Nothing is Ever Truly Over

Chapter Two

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"I don't like sand," Rey grumbled as she fixed up the moisture evaporator. This one in particular had been giving her trouble beyond the others.

Behind her, BB-8 beeped questioningly.

"Why? Because it's coarse, rough, irritating, and it gets everywhere," she answered peevishly, ending with a grunt as she tightened the last bolt. "Finally, that blasted thing."

BB-8 trilled again, this time with sarcasm interlacing his boops, as Rey turned to him.

"Why did I come to Tatooine if I hate sand so much–why you sassy little…!" She seemed to not understand before realizing his tone and growing irritated.

"Serenity now…" she could hear Ben say.

She looked back behind her and saw him standing there, just as wondrous and larger-than-life as she knew him to be. Ben Solo. It was him, yet not him at the same time. He didn't have the blue appearance of a Force ghost. Hence, she believed it was all in her head, but at the same time it felt real.

Rey realized she was getting too frustrated and followed her Dyad's advice, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. She found herself getting that way a lot, and she didn't really understand why. The look that crossed Ben's face, though, suggested that he at least had an idea.

Letting out a relaxing breath, she turned around to BB-8 with a serene smile. "Alright, that was the last one. Want to switch them on?"

BB-8 beeped a restless affirmative, excited over finally being done.

Rey made it a few steps, but she hesitated and glanced back over her shoulder at Ben. She bit her lip, conflicted on whether to continue on or stay behind. Finally, she made her choice. "You go ahead and switch them on. I'll be right there in a minute."

BB-8 trilled a question, tilting his head inquisitively.

"I'm fine," she nodded and smiled reassuringly, though it felt somewhat fake to her. "I just want to… I'll catch up."

BB-8 seemed to stare at her as if he could tell she was hiding something, but made no objection as he rolled back across the sand to the Lars Homestead.

With him gone, Rey turned and faced Ben.

It was hard, to say the least, for Rey to look at him. It felt like she was being taunted with what she couldn't have, having Ben seem so real. Yet it was at odds with what she knew. She had seen him disappear with her own eyes, so it was impossible for him to be real. And yet… he was. She couldn't explain it.

But her heart ached every time she was taunted with the vision of Ben. This magnificent, wonderful, totally understanding spectacle of a man had single-handedly changed her life… and yet he was gone.

She shed a tear. It just wasn't fair. She had believed Ben Solo could come back to the light and be by her side, and he had, but he just hadn't lived through the ordeal. She wasn't happy with it, but she was resigned to it; she was plenty used to not getting what she wanted. Her family wasn't what she wanted, but she dealt with it. Luke wasn't what she wanted, but she dealt with it.

She wiped her face before turning and trudging back to the Lars Homestead, once again dejected and depressed.

Upon getting to the desert home, she soon saw she didn't have much time for being depressed. She found BB-8 by the control rig for the moisture evaporators, but it was odd. He wasn't moving.

She furrowed her eyebrows. That was weird. She stepped closer. Closing in, she noticed his scomp link was extended into the socket for the rig.

"BB?" she asked, a trickle of fear setting in as he didn't respond.

She dropped down beside him, and she could tell by the ozone smell of electricity what had happened. "Oh no, he short-circuited!"

She manually released the scomp link from the socket and quickly went to work on the ball droid. She knew just how to make him good as new.

"Aha! There you are…" She found the specific circuit breaker that was tripped and reset it. Then she rebooted him.

Just like that, BB-8 came back to life. He beeped alarmingly, his head swiveling around in a panic.

"Hey, hey! It's okay!" Rey hushed the droid and eased his anxiety. "You just shorted out." She looked to the moisture evaporator control rig. "And I think it's because of that. Let me take a closer look."

She closely examined the control rig. "Ah, that's why." She looked back towards BB-8, smiling embarrassingly. "It's not meant to interface with computers."

BB-8 trilled accusingly at Rey.

"I know! I know it's my fault!" She raised her hands in defeat. "I'm sorry!" She stood back up. "I had assumed that Luke's family had a droid to help them and had the system converted as such, but I guess I was wrong."

BB-8 beeped a curious question.

"Why did I assume they had a droid to help? Well…" Rey was lost for words. She really didn't know why she had assumed as much. "I don't know. I guess a part of me thought they were better off than they really were."

BB-8 let out another series of beeps.

"I think too highly of this place? What's that supposed to mean?" Rey asked, somewhat offended.

BB-8 answered with more boops.

"So what if there's nothing here? That doesn't mean…" She could feel the anger stirring within her again. Rey shook her head and began to walk away. "No, I'm not arguing about this with you."

BB-8 trailed after her into the homestead proper, trilling a retort.

Finally, Rey had enough. In a flash, her lightsaber was out, yellow blade ignited and pointed directly at the droid, who froze in fear. "I can't move on!" she hissed back, eyes swamping with darkness.

She could feel something else behind her. A dark shadow. And yet she didn't recoil from it. It felt… inviting, in a sense. As if it belonged with her. There was power there that she couldn't resist. It was that same power she felt take hold of her on the Death Star. And she did nothing to stop it. It felt too natural.

BB-8 slowly backed up, away from the tip of her yellow blade and her dark glare. It was interesting, to see her lose control and yet be in perfect control at the same time. Though her rein on her emotions was gone, the blade didn't waver an inch.

From all he'd seen of her over the past year, the droid had never seen Rey this way before. He didn't think it was a good thing. A tense stand-off took place before she eventually lowered her blade, then BB-8 beeped a hesitant inquiry.

"Nothing's wrong… Nothing you would understand." She extinguished her lightsaber, turning around and stomping off to her room. He wouldn't understand. And why would he? He was so loyal to Poe that he just wouldn't be able to process her grief at Ben Solo's death. Poe could only see Kylo Ren, so why wouldn't BB-8 see it the same way?

She left so quick she didn't even register BB-8's sad boop.

Striding into her room, she tossed her lightsaber aside, then threw herself on the bed. Now that she was alone, she just let her tears flow, her sobs muffled by the black sweater she had taken from Exegol. It was the last thing she had left of him. It wasn't necessarily Ben that she was mourning, but rather that she couldn't live the life she wanted with him. It wasn't the Jedi way to be so selfish, but she couldn't help the way she felt about him.

She loved him.

No. She still loves him.

She was in love with this incredible, complex, wild, understanding, fierce, and gentle man more than life itself. Ben Solo ignited a passion within her that she had never experienced before, nor did she think she could experience. He came into her life and turned it completely upside down. He lit her every nerve on fire.

Perhaps what she treasured the most about him was that he understood her, more than she herself did. He made her feel like everything was going to be okay when she needed that support most.

Like now. She could feel his massive hand stroke her back comfortingly. Though she felt it to be impossible for him to be real, it was a soothing thought that he at least felt real.

Sitting back up, she dug herself into his broad chest like her life depended on it. And in a cosmic sort of way, it did. Not just because she literally owed him her life, but also because she felt like she couldn't survive without him. He was her other half in the Force, and without him she felt lost.

"Why… W-w-why did you have to…" she sniffled. Through her crying, she couldn't even speak properly.

Ben understood her well enough. Why did you have to die? Even though it truly wasn't meant to be, it sounded really accusatory, like Rey was blaming him for dying as if he could control that. Though, perhaps to a degree he could. He just chose to give his life for Rey.

He did not give an answer though. When Rey looked up through reddened eyes, she saw Ben… staring at something behind her?

She turned her head, but she didn't see anything besides a dark shadow. Were she calm, she might've wondered what it was and why she felt it following her around everywhere she went.

But she wasn't. She was a mess, a total absolute wreck. And it took everything in her to hold it together, but sometimes – like now – she just couldn't. A part of her just wanted to shrivel up and die because she believed Ben wasn't actually there with her.

But there was another part of her that felt as if the pain was less than she was expecting. She felt that Ben was still with her, somehow. And she couldn't figure out why.

"Please… B-be with-be with me."

"Rey," she heard his deep yet soothing, relaxing voice. He tilted her chin up for her to look into his deep brown eyes that always managed to see the real her. "I'll always be with you. Right here." He placed a hand over her heart.

She still felt morose over him not really being there, but he still managed to reach her in her visions and bring her serenity. She never would've thought the man she used to call Kylo Ren could bring her such peace.

She took his hand in both of hers and just held it, sniffling every now and then. His free arm remained wrapped around her. That simple intimacy was all Rey wanted right now, and Ben was more than willing to give it.

She didn't notice, but Ben glanced behind her and saw that dark shadow again. It hadn't gone away, and that worried him.

And unbeknownst to Ben, Rey's gaze locked upon a very particular box in her room. A box that remained closed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Coruscant was a stunning planet. Entirely urban across the whole surface, with at least two thousand levels top to bottom.

But Poe didn't really have a chance to appreciate the place beyond having a great window view. He was swamped with desk work, not something he really had the talent for. He just felt completely oppressed by duty, but he pressed on because it was exactly that: his duty.

He heard the door open. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair, hands pressing against his exhausted eyes as he mentally psyched himself up to be around actual people for the first time in what felt like forever. Looking back up, he saw Finn standing there, Rose trailing behind.

"Hey man," Finn greeted with a smile. "Still at it?"

"Oh, as always, buddy," Poe returned, wiping his eyes of the sleep.

Finn's grin dropped a little upon noticing the pilot's exhaustion.

Rose voiced his thoughts, "How many hours of sleep have you gotten since we liberated Coruscant?"

"Oh… about three," Poe yawned deeply.

"Only three hours of sleep within the last seventy-two." Rose crossed her arms.

"Well, how else are we going to establish a new government? Someone has to do it."

"That doesn't mean you need to run yourself into the ground," Finn said. "There are plenty of others that can do it."

"I disagree, buddy." Poe took a swig of caf, then set the cup back on his desk. "It's been a lot harder than it should've been. It's slow progress convincing people from the New Republic to come back. They're paranoid thanks to the war. It would've been easier if we had Rey, but she went off the grid, so now it falls to us."

Finn's face fell even more at the reminder that Rey had left the Resistance indefinitely. He remained silent, knowing Poe had a point but still upset that Rey had left at all.

"Well, no one said you have to do it by yourself," Rose pointed out.

Poe shook his head. "We're already thinly spread as it is. You two have your own duties, and none of us can afford to slack off."

It seemed like Rose had more words, but she was cut off by Finn saying, "Yeah. You're right."

Rose looked to him with surprise on her face. But, seeing his resigned look, it eventually clicked and she understood, as well. "Yeah… I guess we'll get out of your hair then. Jannah could use some help with finding First Order holdout cells."

Poe nodded absently, his focus returning to the holocomputer on his desk again. He heard the door shut as Finn and Rose left.

It was silent, yet it didn't register with him. He was so absorbed filling out electronic invoices and requests, like it was his mission.

"I'm surprised to see you behind a desk."

He jumped at the voice, drawing his Glie-44 blaster pistol. Looking to the voice, he saw who it was, and the surprise at the silent entrance faded. "Zorii."

It was her, alright. He could tell behind that helmet she was likely rolling her eyes at how silly he was for being startled enough to pull a blaster. He returned the blaster to his belt. He felt relief at her presence, yet also a nervousness he never felt around others.

"What brings you around here?" he asked, attempting to cover up the nerves with his usual charm. "Did you come to gawk at me all day?"

"I'd sooner make eyes at a Trandoshan," she quipped back.

"Oh, you wound me." Poe grabbed at his heart in mock pain.

"Good. Your ego could stand to come down a tick."

Poe couldn't help but chuckle. He really enjoyed bantering with Zorii, because she could really dish it out. He liked that, and now that he reflected had really missed that sort of thing for the past several years. Sure, he often had many a good time with Black Squadron. But it was different when it was with her. He felt a greater sense of content.

"I just thought I'd express how unprepared I was to see you working behind a desk," the bounty hunter remarked.

"Yeah, well who else is going to do it?" Poe wasn't a fan of working behind a desk, but he'd do it for the sake of duty.

"I could think of some others."

The pilot shook his head in denial. "No. I have to do this."

"Why?" She tilted her head inquisitively.

"Why?" he repeated, blinking incredulously. "Because…" He tried to find words to describe, but the words that came to him didn't speak for him the way he wanted.

"Poe…" He heard the warning in her voice. "Don't lie to me."

He sighed in defeat and hung his head. It didn't sit well to lie to her specifically, so he fessed up. "Leia wanted to restore the Republic. I owe it to her to finish what she started."

Silence reigned, until Poe heard ruffling. He saw out of the corner of his eye her helmet be placed upon the desk. That rose his curiosity; he didn't expect that. So he looked up.

How long had it been since he last saw her without her helmet on? Seven years? That was how long it had been since he left the spice runner life behind. It was very rare for her to take off her helmet. For her to remove it now, Poe could only guess she was being serious.

"That doesn't mean you have to be her," Zorii said, her honest, green eyes reaching into his soul.

He thought about it. She made a good point: while he could finish what Leia started, that didn't mean he had to embody Leia to get it done. But he didn't think he could do it as himself. He shook his head and chuckled ruefully. "Come on Zorii. You can't really think I can do this my way."

"Because you haven't tried," she retorted, seeing right through his self-deprecation. "You've tried so hard to do this her way that you haven't even considered your way."

She was right. He was so fixated on trying to be like Leia that he didn't even think about what he would do. Though he did have his reason for that; namely, that he didn't think he was the kind of person who people would get behind. Over Exegol, he was in his element. He was at his best when he was in the cockpit of an X-wing. It was easy to be a combat leader. To be a political leader was entirely different. And unlike Leia, Poe couldn't do both. He was too rash, too impulsive to be a political leader. It had even crossed his mind that perhaps he was too hot-headed to be a combat leader, also. He really didn't know how they had won at Exegol. Looking back, the Allied fleet should've been eradicated by the Sith fleet and the massive lightning storm.

"Zorii… I led nearly five million people to their deaths." He felt incredibly guilty for leading the Allied fleet to Exegol, leading them to their deaths by association. "That's all on me. Is that the kind of person people would trust to lead an era of peace?"

"No," she answered bluntly. It jarred him a bit until he heard her speak again, but this time full of honesty. "But that's why you shouldn't do this alone." She set her gloved hands on his desk as she stood before it. "Plenty of people are willing to help you. You just have to let them."

Poe thought he kind of understood what she meant. He may not be the one to lead the restored Republic, but he had people who could help.

But he noticed her gaze bore into him, a very particular earnestness in her eyes. He knew what that look meant, as he had seen it before, when she gave him that medallion to help him board the Steadfast.

"You?" he guessed, surprised. "You would help me?"

She nodded, lips turning up when she saw he understood. "There's nothing left for me with Kijimi gone." Her finger traced the desk surface. "As much as I treasure Babu, I'd grow bored with droidsmithing. You were always the thrill seeker of us."

He was stunned. Zorii had every right to never want to see him again after he left her the way he did. And yet she wanted to help. "Thank you," he said with sincerity.

"Don't get used to it," she retorted, grabbing her helmet and holding it against her hip.

His lips twitched in humor. He let his eyes roam over her face. It may have been seven years, but he could see she had been shaped tremendously by them. She had become even stronger than he remembered, something he didn't think possible back then. She was already incredible; now she was just even more incredible.

"You changed your hair," he pointed out.

Her eyebrows rose, surprised he noticed, yet also pleased he did. "I did. The Felicity haircut wasn't doing it for me anymore."

"It looks good." And he meant it. The cascading waves her hair fell in now was a style he thought really suited her. It wasn't deliberately done up to look neat; it just coincidentally happened to look good, even without an effort to make it so. The coincidental neatness of her hair he thought revealed her inner compassion in spite of her dirty line of work, a compassion the levels of which surprised even him.

What surprised her, however, was his thoughtful pointing out of her hair. She didn't even try to do it up to look presentable; this was her helmet hair. And it caught her off guard to find he liked it. She wanted to say something, but couldn't think of anything and settled with, "Thanks."

A few seconds of silence passed as they continued looking each other up and down. She had been hurt when he left, and even now she still felt it. But she had to admit, he looked like he belonged as a hero. He looked like a hero out of legend, but curiously, he reminded her more of the dirtier heroes. She liked that. It let her know that, despite his best efforts, he hadn't managed to change his core personality from what it used to be.

Eventually, she realized she was staring too long and snapped out of it. She nodded jerkily and proceeded to walk out.

It crossed his mind again how he had left her. He hadn't really addressed it with her on Kijimi. Now that he knew for sure she had survived the planet's destruction and the victory high had died down, he felt like now was as good a time as ever. "Hey, wait a sec!"

She stopped, facing away from him.

Nerves plagued him again. He had no right to even talk to her after he left her behind. She shouldn't have even deigned to hear him out. But he took advantage of her lenience and made the most of it. "It might be worthless to you, but… I'm sorry, Zorii."

He couldn't tell with her facing away, but she was surprised at his apology and more touched by it than even she thought she could be. There was a time where she believed she could never forgive Poe at all.

The pilot himself, however, took her silence as rejection. He closed his eyes in pain and regret. Yet another thing he messed up.

"Poe?" her voice spoke up.

He looked up. Maybe? Could she?

"It wasn't worthless."

Zorii could now confidently say she was wrong about never forgiving Poe. There was just something about him that made her unable to hurt him.

Poe's hopes soared. As she left the room, he grew a thankful smile. He knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness, but the fact she gave it anyway gave him hope. Maybe what was once between them could be repaired.

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And there's chapter two! Rey's sad and angry at the galaxy, Ben is inside Rey (not in that way, get your mind out of the gutter) BB-8's scared of Rey, Poe's overworked, self-deprecating and guilty, and Finn, Rose, and Zorii are aware of it, but only Zorii knows what to do about it.

I will say that, though I massively hate TROS's ending, there were parts of the film I enjoyed. One of those was Poe and Zorii's dynamic. It was really interesting, and it just stuck with me. I really liked that Zorii's the only woman who doesn't fall for Poe's charm, and to me at least that makes him want her the most, BECAUSE she isn't easy. One of the things I will always praise about JJ Abrams (even though there are a number of other things he does that I don't like) is his ability to make interesting romances. We saw him do the same thing in TFA with Rey and Ben, and look how popular Reylo became. Of course, much of that popularity ultimately was because of Rian Johnson, but I do acknowledge JJ for creating Reylo. And I blame Chris Terrio for destroying it.

Full disclosure: I'm a Reylo. If that triggers you, then the door's that way.

And, of course, I HAD to make a Felicity reference when talking about Keri Russell's hair. It just had to be done. :)

If you're confused by what the crawl said and what's in this chapter about Rey and Ben, don't be. What the crawl said about them being two that are one is true. However, Rey doesn't know that. She believes Ben is dead, regardless of what's actually true.

That statistic about nearly five million deaths suffered by the Allied fleet is not actual fact. I came to that number based off some calculations, assumptions, and inspiration. I know that the crew complement for a Xyston-class Star Destroyer is 29,585. I assume that the Sith fleet consisted of around 200 of these ships, and nearly all of them were lost. The death toll for the Empire in that case would be just shy of six million. Then, I took a look at the death toll for the Germans and Soviets during the Battle of Berlin, which I felt the Battle of Exegol most represented. About 81,000 for the Soviets and 92,000-100,000 for the Germans, and I took the max figure for the latter, which gave an 81 percent figure for Soviet losses versus German losses. Take 81 percent of six million, and you get 4.8-4.9 million losses. Nearly five million.

Of course, I own nothing you recognize. If you have a question or just want to talk, then leave a review! If you want your review to be answered, then make sure you leave your review while signed in, as those are the only reviews I can send a response for.