Chapter Thirteen
Emma wasn't sure what she should expect from magic lessons, and even less what she should expect from magic lessons with Regina, but standing in an open field behind the palace summoning fireballs in her hand was certainly not it.
Emma held her hand up, nervously, as Regina beamed, looking at the tiny fireball Emma had conjured up. It was nothing compared to what she knew Regina was capable of, but Emma couldn't help but feel a little proud of herself, anyway.
A little proud and a little terrified.
A little terrified, but a little powerful.
She could see now why Regina had told her at the beginning that magic was seductive.
It's not just a skill Emma, it's a way of life. It will seep into every part of you, know you, own you, and you need to learn to control it.
And Emma could already feel it, knowing her, owning her. With every fireball she made, she felt the urge to make yet another when the first fizzled out. And they were growing stronger, bigger, and brighter. And Regina looked on like a proud mother watching her baby take its first steps.
"You feel it, don't you Emma? That pull? That's the darkness in you, wanting to come out,"
Regina explained, smiling darkly.
Emma extinguished her fireball on the spot.
"What are you doing? Bring it back."
"I don't want the darkness to come out, Regina. I want to be good," Emma insisted.
"You want to be good? Do you know what good gets you, Emma? Good gets you married to Prince Michael, being his obedient, submissive wife, bearing his sons and being at his beck and call. Is that what you want, Emma?"
Emma winced. "No."
"No. I didn't think so. Do you know what darkness can give you, Emma? It can give you strength and power. It can give you everything you want."
"I don't want power," Emma said, biting her lip and wondering how far she could push back before she really angered the Queen with her disobedience. "I don't want power and I don't want to marry the prince. I just want to marry someone I love."
"Love is weakness, Emma, and it's not meant for people like us. You're a princess; you will never get a choice in who you marry," Regina explained, her tone growing increasingly more annoyed.
"My mother did."
Regina clamped her eyes shut tight, in an attempt to cool her head and not roast Emma for bringing up Snow White again. How hard was it for this girl to follow one simple instruction?
"Make another fireball."
"No. I don't want to learn magic this way. I don't want darkness. I don't want to be-" Emma cut herself off before she could end that sentence with like you, but she was well aware that Regina had made that inference herself, anyway.
"You don't want to be like me, is that it? You don't want to grow up to be like the Evil Queen? You should count yourself lucky that I don't teach you the way I was taught! Do you have any idea what that imp did to me?"
Emma's face paled. She knew enough to know the imp was Rumplestiltskin, even if she'd never met him. And she knew that he was the Dark One, and the most evil being in this realm. She hadn't known, however, that he had taught Regina. Her parents had seemingly left that small detail out.
"What did he do to you?" Emma asked, quietly.
"We're not talking about me right now. We're talking about you. Make another fireball. Now."
Emma could feel her own anger boiling up. No one talked to her like this; not even her own parents barked orders at her like this. Who was Regina to tell her what to do? Emma was a princess, and the daughter of Snow White, and Regina wasn't even a Queen anymore.
Oddly enough, Emma noticed Regina's expression change back into a dark, devious smile, and it took her only a moment to realize why: hovering above her hand now was the biggest, brightest fireball she'd managed to create yet.
"I told you there was darkness in you Emma. All you needed to do was harness that power. You will be unstoppable, my little Swan."
Emma cringed at the realisation that Regina was right. This power had come from inside her, she could feel it. As much as it terrified her, and as much as she wanted to be good, and pure like her mother, she couldn't deny that the darkness was tempting.
Regina raised her hand to extinguish Emma's latest fireball herself.
"Why did you do that?" Emma asked, narrowing her eyes accusingly at Regina. "I thought you wanted me to make another fireball."
"I did," Regina replied, with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. "And you did. And I'm glad. But I also want you to remember who is in charge here. I can see that look in your eyes, Emma. The darkness is seductive, I know, but you need to remember you belong to me."
Emma's face twisted into a scowl. "I don't belong to you," she retorted.
"You see?" Regina said, shaking her head. "One fireball and you think you can get away with such boldness. This is why you must remember your place. And no, you may not belong to me yet, but you will. My princess."
Emma shuddered at Regina's possessiveness. She couldn't understand why everyone thought they had a right to own her. Emma could learn magic and become powerful so she'd never have to belong to the prince, but she was becoming increasingly aware that no amount of magic was going to save her from the Queen.
Then again, she wasn't exactly sure she wanted be saved from the Queen.
"Look, Little Swan," Regina called, as she stood before a large window that faced the North side of the Kingdom. Emma had been curled up on a chaise, reading an old book on magic that Regina had assigned to her, as Regina stood silent watch out the window.
Emma stood, obediently, and joined the Queen at the window, looking out over the hundreds of soldiers and horses that now lined the magical perimeter of the palace now.
"I thought you said they wouldn't come so soon?" Emma said, panic rising audibly in her voice.
"They are being foolish," Regina replied. "They have no idea how to get through. The question is though, Princess, do I let them continue to pace, or put them out of their misery now?"
"Kill them?" Emma gasped, turning to look at Regina in disbelief.
"It's a war, Emma. I kill them or they kill me. That's the way it works. Or would you prefer it if they win? Should I just lay down and admit defeat now?"
"No, I just… I…" Emma stammered, unsure of how to express to Regina that she really didn't want to see any casualties on either side
Regina raised her hands before her, and appeared to pay no mind to anything Emma was saying now. "I suggest you stand back, Little One, if you don't want to see this."
Emma obliged, taking several steps back, just in time to see a blast of bright purple light escape from Regina's fingers, followed by the sounds of shouting outside. Emma could tell by the sounds that several people were already wounded, but it didn't stop Regina from conjuring up fireball after fireball to launch at the army, until they finally fell silent.
Emma stood and watched Regina's face, the darkness in her eyes and the slight, satisfied curl of her lips. Emma knew she should be horrified by what she'd just seen, and yet, somehow, she felt more drawn to Regina now than before.
The darkness was seductive, Regina was right about that, but Emma was convinced that Regina, herself, was more seductive than the darkness could ever be.
As the week progressed, the Silver Kingdom stupidly marched more and more soldiers to their deaths at Regina's hands, and Emma quickly assessed that they really had no war plan.
Either that, or these soldiers were decoys.
Emma had suggested this theory to Regina, who dismissed it without a second thought, insisting that King Markus was not that intelligent. Emma hoped she was right about that, because the more time she spent with Regina, the more convinced she was that she would be absolutely devastated if something were to happen to her.
Emma's magic lessons also continued, and though Regina forced Emma to snatch the heart out of a unicorn, when Emma had cried actual tears at the prospect of crushing it, Regina had allowed her to replace it and let the creature live.
Something told Emma that Regina herself hadn't been spared from completing the act in her own lessons, but she decided not to ask about it. Regina had been pretty secretive about her lessons with Rumplestiltskin, and Emma decided maybe she didn't really want to know all the horrors Regina had endured at his hand.
Emma noticed a change in Regina's demeanor on her last night at the palace. She seemed distant, and uninterested in magic lessons or the war. Even annihilating the latest throng of soldiers didn't seem to bring her the satisfaction it had on the previous nights.
"When are you going to ask for me back?" Emma asked, stepping up to Regina, tentatively.
"I hadn't thought about it," Regina said, trying to sound ambivalent, but Emma could tell she had thought about it. A lot. "Are you even interested in returning again?"
Emma faltered at the question. She wasn't exactly sure what to say. She was torn between wanting to go home and wanting to stay, but she worried that if she were honest, Regina might not let her leave at all.
"I am," Emma said, slowly, trying to keep her expression flat.
Regina raised an eyebrow. "You enjoy your time here?"
Emma nodded. "Yes. You're kinder to me than I would have expected," she admitted.
"Have you forgiven me for punishing you last time?"
Emma nodded again. "Perhaps I deserved it," Emma said, even though she didn't believe that she did. Truthfully, she had been terrified then, but the more magic she learned, the more she started to believe that she and Regina were on somewhat even footing. Well, even footing was an overstatement, even she knew that, but she guessed it wasn't too far of a stretch to think they might reach that point, someday.
"Perhaps you did," Regina acknowledged. "You don't fear for your safety when you are with me?"
Emma shook her head, no. "I don't think you will hurt me. And I don't think you will let anyone else hurt me. I think… I think you care about me."
Regina fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Well, I did tell you as much earlier this week."
"Yes, but…."
"Yes, but what?" Regina asked, suddenly very interested on what Emma was about to say.
"But I think you care about me more than you wish to let on."
Regina actually smiled at the suggestion. "Oh, you do?" she asked, reaching out to stroke Emma's cheek. "Tell me, princess, do you care about me more than you show?"
Emma bit her lip, unsure of what to say. Truthfully, she couldn't explain, even to herself, the pull she felt to Regina. It was wrong to think of another woman in this way, wasn't it? Certainly wrong considering whom the woman in question was.
But, she guessed, she really did care about Regina, and she wondered if perhaps letting her know this would change anything.
"I do," Emma said, simply.
Regina raised her eyebrow again. "Really. How much, I wonder?"
Emma hesitated for a moment, wondering for a moment if she should do the thing that on her mind, and had been all week. The darkness was seductive, and wanting to possess her, but then again, so was Regina. At the same time, Emma wanted to possess Regina as well.
She wondered, honestly, what was the worst that could happen?
Without another thought, Emma leaned forward, closing the distance between herself and the Queen, and pressed her lips to Regina's. She didn't really know exactly what she was doing, but Regina took over quickly, to her relief, drawing her hand into Emma's hair and kissing her back with a little more force.
Emma closed her eyes, noting the difference between what was happening now, and what had happened earlier in the week with the prince. Regina was kissing her hard, but she wasn't rough. She wasn't unnecessarily forceful, and she didn't scare Emma. Emma didn't feel like she was being devoured. She felt… loved.
It was Regina who broke off the kiss, pulling her head back to look at Emma in the eyes.
Despite the fact that she'd been an active participant, Regina actually looked surprised.
Regina smiled and stroked Emma's cheek again. "Tomorrow you will go home and spend a week with your parents. And I will ask them to return you at the end of the week, my princess. I can't bear to be away from you any longer than that."
Emma smiled, and nodded her agreement, though she was still rendered speechless by her own act of boldness.
Regina licked her lips, but dropped her hand from Emma's cheek, seeming to think better about attempting to kiss her again. "It's late, my little Swan. You should go to bed, I'm sure your parents will be here early to fetch you tomorrow."
Emma nodded, a little sadly, and bid goodnight to Regina and heading off to her room. Regina lingered in the study a little longer, touching her lips idly and waging an inner war on herself, debating whether she should follow the princess back to her room.
In the end, her innate protectiveness over Emma won out. She was still only fifteen, after all. A close-mouthed kiss was one thing, but Regina decided there was still time for everything else.
There was no need to rush.
Emma wanted to be with her, and Regina could wait.
She would simply have to.