Blue eyes stared intently at the shiny rectangular device in front of them, its display shining brightly in the dimly lit room, casting a long shadow of the person's body across the bedroom wall. Their unblinking gaze was fixated upon a single name on the screen, eyes sparkling with happiness and glee as they read it over and over again, unable to believe that what they were seeing was real.
~Miku-chan~
Luka's soft, pink lips were upturned into a joyous smile as she read the contact name to herself for what had to be the hundredth time, her heart hammering loudly in her chest as she pictured Miku's beaming face as they exchanged numbers, a light dusting of pink staining her cheeks.
'I have a friend.' That single thought played through the pinkette's mind on loop for over an hour now, Luka somehow having managed to stumble her way back home and into her room before plopping into her bed, the social recluse unable to wipe the smile from her face the entire time. And she didn't want to.
This was something she had dreamed of for ages now, once considered an impossibility to her, but the proof to the opposite was sitting right in front of her, little cutesy emoji's surrounding the professional idols name. That thought only caused Luka to feel even more that this couldn't be real, that maybe she was just dreaming after all and she will awaken very soon in her bed, alone and miserable once more.
But, the longer she stared at the number, the bright light from her screen slowly burning her eyes until a light reddish tint appeared on her sclera, the more the pinkette knew It had to be real. And she couldn't help how giddy it made her feel inside. Happiness was something she was not quite accustomed to anymore.
Finally breaking her gaze away from the idol's name, Luka's smile slowly fell, her lips pulled into a thin line as she read a certain person's number on her contact list. It was the only other one to be seen, sandwiched between Miku's and her mothers, a glaring reminder of a past she will never escape.
Her father.
The pink-haired recluse knew she should probably just get rid of it, the number having long been disconnected after all, but Luke couldn't bear the thought of it being gone. As much as it hurt her to see that name, a painful reminder of what led her to this state of being, a small part of her still hoped that her phone will ring and when she picked up it would be his voice on the other side, telling her that everything was going to be ok.
Dropping the arm holding her phone to her side, her expression downcast, Luka stared with glazed eyes at the crumpled sheets beneath her, a distant longing aching her chest. It seemed, no matter what she did, how bright the future might look, something will always bring her back down, to writhe in the filth of her true life once more.
Slumping her shoulders, her fingers slowly uncurling from their tight grip on her phone, Luka could feel a familiar dark sensation crawl through her chest, casting a dark shadow over her heart. Her whole body started feeling heavy, her eyelids drooping as the will to stay awake, to deal with the slowly creeping intrusive thoughts in the back of her mind, faded away. All she wanted to do was sleep, to forget all about the world, and the pain it would inevitably drop onto her already overburdened shoulders.
A sudden vibration in her hand, traveling like a soft tremor through her fingers, followed by a playful ding that echoed through the silent room, startled the pink-haired girl out of her depressed haze. The sound, bright and cheerful, awoke a long lost sensation within her mind, echoing back to a time long forgotten.
Lifting up her phone, the lock screen lit up brightly within the creeping darkness of the room, Luka could feel her heart jump involuntarily in her chest, a small, pleasant buzz shooting through her brain as she read the notification plastered across the center of the display.
'New Message - ~Miku-chan~'
Unlocking the screen with a trembling swipe of her finger, the Line app popping up instantly, Luke stared wide-eyed at the simple message, an unfamiliar feeling in her chest causing tears to well up in the corner of her eye.
'Wanted to wish you goodnight before heading to bed! I'll let you know when I'm free next so we can hang out, kay? I'll make sure to sneak a signed copy of my new CD for you hee hee. Sweet dreams Luka-chan!'
Luka reread the message over and over again, a warming sensation traveling through her chest as she repeatedly skimmed over the message, her smile growing wider and wider after each one. A gentle light, like the sun rising in the morning, sparked within her heart, simply from a sweet, considerate text sent by this amazing girl. Her first friend.
Flopping down onto her bed, her head gently resting against her pillow, Luka looked at the message one last time before pressing the lock button on the side of her phone, the room being bathed in total darkness as the light from the screen blinked out. Placing her phone face down next to her, her fingers placed gently on its cool housing, Luka let her blue eyes slowly fall closed, a soft smile remaining plastered on her lips as she drifted off to sleep.
For the first time in what felt like ages, Luka had no bad dreams.
"Here you go, Luka-chan!"
Holding out her hands eagerly, a square, plastic item clutched tightly between her fingers, Miku presented the taller girl with a signed copy of her CD, just like she had promised.
The young idol had been true to her word, startling the pink-haired girl awake after another long midday slumber with a lengthy text-message about how her signing went, Luka smiling softly about how much the tealette loved her fans. Buried within the waterfall of words, emojis littered about like ancient hieroglyphs, Miku let her know she would be free the next day to hang out.
Luka spent the rest of her day in a dazed state of bliss, wanting nothing more than the day to end so she could see the twin-tailed idol as soon as possible.
"T-thank you, Miku-chan. Y-you d-didn't have to." Taking the offered item with trembling fingers, Luka stared at the front cover in awe, Miku's beautifully handwritten autograph sitting in the corner, a small key-chain of her logo taped to the back as part of a pre-order incentive. Despite how precious such items were to many collectors and fans, which she herself was, Luka was too enraptured by the beautiful album cover to care.
Dressed in a stunningly designed outfit that hugged her body tightly, pop-art words printed across it's white and blue surface, Miku truly made a stunning sight as her long twin-tails fell in dramatic swirls from a magnificent headdress, the young idol smiling joyfully at the camera. Looking upon this beautiful sight, Luka couldn't help the small blush that managed to crawl up to her cheeks, her aquamarine eyes involuntarily falling back to the little window that exposed Miku's trim stomach.
"It's fine, it's fine. We had lots." Miku waved the pinkette's concerns off with a gentle smile and playful wink, a small nervous lilt in her voice as she averted her gaze from the pink-haired girl, Luka still looking at her present in awe.
The truth was, that Miku had to secretly hide away a copy in her bag before the store opened as the lineup of fans easily snaked across several city blocks, the supply of CD's given to them unable to meet the demand of her amazingly loyal fans. When the supply inevitably ran out and a loud chorus of saddened aww's echoed through the store and down the street, Miku couldn't help the small pang of guilt in her chest.
Not wanting to disappoint her fans, Miku suggested to her manager that she could take a personal picture with anyone who was left, to make sure everyone went home happy and with something to remember the day for.
Meiko had been wary of the suggestion at first, her own former life as an idol letting her know just how precious Miku's time was, but the pleading look in the young girl's eyes and the earnestness of her request caused her to relent. It could only help to further increase her popularity amongst the public.
Placing her hand over her mouth as she let out a tiny yawn, the young idol's day having run long due to the extra hour spent taking pictures, Miku shook her head quickly to try and rid herself of the last remnants of fatigue, fully determined to make this a fun day for Luka, her own tiredness be damned.
"You want some coffee? I know this nice little cafe just a couple of blocks from here. Barely anyone goes there and the booths are nice and private." Giving the pinkette a cheerful grin, her eyes closed happily as she pointed a thumb behind her, Miku giggled a bit when Luka's head shot up in surprise, a small dusting of pink coloring the taller girls pale cheeks.
"U-um yeah. That would be nice." Nodding almost imperceptibly, Luka felt a small flutter in her stomach at how considerate the tealette was being, not only asking her first but also taking into consideration her negative reaction from last time without drawing attention to it. Such kindness had become something truly foreign to the social recluse.
"Let's go!" Throwing out her arm in a wild gesture, her finger stretched straight out as she dramatically pointed down the road, Miku whipped around to wrap herself around the taller girl's arm, gently guiding her down the street. "Slowly. Let's enjoy this nice day."
Blushing slightly at the intimate gesture, Luka felt a small smile curl on her lips as she nodded at the shorter girl, Miku smiling up at her as the two made their way down the road, the sun shining gently upon the new friends.
Ever since that day, Luka and Miku spent pretty much every day together, the young idol dragging the pinkette to various little spots and stores in the neighborhood, the two of them just enjoying spending their days together and getting to know each other.
Luka found out that Miku had a great dislike of milk but, at the same time, had a strange fondness for leeks. The pink-haired girl had almost spit out her drink, letting out a loud sputter, tea flying everywhere when she found out that the strange little mascot that appeared in a lot of the idol's commercials, with its stubby arms and legs and swirly eyes, was created by Miku herself.
But for everything she learned about the twin-tailed girl, she inevitably had to share some things about herself, though the darker thoughts and feelings, let alone her past, remained buried. For now at least. A small embarrassed blush flushed Luka's cheeks a healthy pink when the young idol began giggling uproariously at how cute it was that the pinkette's favorite animal was the octopus, the social recluse having often times as a child compared her wild pink hair to the sea creatures squiggly legs.
Luka learned that a lot of the songs Miku wrote were actually from personal experiences, though some had to be slightly altered to be more narratively interesting. This blew the social-recluses mind as Luka had often related to a lot of Miku's lyrics, especially some of the more emotional ones, feeling like they could have been written by someone going through the same things as she was.
To find out they belonged to such a peppy, upbeat girl made her reevaluate a lot of things about her new friend. No matter how someone might look on the outside, how wonderful their life might seem, everyone was suffering in some way. It made Luka want to hold the shorter girl close and make any pain she had ever felt go away.
But, despite all the joy and happiness now in her life, Luka just couldn't find it within herself to attend school again. Every time her eyes would fall upon her school uniform hanging in the closet, lovingly pressed and cleaned by her mother, Luka would feel the familiar dread well up in her chest, threatening to suffocate her as her mind fell into a downward spiral of fear and hate. All directed toward herself and who she was. About how much of a fuck-up and disappointment she was, at how pathetic she was, unable to do a simple task that kids around the world could do with ease.
The pink-haired girl would slam the closet door shut, sharp breaths rolling out of her chest as she pressed herself into a corner, her head placed against her huddled up knees as she pressed her hands tightly against her ears, trying to push away the dark thoughts before they could overwhelm her.
She just had to repress them long enough to go see Miku, hoping against hope that the time together with the young idol would cause them to fade, to temporarily soothe her mental wounds until the dark of the night would return them to her once more.
Some days, when things got too hard, when she lay paralyzed in bed, intrusive thoughts carving her soul to pieces, Luka would have to cancel on Miku. Tears would prickle at the corner of her eyes as she typed out the message, confident that this time it would surely be the last, that Miku would finally have enough of her and leave her. A sob would tear through her throat when she would hit send, dropping the phone roughly onto her bed before placing her head in her hands, the tears finally falling as she let out cries that would wrack through her whole body.
But, every time, Miku would prove her wrong. At first, the twin-tailed idol would simply text her, asking her if she was ok, letting her know everything was alright and that they can always hang out another time. After a while, as their friendship progressed and Luka's bad days continued, Miku began calling her when these moments happened instead of texting, staying on the phone with the pink-haired girl for as long as she could, oftentimes talking to Luka for several hours at a time. Her voice would be soft and soothing, caring and loving, reassuring Luka that she would be ok. That 'they' were ok.
It was during one of these calls, the sun slowly setting from behind her curtains, that Luka decided to take a risk.
"M-Miku?" Luka called out, her voice soft and hoarse from crying, her hand weakly holding on to the device in her hand as she fought through the worry and fear coursing through her, telling her this was a bad idea. Even if it was, if this ended it all, she had to be honest with Miku who had been nothing but sweet and kind to her. "C-can you meet me at the convenience store? I need to tell you something."
"Of course, Luka-chan." Hearing rustling in the background, the sound of doors opening and closing followed by the jingling of keys, Luka was surprised at how quickly the young idol had agreed to her request. "I'm heading over right now. Don't rush, I can wait. See you in a bit."
With a quick beep, the line went dead, Miku's voice disappearing from the other end, leaving Luka in complete silence. Lowering the phone from her ear, the pinkette girl took several shuddering breaths, her body quivering slightly at the daunting task ahead of her. Digging deep, grasping at every last inch of willpower within her, Luka sluggishly managed to force herself into a seated position, her mind and body crying out to her to just lay back down and let everything around her fade away.
But Luka was determined. She had finally gotten the courage to ask for help, to reach out to someone else, and Luka was not about to let that slip from her grasp. Especially not after Miku had quietly supported her this whole time, never prying too deep when they talked about themselves, remaining conscious of her mood and fears, doing everything she could to make Luka feel safe and happy. The twin-tailed girl deserved to know what she was dealing with, to have the full picture of just what kind of a mess the pink-haired recluse was and giving her the choice to get out of there before things got too hard.
Luka may burden the young idol with her problems today, but Miku would have the chance to get out before she got hurt. The pink-haired girl knew it wouldn't be the same for her, Luka having already become invariably attached to the bubbly tealette, but it would be ok.
Luka was already used to pain.
Stumbling out of her room, every part of her body screaming at her to just give up, her stomach growling loudly up at her, mad for its days of neglect. But she soldiered on, awkwardly stumbling out of the front door, keys stuffed roughly into her pocket, the pinkette taking the long trek up the hill with slow methodical footsteps, taking occasional breaks to let her mind and body rest from the emotional turmoil of being outside the comforts of her bed.
The sun had almost completely disappeared over the horizon when she finally managed to make it up the godforsaken hill, the streetlights flickering on as the first signs of nighttime started blanketing the town. The gentle hum electricity flowing through the old lights, cicadas starting to end their daily song, surrounded the pink-haired girl as she approached the front of the store, a single teal-haired girl crouched by its entrance, an unopened can of iced coffee and a box vegetable juice sitting on the ground next to her.
"Hi." Lifting her hand, her voice coming out at barely a whisper, Luka walked up to the waiting idol with nervous strides, her heart hammering loudly in her chest. Even now, with barely time to get ready, Miku still looked stunning.
"Luka-chan! Is everything ok?" Jumping to her feet, fumbling momentarily with the drinks as she tried to pick them up in her haste to check on the girl, Miku tugged lightly at the hem of her shirt, the oversized garment hanging almost down to her knees, the barest hint of some shorts peeking out from underneath.
"I-" Looking down at the offered drink, a can of sweet, iced coffee, Luka took it from the twin-tailed girl with a quiet 'thank you', Miku giving the taller girl a gentle smile. "C-can we go somewhere private, b-but not too far?"
"Of course. There's a bench nearby where no one goes." Gently taking the pinkette's hand in her own, Miku began leading Luka to a secluded part of the neighborhood, the only sign of activity coming from the lights burning within a couple of office buildings, some lowly worker staying late to impress his boss in a thankless company.
"Here we go." Guiding the girl to sit, Luka practically flopping onto the wooden bench, the pink-haired girl stared distantly at the drink in her hand as Miku took a seat next to her, the pair sitting in silence as she tried to gather her muddled thoughts. Luke didn't know quite where to start, looking over the design covering the can of iced coffee with great interest, the social recluse not really too sure of everything that was going on in her brain herself.
Luka just had to lay it all in the open for Miku and let what was to come, happen. And with that, the pink-haired girl told Miku everything.
"I haven't been to school for almost a year." Starting slow, her voice soft and measured, Luka kept her gaze focused on the can in her hand, using it to help center her thoughts. "Every time I try to go, I freak out or just shut off. I'm scared of going outside, of other people. I want to go, I desperately want to, but I can't find a way to do it."
Miku remained silent throughout Luka's explanation, something the pinkette was grateful for as she idly traced her finger around the edge of the can, condensation starting to pool on the outside rim. The only way she knew she was listening at all was the tiny hand placed upon her forearm, tracing calming circles across her exposed skin with her fingernail.
"One day, things just…stopped making sense. How do you talk to people? How do you connect with others? With yourself? My thoughts became erratic, jumbled. I wasn't able to figure myself out, all my thoughts feeling like someone else's. I was an impostor in my body, someone moving it against my will to and from school. I didn't want to be around anyone anymore, the idea of being seen, of talking to people, of living, became too hard to bear. I just shut off."
Absently popping the tab, Luka took a quick swig of her drink, her throat feeling dry and painful. If it was from talking so much or from the lump slowly forming she wasn't sure.
"Mom said it took me three days to finally talk again, chalking it all up to a couple of bad days at school, but I couldn't even remember what happened. I just started feeling like nothing was worth it, that all these things I was doing were leading nowhere. I didn't want to be around anymore."
A soft gasp managed to escape Miku's throat, her slow tracing coming to a stop as her fingers lightly gripped onto Luka's wrist. Placing her drink down, Luka placed her hand softly on top of the idols, trying to let her know that it was ok.
"I think its depression, but I could be wrong. I don't feel like killing myself, I know that much. But everything, everything feels wrong in my head. I want all the normal things you are supposed to want in life, like happiness, friends, and fun. At least, I think I do, but at the same time, it scares me. It's like fire. Beautiful enough that you want to touch it, but fearing the heat and pain it will bring."
Lifting her hand, a phantom flame dancing between her fingers, Luka risked a quick glance over at the silent girl by her side, Miku's blue eyes looking at her with great sorrow. But still, she remained silent, letting her go on uninterrupted, willing to hear her out to the end.
"Everything started falling apart around that time. I stopped hanging out with my friends, or at least who I thought were my friends. Once I stopped responding and rejected every offer to hang out they just…stopped asking. Teachers didn't know what was wrong with me, getting frustrated with my silence and distant attitude, finding it easier to just throw me out into the hall or send me home than try and work around a problem child."
Miku's grip on her wrist tightened as a small growl, that was almost cute, rolled out of her chest after that part of her story, a faint smile curling on Luka's lips at how sweet she was.
"Doctors weren't sure what it was, deciding to just chalk it up to a phase and later depression, quickly writing out a prescription and sending us on our way. Some tried to help, I know they did, but the best they could do was just talk to me, try and give me advice on what to do. None of it helped and one day I just stopped going to school. It was easier that way."
Taking a deep breath, her eyes burning with unshed tears, the pink-haired girl tried to calm herself down. Luka hated the next part.
"Dad...Dad tried. I have to believe he did. Otherwise….otherwise he left because I wasn't worth it. Wasn't worth loving."
Luka could feel herself choke up as the memories of her dad came rushing back, a painful sting piercing her heart as she remembered his smiling face when he would pet her gently on the top of her head when she did well in school or made them breakfast. How warm and strong his arms felt when he would pick her up and hug her, playfully laying kisses upon her cheeks, the two of them giggling happily together.
"He was always so kind. He worked so hard for us, to make both me and Mom happy, coming home exhausted from work, sometimes smelling of beer after a late night with his coworkers. But he would always be there for me, with a smile on his lips and sparkle in his eyes, gently tucking me into bed and kissing my forehead softly. How could I have failed him so."
Wiping roughly at the corner of her eyes, trying to stop the tears before they had a chance to fall, Luka, through chocked sobs tried to force the words from her mouth before she had a chance to chicken out.
"He didn't tell me he was leaving. He didn't even turn around, didn't spare me a second glance as he walked out the door. I don't think he loved me anymore. But, I can't blame him, not really. I didn't even cry when he left. I just watched the door for a while, wondering if he would come back, come back for me, for us. When I finally figured out that he wasn't coming back, that he was gone for good, I just went to my room, staring at the ceiling for hours until I fell asleep. He was just….gone."
Hot tears began spilling from her eyes as she stared at the flickering lights above, the night sky spreading out behind the artificial light, moths gently fluttering around it, fruitlessly trying to reach the prize encased behind the hard plastic shell.
"Mom says she doesn't blame me, that it had been brewing for a while, but I've seen the way she looks at me, heard her cries at night, silently cursing me for him leaving. She's right. Of course she's right. She's alone now, her husband gone, no way of contacting him, her only company a daughter she doesn't understand, who drove her family apart."
"I just-" Tightly gripping her knees, her whole body trembling as tears spilled unending from her eyes, Luka let out a sorrowful scream, letting all of her anguish and pain out. "I just want to feel happy again! I don't want these thoughts anymore! I want to understand myself again, to live in a head that makes sense! I hate being alone! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I don't want to be alone anymore!"
Small arms pulled her into a tight, protective hug, the pink-haired girl burying her face into Miku's shoulder as her cries of anguish tore from her throat, the young idol softly petting her pink hair as she stained her shirt with tears. Miku's own tears started to fall from her blue eyes, small sniffles escaping her as she held the distressed girl as tightly as she could.
"I'm so, so sorry, Luka-chan." Gently cooing in her ear, her fingers gliding softly through the taller girl's pink hair, Miku could feel Luka's cries only increase. Miku knew that wouldn't be enough, that a simple 'I'm sorry' would not heal years' worth of pain and mental anguish. But, the idol was prepared to help her friend in any way she could.
"You never deserved any of that. There's probably not much I can do, but I can give you this. I will always be your friend. I will be there for you whenever you need me and if I can't I will let you know that I will be. I can't take everything away and I'm not smart enough to figure out what is torturing you in your head."
Luka's tears started to slow as the tealette continued to speak, her screams slowly quieting as she listened to Miku's words, a small light starting to brighten in her heart.
"I can be your friend. I can be there anytime you need me. I will listen to anything you have to say and I will be by your side in an instant. You aren't alone anymore. You have me. And I'm glad I have you."
Gripping the smaller girl tight, her fingers desperately digging into the fabric of her shirt, fresh tears started spilling forth from Luka's eyes. But this time they were tears of happiness.
Luka had bared her soul to the twin-tailed girl, exposed every dark corner and emotional scar in her soul and she had not been pushed away. Luka had not been left alone, been condemned to a life of solitude and never-ending loneliness. Miku had pulled her close, kept her safe, and made a promise to stay with her.
Miku had accepted her.
A/N: Luka is not alone anymore.
Well, apologies once again for the late chapter. I need to stop making promises I can't keep. All I can say is that this story is not dead, not by a long shot. I will try and be more consistent with updates, but that's, unfortunately, the best I can do. That was my mistake for putting too many stories on my plate.
We finally learn what happened to Luka and what she has gone through, both mentally and in her life. Making a friend is not the cure-all to mental disorders and I am in no way saying that. Mental health is a complicated issue and people who suffer from any mental disorder deserve all the help and support they need.
This is a dramatized fictional story, but even so, Luka's problems will not magically disappear just because she found a friend. She will still have trials and tribulations, but she now has someone there with her, someone to help her through her troubles.
Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story and given it a shot. I'll do my best to keep a consistent upload schedule. Have a wonderful day everyone! I love you all!