Panic…was too lacking a word to truly describe what Luka was feeling in this very moment.
Ever since Miku's invitation to come to her apartment for a sleepover, which she had foolishly said yes to, Luka had slowly but surely fallen into a sinking hole of pure anxiety-induced freak-outs. As the day drew closer and closer, the agreed-upon date looming ever-present above the pinkette's head, Luka could feel her heart rate accelerate by several beats day by day, a constant pressure building in her mind that was ready to crack at any moment.
At first, the invitation had lit a spark of warmth in the icy cold depths of despair her mother's words had instilled in her, the simple message managing to return life to the dull, numbing sensation that had overtaken her whole body. Lying there on the cold, unforgiving ground, shadowed sapphire eyes lit up by the light of her phone screen, Luka had mulled over Miku's question for almost an hour.
'Did you want to come to my place for a sleepover!?'
To many, it would seem like such a simple, innocent question. One friend asking another for a sleepover at their place. Standard for anyone that even had the most fleeting of friendships. And yet, that one sentence had flipped Luka's life on its head, something the young pop idol seemed to be scarily adept at doing on a consistent basis. The thought of going to her place, to leave the comforting confines of her home, of her room, to spend the night in the home of the woman she had fallen for made Luka's mind scream at her to reject it, to keep herself safe. Tapping on the reply button, fingers soundlessly ghosting over the virtual keyboard, Luka sent her response.
'I would like that.'
She couldn't say no. She couldn't let this chance to get closer to Miku pass her by. She didn't want to be scared anymore. She didn't want to be alone anymore. She was scared, practically terrified of what could happen, what she might do to ruin everything, but something deep within her told her to fight, to take this chance, and to never let it go.
To bet everything on her chance for happiness.
But, as the days passed and the weight of what she agreed to slowly settle in, Luka felt terror strike her heart as she stared at her unkempt and undernourished reflection in the mirror. She was going to be seen like this! She's going to be with Miku the entire time! There would be nowhere for her to hide, to run to when things got too hard! She would be completely and utterly exposed! She wasn't ready! She was never going to be ready!
And now…now it was too late to back out. The fateful day had finally arrived and Luka didn't feel any more confident, her hands shaking slightly as she made some last-minute adjustments to her outfit, the blood pumping loudly in her ears. Excitement and dread coexisted inside her head, like a frightful cocktail of adrenaline that left her nerves rattled and frayed, drawn taught enough to tear at a moment's notice.
So why couldn't she stop smiling?
Staring at her reflection, fingers nervously fiddling with her hair, the usually unkempt mane of pink pulled into a messy ponytail, the social recluse could feel a spark of giddiness light up her soul, forcing the corners of her mouth up into a joyful smile. Despite trying to dress up for Miku, a long, billowy skirt now adorning her lower half, her trusty pair of tights worn underneath, Luka couldn't help but wear her beloved sweater overtop a simple black t-shirt. It helped keep her calm, its warmth reminding her that, if nothing else, she will always have it to keep her safe.
Fiddling with the zipper, sapphire eyes roaming over her reflection, Luka had to admit that this was the best it was going to get, the pinkette heaving a heavy sigh before rifling in her pocket for her phone. Clicking the button on its side, the home screen lighting up, Luka checked the time for what had to be the twelfth time this morning, the pinkette swallowing nervously as her eyes roamed over the illuminated numbers.
8:52am.
They had agreed to meet up at the regular convenience store at 9, the pair planning on heading over to Miku's place from there. It was about time for her to head out. Zipping her sweater up tight, heart beating wildly in her chest, the pink-haired girl picked up the small shoulder bag resting next to her bed, her meager belongings jostling noisily within as she made her way out of her room and down the stairs.
Glancing nervously into the living room for any sign of her mother, sapphire eyes on high alert, Luka felt her shoulders relax slightly when she found it completely empty. She had already left for work, just as Luka had hoped. She didn't want to deal with any possible confrontation today that could possibly break her already fragile state of mind.
The pair had not spoken since her mother's unintentionally cruel words, Luka only ever leaving her room at 1 in the morning, long after the older Megurine had gone to sleep, to grab something small to eat. They had been like perfect strangers throughout all of last week, not a single word being shared between them, her mother only checking in on her once during this time, her tired voice growing hard after her daughter's pained silence, her angry footsteps letting Luka know she would not be hearing from her again for several days.
Which worked out perfectly for her now as she quickly slipped on a simple pair of white sneakers, still pristine from lack of use, and hurriedly rushed out the front door, keys rattling noisily in her pocket. Stepping out into the bright morning sun, a cool breeze ruffling the edges of her skirt, Luka tried to swallow the painful lump that was sitting in her throat as she made the familiar trek toward that fateful convenience store.
The second she crested that godforsaken hill, a moment of respite practically at her fingertips, the pinkette sucking in a lungful of precious air, Luka was immediately pulled into a bone-crushing hug, the precious oxygen she had acquired only seconds earlier escaping her just as quickly as it arrived.
"Luka-chan!"
Luka could feel a familiar heat burn at the tips of her ears, her cheeks flushing a deep red as a comforting weight pressed into her chest, small but strong arms wrapping tightly around her midsection, causing a delightful flutter to dance in her chest. Slowly lowering her gaze, afraid that any sudden movement will make her disappear, Luka's sapphire orbs beheld a flowing river of gorgeous teal as Miku pressed her cheek affectionately into the taller girls chest, little wisps of her hair tickling the exposed skin of the pinkette's collarbone, the smaller girl's little joyful exclamations rumbling delightfully through her body.
And just like that, Luka was reminded again of just how deeply she had fallen for this girl.
Slowly lifting her arms, a small, nervous tremor running through her hands, Luka was prepared to return the tealette's hug when she suddenly felt the tight grip across her waist disappear as Miku separated from her with a small bounce and a playful twirl. Slamming her arms reflexively back to her sides, embarrassed shame washed over Luka's body in waves as she shyly averted her gaze from the twirling pop idol, desperately hoping Miku hadn't witnessed any of what just happened.
"Good morning, Luka-chan!" Gracing the pinkette with a beaming smile and joyful shout, hand raised playfully in an enthusiastic greeting, Miku, by sheer luck, missed Luka's brief moment of embarrassment, too excited about seeing her friend and the upcoming sleepover to pay attention to the pink-haired girl's actions. She was just too happy!
"G-good morning, M-Miku-chan." Shyly returning her friend's greeting, the pinkette chastising herself for how pitiful she sounded, Luka returned the pop idol's smile with a tiny one of her own as the heat on her cheeks slowly simmered down. Placing her hand upon her chest, feeling the erratic beating of her heart slowly taper off, Luka took a deep breath to try and calm down when she suddenly felt a tight grip on her wrist.
Eyes shooting open in surprise, heat returning to her cheeks once more, Luka had no time to react when she was suddenly yanked forward by the pop idol's surprisingly strong grip, Miku practically dragging the taller girl into the cool interior of the convenience store. Fumbling with her bag from the sudden movement, trying to keep the contents from tumbling out, Luka awkwardly stumbled behind the twin-tailed girl as Miku rushed down narrow aisles of the store, hands flying around at light speed as she quickly filled the basket dangling from her arm with various snacks and ingredients.
"What do you want, Luka-chan?" Turning to face the socially reclusive girl with a bright grin, Miku casually gestured toward the overflowing racks of different kinds of candy and snacks, the twin-tailed idol casually plopping a couple of vegetable juices into the basket as she expectantly stared at her pink-haired friend.
Caught off guard by the sudden question, the feeling of Miku's hand wrapped around her wrist still playing in her mind, Luka shakily pointed to a bag of dried octopus. Giggling softly, Miku popped a couple of bags into her basket as well as a melon soda, remembering it being the pinkette's favorite, before nodding to herself with a satisfied grin. Seeing that everything was in order, Miku quickly rushed over to the cash, twin tails flowing behind her like a comet trail as Luka swiftly followed after her, desperately trying to keep up with the idol's wild energy so early in the morning.
"What's this all for?" Luka queried as she watched the cashier ring up each item one by one, an uncomfortable knot forming in her stomach as she saw just how much the tealette was buying, the numbers on the till slowly ticking up more and more with each new product scanned.
"Just some snacks for each of us and some last-minute ingredients I forgot for dinner." Miku replied with an embarrassed chuckle, tongue sticking out playfully from between her lips before turning back to the cashier as she fished her wallet from out of her pocket. As the total flashed on the screen, the number only made the knot in Luka's stomach tighten more painfully, a horrible feeling of guilt starting to bear down on her shoulders as she watched the pop idol count out the necessary bills.
"Y-you didn't have to go through all that trouble for me."
"It's fine, it's fine." Casually waving off her friend's concern with a good-natured laugh, Miku gently placed the assorted bills and coins into the collection basket, the tealette turning to face her friend with a beaming smile as the cashier dutifully deposited the money into the register. "I'm an idol. I can afford to buy a couple of snacks."
Despite knowing her friend only meant it in a humorous way, the wide grin and sparkle in her oceanic eyes proving there was no hidden malice behind her words, what Miku said ended up hitting the pink-haired recluse like a sudden downpour.
Miku was an idol. A world-famous idol. Adored and revered by millions. She was considered a social elite, a shining beacon amongst the populous, a true star. Someone to look up to, to aspire to be. So many people would give up everything to be in her position, to be able to talk and hang around her so freely, to be her friend.
Miku should not be seen with someone like her.
Panic shot through her veins as she worriedly swiveled her gaze between the cashier and the sparse amount of customers occupying the store in fear, the weight of Miku's fame bearing horrible upon her shoulders, a tense nervousness causing her muscles to seize up painfully as her eyes darted rapidly back and forth. This wasn't right. Being here. Being with Miku. It wasn't right! This could harm her image, her life, if anyone saw them. Saw 'her'!
Get out! She had to get out!
"Let's go, Luka-chan!" Ripped from her mental spiral by Miku's voice, the pinkette absently registering the rustling of bags, Luka turned to face the twin-tailed idol, Miku smiling warmly at her as she gestured toward the exit, groceries held tightly in her fists. Nodding her head, Luka obediently followed after the tealette, her nerves feeling torn and frayed as the tension in her body refused to alleviate even after stepping out into the refreshing morning air.
Walking through the neighborhood, Miku dutifully leading the way as she happily hummed a cheery tune, a small spring in her step, Luka couldn't share her friend's excitement as the rising panic in her body threatened to swallow her whole. Every stray movement in the corner of her eye, every person walking down the street, caused Luka's eyes to dart about in a wild panic, flinching every time someone walked a little too close to them.
This was wrong. This could hurt Miku in so many ways if they were seen together. This could potentially ruin her image. Someone like Miku shouldn't be around a failure like her. Miku was everything that was right with the world, a sparkling star in the vast, empty, darkness of space. All Luka could do was dim that light, dirty it with her filthy hands, pull it out of the sky, and drag it into the murky depths of her disgusting life.
They needed to get to her apartment, to safety, away from prying eyes. Luka needed to run home, to save Miku from herself, away from her filthy hands.
She needed to disappear.
"Here we are!" Blinking rapidly, Luka placed her shaking hand upon her forehead, her head feeling thick with fog as the intrusive thoughts quickly disappeared into the recesses of her mind, momentarily forgotten but never gone. Lifting her head, sapphire eyes widening in shock, Luka stared at the impressive and opulent building in stunned silence, mouth agape.
Rising high into the air, easily dwarfing the surrounding buildings, Luka could practically feel the wealth exuding from its walls, the building a gorgeous fusion of modern sensibilities and classic European flair. As Miku led her to the building's entrance, immaculately trimmed hedges lining its perimeter, Luka could feel the familiar fear push at the back of her mind as a sharply dressed attendant greeted them with a respectful bow.
Stepping into the main foyer, marble floors polished to a mirror shine, Luka truly felt like their worlds couldn't be any further apart. It felt like stepping into some romantic film. Miku was the resplendent princess, fitting in perfectly with the magnificent surroundings, while the pinkette was just a simple commoner, wholly undeserving of even laying eyes upon such a marvelous sight.
As the two of them entered the elevator, plush red carpet adorning its exquisite interior, Miku was practically dancing as she pressed the button for her floor, Luka feeling dread well up in her chest as the doors slowly slid closed in front of her. There was no turning back now.
Watching the numbers above the door slowly tick upwards, their destination growing ever closer, Luka felt as if the walls were encroaching on her, her breathing growing shallower and more rapid the further up they traveled. Nervous anticipation and sickening fear churned painfully in her stomach, the gentle vibration running through the elevator doing nothing to ease the storm brewing in her mind, joy and worry warring hopelessly in her head.
"Luka-chan." Jolting slightly in surprise, the warm hand on her shoulder and the sudden appearance of Miku's voice cutting through the blinding fog in her mind like a piercing light, the pinkette slowly turning to face the shorter girl with wide, sapphire eyes.
"Everything is going to be ok." Gracing the pink-haired recluse with another one of her radiant smiles, the one that caused Luka's heart to flutter and fly with such delight, Miku softly reassured her fretting friend. As Miku's slender fingers, honed from years of musicianship, gently massaged the tenseness from her shoulders, Luka could feel the terror in her body slowly subside.
Nodding nervously in response, Luka felt another jolt reverberate through her body as a loud 'ping' pierced the air, the elevator coming to a sudden halt as the pink-haired girl snapped her head forward, wild blue eyes watching in fear as the doors slowly slid open. They were almost there.
Clutching her bag tightly, knuckles turning a sickly white as Miku led her reclusive friend down a long, gorgeously decorated hallway. Expensive-looking vases adorned with colorful, radiant flowers lined the walls between apartments, their exterior, polished to a mirror shine, reflecting Luka's dread-stricken face upon its surface. As her sneakers squeaked noisily upon the beautifully patterned tile, expertly crafted designs crisscrossing across the floor, Luka could feel the disparity between her and the pop idol grow ever further apart.
Stopping before a heavy wooden door, golden numbers carefully engraved upon its ivory surface, Miku momentarily fumbled with her bags as she pulled a simple set of keys from her pocket, the small charm of her mascot dangling from the end oddly managing to calm the pinkette for a brief moment. It reminded her that above all else, Miku was still the sweet, loving girl she had befriended all that time ago.
"Well, welcome to my home." Smiling, almost shyly, Miku pushed the door open with a grand flourish, the pop idol stepping into the apartment with hurried steps before gesturing for her pink-haired guest to enter. Taking a deep breath, heart beating rapidly in her chest, Luka awkwardly bowed before entering Miku's apartment, the door closing behind her with a resounding note of dreaded finality.
The minute Luka entered the apartment, she felt as if she had been transported into another world, one so far removed from her own that it left her a stuttering, gawking mess. The pink-haired girl could not believe such a place truly existed, that she would be allowed to enter it, let alone be invited with open arms.
Miku's apartment was like a palace to the recluse, sapphire orbs wide and disbelieving as she tried to take in every inch of the twin-tailed girls enormous apartment, her life of being trapped within the same four walls of her room making the pinkette's head swim at the sheer grandeur of what she was witnessing.
A wide open-space design with gorgeous natural lighting lit up the pristinely kept apartment, its modern decor accented beautifully by gigantic, wall-spanning windows that overlooked the city, buildings spread out for what seemed like miles like a blanket of sparkling gray. A plush, cream-colored couch sat before a staggeringly impressive entertainment unit, its size managing to dominate the entire living room with its assorted array of the latest electronics and gadgets.
But, what really drew the pink-haired girls' attention, despite all the modern furniture and immaculately designed layout, the thing that truly caught Luka's eye was the pearl-white grand piano placed almost reverently upon a raised portion of the apartment. It was beautiful, the sun reflecting off of its surface in a dazzling array of light. Luka couldn't help but wonder which of Miku's multitude of songs had been composed upon its ivory keys?
Stepping a little further into the apartment, a strange door with a glass window caught Luka's attention next, a bevy of high-grade recording equipment visible from within, a veritable wall of instruments and speakers lining the deceptively large interior. Miku had her own recording studio within her apartment?! Everything in there would cost more than what Luka could ever hope to make in her entire lifetime!
"It's a bit embarrassing." Turning her wide-eyed stare to the apartment's sole other occupant, Luka gave her twin-tailed friend a questioning look, Miku bashfully scratching her cheek as she cast an embarrassed glance over where she lived.
"I mean…having someone that isn't part of my crew over. The apartment just feels too big for just me, you know? Most of the stuff here isn't even mine. I just kept the furniture it came with. I just needed the space to play and make music without annoying any of my neighbors. See."
Rapping her fist upon the wall a couple of times, a dull, heavy thud accompanying each strike, Miku demonstrated just how thick it was, the sound dying immediately after each knock. All Luka could do was nod her head dumbly as Miku suddenly bounced off toward the kitchen, the plastic bags full of groceries rustling noisily within her hands as she plopped them loudly upon the counter.
"Go ahead and get comfortable!" Miku called out as she began unloading the purchased items upon the marble countertop, her eager footsteps tapping playfully upon the ground as she rushed back and forth like a small, excited tornado.
'How am I supposed to do that?' Luka wondered ruefully as she awkwardly remained rooted in place at the apartment's entrance, the cold from the tile flooring slowly seeping through her socks as she continued to stare dumbfounded at her surroundings. She was at her friend's place, at Miku's place! She was supposed to be happy, ecstatic even. This was where the woman she loved lived. She wanted to feel safe, secure.
Then why was everything so frightening and intimidating?
Sweeping her gaze over the apartment for what had to be the hundredth time, Luka noticed a series of accolades hanging on the nearby wall, the pinkette making her way over to them with slow, tentative steps. Awards of all kinds hung neatly upon the wall, ranging from small regional song contests to record-breaking sales and achievements of all kinds within the music industry, causing the pit in her stomach to widen once more.
Seeing her reflection in the glass of Miku's platinum record, one of many lined up in a row, Luka could see just how haggard and plain she truly was in comparison to the pop idol. Upon its shiny surface, a testament to Miku's brilliance, all Luka could see was how lowly and common she truly was.
"This was a mistake." Luka softly whispered to herself as her thoughts slowly began to spiral, her grip upon her bag slackening as its weight became too much, the strength in her body beginning to dissipate as the icy numbness started to cover her heart. Why does it always end up like this? Why? Why?!
Forcefully ripping her gaze away from the painful sight of her own reflection, Luka's sapphire eyes sparkled with curiosity as a series of framed pictures caught her attention, Miku's smiling face practically calling out to her as the pinkette shuffled over to get a better look.
'It's…it's Miku with her family." In the short while they had known each other, Miku would rarely speak of her parents, the pop idol always waving it off with a cheerful smile and joyful giggle. Clearly, there was no ill-will between her and her parents, the fond gleam in her eye whenever she did speak of them proof enough of that, Luka assuming her silence was born from her not wanting to seem insensitive to her own familial woes.
Staring at the assortment of pictures, Luka could feel a small smile curl on her lips as she looked at the beaming grin on the young Miku's face, the pure joy radiating from the young child causing the pink-haired recluses heart to glow with a gentle warmth. Moving from picture to picture, Luka was given a rare snapshots of Miku's life as she grew up, each one perfectly chronicling how she came to be the girl she was now.
Miku, with her parents standing proudly beside her, shot the camera a couple of peace signs as she stood before a large gate with various students milling around in the background, the picture clearly taken during her middle school entrance ceremony. The next one showed the tealette with two other girls, the trio posing awkwardly with their instruments, a nervous excitement radiating off of them as they embarked upon their new musical adventure together.
'It's her first band.' Luka smiled proudly as she watched the twin-tailed girl's trajectory in life change dramatically from that one moment. The same trio, decked out in matching gear, stood upon the school's stage, the passion, and soul of their performance able to be felt even through the weathered edges of the picture. It must have surely been felt by the people in attendance as Miku and her bandmates proudly posed with their newly won trophy, a large banner signaling their triumph during a local song competition.
'I wonder who she is.' Luka wondered to herself as she noticed a series of pictures of Miku with an older woman with short, brown hair, the pair seeming to be very close. She seemed to be present for many important landmarks of the pop idol's musical career, from contract signings to backstage pictures of her and the rest of the crew after a concert, the twin-tailed girl always sticking close to her side.
But, what hit the pink-haired shut in the most, were the pictures of her with her friends at school. Laughing. Smiling. Happy. So very happy. Miku's life was a whirlwind of success and fame, of major events and time-consuming endeavors. And through it all, the twin-tailed girl still managed to keep her friends, to not have the burden of fame hold her down.
So why? Why couldn't she do it? Why had she failed so horribly? As her life fell down around her, her mind becoming a stranger to even herself, Luka had lost everything important in her life. Even the people she thought were her friends had left her when she became too much of a burden. Would it happen again? Would Miku be pushed away when she found out just how broken and useless she was?
"It's still so surreal to think it all began with a small band in middle school." Popping up behind the unaware pinkette, Luka jumping slightly at the twin-tailed idol's sudden appearance, Miku casually rested her chin upon the older girl's shoulder as she fondly looked over the pictures adorning her wall. A small shiver rushed through Luka's body as Miku's slight frame pressed softly into her back, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end as the smaller girl's breath lightly tickled the edge of her ear.
"What are they like? Your friends and bandmates, I mean…" Luka barely managed to squeak out her question, the pinkette letting out a sigh of relief, and a bit of disappointment, as Miku pulled away from her, the pop-idol coming to stand next to her as they both looked over the memories of the tealette's life.
"I don't get to see my friends too often, unfortunately. With all the touring and recording I've pretty much switched over to exclusively homeschooling. I still try to see and message them as often as possible but it's hard sometimes to find the time."
Lowering her head, Luka felt a twinge of sadness grip her heart as she listened to the idol's words, the note of resigned disappointment in her voice making her want to reach out to her, to comfort her. But, to her immeasurable disappointment, all she could do was nod, the pinkette silently cursing her own cowardice.
"My old classmates, the ones I started with back in middle school, used to be part of my studio and touring band but we kind of…broke up." Miku sighed heavily as she stared at one of the multitudes of pictures of her and her classmates, an almost wistful smile curling at the corner of her lips.
"We ended up having different ideas of just what kind of band we wanted to be. They wanted to continue making pop-rock oriented music while I always wanted to experiment, to try out different kinds of styles and genres. It just didn't work out."
Luka's heart hung heavy in her chest as she heard the tealette's tale, the circumstances, while different in key areas, were not so far removed from her own. Loneliness, loss, and abandonment a common thread connecting their lives.
Then why?
"We still support each other of course." Miku beamed as she turned to face the taller girl, the depressive air that had permeated between them mere moments ago dissipating like a puddle in the burning summer heat.
Why?
"I even lent my vocals to some of their songs. They are really great and I love seeing them do well." Clasping her hands behind her back, Miku closed her eyes with a bright grin on her face, leaning forward slightly with a playful bounce.
Why was she still so happy?
Luka could on stare at the twin-tailed girl, this radiant ball of pure sunshine, in stunned awe and disbelief. Impressed and intimidated in equal amounts. These were the emotions the pink-haired recluse felt as she gazed upon her. How could she continue to be so upbeat and chipper while dealing with such hardships? How can she stay so relentlessly positive without having the weight of loneliness and expectation drag her down?
How could she help prop her up while carrying her own baggage?
"Oh!" Clapping her hands together, the sound echoing loudly through the cavernous apartment, Miku began excitedly hopping up and down, mirthful giggles pouring out from between her lips. "I should start prepping the food for dinner! Do you want to help?"
She was prepared to decline, the idea of possibly ruining the idol's perfectly planned meal briefly passing through her mind, her hand already raising up to wave her off when Luka suddenly stopped herself. The memory of her family, all squished together in their small kitchen, suddenly pushed itself into the forefront of her mind. They would always laugh and smile as they tried to maneuver themselves in the limited space until Luka finally had enough and would shoo both her parents away with a stern wag of her finger, both of them continuing to hover at the entrance while she prepared their meals.
They were always so happy then.
"I'd like that."
Smiling softly, Luka slowly made her way to the kitchen as Miku gave an enthusiastic shout of joy, the twin-tailed girl rushing ahead of her pink-haired friend, briefly skidding on the tile flooring as she excitedly began grabbing the necessary utensils. Unzipping her beloved hoodie, not wishing to ruin it by possibly getting it dirty, the cool air of the apartment immediately chilled her sweat-soaked skin, Luka feeling painfully exposed without it as she hung it up on a nearby coat rack. It had been such a long time since she went without wearing it at some point, the only other times being when she cleaned it and even then she wouldn't leave the laundry room until it was done.
This was completely unknown territory as she stepped into Miku's kitchen, her shirt clinging uncomfortably close to her skin, leaving the pink-haired recluse feeling self-conscious of her body as she nervously rubbed her bare arm, the pale skin freezing to the touch. Worryingly patting at her stomach, Luka wondered if it was obvious for others to see just how little she weighed now, her mind starting to pile up with more and more thoughts about everything that was wrong with her body.
"Wh-where are your parents?" Trying to push her thoughts aside, to try and salvage this moment for as long as possible, Luka began fiddling with some of the vegetables Miku had bought earlier, inspecting them for any signs of bruising and damage. Poking her head out from behind an opened cabinet door, Miku lifted her head thoughtfully to the ceiling, briefly considering the pink-haired girl's question.
"They live on a different floor, but they're currently on a trip to Osaka for their anniversary. They said it's been ages since they went there and this finally gave them an excuse to go." Pulling out an array of pots and pans, the cookware noisily clanging together as Miku placed them upon her stove, the tealette immediately rushing to the next task, not wasting a single second.
"Do…do you miss them?" Flinching slightly at her own question as soon as it passed her lips, Luka mentally chastised herself for having asked something so stupid. Miku wasn't like her. Her family wasn't like hers. Why wouldn't she miss them?
"Of course." Miku replied, not a hint of annoyance or anger in her tone at the question as she turned to look at the pinkette, cutting board dangling lazily from her hand. "But they are often gone for work or I am so it can often be a while before we see each other again, so I kind of got used to it. It's why we have separate apartments. That way we're not in each other's way but can still see each other whenever we want to."
"Do they support you?" Lowering her head, eyes shielded by a curtain of striking pink, Luka shyly asked her question, her fingers gripping the countertop tightly as she dreaded the coming answer. No matter what Miku's response would be, it would only serve to hurt the social recluse more.
"They were wary about it all at first, I mean what parent wouldn't be? But they saw how much I loved it and how much I work I was putting into it they kind of let me do my own thing, quietly supporting me in their own way. They couldn't have stopped me even if they had tried and that's how we ended up here, heehee."
Giggling softly to herself, Miku waiting as she filled the largest pot with water, the pop idol failed to notice the pained expression that crossed the pinkette's face as her words painfully stabbed at her heart. Biting down roughly on her lip, trying to stifle the errant sob that was stinging painfully in her throat, Luka furiously rubbed her forearm over her eyes to rid herself of the few tears that had managed to slip from beneath her eyelids.
Why couldn't her parents have been like that?
Placing the pot onto the stove, the soft click of the burner turning on drowning out Luka's quick sniffle as she reigned in her emotions, Miku skipped over to a nearby USB speaker, the pop idol momentarily fiddling with her phone before filling the room with song. Doing a little shimmy in time with the music, Miku gave her guest a playful wink, which managed to pull a delighted chuckle from the pink-haired girl, before pulling a packet of meat out of the fridge and placing it on the counter.
"I can begin with this if you could chop up the vegetables?" Nodding dutifully in response, Luka grabbed a handful of green onions and a suitable knife, the pinkette quickly rinsing the greens before chopping them into appropriately sized pieces. As the sound of music and chopping filled the air, the rhythm of her knife matching the beat of the song, Luka could feel the nervousness in her chest ease, the pinkette starting to softly sing to herself.
This is what she wanted. This was what she had longed for for so long. This was what happiness felt like.
As the song came to an end, the last notes fading away, a brief silence falling over the kitchen before the next one started, Luka placed her knife down before turning to offer it to Miku, the pink-haired girl freezing in place when she noticed the idol staring at her with wide blue eyes.
She had heard her. She had heard her signing!
"Luka-chan…" Flinching back slightly, body shrinking in on itself, Luka awaited the inevitable derision and disgust that was sure to come. "That was beautiful!"
"Huh?" Eyes flying open wide, Luka blinked owlishly as she tried to process what she had just heard, the twin-tailed idol beaming from ear to ear as she bounced ecstatically in place, her small fists clenched tightly in front of her chest. That couldn't have been right. There's no way she heard that right…right?
"Your voice is gorgeous!" Bounding forward, the young idol cleared the room with a single jump, Miku immediately clasping Luka's hands within her own as she began shaking them up and down, excited energy radiating off of her in palpable waves. She did mean it!
"N-n-no...I'm not that good." Averting her gaze, both to avoid the shorter girl's intense gaze and to hide the growing blush that was surely flushing her cheeks this very moment, Luka bashfully denied the young idols' praise. There's no way it could be true anyway. There was nothing beautiful or gorgeous about her, let alone her voice. It was too deep, too awkward, not sweet or cute like other girls. Not like Miku's.
"Hey! Who's the expert here?" Miku playfully chided the taller girl with a mock pout, cheeks puffed up cutely before immediately falling away as she gave Luka a warm and caring smile. "We should totally sing together sometime."
Letting go of Luka's hands, Miku quickly began rushing through the kitchen at what seemed like light speed, the pop idol appearing like a blur to the confused pinkette as she watched her grab the prepared ingredients and began placing them into the pot of boiling water. Lowering the heat to a gentle simmer, Miku turned to her guest with a bright grin before clutching Luka's wrist and dragging the pink-haired recluse out of the kitchen and toward the centerpiece of her apartment. Her grand piano.
Quickly taking a seat, the pop idol bouncing impatiently in her seat as she placed her fingers upon the perfectly maintained keys, Miku turned to the flustered pinkette with sparkling blue eyes.
"What should we sing? We have some time before the food is done." Eyes widening in shock, twin sets of blue stared at each other in mute silence, one expectantly, the other fearfully, before Miku decided to take the initiative, sensing her guest was too shy or scared to make a decision at this very moment. As her fingers expertly danced over the keys with practiced ease, a familiar tune, one Luka had listened to many times in her life, filled the apartment with its dulcet tones.
Karakuri Pierrot. Miku's own song. One Luka cherished dearly.
Singing the first couple of lines of the song, in a bid to hopefully calm her house guest's nerves, Miku's voice pierced Luka's heart like an arrow, the pinkette standing in slack-jawed silence as she listened to the idol perform her very own song. It was like an intimate concert just for her, as if the words were being sung just for her, so raw, pure, and unfiltered.
It was the most beautiful thing she had ever heard.
Closing her eyes, letting the idol's voice wash over her, all the fear and doubt that had plagued her over the years suddenly felt so very small and insignificant, the noise in her head replaced only by Miku's singing. Swept along by the music, Luka joined her voice with Miku's, starting small and nervous, lost within the power of the idol's performance, steadily growing in confidence before the pair began trading off verses in a makeshift duet.
The song rose and soared, Luka's voice rising to match it as she even managed to overpower Miku's, the tealette letting her finish off the rest of the song on her own, watching with a growing smile on her face as the social recluse let herself shine.
Just as Miku always believed she could.
And so they went for hours, trading songs back and forth, Miku's fingers beginning to ache, but the idol too enamored with her friend's voice to care. It was sweet and soothing, a resonant power hidden behind its softness. Ready to lift you up to great heights with its soaring highs as well as gently place you down with its comforting lows. It was a joy to behold and Miku was all too eager to connect Luka's voice to her own.
The pair went on and on, taking brief moments of rest to enjoy their meal and let their voices relax before eagerly returning to sing more songs, continuing until the setting sun bathed the apartment in a soft, orange glow. As the last song came to an end, the final note hanging heavily in the air before Miku lifted her hands from the keys, Luka was pulled from her music-induced haze by the suns dying rays prodding incessantly upon her face. Turning to stare out of the large windows, Luka noticed for the first time just how much time had passed, the pink-haired girl shyly ducking her head as a blush stained her cheeks a dark crimson.
It had been so long since she let herself go like that. It was kind of embarrassing how easily Miku could bring these feelings out of her. It was as if the twin-tailed girl had some kind of map to every buried recess of her pock-stricken soul, able to unearth emotions and sensations she thought she had lost a long time ago, allowing herself to feel and experience happiness for the first time in years.
To love.
"Luka that was amazing!" Jumping out of her seat, the exuberant pop idol wobbling slightly from sitting too long before leaping into the taller girl's arms, Miku wrapped herself tightly around Luka's waist, staring up at her with wide, sparkling blue eyes. "We should totally do a song together sometime. One just for us."
As the two of them remained in their embrace, overwhelmed by the flood of emotions brought forth from getting to sing with Miku, hearing those sweet words pass the twin-tailed girls lips caused Luka's heart to beat rapidly in her chest, the blush on her cheeks darkening as she stared into those alluring orbs of radiant blue. Feeling Miku's arms wrapped around her waist, holding her safely yet securely, like she was the most precious thing in the world, Luka slowly leaned down, her breath briefly ghosted over the shorter girl's skin before placing a gentle kiss upon her cheek.
Reeling back suddenly, eyes widened in surprise, Miku softly pressed her palm against her cheek exactly where Luka had just kissed her, staring up at the taller girl with a searching gaze. Staring into her blue orbs, confusion and bewilderment shining within their oceanic depths, realization slowly dawned upon the pink-haired girl, ice-cold dread shooting through her limbs as the enormity of what she had done registered in her mind.
She had kissed her! She kissed Miku! No! Nononono this couldn't be happening! She fucked up! She fucked up horribly! It was over! Everything was over! Fuck! Why!? How could she do this?! How could she ruin this?! Run! RUN!
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Violently wrenching herself away from the tealette's embrace, as if touching her would only bring Miku more harm, Luka's hand flew to her head, crashing roughly against her skull as she roughly pulled at her hair, bits of hair tearing from her scalp as hot tears rolled down her cheeks. She had to get out! She had to run!
Quickly turning on her heel, Miku's cries fell on deaf ears as Luka wrenched the front door open, the pounding in her skull drowning out everything as she bolted down the hallway, her prized sweater remaining forgotten upon the coat rack in her haste to escape. Sock-covered feet smacked loudly against the floor as she made a mad dash toward the elevator, wails and cries of despair and disgust reverberating in her head as her finger frantically pressed the down button, the door swinging open with a gentle hiss.
Leaping into the unoccupied elevator, Luka quickly pressed the lobby entrance button, praying, hoping that Miku was not following her, the pinkette too scared to look up, afraid to possibly stare into the disgusted face of the person who had been her only friend. One she had violated so horribly with the pestilent infection that was her existence. She had to get away, for Miku's sake.
Falling backward after the doors swung close and the elevator made its familiar descent, Luka buried her face into her lap and cried and screamed and violently beat her legs, in a vain hope to punish herself for what she had done. The only witness to her pain the cold, unfeeling walls of the metal contraption surrounding her.
"Luka! Wait!" Miku's desperate cries echoed down the hallway as she swiftly rushed after her distraught friend, her words falling on deaf ears as Luka quickly leapt into the waiting elevator, the idol's screams reverberate painfully off of the walls, but failing to reach the one person she wanted them to. The last glimpse Miku caught of her friend was a small, shock of pink before the elevator doors closed in front of her, effectively separating them.
"No!" Changing her trajectory, Miku burst through the nearby emergency exit, the rushing winds of the towering building pelting her skin as she bounded down the stairs, taking several steps at a time in a desperate bid to catch up to the pink-haired girl. Worry, fear, and regret rumbled through her brain as she made her way to the ground floor, the young idol wanting nothing more than to fix the horrible mistake she had made. She shouldn't have pulled back, she should have said something, anything!, to assuage Luka's fears. She should have stopped her.
She just hoped she had time to make it right.
Leaping down the last set of stairs in a single bound, the muscles in her thighs burning but still ready to keep going, Miku silently thanked her years of idol training for keeping her in shape as she rushed to the main entrance, blue eyes desperately searching for a familiar shock of bright pink. Fear gripped her heart when she failed to find any trace of her, the young idol pulling her phone out of her pocket, frantically pressing Luka's contact number before lifting it to her ear, her heart rate increasing with every unanswered ring.
Far above, Luka's phone played its ringtone to the empty walls of Miku's apartment, buried deep within the pocket of the pink-haired recluses' abandoned hoodie.
"Luka, please." Tears pricked at Miku's eyes as she frantically shot her gaze up and down the road, the street lights flickering on one by one as night slowly fell upon the city, hoping beyond hope to find any sign of her missing friend. "Luka, please be ok."
Curled up at the edge of a nearby river, her tearful wails lost beneath the roaring waves of the flowing current, a solitary girl with pink hair wept for the life she had lost.
A/N: Regret.
Sorry for the delay between chapters! February ended up being much busier than expected and a severe bout of writer's block did not help matters. But I'm back and hopefully, this chapter was worth the wait for everyone!
A rough chapter for Luka as everything she had built up when Miku came into her life comes tumbling down around her. One small mistake, all the happiness and joy she experienced was crushed and broken from a simple kiss. Luka is at the lowest point she has ever been since her life first fell apart.
Hopefully, Miku can help her.
Next chapter: Together.
Thank you all for your continued support and kind words. I hope all is well for you and that you are keeping safe. Have a wonderful day and I love you all!