A/N My rp 'friend'/beta is no longer my friend. Enough was enough. I told her to fuck off. Plus a few more (not swearing or necessarily mean) words. So, if you would like to start beta-ing this, then email me at and we'll discuss. This also means no more accents! Yay! You don't see such bullshit in novels, so why put it in the fiction? Dìos, I'm so glad I don't have to do those anymore. They take away from the story, if you ask me.
A few weeks pass with days like that, and it was starting to show on Antonio. His smiles were more genuine, and his laughter didn't feel so hollow. Even the tomato plant was starting to grow vibrant again, despite being almost dead for years. It was heaven, pure heaven.
Now the two are sitting in Antonio's room, hands holding tightly onto the other's. Antonio's face was far too pale, and his breaths were coming and going rapidly. His eyes, his beautiful green eyes, were glazed over in pure terror, unseeing. Lovino recognized the symptoms easily. His dearest one was having one hell of a panic attack.
"I didn't do anything wrong, papa," Antonio is mumbling, "Please don't. Not again. I don't want to hurt again, please stop I didn't do anything wrong!" His voice raised to a shout, surprising Lovino. 'Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? But how, what could've happened to cause such a thing. Didn't he say 'papa'? What did his father do?!' Lovino is thinking, his thoughts swirly quickly as he gently, ever so gently, rubs his thumb over Antonio's hand to try and comfort him without making the symptoms worse.
It broke his heart in a million different ways, to watch the one person who'd always been there suffer in broken pieces of the man he once was. Shattered. Broken. But not yet gone, oh, he best not be gone! Lovino is trying not to have a panic attack himself at such thoughts, what would he do without Antonio? Who would be there for him when he really needed someone to tell him he wasn't all bad, or hold him tight when the nightmares came? Feliciano was always too busy with his stupid Ludwig to ever help in times like that. When had he become so utterly dependent on Antonio?
He had to fix Antonio, he couldn't let him suffer like this anymore. It wasn't fair! Why couldn't he just take on all of Antonio's pain and grief? Why wasn't he able to do anything but sit here? He'd read so much on psychology and yet none of it helped right now.
"Lovino? Lovino, honey, you're pale and hyperventilating, breathe," Antonio says quietly, shocking Lovino out of his terrifying thoughts. He had never, before this moment, breathed such a sigh of pure relief. Without registering what he is doing, he flings his arms around Antonio and hugs him as tight as he could, which was fairly tightly due to the countless hours he spent tending the tomato garden, pulling weeds and carrying vast amounts of the actual food.
"A-Antonio, thank God you're okay," Lovino finds himself shouting, shaking violently. Antonio blinks once, twice, thrice and wraps his arms around Lovino and nods. Lovino cries into his shoulder.
"Of course I am. I-It's just a little panic attack, I get over them without too much harm," Antonio soothes, his voice as warm and sweet as honey, "Don't throw yourself into a panic attack over such a little thing, it won't help any."
"I know, 'Tonio, I just... I got so scared, worried that you were really gone this time and-" Lovino says, having to stop abruptly due to the emotions clogging his throat. He really was far more terrified than he could express or explain. Antonio gently rubs his back, humming a song in Spanish. Probably something stupid, but loveable. Just like Antonio. It is in that soothing grasp that Lovino begins to fall asleep.
It is only during these times, just between wakefulness and sleep, that Lovino was able to truly dream. He dreams of sunkissed smiles and laughing green eyes, of the spicy, but yet sweet and earthy, scent of his lover, he dreams of the house with it's large tomato fields, he dreams of Antonio happy. And in that time, he speaks aloud, "One day, you're gonna have a damn big house with a fuck tonne of tomato plants, and you'll be really happy too. No matter what it takes me, 'Tonio."