I know, I know, I know. I promised a chapter on March 1st. It is now March 7th. I am a shameful, shameful human. I'd give an excuse for my laziness, but I don't have one. Please accept this chapter as an apology.

"Jesus H. Christ!" A woman-girl-thing of indiscernible age slammed a stack of papers covered in vomit-inducing text onto the ground.

"Oh, sorry, am I allowed to say that here?" She asked, turning to Annabeth Chase, who was pouring over her own stack nearby.

Annabeth sighed. "Yes, for the last time, yes. You need to stop apologizing, Sage. The fanbrats will jump on any sign of weakness."

Sage Nicholson, our glorious author insert and new Headmistress of the Official PJO Fanfiction Academy sighed. "I'm just an apologetic person. I'm afraid I'm just not cut out to be a leader. Now get back to work reading these God awful stories!" she commanded, gesturing to the entire room. Most of the Athena cabin had been drafted into analyzing the applications and works of the soon to be arriving students, before joining the other demigods in the mass evacuation to Camp Jupiter. Nobody wanted to be here when the fanbrats showed up.

Nico Di Angelo marched into the room, Will Solace behind him, looking slightly more perturbed than usual.

"Why is there luggage in my cabin?!" he yelled. The room of Beta Reading Athena kids started. Nico never yelled. He growled, grumbled and snarled, but the emo teen rarely raised his voice.

Sage, despite the unusual volume, didn't seem to have understood him. "What?"

"There are suitcases all over the Hades cabin! Every bed has a duvet on it! You're telling me I have to live with the fanbrats!" He glared at her with his dark, tired eyes.

Sage scratched her head. "Didn't you get the email? All staff is going to be living here, in the big house."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," Will cut in, "but you wouldn't listen." Nico frowned harder. Sage was always trying to get them to use email, or text, or some other form of mortal messaging. Either she didn't realize that demigods who had previously lived almost entirely without mobile devices weren't in the habit of responding to PMs, or she didn't care. Probably a little bit of both.

"Look, just grab your stuff now and then hurry back here. We've got a staff meeting in a couple minutes." She said, returning to slashing a slash-fic with a red pen.

Nico clenched his fist and stepped forward, but Solace put a soothing hand on his shoulder and steered him away.

"Come on, Nico, I'll help you."

Sage waved a paper covered in more red than the Elevators in the Shining.

"Get a load of this: Grover Underwood gazed into his lover's glazing eyes and felt the explosions of a thousand soul he looked the beautiful man and said "I love you, Winston Churchill" and then the kissed and then they started to take off each others clothes and-"

"Stop!" Annabeth cried, pressing her hands over her ears. "Oh Gods, just stop! Dei mei, where do they come up with this trash?!"

Sage shrugged. "Not even Tartarus is as deep and dark as the mind of badfic writer. Oooh, I should write that one down, use it in my next spork!" She did so, on her forearm, as Percy Jackson, Leo Valdez and Piper Mclean all walked in for the staff meeting.

"Hey babe," Percy gave Annabeth a quick kiss on the cheek as he sat next to her. "How's it going?"

"Torturous," she replied, returning the gesture of affection.

Sage looked up at the arriving members with a wide grin. "Leo! Ma man! You ready for your first day as a teacher?!" Sage was always exceptionally friendly to Leo, and anyone else from the Great State of Texas.

Leo gave a moan of mock shame. "I've become what I hate most!"

As the Athena kids finished their final papers and made their escape, the rest of the staff filed into the room. The Stoll Siblings, the Grace Siblings, the Gardner Siblings, other characters who were not pairs of siblings, basically any named camper from the books, including a few who were supposed to be dead. Silena Beauregard came arm in arm with her beau Beckendorf. Castor and Pollux were once again inseparable.

Sage scooched her way to the front of the room. "Hello! Is that everybody?"

"We're not here!" called Conner from the back of the room. Travis snickered at the lame joke. Sage ignored them.

"Aight. So, as you know, starting a sentence with 'as you know' is the laziest way to give exposition, be sure to discourage it in the student's writing. The students, by the way, will be arriving soon. There were a couple of last minute entries so, that brings the student body to a total of... 238." A few faculty members groaned at the digits.

"And remember," Sage added cheerfully, "these are just the worst of the worst. There are thousands of writers out there who are simply mediocre! Frankly, I kind of find those worse. Better to be memorable than just... nothing. Of course, my world isn't being torn apart by plot holes and Minifuries so I can't really speak. Which reminds me, who's the Minifury Wrangler? Butch? Yeah, how's that going?"

The big, quiet, Iris kid shrugged, the scratch marks on his bare arms speaking for themselves.

"Ah, better than last time I see. So, anyway, the brats are gonna be arriving soon. Once they're all here, there'll be an assembly in the amphitheater. Make sure to wear some earplugs, its gonna be loud. Anything else?... I don't think I've got anything else to say, dammit, should have written this down!"

"Make sure you're ready for tomorrow's classes?..." Annabeth prompted from behind her.

"Oh! Yes! Tomorrow's classes, be ready for them!" Sage said with pride, as if she'd thought that up all by herself.

"Assembly dismissed! Go do whatever!"

"It can't be that bad," Piper said to Jason as they walked arm in arm to the amphitheater. "It's just a bunch of teenage girls with too much spare time on their hands. How messed up can they be?"

Jason sighed. "From what I've heard, pretty messed up. I mean, you've read some of these. Remember that one with you and the Weibo Sue?"

Piper shuddered in agreement. It was so creepy someone obsessed over and idealized her like that!

"Still," he continued, "Knowing what's about to happen, I kind of have to feel bad for them."

I hope everyone's In Character! It would be quite humilating to be mocking bad fanfic writers with an OOC cast!

I'll try to give all your SYOCs at least a cameo, but some of them unfortunately were not up to snuff. They just weren't bad enough.