Written for HMS Harmony Discord Wednesday Wacky-AU 04/02/21 - Theme: "Personification, aka Anthropomorfic!"

Era: Hogwarts

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None

Words: 743

Hogwarts

Hogwarts was furious. She'd been at this for months and they resolutely refused to act. Ever since the darkness of the Defence Against the Dark Arts curse had been removed from within her, she had felt freer and better than ever. Her control over her innards was more precise than it had ever been, and she had tried using that control to get the pair alone at every opportunity.

At first, it had been simple. Refusing access to anyone but the Head Boy and Girl in their newly refurbished dorms. The red one had been upset at first, but when even the Teachers were denied access, they had given up trying to figure out what had gone wrong and the pair began to spend less time in their cushy private area.

Next, she had tried to coax them into taking advantage of the broom cupboards they'd just chased other randy students out of. Every patrol she would use some of the freed-up magic from the reforming Room of Requirement to change the insides of the cupboards to tempt them inside. But once again, they had not noticed her efforts.

In every classroom, she had tweaked the design so that the pair would always have a seat next to one another. Often in a semi-private corner. But the bushy one would not be derailed from her studies, and the champion was buckling down on his own harder than he had since he first stepped foot inside.

Her frustration was coming to boiling point. Her efforts to reward her two greatest defenders were coming to naught. She had been imbued with the cunning of great Salazar. The wit of savvy Rowena. The motherly nature of sweet Helga. And the brashness of brave Godric. Years of Headmasters and Headmistresses who were considered the pinnacle of their times had also left their own impressions on the school. Centuries of magic, countless minds linked to her through the Sorting Hat, all the knowledge gathered together in the mighty library within her walls, and countless pieces of magic hidden away inside of the Room of Requirement. Tools of a millennium of witches and wizards and yet she was powerless to enact her plan.

She was becoming petty at this point. Taking to stranding the two alone on the staircases, one end hanging precariously over the drop while the top sealed to prevent anyone else from stepping onto the dangerous stairway. But the two would just sit in the middle and talk. What would it take to make them kiss?

Hogwarts knew how teens minds worked. She had a millennium of pent up sexual frustration from thousands of teens and adults in her magic. Years fo watching or feeling how they behaved. But try as she might, she couldn't get these two to act on the obvious feelings that they had for one another. It was maddening.

The ancient castle glared at the pair perched on the dangling staircase. Her mind churning idea after idea. The girl was getting antsy, looking at her watch repeatedly, and Hogwarts knew she was worried about making their next class. It was due to start in five minutes, and if she didn't release them soon, they would be late. Hogwarts was very tempted to leave them to stew, stuck in place until they gave in to their obviously raging hormones.

Shock instead replaced her anger as the boy did something none had before in all her long history. He stood, placed his hand on the banister and gave it a light pet. Then he asked politely for it to let them off. Hogwarts could feel the stairway rebelling against her desires and before she could bring it within her control once more, it shifted into place once more, letting her captives loose.

Hogwarts wanted to scream in frustration. But stopped short as the girl stood and with surprising swiftness laid a soft kiss to the boy's cheek. His cheek flushed under the extended contact before the girl turned and jaunted quickly up the stairs and into the corridor beyond. But Hogwarts had her attention fixed on the smile on the boy's face as he touched the cheek.

Perhaps, her efforts weren't going to be in vain after all. She just needed to up her game. She turned inward and went over new plans as the boy jumped at the girl's bossy voice called to him and ran up the stairs after her retreating form.