Chapter 4: Day One

"Rule number one: no fighting!"

The six of us were lined up in front of the stage as Vaggie, Angel Dust, Alastor, Husk, Niffty, and I listened to Charlie fire off the list of rules she expected us to follow. I could tell that I was the only one taking this seriously, but Vaggie also looked like she felt pretty bad about completely throwing that first rule out the window.

Angel looked like a stubborn teenager that was getting the same lecture for the billionth time, with his arms crossed and an annoyed scowl on his face. Of course, I felt like he should already know better. He and Vaggie had been here longer than the rest of us. He knew how things were supposed to work in this hotel. He said that he had been clean for two weeks, but I guess even that didn't count for shit, since he was on crack throughout most of that time.

Husk wasn't having any of it, screaming that Alastor had only bibbidi-boppidi-booed him to the hotel so he could man the check-in counter. I guess there was a loophole that the Radio Demon had failed to mention: everybody that came to stay at the hotel, no matter the reason, had to be on their best behavior, which meant that the foul-mouthed, gambling-addicted, drunkard cat demon was now bound by the same rules as the rest of us. If it bothered him so much, why didn't he just leave? Sure, Al was the one who brought him aboard, but it wasn't like Husk was sitting in a prison cell. He could walk out and leave if he wanted to, so why stay?

Niffty seemed pretty invested in what Charlie had to say, watching her with the same wide-eyed attention as a child that was sat in front of a TV. Apart from her insatiable thirst for men, and off remarks about women, I saw her as the most innocent out of all of us, next to Charlie. I was willing to bet that she'd be the first one to redeem herself and go to Heaven.

And Alastor was just being, well, Alastor; standing in attention with the same cheeky grin he always had on his face and his arms folded behind his back. He was the assistant manager of this place, but even I had to wonder just how seriously he planned on taking these rules, or if he was just going to follow his own. Maybe he planned on trying to sabotage our rehabilitation, hindering our progress by causing us to fail and fall all the way back to step one. None of us were in Hell because we were good people, and the Radio Demon was so infamous that rehabilitation looked to be just about impossible for him, but maybe if he was willing to try... Maybe, just maybe he could do it.

"Rule number two," Charlie continued, pacing as if she was a drill sergeant dealing with a group of new recruits, "No pranks. The point of this is to do away with the violence, and create a peaceful and positive atmosphere for everyone. Rule number three: no problematic language."

"Ya hear that, Husky?" Angle Dust piped up, nudging the the cat demon in the ribs with two of his elbows, "No more potty mouth."

Husk's face twisted into an expression of unbridled rage as he turned towards him, "Ya hear that... punk?! No more sexual comments!"

"He's right, Angie," Charlie said, "From now on, it's clean language only!"

I've never seen someone shut up faster in my life. With all the porn magazines I saw him with and how much he tended to flirt with Husk throughout the day, giving up sex was going to be like giving up a cocaine addiction... Which Angel also had, apparently.

Even I was able to admit that I threw around four-letter words a lot more than I should. Even if one came to Hell having never uttered a single swear word in their life, profanity was a major part of the language down here. It didn't take long for those who didn't swear to start dropping fuck, shit, and ass into every sentence. As I really wasn't one for fighting or pranks, it looked like getting my foul mouth under control would be my biggest challenge thus far.

"Rule number four," Charlie carried on, "no addictive substances. That means no drugs, no alcohol, and no tobacco products. Niffty, Al, the two of you will be going to everyone's rooms later today and confiscating everything you find."

I spoke too soon...

"You can count on us!" Niffty responded excitedly, "You hear that, ladies? All of your cigarettes, booze, and drugs are going bye-bye!"

Oh, boy... No more cigarettes. That was going to be a tough one. That addiction had followed me into the afterlife, so I'd been a frequent smoker for well over seven years, now. Quitting cold turkey was going to suck major ass! But rules were rules, and they all seemed to be pretty straightforward so far.

"Do coffee addictions count?" Husk suddenly inquired, glowering at Alastor.

"Ha ha ha! Coffee is not an addictive substance, my good friend!" Alastor laughed, "It's perfectly safe, and gets the world going every day! Coffee is fuel for the body!"

"Actually, caffeine was recognized as an addictive substance in 2012," I pointed out, "So I think it counts."

His smile might have been there, but I could see the shock reflecting in Alastor's eyes. For a split second, the quality of his audio cleared up, "These are strange times we're living in, folks..."

Charlie twiddled her fingers as she thought it over.

"Well, admittedly I do enjoy drinking a couple of frappuccinos every day, myself," she said, "I'll make an exception for coffee, just so long as it's drunk in moderation. Everybody's allowed two cups per day. Does that sound fair?"

I didn't think it was possible to see the moment when a person physically shut down, but Alastor had; his shoulders falling slightly, and the red glow in his eyes vanishing like someone had turned off a light switch. He tried to negotiate by asking if the amount could be increased to a full pot, but Charlie stuck with only allowing two, plain-Jane eight ounce cups. Really, though... Even I thought drinking more than a single pot of coffee in a day was excessive. Alastor really did have one hell of a caffeine addiction.

"Rule number five: help each other out," Charlie continued on, "If you see that someone is struggling, help them however you can."

These rules were all very well and good. Even I figured it wouldn't be much of a challenge to abide by them. But even with all of these rules in place, nobody seemed to be following them. Vaggie was always one offense away from almost murdering somebody; either Angel or Alastor. Angel Dust was still out doing sexual favors for others around Hell every day. Husk was never seen without a bottle of whiskey in his claws. Alastor liked to tease everyone that he saw as an easy target. Maybe the rules weren't being put into effect until after this meeting, but that felt pretty unlikely in the sense that they had already been thought up and written down.

"I have a question," I piped up, "What happens if we break the rules? What's our punishment going to be? And what rewards and incentives are there for good behavior apart from redemption?"

I could see Charlie's faux confidence slip away with each question, "Well..."

"Well, rent is free so long as you stay clean, for one," Vaggie stated, "And you'll be forced to pay up ten dollars for every day you've sinned."

Okay, that was a start, but I wanted to push the envelope as much as possible to get a feel for what I had to work with.

"Another question. What if someone pulls an Angel, and breaks the rules behind your back?"

"Well, if we find out, we'll--"

If they found out. Key word: if. Demons were sly creatures. If they didn't want somebody to know about something, a demon would do everything in there power to make sure nobody found out about it. Angel had already gotten away with it once. Who's to say he wasn't going to do it again? Who's to say anyone in this room was going to listen to these rules? What was there to stop them?

"And I'm sure witchcraft falls under the catagory of forbidden activities," I added, "But what about the things that can't be controlled, like my visions?"

Charlie wrung her hands anxiously, "We'd... We'd be willing to make an exception for--"

"Hey!" Angel shouted, "My daily craving for marchin' powder and dick is something I can't control! What about me?!"

And just like that, everybody was in an uproar. Husk was doing his best to justify his drinking problem, while Angel Dust argued over his sexual tendencies. Alastor looked on with a bemused expression while Niffty stood beside him quietly, rocking on her feet as the room slowly started falling into chaos once more.

This is exactly what I was afraid of. The concept behind the hotel's cause was a fantastic ambition, but it was one that didn't align with the nature of Hell. The entire realm was filled with the worst of the worst; people that took pleasure in fighting, killing, stealing, and abusing. If Charlie was going to redeem a single sinner, she was going to need some help, and not from the likes of Al or Vaggie.

I stepped forward and clambered up onto the stage. All it took was clearing my throat to get the room's attention and silence the arguments. Clearly, none of them wanted to see the little stunt I'd pulled during breakfast again.

"Charlie," I started, turning to face the flustered demon princess, "There are three figures of authority that I see in this hotel. Alastor might be the assistant manager of this establishment, but let's face it. He and Vaggie mix about as well as vinegar and bleach."

"You can say that again..." I heard Vaggie mutter under her breath, shooting the Radio Demon a glare.

"Ha! If you smiled a bit more, we wouldn't have an issue!" Alastor teased.

I didn't think it was possible to see someone with dark grey skin go red in the face with rage, but it happened as Vaggie took a threatening step towards Alastor with her fists clenched and teeth bared.

"Getting pissy won't solve anything," I continued, stopping Vaggie in her tracks, "If anything it'll just serve as fuel for the others. It's probably why Alastor picks on you all the time, and why Angel doesn't take things as seriously as he should. They just want to get a reaction from you, and there aren't any consequences for it."

Charlie frowned, "But... I don't want to be mean to anyone."

"Not mean. Assertive. That's your problem. You're too much of a pushover, and everybody in Hell knows it. As Lucifer's daughter, the princess of Hell, and heir to the throne, people should give a shit about what you have to say, and take it seriously, but they don't! That's going to be bad news for you when you do eventually take the throne. Don't you actually want a say on how things are run in this realm?"

"Of course!"

I smiled, "Then, as the south side's unofficial leader, I would like to help you learn to be more assertive."

Charlie's eyes widened and her face broke out into an eager grin, "Yes! Yes, please! Please, teach me!"

I crossed my arms, and shot her a smug look, "Make me."

And just like that, the smile was gone, "What?"

"You're the princess, and I'm just one of your asshole subjects. For this scenario, I'm not going to do something for you, taking valuable time out of my day, just to help you out of the goodness of my heart. Give me an order, and make it one I'll feel inclined to follow."

I took notice of Vaggie standing below me, who was now glaring at me with something fierce. It looked like she wasn't at all pleased with how I was treating her friend.

Charlie took a breath as she straightened her spine, "Juniper Charms, as princess of Hell, and heir to the throne... I hereby order that you help teach me how to be more assertive... Until you think I'm ready."

I could have sworn I heard a cricket chirping somewhere in the background. The order had started off strong, but began to waver towards the end. I guess it would be too much to ask for somebody so sweet and innocent to do it perfectly on her first try.

"We'll work on it..."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to ease the throbbing headache that had built over the course of the past hour. I was already itching for a cigarette, but the pack that I had gotten the day before had already been taken away before I could reach my room after breakfast. Curse that little Niffty for being so fucking fast!

Now, I was stuck helping Charlie work on building up her confidence with Vaggie and Alastor while everybody else went about their own business. We had already made some revisions to the rules and set up an official reward and punishment system that could be used depending on which rules were followed, and which ones were broken. Now, it was just a matter of getting Charlie to be less of a doormat for the hotel's residents to walk all over.

"Again."

Charlie let out a huff as she stood toe to toe with Alastor. Out of curiosity, I had asked them how the princess had managed to get the Radio Demon to help her with running the hotel, and behave while doing it, without making a deal with him. It turned out she had simply ordered him to help... in a pathetically cautious sort of way. Had Alastor been anyone else, they would have laughed at her and walked away. The only reason Alastor listened to her was because he liked her positive attitude, and had his own agenda on top of that.

So, for the past hour, I had them reenact the order Charlie gave him to help with the hotel, giving her a few pointers along the way. After all, if she could maintain her composure and come across as strong and confident in the face of one of the most notorious demons in Pentagram City, she could stand up to anyone.

"As princess of Hell, and heir to the throne," Charlie began again, "I hereby order that you help us with this hotel."

Admittedly, she was getting better. We had eliminated any parts that Alastor could take advantage of for his own musings, and her tone had strengthened considerably, with less hesitation in her voice than there was the first couple of times. But she still wasn't one hundred percent.

"What do you think, Al?" I asked, "On a scale from one to ten."

"I'd give it a solid eight!" the Radio Demon announced before turning on his heel and striding towards the door to the office.

"Where are you going?" Vaggie inquired.

"Nature calls, ladies! I shall return momentarily!"

I guess that made sense. I would have to wonder where he put those twenty pots of coffee from this morning if he didn't have to take a leak. At least he had calmed back down to his usual self.

"This is so stupid!" Vaggie groaned, slumping in her chair, "Yeah, Charlie needs to work on building her confidence up a little bit, but making her rehearse lines isn't the way to go about it."

She wasn't wrong. Sure, it thoroughly prepared her for this particular scenario, but what about when she was confronted by someone on the streets? What if she had to give someone an order back at home? What if someone was blatantly disrespectful towards her to her face? Not all demons were inclined to sit still and listen to authority like Alastor. There had to be something I was missing.

"Charlie, I know what your parents are like," I said, "Your father is one of the roughest, toughest demons out there who doesn't take any amount of disrespect. Your mother, kind and caring though she may be, can crush a few spines simultaneously if she needs to. Where is your share of their confidence?"

Charlie's expression fell into a look of hopelessness, "Well, my dad has never really approved of any of my decisions in life. That includes this hotel."

I leaned forward in my seat, intrigued, "Do tell."

"He thinks trying to rehabilitate sinners is a waste of my time. He thinks nobody in Hell is going to want to put in the effort to be redeemed. If I don't learn to accept the way things are in this realm, he says I'll always be a total failure."

"Then again, you're also talking about the same person that revels in the chaos and destruction that comes each year with the extermination," Vaggie piped up, "He thinks that just because he got booted out of Heaven, there's no way to get back in."

I didn't know Lucifer personally, but every one I've met who did know him all said the same thing. He was a total asshole that got off on the torment and suffering of others. Charlie was the exact opposite. So much as a frown made her want to bring world peace. How could a monster like Lucifer father someone with such purity in their heart?

"What about your mother?" I asked, "What does she think about all of this?"

Charlie gave a small smile, "She actually likes the idea. It's because of her that I was able to open this hotel in the first place. No matter what I've wanted out of life, or what I wanted to achieve, she's always been there to support me."

Lilith. I always thought she looked like a nice lady. Of course she wasn't one who could be walked all over so easily, either. Rumor has it that she actually scares Lucifer shitless. That was the image I wanted for Charlie; sweet, caring, and still somehow one hundred percent badass.

"We can take a break for today," I stated as I got up from my chair and stretched, "Right now, I have some concerns about my rehabilitation."

"Right," Charlie said, taking a seat across from me, "Like I said, we'll be willing to make an exception for your visions, as well as any abilities that you don't have any control over. Just so long as you don't use those abilities in a way that hurts anyone."

"Well, I don't think you have anything to worry about there. I always use my abilities to help out others."

"So how'd you end up in Hell, then?" Vaggie asked, crossing her arms, "Even fortune tellers have gotten to go to Heaven, so long as they didn't hex people, or partake in sacrificial rituals. You must have done something bad to warrant being sent down here."

I was sure that in that moment, I was white as a ghost. The truth of the matter was that I hadn't always used my abilities to help others; quite the opposite. I was a selfish and spiteful human. I knew what it took to get my way, how to summon demons, which spells could make another person bend to my will, and which potions could turn mortals into mindless beasts. The only legacy I left behind on Earth was a trail of dead bodies and a deserted town.

"I became full of myself," I explained, "I thought I was unmatched. My spells and potions probably killed no less than sixteen people, and led an entire community to just up and leave an entire town behind. I don't suppose either of you have ever heard of the Ada Witch, have you?"

Charlie and Vaggie exchanged a look of shock, "No. Can't sat that we have."

"She's probably the biggest legend in Michigan. She trained me."

"So... what happened, then?" Vaggie questioned, "Did one of your spells go wrong, or something?"

"Actually, it was a train that did me in."

Charlie's eyes widened in horror, "You were hit by a train?!"

I nodded. I remembered the day of my death like it was yesterday. I had been squatting in one of the abandoned houses in my neighborhood when I saw the sprite. It didn't have anywhere near as clear of a visage as the sprite I had followed to the Hazbin Hotel, but I was still able to see it. Despite every warning I had ever read about imps, sprites, and demons, I thought it was there to lead me to some grand discovery; maybe ingredients that I needed for my spells and potions, or maybe to a vast fortune. Either way, I had been so blinded by greed and my own ambition that I didn't notice when it had led me two miles away from the safety of my home, and onto the railroad. I never even heard the warning bells or saw the blinking red lights when I approached the tracks.

The last thing I remember hearing was the blaring of the train's horn, as well as the "Oh, fuck!" feeling that hit me when I bothered to look up and realized that I was bathed in the train's headlights. I don't recall feeling any pain, but I manifested in Hell with the wind completely knocked out of my lungs.

"That's horrible!" Charlie exclaimed.

I shrugged, "Whoever found my body is a lucky bastard. They got to tell the world that I was finally gone for good."

"So what changed? You were clearly a bad person, but you somehow managed to turn over a new leaf and started using your abilities to help people. You're so nice! The entire south side of Pentagram City looks up to you! What changed?"

"Apparently, it took getting hit by a train to knock some sense into me. I hate the person I used to be, and I never want to go down that road again."

Charlie ran up to me and wrapped me in another suffocating hug, though I could tell she meant it to be a comforting one. Vaggie looked at me with sadness in her eyes. It probably wasn't the first sad sob story she'd heard, but I could tell it had gotten to her. I hadn't meant for them to take pity on me over my story, just for them to see that I wasn't a lost cause and that there could be some hope for me.

Then again, with how evil I was in my past life, with the massive shadow I left looming over Michigan, was I really worthy of redemption?