Nothing is Ever Truly Over
Chapter Eleven
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Ben suffered from a severe case of shellshock, literally and mentally.
For one, the extreme caliber weapon special to Xyston-class Star Destroyers was deafening to the ears. Even now, after escaping it, the sound of it still rang in his ears.
But, perhaps more so, he was shellshocked mentally due to a discovery he had come to make.
He remembered Emperor Palpatine had promised him control over the Sith fleet if he killed Rey. But, because he never did that, that meant the fleet was still under his control. He was dead now, so someone else had to be commanding whatever remained of it now, because the fleet had too much discipline among its ranks to go rogue.
As far as he knew, there was only one person who held any claim to the fleet: Rey.
When he saw Rey's face on Exegol after he reached her through their Bond, he could tell that the Emperor had made her the same offer he had been given. He had felt despair and desperation from her, and he connected it to the safety of her friends. He knew her well enough to know that she would've done anything if it meant her friends remained safe, and his past experience with the Emperor told him he would exploit that fear of hers.
And now, Rey had finally caved to her own darkness. It had to be her in command of that ship. There was no one else he knew who the Sith Eternal would submit to.
He sat on this, and was only snapped out of his thoughts when he noticed Merrin started looking feverish. Cal helped her take a seat on the couch in the lounge, but quickly she started twitching erratically, as if she was suffering from something. She shut her eyes as if in pain.
"What's going on?" Ben asked. He held a little panic as he had no idea what was happening, but tried not to show it.
Cal was about to answer when Merrin stilled all of a sudden and her features calmed. Then, her eyes opened.
They glowed a brilliant, magical green.
Ben felt his own gaze locked with hers, and he couldn't break out of it. Then, she spoke, with a voice that echoed with sheer mystic power, much more than usual. It sounded like it came from all sides.
"Svet rannim utrom"
Early morning light
It took him a moment to run the Dathomirian through his brain and convert it to Basic, but it eventually clicked, though even he had to admit it was only a rough translation. Dathomirian was on the farthest end of the humanoid language spectrum from Basic and was notoriously difficult to learn.
He was given a vision also. First, he saw the rise of the sun.
"Svet zemlya i ten'"
Light, earth and shadow
Then, he saw the sunlight coming down through holes in a downed ship. Though it was filled with sand blown in by winds, he recognized it as the interior of an Imperial II-class Star Destroyer.
He then noticed a figure emerge from the dark shadows not lit by the sunlight. When he saw who it was, it all made sense.
It was Rey, fully wrapped up in protection from the sands of Jakku. This was one of the many memories he had seen in her head as a result of the Bond. She was forged by the environment she lived in for the majority of her life, and somehow through that she managed to remain optimistic.
"Ot strakha drozhat"
Trembling with fear
Next, he saw Rey in a dark room, distinctly afraid, to the point she was shivering. Ben was familiar with this side of her. Rey was surprisingly afraid a lot. But she had this childlike stubbornness to her. Though she tried to hide it, it was impossible to deny how she trembled with fear.
Her fear came as a result of, again, the environment she grew up in. She was always living in fear of what may come the next day, and feared what may happen if her family never came back for her.
"Chort gromko dyshit"
The devil breathes loudly
Then, his perspective flipped around, and he saw Rey again. But, unlike the white-clad innocent Rey he knew before, this time, he saw her clad in all black, with her red saber. The image of pure sin.
This was what Rey was so scared of in the Death Star wreckage. This Rey he was looking at was darkness incarnate. She was confident in her position, and was this dreadful presence that seemed so unstoppable. Like a devil bearing down upon its next victim.
In the Jedi texts he had read during his stay at Luke's academy, he saw one common phrase in many of them: 'Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.' As he saw Rey now, she had fulfilled the first of those, maybe even the second.
"Smert' khodit tayno"
Death walks secretly
He then saw Rey again, but this time in someone's darkened quarters, lit up only by the blood red light of her lightsaber. With no hesitation, she thrust her hand out in a gesture he recognized as her way of unleashing a lightning strike.
When he looked over to the recipient of said strike, he immediately felt sick. Even though he knew of his death, it still hurt even worse to watch it play out.
It was Uncle Lando.
Rey had murdered him, without even a second of hesitation. And absolutely nobody knew about it. She had murdered him in secret, to usurp his place of power and take it for herself.
"A detsko spit mir"
A childish serenity
Next, he saw Rey again, but this time clad in the white outfit she had been in when the Emperor had returned. She was staring out at the Tatooine double sunset. She was a picture of innocence.
It was ironic, then, that this serenity was nothing but a lie she told to herself to keep from cracking. But, then again, Ben thought perhaps it wasn't that surprising. After all, this was the same girl who lived in denial of the truth of her parents for most of her life. She was the absolute queen of denial.
Ben thought it was noble of her to retain such optimism despite everything that had happened to her. But, like with him when he lied to himself that Ben Solo was dead, she couldn't lie to herself forever. Eventually, the truth broke free. And he could see it in her face that she knew it too, but still refused to acknowledge it.
"Ot krovi P'yanny"
Drunk from blood
Then, he was brought to the moment he himself had witnessed: when Rey killed the scrapper who stole her droid. There was zero conflict in her at that decision. After what happened with her droid, she was out for blood.
Blood may have been red, but red was also the color of passion. In that regard, Ben thought it fit for Rey. She was someone who loved strongly. But when that love was snatched from her, she would react to it just as strongly.
"Vdrug voyet kto-to"
Suddenly someone howls
That decision she made with the scrapper had awakened something within Rey, and Ben knew exactly what it was, having once been there himself.
It had awakened a monster.
He was shown Rey massacring the spaceport of Mos Eisley. In that regard, when seeing her slaughter innocents like they were fields to be culled, she was a monster of the worst kind: one who had forsaken everything she stood for.
Just like he once had.
"Pesn' kak dym k nebu"
A song like smoke to the sky
Then, the destruction of Chandrila – his home world – flashed before him. The image of Hanna City being blown sky high would forever remain etched in his mind.
He remembered the stories his mother told of the war against the Empire. It started in full once the Empire destroyed Alderaan. After that massacre, all that still believed in the Republic cried for war.
He felt the same thing was going to happen today. He couldn't explain why, though. It was just a feeling.
"Pesn' voyny vstayot"
The song of war rises
Next, he was shown a captain of one of the Final Order's ships. A woman, by the looks of it.
Then, the knowledge suddenly came to him. This was Captain Chesille Sabrond, the captain of the Derriphan, the only ship of the Sith fleet to have made it out of Exegol.
All those specifics he didn't really care to know, though it did help with filling in the gaps. All that he cared to know about her was that she was ruthlessly devoted to her cause. He knew that the Final Order was trained to obey its Emperor's orders to the letter without hesitation.
They were fanatical in their devotion to their leader. He could tell by the way the captain roused the morale of her troops. She reminded him of Hux and Pryde in a way with how she was young and cunning yet ruthlessly devoted to a cause. The key difference was that loyalty wasn't an issue for her, and her youth made that loyalty even stronger. She was loyal to her Empress to the very end.
That made her even more dangerous than Hux and Pryde could've ever been, especially considering the total lack of infighting aboard the ship. He saw there was nothing but pure fanatical following in her gaze as she proudly and pridefully stuck her right arm up ahead of her, palm facing down and straight, in that abhorrent fascist salute.
"I gromche zvuchit"
And sounds louder
His perspective flipped, and he witnessed a mass of red, armored arms return that same fascist salute in one of the hangar bays.
It was like watching a sea of blood boil and react violently, ready to burn down everything in its path. Even with what little he'd seen of them, he knew Sith troopers were some of the most elite troopers to ever plague the galaxy. They were hardened, specialized troops meant for quick, Blitzkrieg style warfare, with the Sith jet troopers being the most elite of the entire corps thanks to their incredible mobility with their jetpacks. The entire Sith trooper corps were trained to achieve nothing less than perfection.
And, what's more, they had perhaps the greatest of all weapons on their side: high morale.
Any self-respecting leader of a military force knew that morale was the greatest weapon one could wield. Ben knew that, and practiced it himself with his own troops. He always led them in battle. And they obeyed him without question. Not necessarily because they feared him – though they did still fear him anyway – but more because he had earned their respect.
That never applied with the Sith troopers, though. They only answered to Palpatine. Empress Palpatine, now. And they were sworn to defend the Empire until their last breath.
"U chorta litsa"
In the face of a person
Ben tripped up mentally when he was shown himself. It wasn't what he was expecting.
Also, the Dathomirian coursing through his brain was starting to get harder to translate. He really thought about perhaps practicing more while Merrin was here.
"I tela netu"
And there is no body
It got stranger when he started seeing his own facsimile go through each phase of his life. He saw himself when he was just a boy. Then, that boy grew to be a teenager, and then a young man in Luke's academy. Then, he grew up to be this mentally tortured man being crushed spiritually by the Dark Side. A man with no faith in the Light Side.
"A tol'ko vera"
But only faith
Faith… now that he thought about it, that was the case. He never truly lost faith. Rather, it had been buried for so long, because he was afraid to have faith in the thing that had previously burned him.
This Dathomirian was getting trickier by the minute. His mind was struggling to keep up.
"V yego bor'be"
In his struggle
Hmm… 'In a person's face, there is no body, but only faith in his struggle?' He thought that was about right. It sounded like something that would describe a soldier. If a soldier believed in what they were fighting for, they were much more likely to succeed and achieve victory.
It ironically described himself very well, too. That was further supported when his vision next showed him climbing back up out of the pit the Emperor had thrown him down. He only managed to climb out because he had put his faith into his love for Rey. She meant everything to him. If he had to struggle and climb out of a thousand pits for her, then he would do so without hesitation.
He was kind of used to going farther than he thought he would, especially for her. His whole life had been like that: one great struggle to the next. This time was no different.
"Ot moikh glaz ne"
From my eyes not
Something else was happening now. It felt distinctly light, though. And his soul felt equally lighter now.
Force, this damn Dathomirian was getting tough to translate…
"Boysya dozhdey, syn moy"
Afraid of rain, my son
… Okay, he thought he got the gist of it now. 'From my eyes not afraid of rain, my son.' The rough gist, but the gist nonetheless.
Simultaneously, his vision showed him all of the trials he had went through. From having to prove himself to the other students in Luke's academy, to having to make it into the Knights of Ren, to all the suffering he had endured at Snoke's hand.
He had pushed through all of it. All that could've rained down on him, he had already faced. There was nothing left for him to be afraid of.
Not even the thought of what Rey might've become in his absence. Though he dreaded that encounter, he did not let that fear drive him.
"Ya gorzhus' toboy"
I'm proud of you
Next, he saw his family. Anakin, Luke, and Leia, as they were on Tatooine.
He felt it. This was from them. Who else would've acknowledged him as their son? And now, to feel that they were proud of him?
Well, that was all he ever really wanted.
Anakin had that little smirk of confidence as he nodded at him, eyes twinkling with pride. Luke actually cracked a small smile at him. When was the last time he ever saw that? And Leia… his mother… she had always loved him, and even now, in death, she still showed him that.
This was crazy to him. For the longest time, his family was a mess. He just couldn't forget everything that had happened between them. But now… now, perhaps he could forgive them.
"Da srazaysya kak lev"
Yes, fight like a lion
Then, he saw darkness. The only sources of light were four lightsaber blades. Two of them were blood red; crackling and unstable, and attached together; a literal double-edged sword. The other two were a brilliant blue; steady and solid, and free from one another; two independent lightsabers working together.
All he could see were the blades themselves and the sparks that flew off of them whenever they connected. It was a fierce fight, both combatants giving it their all. The red lightsaber was wielded by a small woman who seemed simultaneously constrained and consumed by darkness. The weapon was longer than she was tall, and was wielded in a slippery way, like a serpent wielded it. The blue ones, though, were wielded by a large, brutish yet calculative man. He fought in such a way that suited his strength, like a large tooka fighting to defend his mate.
The haze he was under then lifted, and he found himself leaning over the coffee table, completely out of it.
He saw Merrin fall back against the back of the couch, unconscious.
"Is she alright?" he asked Cal, who was there by her side checking on her. Though he had much on his mind, he wanted to know if she was okay first.
"Yeah," the old Jedi nodded. The lack of panic he showed reassured him. "She just needs some rest. She'll wake up soon."
"Right," he nodded, relieved. Then, his analytical mind roused with curiosity. "What was that, anyway?"
Cal understood he meant what happened with Merrin. "She had this special drink just after you left," he remarked as he gently laid her down on the couch. "A blend of magick she calls the Seer's Potion. After drinking it, she can tell you things and show you things, but she's not herself during that. It's like…" Cal paused, figuring out how to describe it. "… something else takes over her."
Ben definitely felt the same way. Though exactly what that something else was, he didn't quite know. But he had his suspicions.
"… Yeah." He nodded as he stood up. He quickly glanced towards the back of the ship. Then, he said, "I'm, uh… going to the back. Need to meditate."
The older Jedi understood and let him go without any further words. Before heading to the back, Ben took a moment to look at Merrin. He hoped to the Force she would be okay. He noticed Cal's care for her. That reassured him more than nothing, because he could see how much he loved her. It reminded him of how much he loved Rey. He knew without question he'd do the same for her.
As he walked back, his thoughts drifted towards what Merrin had just done to him. He could feel that she wasn't the one who said everything to him. Though the words had come out of her mouth, they had also come from all around them. Something else had taken complete control of her for that moment. He wondered… she had drunk this Seer's Potion, and she had shown him things even he didn't know about. Was it the Force itself showing him all this, via Merrin?
He started to think so. Regardless, he had been shown many things that he had to think about.
And talk about.
As he kneeled, closed his eyes and settled into meditation, he called upon the one person he wanted to talk to about everything.
"Hello, Ben."
He opened up his eyes again to see the woman his grandfather had told him about. The woman he saw as a sister. "Ahsoka," he breathed.
The Force ghost of Ahsoka Tano was there before him, on her knees just like him. She was an old woman when she became one with the Force, even older than Merrin was presently. Ahsoka had to be in her seventies by the time she passed on. That much was obvious when looking at her. Her montrals were very long. It was the mark of an elder Togruta. She also had age lines across her face betraying her old age.
But one thing that remained the same was how compassionate and gentle she felt. Even only seconds after seeing her again, Ben felt so at ease around her.
She smiled at the man who was practically her great-nephew, her face soft yet strong. "It's good to see you again."
Ben looked down for a minute, a little hesitant. "Even after…?"
"Yes. Even after you killed me," Ahsoka bluntly answered his question before he even finished, the corners of her eyes crinkling in humor.
That was something Ben found strange. Yes, he had killed her, but it was far more complicated than just that. And it was curious that Ahsoka seemed to treat it as if it was a joke. She didn't even care that he had been the one to end her life. He didn't know what to think about that.
"Why are you just laughing like it was nothing?" he asked, almost offended that she didn't even seem to hate him in the least bit for it. "I killed you. You should be mad at me."
Ahsoka took in his conflicted features. Then, she answered patiently, "Because I asked you to."
Ben remembered something like that being the case. He still didn't understand, though. Why would she ask for death?
"Do you remember when you found me?" He nodded. "I was a wreck then, and in no shape to fight you."
"So why?" Ben pressed, desperate for an answer. "I didn't want to."
Ahsoka sighed in sadness, her expressive eyes showing how much she herself was hurting. "I know, and I'm sorry for forcing you to make that choice. But I had my reasons, if you'll listen."
He still didn't understand the thought process of the woman who was practically his great-aunt. But he wanted to learn, so he gestured her to continue.
"The reason I told myself the most is that I thought I deserved it." Ben wanted to interrupt and say that wasn't so, but Ahsoka stopped him with a hand. "No, you can't change my mind on that. I believed I deserved death because both my generation as well as that of your parents screwed up. We screwed up tremendously. My generation plunged the galaxy into war first, because we were too prideful to study the enemy that hid themselves right under our noses, and we paid dearly for it. With our lives.
"And then the next generation made the same mistake: they were too prideful to realize when something was troubling you and they paid dearly for it."
Ben thought he understood a little, but he still didn't get it fully. "I don't get why you think you're to blame. There was no way you could've stopped any of-"
"But that's just it," Ahsoka interrupted. She didn't raise her voice at all, but there was a greater intensity to it than before. "I could've stopped all this. Do you know why you never saw much of me when you were at your uncle's academy?"
Ben shook his head no.
"It was because Luke and I disagreed with each other strongly on bringing back the Jedi Order. He wanted to bring back the Jedi Order as it used to be, just like how his sister desired to reinstate the Republic just as it used to be."
"And you thought differently," Ben surmised.
"Yes, I did. As someone who grew up under that same order, I knew I couldn't support that. The Jedi Order was flawed, tremendously so. It was those flaws that led to its ultimate destruction. I did not want to contribute to history repeating itself."
Her shoulders dropped. "But," she continued, depressed, "maybe I should've joined him. Then, I could've helped out those who were troubled find another path."
She gave him a significant look. He recognized that she meant him. "What's done is done, but it means a lot to know you care."
She smiled softly in thanks, before growing regretful once more. "But even then, I could've stopped so much more. I could've stopped the Empire from rising and destroying the galaxy, but my own faith got in the way."
Upon his curious gaze, she then launched into a story, her eyes growing reminiscent. "It was a long time ago, at the very end of the Clone Wars during the Siege of Mandalore. Though I was no longer a Jedi, I decided to help the Republic capture the renegade Sith Lord Maul."
The name was familiar to Ben. The former Darth Maul was among many past Force-wielders he had studied.
"I remember Maul and I had many talks with each other. And he told me many things. Among them were that the Republic wasn't going to fall, but had already fallen. Then, only hours later, the Republic's clone troopers turned against me. He was right about that.
"He told me about Darth Sidious…"
Ben nearly shivered at the name, and he noticed Ahsoka did too. She must've encountered him at some point in her life for her to react to his name that way.
"… That he would be the controlling interest in the galaxy. And he didn't lie about that."
Ahsoka seemed to struggle emotionally for a moment, but eventually she continued, though obviously compromised.
"Then, he made me an offer: join him, and together we could stop Sidious as well as his new apprentice. It sounded like the right thing to do, but I was still wary of trusting Maul, as I had found out he had a vision of Anakin."
Hearing Ahsoka talk about her confrontation with Maul, Ben was distinctly reminded of his own proposal to Rey in the Supremacy's throne room. He thought the similarities were ironic.
"I did agree to join him, though, but only if he answered my question of what he wanted with Anakin."
She looked down for a moment, trying to compose herself. "He told me about Sidious' plans for Anakin. How he was the key to everything. How he was grooming him to be his next apprentice, and had been doing so for a long time. And you know what I did?"
Ben carefully shook his head no.
"I told him he lied," she laughed bitterly. "That I knew Anakin and that he would never do such a thing." She shook her head in shame. "Then I run into him again fifteen years later and also run into Darth Vader. Yet again, he didn't lie."
He could tell she was trying really hard to not shed tears.
"Even now, I still wonder if I should've joined him. Because when I found out who Anakin had become, I was destroyed by it. The fact that Maul was right about him was just insult to injury, and the knowledge that I could've stopped that from happening was just more salt in an overly aggravated wound."
She took a moment to rub her eyes and compose herself. Then, she continued, with a little laugh in her voice. "I could've sworn I got over all this decades ago. But here I am."
"I understand," Ben sympathized. "The past will always be there with you. You can never truly escape it. All you can do is accept it and move on."
Ahsoka was a little stunned at his words, but after a second a proud smile stretched her face. Her great-nephew had gotten so wise. She could only chalk that up to all his life experiences. Though he had lived a hellish existence, it had taught him so much that he never would've learned as a Jedi. His lengthy, dramatic past had made him who he is today.
"Well said," she praised. "I did have another reason for asking you to kill me. This one was far more selfish of me, though, but I think you'd understand." She raised both of her eyebrow markings at him, in a knowing look.
"Do you remember when the Senate was destroyed by the First Order?"
Ben nodded yes. He remembered that day with clarity. At the time, he had thought there was no place for the New Republic Senate in the galaxy – mostly because of his own feelings of resentment towards his mother for always choosing her work over him – but he thought destroying it with Starkiller Base was overkill. So where was she going with this?
"Well, one of the Senators lost was very close to me. Someone I loved dearly, and whom I couldn't live without." Again, the Togruta raised both eyebrow markings knowingly.
Ben understood that she knew he knew what it was like to lose someone like that, even if for him it was only temporary. "Who was he?" he asked, genuinely curious, especially because he never knew her as the type of person to settle down. "Your…?"
The befuddlement on Ben's face as he tried to find the right word to use while also trying to avoid any offense made Ahsoka laugh. He was such a sweet boy. "He was my mate – that's my species' equivalent to a spouse – and his name was Lux."
"Ah…" Ben went in enlightenment.
"He was just the greatest," Ahsoka began to wax poetic, losing herself in memories long past of that Separatist-turned-rebel that she always got butterflies over. "We had a rough start, especially when he decided to team up with this terrorist group just for the sake of revenge, but eventually we really clicked.
"He taught me a valuable lesson when we first met: that people are far more complicated than just their loyalties suggest. Lux may have been a Separatist, but I just knew that I never would've been able to kill him if we had crossed paths on a battlefield.
"I wouldn't have had the life I lived if it wasn't for him. After my last encounter with Anakin – when I found out for sure that he was Darth Vader – I was presumed dead. I couldn't return to the Rebellion, otherwise I would just paint a huge target on their backs. And the only place I could think of going to was to Lux. He was there for me in my darkest moments, and, though it wasn't perfectly smooth sailing in the least, I wouldn't change anything. Especially because, if it weren't for those moments where we were honest with each other even if it hurt, we never would've solidified our relationship as much as we did.
"It was dangerous for me to even be there because his planet was under the Empire's rule. You understand that it was a tediously fearful affair trying to stay alive when an entire galaxy wanted my kind dead. And I had to purposely restrain my abilities to avoid drawing the attention of the Inquisition. It worked, but I knew that was no way to live. Though we hurt each other a lot whenever we argued – which was pretty often – it only hurt because we both loved each other so strongly."
She smiled and shook her head, laughing softly. "Then I found out I was pregnant. Soon, we were going to have a child together, and that changed things significantly between us. Now that so much more was at stake, something had to give. We couldn't afford to be stubborn with each other anymore and have all these petty fights. We had to come to resolutions, and ultimately we did the right thing and let go of our immaturity. When our son was born, and as he started showing his Force-sensitivity, that's when we knew, in order for him to grow up safe, that we had to do something and drive the Empire from the planet."
"And you did," Ben assumed.
The Togruta nodded modestly, though it was still easy to see she held a bit of pride in that. "Yes. We did. But do you know why we could?"
He didn't exactly. And he was a little embarrassed to admit so. "No. Why?"
"Because we loved our son so much that we'd do anything for him," Ahsoka answered. Then, she grinned teasingly. "You of all people should know by now, Ben, that love is the most powerful motivator in the galaxy." She raised her eyebrows in mock surprise. "Or are you not so madly in love with Rey Palpatine that you'd give your own life for her?"
"Okay, I get it." Ben's cheeks and ears flamed red. Force, the only thing more embarrassing than this would be if his mother was here.
The Togruta cackled at her great-nephew's expense. It had been so long since she was able to tease someone about their love life, the last one being her own son.
Then, her face fell into sympathy. "You realize you'll have to face her, right?" she gently prodded.
"I know," Ben acknowledged, though not enthusiastically. He really wasn't looking forward to fighting Rey again. He dreaded it.
"Just remember that you know her better than anyone else. A way will show itself."
"I don't want to hurt her!" Ben protested. That was the very last thing he wanted.
Ahsoka sighed. "I understand your reluctance, Ben, but sometimes, you have to hurt the ones you love in order to set them straight. And remember, if you hurt her, you can heal her. That's what loving someone is all about: healing them when they're hurt."
The memory of Rey healing him on the Death Star ruins flashed in his head. Yes, he understood. She had hurt him, but she healed him as well. All because of love.
"You're right." Ben was truly thankful for Ahsoka's wisdom now. He had been afraid that he would be forced to strike Rey down, but Ahsoka had shown him that there could be another way. "It won't be easy, though."
"Nothing worth doing ever is," Ahsoka replied sagely. "But there are people who can help you. I imagine you'll need it."
"Who are you talking about?"
"Many people, though you'll find that out for yourself. But there is one person specifically who I know will be willing to help."
She looked into his eyes and seemed to smirk just the smallest bit, as if she knew something he didn't.
"He became the Senator for Onderon last year. He's the successor of Lux Bonteri."
She purposely used Lux's full name this time, because she knew that Ben knew that name.
As she predicted, Ben immediately recognized the Bonteri name. Because he had a past encounter with a man by that name: Mika Bonteri.
"I'm not sure he'd be too accepting of the man who tried to conquer his planet," he finally responded a tad pessimistically.
"I know my son," Ahsoka countered optimistically. "Mika doesn't hold grudges. Just be yourself. Be the man you were always meant to be, and your past mistakes won't be held against you. No one will care because they'll know you're not that person anymore."
To hear Ahsoka say that made Ben feel much better and more secure in possibly making allies out of former enemies.
"I'm sure you already know, but you can trust my in-laws to help you, as well."
He furrowed his eyebrows. "Your in-laws?"
Ahsoka smiled. "Cal Kestis and Nightsister Merrin. My son married their eldest daughter. I thought it was strange at first, considering she's a lot older than him."
"I don't think it's strange at all," Ben interjected on her tangent, subtly pointing out the ten-year age difference between him and Rey. He left it unsaid, though, that he knew exactly who she was talking about. In the First Order's attempt to conquer Onderon, he had run into both her son, another weird green-haired Jedi he was close with, and two red-headed Nightsisters who could only have come from Cal and Merrin.
"Yeah, I've changed my tune since then. I think it's sweet."
"Well, back to your in-laws," Ben steered the conversation back. "I don't mean to brag, but I think they like me enough."
"It seems they do," Ahsoka agreed, a grin stretching her face. "You're in good hands, Ben." She straightened up. "Now, Anakin told me you were given his and Leia's lightsabers. I have a little bit of advice for you on wielding dual lightsabers."
"Uh, I've used two lightsabers before," Ben replied, grateful but not understanding. Though he meant no offense to her, he didn't think he needed the advice. He remembered very clearly he had used two lightsabers to kill the former leader of the Knights of Ren.
"When you were driven by anger. You're not driven by that anymore," Ahsoka wisely pointed out. "With two lightsabers, you have a very strong offense, but conversely a weaker defense. You need to learn to use that fighting style to its greatest strengths and minimize its weaknesses. And you can only do that by balancing both the light and the dark within yourself; use the best of both."
Ah, now he understood. Ahsoka's wisdom knew no bounds. He felt foolish for even considering not listening to her. She was a prodigy with wielding dual lightsabers; she knew how to fight with them, and fight with them well.
But she was also very wise regarding life matters. She recognized that the Force wasn't merely being on the Light Side or the Dark Side; it was about balancing both sides within oneself. Everyone had a light and dark side; it was just that many Force-wielders in particular found it practically impossible – or just flat-out didn't want – to find balance.
And Force-wielders were so influential to the state of the galaxy that they often shaped it, whether by intent or not. Hence, the galaxy was a reflection of Force-wielders. Through that scope, it was easy to see that the galaxy had been wronged for a long, long time now, whether it was by the Jedi or by the Sith.
Now, Ben thought it was time it was set right. He nodded determined. "Got it."
Ahsoka was undeniably proud of him, and she knew for a fact that Anakin was as well.
"May the Force be with you… always," she whispered as she began to phase out.
Ben held her gaze as she disappeared back into the Force. He knew what he had to do now.
As soon as she was gone, he stood up. He reached towards that part of himself that he hadn't dared to open back up ever since being resurrected.
He reached towards the bond he had with his Dyad. That special connection he shared with Rey.
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On Coruscant, Rey sat perched on her throne, with her comm link out. Her comm link was blowing up with messages from various Resistance members.
"-is just GONE! The whole planet is just-!" came Poe's voice before Rey switched to a different message, his hologram dissipating to be replaced with another.
"Rey, are you there? Oh, please answer! We just found out that Chandrila's-!" She cut off Finn, switching to another.
Static interfered with the first part of this message, and there was no hologram, but she eventually discerned Kaydel's voice. "-know what it is! It's the Derriphan! We need to destroy it immediately, before it-!"
She cut off Kaydel's message, but this time it was because she was just given a juicy nugget of information. So they did know about the Derriphan's continued survival, but not that it was at her command. If she played her cards right, she could have the Resistance's unquestioned loyalty, something she could tell she was starting to lose little by little. Though Poe and Finn still believed fully in her, the same could not be said for the rest.
At that moment, however, she felt something she hadn't felt since…
The bond.
Something was reaching through it to her. It was light, strong enough that she jumped to her feet and recoiled from it. She tried resisting it.
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Ben could feel the attempt to block him out. But it did not deter him. He continued pushing through.
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Rey's eyes slammed shut as she tried to resist. Whatever this was reaching through hers and Ben's shattered bond, it was so strong that it was overwhelming her. She was supposed to be the most powerful Force-wielder in existence now! What, or who, could possibly overpower her?
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The resistance she was putting up was incredible. Ben knew not to take it lightly. If Rey wanted to ignore something hard enough, she would. She was the queen of denial, after all.
But now, he was determined to make her listen. He needed to see her again.
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Rey's face grew full of dread when she tentatively felt out what was breaching her old bond with Ben. There was something so achingly familiar there, a sensation she had only felt in one other person…
Then, she heard the sound around her drown out, just like it used to whenever her and Ben connected. Her eyes shot open, out of pure, dreadful fear. Because it was impossible. It couldn't be…
Standing right before her, looking straight into her soul, was Ben Solo.
He knew he would only get one shot at talking to her before she did something to slam the bond shut, so he didn't waste it. He just said what felt most right.
"I'll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise."
Rey had heard those words before, but only in dreams a long time ago. To hear them now after all these years, and to find out who had said them…
She was terrified out of her mind. And she did what she always did whenever she was scared: lash out.
"NO!" she screamed out of raw pain and panic as two angry red blades spat to life. Before she knew it, she was lunging with her double blade towards Ben, and slashed through him, hard.
His apparition disappeared, and Rey was left alone again. But she couldn't ignore what she had seen.
That was Ben Solo. And yet, her mind couldn't process that.
"No no no, that couldn't be him," she tried to tell herself, but her shaking fists told a different story. "I saw it myself: he's dead. There's no way he could be back."
She tried to breathe, but it was as if all the air had been sucked out of her when she saw him.
"No, don't do this to yourself!" she admonished herself, her voice starting to crack. "Don't give into hope, Rey! It has only ever burned you!"
Tears leaked down her face. When some made their way into her mouth, she licked them away. But a sharp sensation stopped her.
She licked her lips again. There it was again, that same sharp sensation.
Oh, Force, she knew what it was. Whenever her tongue skimmed over her teeth, she could feel it: sharp points greeting her tongue.
Her teeth had all sharpened into these monster-like fangs. They were sharp enough to draw blood whenever her tongue skimmed over their points.
Because she had licked her lips, she had spread that blood. Now, her lips were painted blood red in the most literal sense.
Remembering the painting above the entrance to the throne room, she grew scared. She drew the reflective silver hilt of her lightsaber up and used it as a mirror to examine her eyes.
They were glowing gold.
She sobbed all over again. She had failed. She had become that monster in the painting, the one she had told herself she would never become. A monster was the only person who could order the destruction of a planet on a whim with no second thoughts as to the resulting loss of life.
She unsteadily stumbled out of her throne room. "They can't leave me," she whispered to herself, almost beggingly. Like she believed if she said it aloud, it would become the truth. As she wiped her lips to erase the blood from them, she continued, her voice darkened with hate. "I need to make sure they never do."
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Ben sat on the bunk in the back of the Mantis, digesting the revelation he was just given after reopening the special connection between him and Rey.
She hadn't just become like him. She had become so much worse.
She was worse because she did not have any of the inhibitions that he had: namely, there was no conflict in her. She was entirely driven by her desire to make the galaxy into what she believed was right, and she would do it at absolutely any cost, even if it included her own well-being.
In short, she had completely lost it.
He looked over to the bag he had brought aboard the ship. Just one glance at it, and a reminder of its contents, and he knew what he had to do.
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When Merrin came to, the first thing she saw was the face of her Jedi, her beloved Cal, looking at her so caringly.
"… Cal?" she whispered hoarsely. Her voice felt like it had been clawed out and then stitched back in. That was normal whenever she deigned to use her Seer's Potion, but still felt very unpleasant.
"You're okay," he gently reassured her. His voice always soothed her. It felt like home. She could fall back to sleep just hearing him whisper sweet nothings to her and she wouldn't mind at all.
Then, a delicious smell hit her nostrils. "Is that…?"
Immediately after, her stomach growled.
"Steak," Cal finished for her, just as she noticed a serving of steak set out on the coffee table. He helped her sit up. "Rare, just how you like it."
She could kill for some food right now. Consuming the Seer's Potion always left her with a ravenous appetite.
As she began to dig in, she and Cal noticed Ben come out from the back. He was a lot different, though.
For one, he had changed clothes. He was now wearing a Jedi's outfit, minus the robe itself, much like Cal had once worn as a Padawan, but this one was black. It was an outfit Cal certainly recognized. Once upon a time, while he still served the Republic, Anakin Skywalker had worn that same black Jedi outfit. Yet, Ben seemed to fill it out better than he had.
For another, he had three lightsabers on his belt. On his righthand side was Anakin's, then on his left was Leia's. Behind Leia's was the yellow lightsaber.
Then, there was Ben's attitude. Both the Jedi and the Nightsister could feel there was no conflict in him anymore. There was a sense of duty in him, that he knew what needed to be done.
The last Skywalker proceeded over to the holotable. Cal left Merrin with a parting caress and followed.
"I know where she is," Ben announced as he searched through the galaxy with the holotable. He then looked to Cal. "We're going to Coruscant."
The corner of Cal's mouth turned up into a grin. "It's been a long time since I've been there," he remarked as he entered the cockpit.
Ben understood the underlying meaning. The last time Cal would've been there would've been when the Jedi Order was still around. "I hope you're ready for it, then," he replied with a little smirk of confidence before heading back to the lounge by Merrin.
"Tch. Of course I'm ready," Cal grumbled, rolling his eyes as he pulled the Mantis out of hyperspace.
Only to be greeted with a nebula hosting a pack of giant manta-rays.
"Not ready for this, though," he said to himself, swiftly turning the ship around and quickly setting coordinates for Coruscant.
Loud screeches came from the beasts outside the ship just before it reentered hyperspace.
"What was that?!" came Merrin's questioning voice from down the ship.
"Nothing, dear!" He then muttered, "There's always a bigger fish."
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Chapter eleven, the longest one yet! Here, we get a trippy vision induced by Nightsister magick, we get Ahsoka Tano having a nice long chat with Ben, our Force Dyad connect for the first time since Tatooine, and now the Mantis crew is on its way to Coruscant!
The trippy vision was actually greatly inspired by one of my favorite pieces of original score. It's from the video game "Freedom Fighters," and it's, ironically, called "March of the Empire." The lyrics – Russian, if you're curious – served as my biggest inspiration, as they're appropriately morbid and suit the story events pretty well, but the music itself was also appropriate. The track has this way of making you feel like all hope is lost, that there's an unstoppable army marching towards you.
The behavior of the Final Order's remnant was greatly inspired by Nazi Germany, with the SS in particular inspiring the Sith troopers for me. There was really no development for the Final Order in TROS, so I took my own liberties with them and went in this direction. It just makes the most sense to me to portray them this way.
Let me just say that I love Ahsoka. She's just great. The only problem I had with her was that, much like Rey and many other heroines, she doesn't get to have what she wants. And you can't convince me that she didn't want Lux. I mean, the girl was so jealous during the Onderon arc in Clone Wars season five. You don't get that way over someone you're not interested in. Which is why I took it upon myself to give her what she wanted, and I actually put a surprising amount of thought into it. I crafted an entire backstory for her as it concerns this story, to the point that it could be its own story, which I've referenced during her and Ben's chat.
Then, we have one moment I've been waiting so long to do: the first time Ben and Rey connect to each other since Tatooine. I felt so bad that they had to interact that way with each other, but their actions felt natural nevertheless. Reylo just has this way of giving you intense feels no matter what situations you throw them into. Big, BIG thanks to Adam Driver and Daisy Ridley for giving us those wonderful Reylo scenes.
Also, if anyone gets that quote Ben said to her, you're a true Reylo. I picked it because I always felt like Ben was the one who said that to her. Or, rather, he was the one who WOULD say that to her in the future.
I hope you enjoyed! If you did, give this story a favorite, follow, and leave a review! And one last question before I leave you: what's your favorite piece of Star Wars music?
Mine actually comes from TROS, surprisingly. It's one of the only good things about this movie, but I absolutely ADORE the Reylo love theme. The way Rey's and Kylo's themes are blended together is just done so beautifully that it made me want to cry when I first heard it. I'd been imagining what such a theme could sound like for so long, and when I finally heard it, I was just struck speechless. It was so much better than I could've ever imagined.