Chapter 4: Discussing Details
Hermione landed with a 'pop' alongside Draco Malfoy in a side alley not far from St James's Park and led him out towards the park, intent on finding somewhere that sold cups of tea. She needed one desperately and she knew there were always vendors with little carts and stores that they set up selling tea and biscuits to tourists. She didn't speak to Malfoy until she located one, releasing his hand and letting him trail along behind her.
"Do you want a cup of tea?" Hermione asked of the blonde haired boy.
"Black with one sugar, please," he asked politely, his attention on the passing muggles and the several squirrels that were foraging for nuts all over the park. Hermione couldn't help but chuckle when he raised one eyebrow at the sight of a squirrel that was trailing along behind another, stealing and eating all the nuts the first was trying to bury for winter.
"Two teas please," Hermione asked of the man in the little stall, smiling at him politely as she turned her attention back to the task at hand.
"Two quid," the muggle told her, taking the coins when Hermione handed over some muggle money. She chuckled to herself again when Malfoy looked slightly alarmed by the sight of her pulling muggle money out of her pocket the way he might pull out some Galleons and Sickles.
"You need to add your own sugar," Hermione told him, handing him a cup of black tea before she set about putting milk and two sugars in her own cup and fastening a lid to the cup with a little sipper hole. Malfoy tended to his own tea in silence. Hermione found the entire exchange completely unnerving and she had no idea what to make of his behaviour. She hadn't spoken to Malfoy before today for almost a year and a half, having not directly spoken to him in any capacity since they'd been in sixth year on the train home.
In fact, if she recalled correctly, the last conversation they'd had had consisted of him insulting her for her blood status once again and threatening that she, Harry and Ron would need to watch their backs over the summer.
"Do you want to walk and talk?" Hermione asked when he stood staring at her and sipping his tea, waiting to see what she would do. She felt uneasy being alone with him, even in public, and she didn't quite know where to begin.
When he made no protest, Hermione set off at a slow walk around the lake that dominated the park, taking in the sights of the muggles strolling through the park, many of them pointing and laughing at the behaviour of squirrels. Malfoy strolled along beside her in silence, seeming to be at as much of a loss as Hermione was regarding where to begin the discussion.
"Sickle for your thoughts?" he said finally when they'd walked halfway around the lake in total silence.
"I don't know that they're worth that much," Hermione admitted, watching a young mother stroll by pushing a baby-buggy and leading a dog.
"They've got to be more cheerful than mine," Malfoy argued quietly.
"You're thinking about your parents?" she asked softly, making her way over to one of the park benches and taking a seat where she could watch the ducks on the pond quack and squabble over the bread some muggles where feeding them.
Malfoy sat down next to her and nodded seriously, a frown creasing his brow.
"They looked unwell in those pictures," Hermione agreed quietly, "Even during the height of the war whilst completely stressed, your mother maintained her air of self-possession… to see her so paranoid must have been hard."
"I need to get them out of there, Granger," Malfoy told her in a low voice and Hermione could tell that he had been thinking about the entire idea.
"You think they would accept the idea of you buying their way out of Azkaban by breeding with a Mudblood?" Hermione asked him seriously, turning to watch his face, trying to read his thoughts from there. It was impossible of course. He was a skilled Occlumist and he'd had years of practice schooling his features to ensure he didn't give away his thoughts or emotions.
"You shouldn't call yourself that," he said, frowning a little and staring down at the cup clutched in his hands. He had tucked the file of his parent's pictures and his copy of the contract into the pocket of his robes, Hermione noticed.
"Why not?" Hermione asked him, "It's carved into my arm. And besides, I'm not ashamed of where I come from. I'm proud of who my parents are. I'm proud to be muggle-born."
Malfoy didn't say anything to that, though he did look up when Hermione's fingers went to the scar on her arm left there by Bellatrix LeStrange.
"You're not going to take the deal, are you?" he asked in a tight voice and Hermione knew her words had worried him.
"You didn't answer my question. Even if I do take the deal, do you think your parents will forgive you for siring your firstborn with a mudblood? Do you think they'll thank you for their freedom when they know the price you're willing to pay to buy it?" Hermione countered rather than answering the question.
The truth was, she didn't know what she was going to do. On the one hand it was entirely desirable to her to have her parents back, and Hermione didn't doubt that they would embrace the idea of having a grandchild, even if they would likely think she was too young to be having children just yet. On the other hand, she was in no way attracted to Draco Malfoy and the idea of having a child fathered by him was repugnant to her. She didn't even know if she would be able to bring herself to sleep with him in order to conceive the child, let alone to raise a bundle of joy with him.
"I think that if I don't get them out of Azkaban neither of them will possess the presence of mind to care one way or the other what I do with my life," Malfoy answered and Hermione knew an evasion when she saw one.
"That's true, if they stay there neither of your parents are likely to know who you are or even who they are. Your father looked despondent in the photographs. But if you do get them out by having a child with me, how will they react? It's no secret that they believe very strongly in the notion of Purebloods breeding with Purebloods. They wouldn't like the idea of having a half-blood grandchild, Malfoy. Which would mean one of two things. Either they would begrudgingly acknowledge the child but consider him or her to be second-rate compared to any other children you might sire with a proper pureblood woman, as is expected of you. Or they would refuse to acknowledge the child and pressure you into having nothing to do with the child, leaving me screwed over to raise your kid alone," Hermione said seriously.
"So either the kid would live a life feeling as though they didn't matter to you or your family and feeling like they didn't deserve the name Malfoy, or they would grow up fatherless. How is that in any way cohesive towards giving a child a well-rounded and happy life?" Hermione continued when Malfoy looked like he was all too aware that she was telling the truth.
"If it gets them out of Azkaban, I suspect my parents would learn to accept any child of mine. Even if you were its mother," Malfoy countered after another long silence, "And while you probably don't believe it, family is important to me. I wouldn't just abandon the kid."
"Would you try to take him or her away from me? To prevent me from seeing my own child?" Hermione asked him, "I wouldn't allow you to do so, Malfoy. I've seen how being raised in Malfoy Manor turned out for you. I wouldn't allow my child to end up like you."
"Like me?" Malfoy demanded, looking up at her with a hard glare for that particular comment.
"You're forgetting that I've known you since you were eleven years old, Malfoy. I saw what an arrogant, spoiled, elitist little punk you were when you arrived at Hogwarts, and I grew up knowing the full spectrum of the torment you unleashed on others you considered lesser than yourself. I would not allow my son or daughter to be raised in the type of environment where they considered themselves to be little Princes who ought to have their every whim catered to and to be allowed to get away with all kinds of bad and cruel behaviour."
"You have no idea what is was like to be raised in my house, Granger," Malfoy bit out, looking angry now, "It wasn't all smiles and laughter and happiness you know. Being a pureblood and a Malfoy meant that from the time I was a toddler I was schooled to always uphold the Malfoy name and taught how to act and speak and dress."
"That may be, but you were taught to be cruel to others because that was how your father acted and you emulated him," Hermione countered seriously, "There's a lot more involved here than you and I just getting sloshed and shagging, Malfoy. We're talking about creating a life. I want my parents back as badly as you want yours but that doesn't mean we should just rush into this decision. There are a lot of things to consider."
"Of all the people in the magical world I had to be stuck with you, didn't I?" he grumbled, looking annoyed at her tirade, "Anyone else would jump at what they're offering us both, but I had to get stuck with the one witch in the world who's going to go home and weigh the pros and cons of taking this deal against the good of both of us, our families and the sodding kid."
"Oh I'm sorry Malfoy," Hermione bit out huffily, "How dare I want to consider this notion from every angle before rushing into it for money? How dare I consider the long term effects of you and I having a child together?"
"I need to get my parents out of Azkaban, Granger!" Malfoy snapped, his grey eyes icy, "Their health is deteriorating rapidly. Much longer and they won't even be able to be saved. They'll be too far gone. So forgive me for caring more about my Mother and Father than I do about some brat we've got to have to achieve their freedom. All of that bollocks can be sorted out later! Right now, my parents are losing their minds in prison!"
"Well doesn't that just sound like a prelude to how any relationship of any kind between us for the sake of the kid will go?" Hermione retorted sarcastically, "All you care about is freeing your parents. You don't care about the kid you'll contribute to bringing into the world. You don't care about how it's going to feel to learn the only reason it exists is because its parents were paid to have it for the greater fucking good! How am I going to explain that, Malfoy? 'Oh don't worry kid, Daddy never gave two shits about you anyway, he just wanted his parents back. That's why you never see him.' I will not have that conversation with my child Draco Malfoy! Not even for the return of my parents to my life and especially not for fucking money!"
Hermione had officially lost her temper. That much was clear the moment she'd begun swearing at him. It was entirely out of character for her to do so, and it spoke to the emotional turmoil she was feeling over the entire issue. The fact was that Hermione wanted her parents back. Desperately so. She craved the sense of security and love and belonging that they had always given her. She wanted them back with all her heart. But the price to have them was high.
She would be forced to have sex with Draco Malfoy, possibly more than once for the purpose of falling pregnant. She would have to endure the pregnancy and the trials that came with carrying a magical child to term. She would have to flipping live with Malfoy for the length of the pregnancy and would have to share a bed with him for that length of time. She would be forced to endure the birth of the child, all whilst dealing with the anger from Ron and his family over the idea of her having Draco Malfoy's baby. She would have to bear the brunt of abuse she would likely receive for carrying his child at all, and probably the abuse from his family over her blood status and the fact that his child would be an illegitimate half-blood bastard, because there was no way in the Underworld that she would agree to marry the git .
"Don't get emotional, Granger," Malfoy cautioned, clearly sensing that this was going badly for him and that if he wanted any chance at getting his family back he would need to do a lot better job at keeping Hermione calm and not infuriating her into tearing up the contract.
"Don't get emotional?" Hermione repeated heatedly, "Malfoy we're talking about a child. Not a toy or a pet or some disposable piece of trash! A child. A human being. A person who will rely on you and on me to take care of it, to feed it and wash it and clothe it. To teach it right from wrong and to be its parents. Do you get that?"
"I get it Granger," Malfoy sighed, looking away from her expression of fury.
"And that doesn't even begin to cover the idea of all the other things required of us to meet the terms of the contract before the kid is even born. We would have to live together Malfoy. We would have to move into some shared room at Hogwarts and share a bed for nine months. We can barely stand one another to even have this discussion, how do you think we'd go living in each other's pockets?"
"I don't think you're really hearing me Granger," Malfoy said quietly, "I don't care. I don't care if I have to live with you. I don't care if I have to shag you. I don't care if I end up having to bloody marry you. I don't care if my parents throw a fit about having a half-blood grandchild or if your boyfriend loses his banana at me for shagging you. I need to get my parents out of prison! I'll do whatever I bloody have to! Is that clear?"
"And everything else?" Hermione asked, surprised by his tirade.
"Everything else?" He asked.
"Who's going to raise the kid? Are we going to live together to give it a decent home life? Do we no longer see other people for the benefit of the kid?" Hermione asked, listing just a few of the questions she had.
"Look Granger, I don't know," Malfoy admitted, "I do know that it won't matter what you do to try and smooth things over with Weasley, if you have a kid with me, he'll never forgive you. Even if he has a kid of his own with Parkinson, he won't forgive you. He won't handle having you living with me and sharing a bed with me for nine months and he won't handle having us being in each other's lives to raise our kid. If we do this, your relationship with him is pretty much done. Given than my name is currently the most disgraced within the wizarding world, prospects for pureblood matches are pretty much non-existent, so no one's nose will be out of joint on my end of things and my parents will be reminded that if not for your cooperation and for the kid, they would be rotting in Azkaban."
Hermione stared at him in frustration.
"This entire thing is complete bollocks!" She growled, crossing her arms in annoyance at the whole thing. He was right about Ron. If she went through with this deal Ron would never speak to her again. He certainly wouldn't be okay with continuing to date her. Hermione could just imagine the fights they would have if they tried. He would constantly demand to know if he or Malfoy were better in bed, if she preferred his kid or Malfoy's, if she'd rather be with Malfoy.
The Weasleys would likely never forgive her, particularly Molly, who would no doubt send Hermione a howler over the very idea.
"Maybe so," Malfoy agreed, "But right now it's what we're dealing with. So you need to make a choice. Do you want Weasley more than you want your parents back?"
"That's hardly a fair choice!" Hermione exclaimed, "I love my parents and to have them back would be wonderful. But I love Ron too, and you're right that if we do this, he'll never forgive me."
"He's got too big a chip on his shoulder," Malfoy agreed, "He would spend every waking moment wondering if you wanted to be with me."
"As though you and I want anything to do with each other," Hermione rolled her eyes.
"I'm not that bad, you know?" Malfoy asked, glancing at her sideways and trying to look innocent.
"Don't even try it, Malfoy. I've seen too much of your nature to believe that. I'm not saying you're rotten to the core, but there are definitely a lot of wormy parts," Hermione told him, feeling a mildly amused smile creep across her face at his expression.
"You haven't even seen me naked and you're discussing my wormy parts?" Malfoy smirked at her and Hermione blushed crimson at the amusement on his face over her choice of words.
"Don't be vulgar, you know what I meant!" she admonished him sternly.
"You meant you're thinking about my wormy parts," Malfoy said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. In spite of herself, Hermione began to laugh.
The entire idea was completely ridiculous and she was furious with the ministry for being so manipulative. She was terrified of making her choice, and she had no idea what she should do. Malfoy laughed with her when Hermione threw her head back, hysterical laughter pouring out of her that caused a few muggles to look over in amusement and annoyance.
It took what felt like forever for Hermione to get her laughter under control and she could tell that Malfoy already thought she was a little bit bonkers.
"Anything else you think we ought to discuss before you make your decision?" Malfoy asked her eventually.
"You're not even going to mull over the idea, are you?" Hermione asked him, glancing at his face.
"I already know what I'm going to do. Mulling it over won't change my mind. I need to free my parents," he answered honestly.
"Even if it means you're tied to me for the rest of your life?" Hermione asked him, "If we agree to this, we'll have to put up with one another until one of us dies, you know that right? Every holiday will be spent with the kid. Every birthday. You're ok with me becoming a permanent fixture in your life?"
"Don't have much of a choice in the matter," Malfoy shrugged, "And it's not like I'm likely to have any other kids, so I guess I'd get used to you."
"What do you mean? You wouldn't have kids with some pureblood wife your parents arrange?" Hermione asked quizzically.
"You realise that all the purebloods they would've been prospecting now detest my family more than you and the Order of the Phoenix do, right Granger?" Malfoy asked looking just as quizzical, "We turned on them and the Dark Lord. We defected. They all despise me and my parents. None of my old friends will even speak to me, except Blaise and Greg. And they only do because Blaise wasn't involved in the war and Greg defected by default when he fled after Crabbe died during that mess in the Room of Requirement."
Hermione eyed him for a moment in surprise.
"So you're just going to… what?" Hermione asked, "Have a kid with me and that'll be that?"
Malfoy shrugged again.
"I only need one heir, Granger," he said, "Besides, seeing as how the world loves you, maybe they'll stop hating me so much if I'm the father of your son."
"Well now I feel like you just want to use me," Hermione told him, unable to keep from rolling her eyes at him.
Malfoy smirked a little, "I do. Are you going to let me?"
Hermione bit her lip.
"Can I think about it?" she asked him seriously, "This is a lot to process in one day. And I want to go over this contract with a fine-tooth comb to make sure the Ministry can't swindle us out of what they promise and that they don't have any more wild requirements."
"Sure Granger," Malfoy answered and Hermione wondered at the way he eyed her strangely for a moment, "Cuttleworth gave us until the day before term starts, though I'd prefer to be able to see my parents before I go back to school… any chance you can decide by the end of the week?"
"I'll try…" Hermione murmured, looking away. She was dreading the idea of going home and needing to discuss the idea with Ron.
"Worrying about Weasley's reaction?" Malfoy asked when she didn't move from the bench beside him even though that had been the perfect opportunity for them both to depart.
"Is it that obvious?" Hermione asked, glancing at him in surprise for his perceptiveness.
Malfoy nodded, "You think he's going to flip, especially after he saw us holding hands to apparate when we left Cuttleworth's office. Is he always that possessive?"
"Yes," Hermione sighed, unsure why she was sitting there discussing the relationship dramas she and Ron might have with Draco Malfoy. They weren't exactly friends. In fact, until very recently he'd been on her list of enemies. As Hermione glanced at him, however, she was very aware that she couldn't discuss the issues of her relationship with anyone else in her friends group. Harry preferred to stay out of their drama and Ginny was Ron's sister.
"I don't know why he gets that way," she said softly, looking away from Malfoy again and deciding she might as well share her concerns with someone. Especially since Malfoy was someone she would be required to shag and mother a child with if she agreed to the deal, "He's been like it since before we even really got together. I mean, we loved each other awhile before he finally kissed me, but for some reason he's always felt he doesn't deserve me and so gets angry and jealous over any idea that might have me think I deserve better or that might see me with someone else. He was even paranoid for a while that I'd rather be with Harry, even though Harry and I think of each other like siblings."
"Maybe because you are too good for him," Malfoy said just as quietly, causing Hermione to turn and look at him in surprise. He wasn't looking at her, though Hermione knew he was aware of her gaze. Instead he looked off into the distance, watching some muggle children playing with their dog.
"Did you just simultaneously compliment me while insulting Ron in the same sentence?" Hermione asked curiously. Malfoy smirked at that and glanced at her, wiggling his eyebrows smugly.
"It's a gift I have a knack for," he said, "But the point is that maybe he acts that way because you are too good for him and he's all too aware of it. I mean, you're Hermione Granger. Without you the war would've gone the other way a long time ago and the Dark Lord would've won. I'm not saying Potter and Weasley didn't do their parts, and bravely so, but those two wouldn't have lasted five minutes without you. And they know it."
Hermione stared at Malfoy in shock to hear him say such things. It was highly out of character and she didn't know quite what to make of it all.
"Who are you and what have you done with the Draco Malfoy who liked to insult me every chance he got?" Hermione asked him warily, unsure what to make of his words and his demeanour.
Malfoy gave a half-heart kind of smile at her attempt at humour.
"The point is, he's barmy if he wants to waste his time with you by being a jealous git. I mean, you love him, right?" Malfoy said and Hermione raised her eyebrows.
"Yes, I do," Hermione answered.
"Have you ever done anything to give him reason to doubt that you love him?" Malfoy pressed.
"Well… I sided with Harry when Ron was being unreasonable while we were on the run, when he left us for a while. But Harry needed my help with the Horcrux hunt more than Ron needed me to sooth his wounded pride," Hermione answered truthfully.
"So the only times he might've been given the impression that you didn't want him or that you preferred someone else was when he was being a barmy sod and when doing so might've resulted in the end of the Wizarding world as we know it?" Malfoy asked.
Hermione nodded.
"And this time he's likely to get his wand in a knot over the idea of you doing something that will bring your family back into your life, after you sacrificed their memories to protect them during the war?" Malfoy asked again and Hermione wondered how much he knew about what she'd done to her parents.
"This time is a little more complicated than him and Harry being physically and mentally fraught during the height of a war and having a fight, Malfoy," Hermione said, her hands twisting in her lap uncomfortably, "This time getting my parents back means having sex with someone who isn't him, and having my firstborn child with someone who isn't him, whilst being forced to play house with that someone for the length of the pregnancy. Not to mention that the someone in question is you, and there's all that bad blood between you and my friends."
"That's true," Malfoy conceded, nodding thoughtfully, "But in that case let me ask you this: If he's offered something of arguably immeasurable value to him for the price of fathering a child with Pansy Parkinson – a woman you happen to have a nasty history with too – and he decides to go through with the deal, are you going to love him any less? Would you begrudge him the return of his parents, for example, even if it means you might someday be step-mother to the kid he has with her?"
"Of course I wouldn't," Hermione said, though she frowned a little at the idea. She supposed she loved Ron more than she cared about the idea of him doing anything with Pansy.
"Not even a little, Granger?" Malfoy asked, and Hermione cursed to realise he was far more perceptive than she'd expected.
"If he were to do so simply for money or something silly, like a dare, then yes, I would have a problem with him shagging that little swot. But for something important to him, I would accept it as a necessary evil for the greater good of his psychological well-being," Hermione admitted, biting her lip when he gave her an all too knowing look.
"So you love him enough that you would forgive him having sex with Pansy? That you would help him raise her child? That you would understand his reasons for doing so and understand that it wasn't a lack of his love for you but rather a love for other people who are important to him? You would forgive him and try to work through it?" Malfoy pressed her and Hermione didn't like the turn the conversation had taken.
"I suppose…. Yes. If it was for something as important to him as his parents or his family, then yes, I would understand and I would accept it. Even if it did take me a little while and some emotional outbursts to come to terms with it," Hermione confirmed with a nod.
"Then it speaks to a flaw in his character as a person if he would not extend the same courtesy to you. Either he is too petty a person and therefore not such an ideal partner to you to begin with, or he doesn't love you enough to put your happiness before his own. So the question becomes, should you sacrifice the chance at having your parents back in your life, once again aware of who and what you are to them, for the chance that Weasley might not love you enough to want you to even be happy?" Malfoy said in a low voice.
"Are you trying to make me feel better or worse about this entire situation?" Hermione demanded, frustrated beyond belief at the points he had raised and the fact that he clearly had a firm grasp logical reasoning.
She didn't know what to think when Draco Malfoy flashed her a sympathetic half-smile.
"Just trying to offer an outside perspective. You're far too close to the issue to see it clearly and you don't want to consider the idea that Weasley is either too childish to think about your needs above his own, or not as in love with you as you'd both like to believe. From where I'm sitting, it sounds like he's got some issues and you might end up bearing the brunt of them in the form of your sacrificed happiness."
"And yet you're saying Ron's happiness should be sacrificed for mine," Hermione pointed out.
"Your happiness is a result of wanting your parents back, being as they're the people who birthed and raised you. Your happiness is about something important for your psychological well-being on a large scale. His is about being petty over his own inadequacies and projecting them onto you."
Hermione opened her mouth to rebut his claim. To argue that Ron's happiness ought to be a factor in her calculations too, otherwise it would be her love that was questionable. And yet, no words came out.
"Are you just saying these things in some psychological warfare tactic to sway me into taking the deal so you can have your parents back?" Hermione asked him seriously, unable to trust him at his word after all the history between them.
"I want my parents back," Malfoy shrugged, "And you want yours back. What does he want? Other than to tie you to him – possibly unhappily – for the purpose of his pride? What does he have that the Ministry might bribe him with?"
"I don't know," Hermione admitted, "He thinks they might offer him the job he wants and lots of money."
"So basically if he says no to them, he still has the chance to get what they've offered him all on his own volition?" Malfoy asked with one raised eyebrows, "Whereas you've been trying since the war ended to find a way to undo your memory charm on your parents, unsuccessfully so."
"You're making this harder and more confusing," Hermione accused him, putting her head in her hands and tugging at her hair in frustration.
"I'll go then," he said quietly, getting to his feet and glancing down at her for a moment when Hermione lifted her head to stare at him with wide eyes, "Owl me at the Manor when you've made your decision, alright Granger?"
Hermione nodded before watching as he walked away, his cloak billowing lightly in the breeze.