So this took some time, yet again. As always, I hope you like it. Keep those thoughts and comments coming. I lolololoove them. That's the awesome thing about fanfiction.
Thank you, to my hard-working beta. She is busy as a beaver. Reading through my brain-farts, making them into something more readable. :D
Chapter 21
"Lauren, stop!"
Famous last words, or what was it again one said? Bo thought about those words over and over again.
She hadn't seen nor heard anything from the blonde ever since. Bo remembered their last scene together, as if it was one of those television series that just kept starting over and over again until one knew the whole show word for word. Lip-synch no less. Not that there were many words spoken between the two of them that Monday evening.
"Lauren, stop!"
Bo held her Boss on arms length. They were both out of breath and they were both flustered. The brunette tried to catch Lauren's gaze, tried to get her attention, but the blond held her head down, eyes to the ground. As the blonde reached out for her keys, it seemed as if Bo lost all contact with her - both physically and emotionally. It was as if the air around them had grown ice cold. With an 'I'm so sorry' her Boss basically flew out of Bo's apartment.
The brunette ran after her and nearly even fell down the staircase. She was calling out for her Boss to stop running, that Bo still wanted to give her a lift and that this time they really needed to talk. But, good mother of everything Forrest Gump, that woman was fast. Faster than Bo. Not that Bo was surprised about that. Her usual shape was basically non-exciting.
The brunette went through her wet hair, trying to shake off the memories of that night and with those memories this huge lemon she just couldn't make into lemonade. But who did like lemonade anyway? Bo didn't like lemonade!
She stared on Selly's display, reading the same message, she received Tuesday early in the morning, for what must have been the ten thousandth time.
'Your services will not be needed today. Further instructions following.'
But they never came. These instructions. They never damn freaking came. And it wasn't even her Boss, who had texted her. Some unknown number was shining on the top of the screen. Laughing at the brunette for pushing on the same message again and again.
Maybe it was this new assistant Lauren had talked about. Maybe they were on one of those business tours right now. Maybe they were having breakfast together, enjoying some gala dinner.
The brunette had to shake her head to stop ranting. Not that she cared about what her Boss was doing or not doing. Neither with whom she was doing the things she did or didn't do. Totally not interested. Like at all. Lauren was a free woman, who could do whatever she liked to do. Bo sooo didn't care about that. She just had this weird rumble in her stomach, every single time she pictured her Boss next to someone else. Had to be an early sign of diarrhea. It just had to. What else could it be if not that?
Monday went by, Tuesday and Wednesday, too and when Thursday waved the middle-finger and turned into Friday, Bo was sure she would go crazy, if she didn't hear anything from her Boss soon. At least the brunette had managed to finally shower after another internal battle of hers.
Why wash oneself, when there was no one to be clean for, or anywhere to go to, or anything to do anyway.
And she still didn't get any news and that bugged her to a degree where not even candy, chocolate and co. could lift her up from anymore.
It had been five days now. Five days of curse words for Selly, blaming the device for not showing any new messages. As if she did that on purpose.
Five days of running through the apartment from one corner to the other – twenty-two steps, or twenty-four, depending on how big of a step she took – trying to figure out what to do like some lion in a cage.
Five damn freaking days of arguing with her mini-self, who was very pissed. Not only because of those blue balls - or ovaries - but also for what the heck normal size Bo was thinking to stop the blonde when she did and that nothing good had come out of it. As if Bo didn't know that herself, thank you very much!
The brunette was so trapped in her own head that every-day-things like eating or hygiene wasn't even near of Bo's to-do list. Actually, she didn't even have one and that was about the problem here.
A long sigh was echoing through the emptiness of the brunette's apartment. Not even Bane wanted to keep her company, most likely still pissed about his forced vacation. Freaking depressing.
The brunette didn't know what the heck was going on with her. She had never experienced anything like that before. She had also never been so hung up on something. Why in the world of everything Taylor Swift could she not just shake it off and live her life like she used to do?
The brunette still heard Kenzi's words in her ears from their phone call back in Paris. Lovestruck, she had chanted into Bo's ears and Bo hated it, when Kenzi sang words to underline their meaning. Especially when it wasn't true! What a misunderstanding of the situation!
It hit a nerve and Bo didn't know why she was so angry with her best friend. She also didn't understand why she didn't feel like talking to Kenzi about what's going on. Maybe because Bo didn't want to hear another of those hypotheses Kenzi would most likely come up with. Or maybe because Bo didn't even damn effing know what the heck was happening with her to be able to put it into words.
Shit freaking shotgun!
Bo's left foot jumped restlessly up and down on the ground. The floor was cold underneath her naked soles. She was standing next to the fridge, leaning against the kitchen counter with a glass of water in her hand. She was lucky she had found this glass in the sea of dirty dishes. But who needed to clean, when there was just Bo anyway. Well and Bane, but he rarely used cutlery or mugs. So why bother?
"My services… Pff! My ass!"
Hearing her own voice almost spooked Bo, after an hiatus of silence in her apartment.
Water drops ran down the ends of her wet hair, over her bare shoulders and on the purple tank top she managed to put on after showering.
She didn't see the need to dry her mane, but even if she had wanted to, her hairdryer had given up the ghost completely this time anyway. Bo was way too tired of life or rather the absolute absence of luck to fight with the damn electronics right now. Or wash dirty laundry, where all the towels seemed to hide in these days.
But hey, at least she showered, right?
"Whatever!"
Taking the last sip of her water, Bo placed the glass into that still life of a sink and walked over to her bed.
Her body felt heavy and her head hurt for days now. She was so tense in her muscles, that one of those fine vessels in her left eye had bursted, making her look like a horror movie villain.
Muhahaha!
Bo was anything but in the mood for laughing right now though!
She was busy trying to think about something else, but always ended up in this very situation, where the blonde ran out of her apartment and disappeared into thin air.
Bo's chest was cramping again. It had happened a few times now. The brunette was basically waiting to stop breathing and finally setting an end to her miserable self. She had to be dying. That was the only plausible explanation to the state she was in.
A growl filled the room. Bo's stomach was talking to her. It wasn't happy about the fact, that Bo hadn't fed it for two days now. It's not that she didn't want to. There was just no food in her fridge, so it was beyond her power.
Bane meowed next to her ear. He was hungry too and Bo knew she had to leave her one-person-poop-party soon, to go and get groceries. She was just so freaking tired.
If only sleep wasn't her enemy, life would be so much more bearable. But every time Bo closed her eyes, she freaking saw Lauren. And not just that. She felt her and heard her and damn fracking tasted her and Bo had already enough to deal with right now, she didn't need this Thor forsaken heartache.
Well, not like heartache heartache. Her heart literally ached. And no, Bo had no idea why it felt as if her chest couldn't longer hold her lungs and wasn't really able to embed this most likely bleeding heart of hers anymore.
Yes! A bleeding heart was a thing. Bo googled it or bing-ed or firefox-ed or whatever it was called again. However, bleeding heart was serious. Or at least it sounded severe.
And no, it didn't matter that the internet was showing mainly pictures of plants that went by that name.
What's with all the question here, anyway?
Something had to be wrong with her. Bo felt like crying and she never did - cry that was – so plant or not the brunette was suffering from something most likely life threatening. On top of it all came the restlessness of her extremities and Bo was pretty sure her final hour was about to come. She was even considering going to the doctor. Or emergency room. Drama much?
"In the name of Dorothea Erxleben!"
Bo turned on her stomach and hid her head underneath her pillow. She had never been good at history. There were way too many men in those stories, that most likely were written by men for men to make them feel…manly.
So, strong and independent as Bo was – what? She was! She just had a bad day, or week, or something right now - she had made it a sport to go to the local library and search for powerful women in history of mankind. Dorothea was one of the many she had found. Intrigued? Well then, look her up. It's not a herstory lesson here anyway, right?
Another heavy sigh was blown into the soft sheets of her single bed. She missed this king size, where her arms wouldn't nearly even reach the end of the mattress. Or hang down halfway to the ground.
When this uncomfortable tickle of sleeping hands became too much to bear, Bo turned onto her side.
"Tomorrow's gonna be a better day."
It wasn't actually bed-o'clock yet. The sun was only halfway down, but the brunette had had enough and just wanted another lousy and restless day to go and disturb someone else.
"Tomorrow's gonna be a better day."
Almost like a mantra she said it again. She wanted to believe it. Bane finally made his way up on the bed and found his place on Bo's pillow.
"Tomorrow's gonna be better!"
But it wasn't. Neither was the day after that. Or the next. Or the next.
Friday started somewhat pleasant with a really nice and hot cup of coffee. Yeah, Bo did do this shopping thing, where one went into a store and bought, well, coffee for example. Though, caffeine wasn't the best choice of a drink in Bo's state right now. That had to be the feeling one had when taking Speed or stuff like that. Her heart was beating one mile a minute and her hands were shaking so much, she was hardly able to read the 'borrowed' newspaper that morning.
The sun moved up and around and was on her way down again, when Bo made a decision. She would put an end to this charade.
"I'll quit!"
Not just the job, but also her thoughts of the blonde and everything that came with it. Yes, she would go and see her Boss and - in the name of everything independent and strong - quit. After that she would go and find herself some ice cold beer and some hot and steamy boom-chicka-wah-wah. Maybe a pizza afterwards. Ooh or Chinese.
Mini Bo was ex-ci-ted!
With dark make-up around her chocolate browns, hair styled in a perfect high placed ponytail and an outfit that screamed not just Xena but Diana fracking Wonder Woman Prince, Bo was ready to hunt. But first things first.
Her hands were so wet, she had almost lost the car key in the elevator, while she was fiddling with it. Bo's heart was beating loudly in her ears and her stomach was one tied knot. Maybe there had been something wrong with the food she ate for lunch. Sounded very much like food poisoning.
Trying to dry her hands off as much as one could on black leather pants, the brunette stepped forward and pushed the bell with a shaky hand.
"I should start drinking decaf!"
Looking out of the huge windows of the front hall to her Boss' loft, she could see the last sun beams waving their goodbyes before the orange ball would soon be swallowed completely by the night sky.
A buzzing sound let the brunette jump internally. The door opened and Bo went into that horror-movie of a hallway. The only thing missing was some dramatic music.
She ran her hands over her open leather jacket. After straightening that deep red tank top underneath, which complimented her two girls so damn well, she carefully knocked on the wood, covering the way into the apartment in front of her.
A shiver ran down Bo's spine, when the door opened and her Boss stood in front of her with a surprised look on her face. The brunette had prepared a speech or monologue or… whatever, but her head was blank.
"Hey."
The blonde breathed out the word so quietly, Bo almost didn't hear it. The brunette would never ever admit it, but hearing her Boss' voice, seeing her, brought a peacefulness to her whole being, that soothed Bo's every cell. Which didn't mean, she felt better per se. Just that she felt… different. Somewhat… lighter.
She didn't know exactly what to expect. The last time Bo showed up unannounced her Boss was anything but pleasantly surprised.
"Hi."
That was all the brunette managed to answer. She stared at the woman in front of her. Bo's eyes had traveled up and down the blonde's body without permission for a wild second or two.
Her Boss wore a loose white blouse that showed off some of this delicious collarbone and with these short sleeves Bo had a good view of the blonde's strong arms. A pair of pretty form fitting dark blue jeans and bare feet rounded up this feast for the brunette's eyes.
Those two whiskey browns had been scanning the brunette's appearance long enough for Bo to notice. After the brunette had finished her own little journey and found her way back to look into Lauren's face framed by perfect blonde curls, she had to swallow hard. Her body did all these weird, uncommon things again and the brunette feared, that if she started walking right now, she would stumble and fall. Her knees were like rubber and she felt light headed. Holding on to the car key in her hand, Bo took a deep, soothing breath.
"Can… can I come in?"
Her voice sounded stronger than Bo felt and the brunette sent a silent thank-you to whatever higher power there was. Lauren moved sideways and opened the door a little wider, signaling Bo to go ahead.
Bo moved forward and stopped a few steps in, when she heard the door fall into the frame silently. The brunette looked around the apartment. It'd been forever and a day since she last set foot in here. It seemed white-glove kinda clean and everything was in it's place. Well, as far as Bo could tell. The windows showed off the amazing view of Toronto's skyline. Bo walked along the couch, around the clavier and stopped right in front of the glass front.
"I forgot how beautiful the view was from up here."
Bo could hear the blonde's naked footsteps on the parquet behind her.
"Yeah. I don't really see it anymore."
Lauren was standing an arms length away next to the brunette, looking outside. Her voice held a melancholic tone Bo hadn't heard before.
The brunette turned her head, facing her Boss. Bo could make out some darker shades underneath the blonde's eyes. She looked tired and somewhat sad. Bo felt the need to reach out, to hold her, to be close to Lauren, but she didn't. Instead she gathered whatever boldness she could find inside of her and opened her mouth to speak. Once. Twice. Well, the third time was the charm, wasn't it?
"I quit."
Bo's voice was as thin as a sheet of paper. She was happy that the sentence wasn't longer than that, because there was a big fat rock in her throat, making it hard to speak, or breathe, or swallow. Lauren moved her head to look at Bo and nodded softly.
"I understand."
They were staring at each other. Bourbon colored on chocolate brown. Bo felt like screaming, but she could hardly open her mouth. She felt like Lauren owed her an explanation, but then again, what would that change? They were two people in very different places in the food-chain and obviously not comparable.
Bo held the hand out that was carrying the car key. Lauren reached out to take it and wrapped her fingers around Bo's hand, squeezing softly.
"Thank you, Bo."
"What for?"
The feeling of the blonde's skin on hers, let Bo's heartbeat speed up and it was getting harder and harder to keep standing upright. Hearing her name from the blonde's mouth was still goosebump-worthy.
"Your patience."
Lauren's eyes were holding Bo's. Her thumb was moving slowly back and forward, stroking Bo's hand.
"For… everything."
Bo didn't know what to say or do. But also, Bo was still angry and weirdly enough kind of upset.
She didn't want Lauren to be all nice and understanding and thankful and shit. That just made it even harder for the brunette to just walk away.
All Bo could do was stand there and watch her Boss finally taking the key from her. When their hands stopped touching, something inside of the brunette's chest stung so badly that her eyes welled up. Bo tried to clear her throat and she had to look down to escape the intensity of her Boss' glare.
Bo could just nod before she turned around and started walking. Her jacket must have shrunk three to four sizes within the past minutes, because the brunette wasn't able to take a deep breath. Cheap thing!
Her face was burning and there was something wrong with her vision. Everything was just a blur. Bo needed to get out of there. She needed space. She needed freaking oxygen.
"Don't go."
The blonde's small voice sounded more like a hiccup than actual words. But Bo had heard it and stopped in her tracks.
Just go, Bo. Just go, dammit!
But she couldn't move. Bo heard slow footsteps behind her, walking towards her. The emotions inside of the brunette went totally nuts. She felt hot and cold and she was sure her intestines would explode any second, caused by all the pressure she felt in her chest and stomach.
Bo didn't dare to turn around afraid of what she'd see, which was just bullshit, because Bo Dennis did whatever she freaking pleased, but right now, right here, Bo Dennis wasn't available. There was just Bo, who wanted to be held tightly and comforted and who would give up whatever it took to kiss the woman next to her. That simply scared the freaking scarecrow out of her.
"Please?"
Another breathed word and Bo felt her walls crumble and fall. Unsure fingertips were trying to get a hold on the brunette's right arm, but in the end just brushed along the fabric of her jacket before they lost contact again.
Bo didn't know what to reply. She didn't know how to reply, because she was afraid, that if she opened her mouth all these emotions, these feelings she held in her head, her stomach, her chest, would burst out of her. She wasn't ready for that. She wasn't ready to put whatever it was she felt into words. She didn't even know the words to describe the feelings she held. Her family wasn't much for this touchy-feely talk.
Bo didn't know what she should feel or shouldn't feel or how to handle all these thoughts in her head. She felt so damn vulnerable right now, she could scream out of frustration about herself. Bo Dennis bloody felt. She darn effing felt so damn freaking much and she just wasn't used to that.
Yeah of course she knew how to feel. She was human after all. There's a difference though between for example feeling pain, because one hit one's little toe on a sofa and… well this.
The brunette took an unsteady breath, trying to sooth this earthquake inside of her. She was only hoping, that she wasn't shaking on the outside, too. Bo closed her eyes tightly for a second, gathered all of the courage she could find – which wasn't much. Surprisingly - and slowly turned around.
The blonde was standing only one small step away in front of her. Those bourbon eyes were watery and sorrowful and holding a silent plea that the brunette didn't know how to answer to.
She had a plan. Darn it! She had it all figured out in her head at home and on her way over. She was meant to come here, quit and go again. Bo didn't expect… this.
"Lauren, I…"
Bo stopped talking. She was out of words. Her Boss looked very much how the brunette felt and Bo wasn't even able to even consider, that that was possible.
Oh please don't start crying now.
The brunette wasn't sure if she meant Lauren, or herself.
Bo's heart wasn't just bleeding, it was about to break as well, when she saw the look on Lauren's face.
The brunette couldn't not react to that anymore. She was proud, stubborn even, but those feelings in her chest were too strong, too powerful. Feelings she had tried to suppress for way too long now.
So Bo acted out of instinct, reached out and pulled the blonde into a tight hug.
Lauren's arms wrapped around Bo's upper body and lower back and the two women just fitted together like two pieces of a puzzle. The blonde's grip tightened and her head rested on Bo's shoulder. The brunette felt short puffs of hot air on the crook of her neck. Bo rested her chin against Lauren's side of the head, inhaling the other woman's sweet scent, streaming into her nostrils. The brunette's left hand traveled along Lauren's back to the back of her Boss' head, where lazy fingers started brushing through the soft blonde curls.
The blonde relaxed more and more under Bo's touch. This moment was so bitter sweet, that the brunette wasn't sure if she should smile or cry. The way her Boss held her. The way Bo's heart was beating in her chest. The way those strands of hair felt underneath her fingertips. The way Lauren's perfume settled in Bo's body. It was intoxicating, it was inebriant, it was everything Bo could have wished for and more.
"Stay."
Lauren breathed the word on Bo's heated skin right underneath her left ear. Bo's brain was exploding. There was just too much information streaming into those grey cells. Bo couldn't form a coherent thought. She was so overwhelmed by everything Lauren Lewis, that it was impossible to form words.
Hesitantly Lauren pulled away and Bo immediately missed the contact and warmth of the blonde's body against her own. Her Boss' gaze fell to their feet. Bo watched the blonde in front of her unable to do anything else.
"Stay?"
This time the blonde's voice was stronger. Lauren's eyes found Bo's and the brunette almost choked on her own saliva. The way her Boss looked at her, with so much need and so much hope, it brought a rollercoaster of emotions into motion inside Bo's ribcage.
"Lauren, I…"
"Just for the night."
Bo must have worn her confusion on her face, because her Boss took Bo's left hand in hers carefully.
"I mean. Just be here. With me?"
Lauren's thumb caressed Bo's wrist again. Like it had before and it was both soothing and disturbing.
"Lauren…"
Bo struggled. She struggled so much. She wanted to. So, so badly. But she was afraid of tomorrow. She was afraid of what would happen. She was damn freaking scared like hell about what maybe wouldn't happen.
"I know… that, uh."
The blonde swallowed hard.
"I'm in no position to ask anything from you."
Lauren took a hold on Bo's other hand. Squeezing lightly. Bo closed her eyes and for a split second just enjoyed their joined hands. Why did her body betray her like that? Why did her mind, her soul react the way they did when all Bo wanted was to walk out of this apartment and back into her old life. Or wasn't it? Bo was too confused to know what it was she wanted right now.
"Please."
The blonde was begging. She was pleading for Bo to stay and as much as the brunette had wanted to set an end to all this earlier, she also could only stand so much.
"Okay."
Surprised about her own answer, Bo watched as a small smile tucked on the corner of the blonde's mouth.
"Okay."
Lauren nodded and started walking towards the staircase inside the apartment keeping a hold on Bo's left hand.
The stairs brought them into a small hallway.
"Straight ahead is the bathroom. There's a spare toothbrush in the closet and you can just use whatever you need."
Bo only nodded and walked further on as if in some kind of spell. She stepped into the large room as big as her own bedroom and closed the door behind her. It was pleasantly cool underneath her feet when she stepped out of her heavy leather boots. After taking off her jacket, Bo was holding the sink with both hands, staring into her own reflection in the mirror.
"What the heck are you doing, Bo?"
This evening didn't really go as planned.
Sighing Bo started to wash off her make-up with one of those wet-tissues that smelled like summer rain and felt like clouds and Bo really needed more of something like that in her life. Going through the blonde's closets and drawers felt all kinds of wrong, but Bo was searching for some crème and a towel and her courage.
Walking out of the room, all clean and smelling like the most colorful bouquet of wild flowers, Bo was following the quiet sounds of a drawer opening and closing into what had to be the master bedroom.
A hesitant step forward and Bo was standing in the middle of a room filled with personality. She saw the blonde in every corner. From the decoration to the color of the bedsheets. Bo felt as if she invaded the privacy of her Boss and wasn't sure, if she was wanted in here or if she should have knocked first.
"There's a pajama on the bed for you. I didn't know what you felt most comfortable in, but I hope it's okay. I can look for something else if…"
"No, no. No need. I bet it's fine. Thanks."
Lauren walked up to the brunette, either not seeing Bo's inner tumult or simply ignoring it. Slowly, Lauren walked out the door, brushing along Bo's shoulder while passing. Stopping in the doorframe, she turned around again.
"I'll go get ready. Please, make yourself at home."
Placing her jacket on a chair in one corner of the room, Bo stripped out of her pants and into the pajama trousers. She decided to just keep her tank top on. She didn't like long sleeves for sleeping. The brunette loosened her ponytail and went through her hair before she put it up into a messy bun.
Walking through the room Bo stopped at the dresser on the other side with several pictures each framed in a unique frame on top. There was one with a very young Lauren laughing with her head falling back, holding onto a smiling older brunette with piercing green eyes.
"My father took this in one of our last vacations together."
Bo jumped from Lauren's voice right behind her.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snoop around."
The blonde shook her head.
"It's okay."
"Is that your mum?"
Her Boss took the frame from Bo's hand and carefully placed it back where it belonged.
"It's taken three months before she died."
Lauren walked to the bed and threw the blanket aside. Bo felt awful.
"I'm so sorry."
"It's a long time ago."
Bo walked around the bed and helped Lauren to prepare it for them. The brunette didn't know that anyone was even allowed to own that many pillows. The blonde was the first to settle down. Patting the space next to her, Lauren watched Bo awkwardly standing in front of the bed.
"I won't bite."
A small smile played on Lauren's face. The brunette climbed underneath the sheets furthest away from her Boss and laid down flat on her back, watching the ceiling. A soft click from the bedside lamp sounded through the quietness. Bo's eyes needed a minute to adjust to the darkness. The only light was coming from the nearby window, where the moon was shining bright enough to eliminate the otherwise dark room with a soft glow. Bo stiffened, when she felt the mattress shift next to her and a warm hand laid on top of Bo's forearm.
"May I?"
No?!
"Yes."
Darn it!
Bo stretched her arm over her head and made room for the blonde, who laid her head carefully on Bo's chest. When her Boss put her hand over Bo's stomach, the brunette's arm settled down to hold the blonde in a loose embrace.
"Good night."
Lauren sounded tired and all Bo could think about was, that no way on earth and moon would she be able to sleep tonight all spooned and stuff. Nope. Not happening.
"Mhmm."
Staring at the ceiling, Bo was counting sheep and cars and basketballs, basically anything to distract herself from the fact, that her Boss was laying in her arms tonight. The brunette turned her head slightly and sniffed the blonde's hair. Okay, sniffing sounded every kinds of creepy, but that's what she did. Bo inhaled the scents of shampoo and crème and body lotion and just the wonderful odors of Miss Lewis.
You smell amazing.
Bo's fingers brushed along Lauren's back and arm and side and when they found a small spot of naked skin on the blonde's hipbone mini Bo must have pushed the wrong button. Sweat formed on Bo's palms and a tingle spread out inside her lady parts.
Great!
The brunette didn't know for how long they were laying like that already, all she knew was she needed water. Her throat was dry like chalk dust, which reminded her of their billiard game and the bathroom scene and…
I need to drink!
Peeling herself out from under that sleeping beauty, Bo tiptoed down the hall and down the stairs into the kitchen. Yet again Bo was opening closets and drawers and cabinets to search for a glass. Plates, cutlery, more plates and then finally. A glass.
Bo turned on the faucet and cold water was streaming into the sink. Bo held her hands underneath the cooling wetness for some time before she filled the glass up. Gulping the liquid down in only a few sips Bo refilled the glass a second time. Placing the drink on the tabletop, Bo sighed.
"What did I get myself into."
Stretching her neck she closed her eyes. Bo turned around slowly, leaning against the counter.
"I was afraid you left."
Bo's eyes flew open and her heart stopped beating for a second.
"Sweet baby Amadeus, Lauren. You scared the sh… you scared me!"
Breathing heavily, Bo held her hand over her heaving chest.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were so easily scared."
Lauren's voice was playful and light.
"I'm not."
"Sure."
The blonde walked over and stopped right in front of the brunette, who was still trying to collect herself.
"Thirsty?"
Her Boss nodded at the full glass of water.
"Very."
Bo had a hard time answering and was happy, she had managed to press out this little word. Leaning over, Lauren took a hold of the glass.
"Do you mind?"
Not really waiting for a reply she took a big sip herself. When the blonde placed it down again, her arm brushed along Bo's. The simple contact shot electricity like a lightning through the brunette. The blonde was so close by now, Bo felt Lauren's breath on her right cheek.
Turning her head slightly Bo was staring at the blonde, who was staring at Bo's lips. Only centimeters separated them and Bo didn't know she was holding her breath until she felt light headed, caused by the lack of oxygen in her bloodstream. At least that's what she was telling herself.
"We, uh, should probably go and try to get some sleep now."
"Mhm."
But neither of them dared to move. Slowly, the blonde came closer. Bo wetted her lips with the tip of her tongue, very aware of what was about to happen, when that little bit of concern waved its hello in the back of her head and made her step sideways and out of the situation.
"Okay let's go."
Bo was about to walk away when a hand took a hold on her forearm and stopped her in tracks.
"Bo, wait."
"No, Lauren. I can't do this."
Bo freed herself from her Boss' grip and brought some distance between them.
"Can't do what?"
"I shouldn't have agreed to this in the first place."
"Then why are you here?"
"Because I missed…"
Bo stopped herself.
…you.
She wouldn't say that. She couldn't!
"Missed what?"
"Doesn't matter."
Bo turned to walk again, when Lauren moved around her and was now standing in front of the brunette, blocking her way.
"It matters to me."
Bo's emotions shifted from confusing into frustrating and she held her forehead trying to gather her thoughts.
"To bad 'cause it doesn't to me."
The brunette tried to pass the woman standing way too close again, but Lauren moved with her until they reached the end of the stairs. The blonde grabbed Bo's hand an spun her around to face her.
"Bo, c'mon."
"No, Lauren. You don't get to ask all these questions. You just don't, when it was you, who blocked me out and made me wonder whether I'd ever see you again."
Bo's voice was louder than intended. She was mad and Mad-Bo wasn't easy to keep in check sometimes. Neither was Hungry-Bo or Drunk-Bo, but that's a different story.
"I know."
"Good. Then let's just forget about it, go to bed, and part ways tomorrow morning."
Bo didn't know where the words came from she just heard herself saying, but they didn't mirror what she was feeling in no way. It hurt to hear it, because she knew it would mean the end of their journey and Bo really hated that!
"Please don't say that."
The blonde struggled to keep her voice from breaking.
"You broke up with me, Lauren. Don't play surprised now."
Bo shook her head. When she saw the look on Lauren's face.
"Not break up, like break up break up. We weren't dating or... you know. I mean, if you met the role models in my life, you would know that I'm far from relationship material anyway."
Bo's hands were waving in the air and she had to concentrate, to place them next to her body in tight fists.
"However, what I meant was, you basically fired me."
Bo was ranting. Mad-Bo did that often. She just didn't know when to put a sock in.
"Then why are you even here?"
Good question.
"To quit."
"But you just said I fired you."
"I know what I said. Urgh!"
Bo was at a loss of words. Frustrated she threw her hands over her head.
"Honestly? I have no idea what I'm doing. I never ever was in a situation like this."
With that the brunette sat down on the stairs burying her head in her hands.
The blonde sat down next to her with a healthy amount of distance between them.
"I've never met anyone like you."
„Likewise."
Bo muffled the word through her hands still holding her head.
"Let me finish."
The brunette turned her head slightly. Bossy-Lauren was still all kinds of sexy, which caused a little fire inside the brunette's center. Bo had to distract herself by thinking about celery or this dude 'Matador' or slippery, stupid fish, because she really didn't want to be aroused right now.
A soft sigh escaped the blonde, when their eyes met and Bo could see her Boss' own little battle behind those whiskey browns. Looking down again, Lauren played with the end of one of the legs of her pajama pants, when she continued in the softest voice.
"I never met anyone that would reach out to me again and again. Usually people just don't care enough to put so much effort into it."
Lauren took an unsteady breath.
"I really wanted to talk to you the other day."
Bo watched the woman next to her. Blonde hair fell into the front and shielded Lauren's face from the brunette's gaze.
"I had a whole speech prepared."
A sad chuckle filled the pause before Lauren continued.
"I struggled all weekend, because I didn't know if I was supposed to call you, or if that was out of line."
Bo listened intently, focusing on her own pants. She needed to give her hands something to do, to not reach out and place that velvety hair behind her Boss' ear.
"I'm not really good at this. You know? Relationships. Like in any constellation. The only constant in my life is Petra. She never once walked away from me. She was always there. She knows how to handle me, when I don't even know it myself."
Lauren shifted uneasily. Bo watched her carefully from the corner of her eyes.
"My father has planned my whole life. Who I'd meet, what I'd work with, where I'd live. I didn't have much of a say. Still don't. And then I meet you."
The blonde fell silent. A long pause forced Bo to stop whatever she was trying to occupy herself with and look at Lauren again. She had brushed her hair back behind her ear herself and Bo slapped herself internally for missing the opportunity. She had really really wanted to do that. But then again, she didn't really know where they stood right now.
"You make it sound as if that is a bad thing. That we met, I mean."
Bo heard her own voice, raspy for not being used for some time. Lauren looked up and into the brunette's eyes and Bo was melting into a puddle of goo from all the emotions she was facing in the blonde's gaze. But as fast as she had looked up, Lauren shielded herself behind her hair again, watching her fingers brushing invisible wrinkles out of the fabric of her Boss' pants.
"Bad? No. Quite the opposite. And that's the problem. You weren't part of my father's plan for me. He already decided whom I'd marry and when and where."
"Wait what? What time do we live in? 1600? You can't be serious right now."
Lauren stood up and walked back into the kitchen area. Bo couldn't move a muscle. The plain thought that someone else could be with the blonde, touch her hand, make her laugh, or worse kiss her felt like all the blood was sucked out of Bo's body and replaced by ice water. It was a pain Bo hadn't experienced before. It took her by surprise and a shockwave ran over her head to her toes and settled down inside her stomach and chest. The brunette's heart was banging so hard against her ribcage, she wasn't sure if it finally was that heart attack she was waiting for to happen, or what the holy bass drum was going on right now!
The brunette watched Lauren disappear behind the corner of the fridge. Bo heard the faucet running and a glass being filled up. The brunette shook her head and tried to get this emotional disaster inside of her to put a cork in, got up and walked to where she thought the blonde would be standing. But the kitchen was empty.
Lauren had already made her way to the window front looking outside. The moon was shining onto her Boss' skin, making it seem like porcelain. Bo moved slowly forward to join the blonde. Together they watched the night outside.
"When I came to you the other night…"
Bo had to lean forward a little to hear the words her Boss was almost whispering now.
"… I wanted to tell you, that whatever it was we were doing in Paris, would have to end now."
The brunette had to swallow hard, when the words she just heard kicked in. Bo felt this big lump again and her heart was heavier than those plateau shoes she once had borrowed from Kenzi. Bo tried to concentrate on what she saw outside the window to distract the tornado inside of her, when she felt Lauren's hand slipping into her own.
The brunette looked down to where their fingers touched, when she saw the blonde turn and move closer. Bo's eyes shot up, when she felt her Boss' soft palm on her left cheek. Those bourbon colored orbs were fixed on Bo's dark browns and the brunette had a hard time breathing.
"I made my peace with my father's choices for me a long time ago. But then I saw you and your eyes and when you said what you said, I just knew that I wanted you in my life. I never felt like that before. I feel so alive when I'm with you. I started to remember the woman I once was. With wishes and dreams and desires of my own."
A soft thumb caressed Bo's cheekbone and the brunette closed her eyes for a second to just be in the moment right now. The brunette felt the air shift. Lauren placed her lips on Bo's ever so slowly and Bo was sure that her legs wouldn't be able to hold her for much longer.
The touch was so soft, so damn tender, that Bo forgot everything around them. Their lips danced upon each other, so slowly, so gently, Bo wanted it to never stop.
When she felt the blonde's skin fading away from her own, she wasn't ready for that yet. With one swift move, the brunette turned her body sideways and positioned the blonde's back against the cool glass by pressing her front against Lauren's. Chest to chest Bo kissed her Boss. Harder this time.
Bo's body knew exactly what it wanted, what it needed. Even though Bo's brain hadn't caught up just yet. Mini Bo was already waltzing from the brunette's chest down to the commando central in Bo's core, stretching her fingers on her way down. This was going to be amazeballs - that's what Kenzi would have called it – and mini Bo was so damn ready for this, the sheet thought of it made her mouth water.
Bo's lips were still busy roaming over Lauren's and her tongue was eager to taste, to feel as much of the blonde as possible. Bo couldn't think a clear thought anymore. All she knew was, that her body had never responded to anyone like it did to Lauren and no one had ever made her loose control over the situation like this woman did.
Everything was burning. Everywhere. Bo's hands held onto the blonde's upper arms, neck, cheeks. The brunette felt the last bricks fall to the ground and it was only a matter of seconds before the point of no return.
A last little stretch of hands and fingers and mini Bo would push that final button to take over control. The fire was already blazing inside the brunette's chest and it was floating in her veins and through her body. Lauren's hands found the hem of Bo's top and eager fingers were gliding underneath it to touch the heated skin they found there. A moan echoed through the silence and Bo wasn't sure if it was her own voice or the blonde's.
When Lauren moved her hands up higher, touching Bo's sides to her ribcage, the brunette shuddered and sighed into Lauren's mouth. Excitement tickled underneath Bo's skin and she was surprised when her own hands placed themselves on top of the blonde's holding them, stopping them. Moving her head, she broke the kiss and laid her forehead against her Boss'. Mini Bo's eyes had shifted from aroused blue, to angry red in a millisecond.
What the actual…
Breathing heavily Bo's head tried to catch up and come down from all the endorphins to create somewhat of a coherent thought again.
"Lauren, I… you have no idea how badly I want you right now."
One of the blonde's hands had freed itself and was now lingering on the brunette's crook of the neck.
"Then why did you stop?"
Yes? Why?
"Why didn't you reach out to me? Text or call or… just anything really? I was going crazy by the silent treatment. I didn't know what I did wrong."
Oh good word. Now she needed to talk? Couldn't that have waited until … well, after.
"You didn't do anything wrong."
Lauren shifted and tried to move away from Bo, but the brunette was faster. She cut that little bit of a distance between them and pushed Lauren back against the window front. Bo was pressing her body tightly against the blonde, causing a surprised yelp to puff out of her Boss' lungs.
"No, no. You stay right here. It's time for that talk, don't you think?"
Lauren was forced to look into Bo's eyes by how close they were and Bo could see the lust and fire in them flickering into something else she couldn't decipher.
"Would you let it go, if I told you I was busy?"
A sheepish smile tucked on the blonde's lips. Bo chuckled, but shook her head no, watching those lips for a little bit longer, before her gaze found Lauren's again.
"No. I know you are busy, but that wasn't the reason why."
"Yeah, I didn't think it would be so easy with you."
A lazy thumb drew small circles on Bo's throat and collarbone. It was hella distracting, but as aroused as Bo was right now, she really needed to get this straight.
"Someone must have seen us in Paris. Someone close to my father, because he was asking me a lot of unpleasant questions Sunday evening."
Lauren tried to move away again and this time Bo let her go, missing her warmth immediately. Instead of walking away, the blonde just turned around and looked outside the window leaning her forehead against the glass. Bo stepped sideways and positioned herself next to her Boss, facing her, watching her.
"He knows about us."
Bo's heart almost jumped out of her chest when she heard the word 'us'.
"He knows I treat you differently and he knows you are closer to me than anyone should be in your position."
Whatever Bo's heart had heard before it must have heard wrong. This definition of 'us' hurt more than it gave pleasure. The brunette looked down to her feet and nodded.
"I see."
Lauren must have heard the shift in Bo's voice. A warm hand wrapped itself around the brunette's right wrist, squeezing lightly.
"Those were his words. Not mine."
Lauren turned around fully, facing Bo.
"He wants me to cut you out of my life and since I didn't know anything else but following his lead I came to your apartment the other day to do just that."
The blonde's eyes were fixed on Bo's and the brunette felt like in her last year of school waiting for the last exam grades to come. It was this uneasy feeling of maybe not having passed. This feeling of being in a limbo of not knowing, that brought the tension back into Bo's muscles she had had the past two weeks and her stomach turned upside down.
The silence between them was just too much to stand. Bo looked down to where the blonde held her wrist and the brunette just wanted her Boss to spill it. She had to know what was happening here. So Bo took a much needed breath and gathered the words waiting in her throat to be asked.
"And, uh, what, mhm… Is that what you want?"
The brunette was afraid to look up again. Her eyes were roaming over their hands and feet and in the end they decided to watch the world outside. Bo could hear her heart in her ears and her lungs hurt from the lack of oxygen, but the brunette was just not able to breathe in.
"Bo, I really enjoyed spending time with you."
Enjoyed. As in past tense?
Bo nodded, closing her eyes, when she felt them watering up. She wanted clarity, but she wasn't really prepared to actually hear what the blonde had to say.
"Yeah, me too."
Bo forced a smile when she managed to finally look up and into Lauren's eyes.
"I don't want to lie to you. My family is old fashioned. They don't accept what they don't understand. And a Lewis only surrounds themselves with upper class families."
And Bo was anything but upper class. So that was it then. Was this Lauren's way to smoothly end things? Bo felt sick in her stomach.
"Bo. I see the wheels turning in your head. Don't jump to conclusions. I'm not like my family. Or at least I try."
The brunette watched the woman in front of her. Lauren's eyes wandered down to Bo's lips more than once and the brunette was wondering why she couldn't shake off that urge to just lean forward and cut the distance between them again.
As if Lauren could read her thoughts, she moved closer and closer until their lips brushed against one another. The sweetest kiss was placed on Bo's lips. It lasted maybe three seconds, or three years, Bo really couldn't tell. All she knew was, she needed more of it. When they parted Lauren was still holding Bo's wrist gently but reassuring.
"I really want to keep seeing you, Bo."
A small shy smile broke out on the brunette's face. She felt a whole army of butterflies in her belly, tickling her in the most exciting way.
"I really want to keep seeing you, too, Lauren."
The blonde's face lit up like that small Christmas tree Bo managed to set up the first year in her own apartment. It was warm and welcoming and everything bad just disappeared by the sight of it. Bo remembered that feeling back then, and she felt it again. Right here. Right now.
Was it exciting? Yes! Was it complicated? Very much so! But Bo never ever wanted anything in her life as much as she wanted to try whatever it was she had with Lauren. She didn't want to think about tomorrow just yet.
"Really?"
Lauren's voice was shaky and she had a surprised look on her face.
"Don't be surprised Lauren. You're actually quite adorable, when you're not running away from me."
There were still a shit load of unanswered questions between them, but Bo decided to let them rest. For now. All she wanted was to cuddle up in that king size bed again.
"Let's try and get some sleep. Shall we?"
AN: I promise, prohoomise: naked skin and all in chapter 22! It's already in the making and it starts with... a bang :D (Equivocation intentional :D )