformed into an enormous, beaklike organ, mirroring Severus nose, and a deep frown appeared on his forehead. It looked ridiculous in his baby face.
Draco and Hermione doubled over with laughter, Harry and Remus looked stricken, as if they feared the Potion Master's retaliation.
Severus quirked his eyebrows. "Now, I'm not exactly sure if this is insolence or admiration. Hard to tell with one who drools but doesn't talk..."
When Teddy's frown deepened and he started to look a bit strained, Remus was quick to pick him up on his own arms. "I'm sorry, I think you need to excuse us for a moment..." he said, and made for the door.
"What's the matter with him?" asked Draco, looking puzzled. Severus mirrored his expression.
"What did he think I'd do? Hex the child for wanting my nose?"
Harry grinned. "I think Teddy was about to poop. Remus probably figured you wouldn't take that as an expression of admiration."
"Oh. Well, good thing he dismantled the bomb before it went off."
"Would you mind if I excused myself for a moment, too?" Harry asked, rising. "I'd like to make a Floo call to the Burrow and thank everybody for their gifts..."
"Great idea, Harry, I'll come with you..." Hermione said, about to get up as well. Severus beat her to it.
"Potter..." he said, stopping the boy in his tracks. Shit. He was supposed to call him Harry. Just why was that so difficult? It was just his first name, not an endearment! Yet somehow, he couldn't seem to get it over his lips. At least he hadn't spoken in the 'I-can't-stand-seeing-your-face' tone he had used for so many years.
The boy turned, his expression neutral with a hint of curiosity. But he didn't seem offended, thank Merlin. "Snape?" he asked back, in a matter-of-fact tone. Was there a hidden grin on his face? Cheeky! Harry's use of his surname was fully intentional – his had just been a slip of tongue.
Severus threw a quick glance to Hermione, who looked at him with a hint of worry in her eyes. His and Harry's relationship was still on bumpy terrain, and both of them were stepping carefully around each other. She was always nervous about their interaction, as if one wrong word could throw the fragile cease-fire they had reached only very recently.
Severus smirked at her. If she was upset about their continuous use of their last names, he could justifiably argue that Potter had started it. It was fine by him.
"Before you Floo to the Burrow, do you have a moment? I'd like to talk to you in private."
"Sure," the boy said, sounding a bit insecure now, exchanging a glance with Hermione.
Harry would have much preferred having her around when interacting with his former teacher. Somehow, it seemed more likely that he would remain civil when she was present. But that was ridiculous, of course. Besides, if he wanted to have a relationship with the man who was, after all, his godfather, they needed to be able to talk to each other without constantly walking on eggshells. "Why don't we go to the library?" Harry suggested.
Snape nodded, and gestured for Harry to go ahead.
"I have something I wanted to give you..." Severus said once he had closed the library door behind them. He reached into the pocket of his frock coat and pulled out a leather folder that was barely larger than a cigarette box, until he enlarged it.
The now book-sized case opened in the middle and had a row of loops on each side, holding glass vials with a bluish mist twirling inside. Harry recognized it immediately. "Those are memories..."
Severus nodded. "Of your mother. A selection of moments I remember... from the day I first met her to the day I last saw her alive. Most of them are rather mundane, but... I thought you would like to have them."
Harry's eyes widened in surprise when he looked up and searched his face. Probably for the sneer he expected to see there, or a hint of malice because of some evil scheme hidden in the gesture. Who could blame him?
"Take them, Potter," Severus sighed, when Harry still stood frozen and made no move to accept his gift. "I assure you they come with no strings attached."
"I don't know what to say..." Harry said, dumbfounded. "This is... awesome. You have no idea how much this means to me..."
"I do. I wouldn't have given them to you, otherwise." Realizing that the boy was struggling for words, Severus smirked. Seemed he wasn't the only one who found these moments awkward. "You know, your friend told me the easiest and most gracious way to react if you experience an unexpected feeling of gratitude is just to say 'thank you'."
That made Harry grin. "Thank you," he said, and after a brief but deliberate pause added: "Snape."
"You're welcome," Severus answered. "Potter."
Well, he had settled that rather nicely. Suppressing a smirk, he turned to leave, but Harry held him back. "I... There is something I would like to ask you... "
Severus raised his eyebrow questioningly.
"Would you like to... accompany me to Godric's Hollow tomorrow?"
It was Severus' turn to look utterly flabberghasted. "Pardon me?"
Harry took a deep breath. "I'm going to go there... it's Christmas, and my last visit was something of a disaster. I haven't been back since, but I feel like I should. For closure. And because visiting family is kind of what you do for Christmas. I would very much like for you to come with me."
Severus' face was carefully blank when he returned Harry's gaze. "Why?" He could understand why the boy felt drawn to his parents' grave on a day like this. But why would he want him of all people to accompany him?
"Because apart from me, you're the only one who still cares."
"What about Remus?" The werewolf had been friend to both of his parents. Severus most decidedly had not.
"He's not my godfather. And... he didn't love her. Not like you did."
Severus gave a frustrated sigh and struggled for patience. It wouldn't do to give in to the anger he felt rising within him. It wasn't the boy's fault. He kept repeating it to himself until he felt his irritation slowly subside. How should he know any better if no one had ever explained it to him?
"Listen to me, Potter: I know what Dumbledore probably told you and what the memories I gave you in the Shrieking Shack suggested," he said slowly. "But I didn't love her like that. Lily was for me what Hermione is for you. A very dear friend. We weren't in love." Or at least Lily had never been in love with him. If he had begun to feel some kind of infatuation with her before their fall-out, it had been a new and rather short development that hadn't had the chance to grow into something more. He hated that everybody seemed to think him a love-struck fool who never got over his first love. It was pathetic.
"Even so," Harry said, not ascribing importance to the distinction. "If it was Hermione who had lost her life in this war, I'd still want to stand at her grave and commemorate her."
Severus raised his hand to rub away the uncomfortable constriction he felt in his chest at the thought of the young Gryffindor lying cold in a grave somewhere, victim of the zealots he had once sworn allegiance to. He didn't even want to contemplate the idea.
"I don't know, Potter..." he murmured, not knowing what to make out of this strange request. He hadn't been to Godric's Hollow ever since that fateful night so many years ago. He had never felt worthy. No matter how he tried, he knew he hadn't fulfilled his promise to Lily to watch out for her son. Surely, she had expected more of him than merely saving his physical hide. "I'm not sure your mother would appreciate the gesture," he finally voiced one of the reasons for his hesitation.
Harry gave him an astonished gaze. "Why ever not? You saved my life countless times! If she loved me like everybody says she did, she would feel incredibly grateful and indebted to you!"
"I think you still don't fully understand. It's much more complicated than that." Without him, Lily's son might never have been in danger in the first place.
"Then explain it to me. I want to understand. And I really would like the company. After what happened last time... It's ridiculous, I know, but.. I wouldn't be entirely comfortable, going alone. I asked Hermione, but she's even more traumatized by what happened in Godric's Hollow than I am. That snake really got to her."
Yes, Severus was well aware of that. From what Hermione had told him, Nagini was a constant feature in her nightmares. It was amazing that Harry himself seemed to have taken it in stride. But he was probably used to being in either dire circumstances or mortal peril from his early childhood on. Now, wasn't that a sobering thought.
"Please," Harry said, his voice breaking slightly. "I don't want to go there by myself, and I'd really like to have you by my side."
Severus hesitated another moment, pondering the suggestion and what it might entail. Maybe it was time to face his ghosts. And he owed the boy. "Very well. I shall accompany you."
Harry's face brightened, and for a moment, Severus felt as if he was staring into Lily's eyes. "Thank you!"
Severus nodded and turned to the door.
"Can you please send Hermione in here?" Harry asked. "We should make the Floo call to the Burrow using the library fireplace. The kitchen is off limits. Kreacher is busy preparing dinner."
"I'll let her know." Severus made his way back to the parlour, where he found Draco and Remus engrossed in conversation. Luna was sitting at the piano, idly plonking a string of tunes that never actually turned into a melody. Hermione, who was humming softly to a sleepy Teddy on her lap, immediately sought his eyes when he returned, looking a bit anxious.
"Relax – he's still breathing," Severus assured her, slightly amused. Seriously, what did she think would happen? "You're supposed to join him in the library to call on your other dunderhead friends."
"Oh, okay. Thank you." She rose, holding Teddy to her chest. Before Severus became aware of her intent, she simply passed the boy into his arms. "Watch him for me, will you? I'll be right back." With a mischievous smile on her lips, she sauntered from the room.