Chapter 5- A Teddy Bear
Things came much sooner then Erin had anticipated. Conversations of this nature needed timing. Enough time allotted for one to practice what they will say, come up with great points to sway their audience in their direction. But most importantly one needed time to know when to start firing away. No one likes to be pushed, especially on the subject of love, but since fate brought the two of them close for a very extended, freezing period of time that night, it appeared as if life wasn't going to give Erin the chance to collect herself. It's the humorous or evil part of life, however one wants to interpret that. Sometimes you just have to hang on for dear life, praying your actions don't do more harm then good.
They were at a mostly sketchy apartment complex, teams of three or four stationed around the building with groups at every exit. Fortunately for them the place was hopping at night. People coming and going with more money or items in their pocket then when they ventured in. So much illegal activity went down, a lot of it feet away from seriously undercover cops and detectives. Countless times someone would radio if they needed to break things up, but they were always redirected to keep their eyes on the prize. If anything out of the norm went down, their chance of capturing their main target would evaporate, no tell if or when another opportunity like this would plop into their laps. While the members of Intelligence did their dinner and mime show, those back at the district were punching in that overtime for the tenth night in a row. Since the capturing of the Raines things slowly began to evolve. As is the case in most cases, money won out. So long as they funneled children to the real perp, they were paid their state money and them some. They were persistent in their hatred for the crime, but the money was too much to resist. It was in the three hour interrogation that they spilled of the routine. The Raines would take in a child, house them for a couple weeks at most, and then the shuffle game commenced. Every house drop-off was as unique as the child, each location cornering a different speck on the plains of New York City. Sometimes they would remain in Manhattan, other times they were in the heart of Astoria. There really wasn't a pattern.
Fortunately for the case, a slip up occurred a few hours prior to everyone camping out at the dive apartment complex. Another video broke through the world wide web, this time the exterior volume up just a hair too much. Using the sound, lighting, and height outside the windows, the tech lab brought them to a location in the heart of Queens. Give Olivia Benson, Hank Voight, and their crews a morsel of a crumb and they'll trace it till things show up. So that is where we find them now, shuffling on their feet and constantly grumbling about the freezer like mood to the place. The snow and ice was pretty in the day but became cooling systems for the night. Every blast of wind was like a kick from a ceiling fan or ventilation system. It was pure cold blasting them in the face, which honestly was the only thing keeping them all awake at this point. It was nearing 3am by now, Erin sighing as she noted the look of worry in Hailey's eyes. Her moment had arrived.
"You know if anything changed Will will be the first to let us know."
"I'm sorry?"
"Look, Hailey, I know that I'm the last person to take advice from, but…it's kind of obvious."
"What's obvious." Erin was taken aback by the tone. It wasn't completely harsh and rude, but there was a defensive nature to it. She wasn't sure if the weather, tiredness, or abrupt departure from Columbia had something to do with it, but Erin kept going.
"You and Jay." Hailey sighed, rubbing her eyes as she rested against a brick ledge.
"We're just partners. And I wish I could be there for him. Help him."
"I get it. I've been where you've been."
"Nothing has happened."
"But…do you want it to?" Hailey looked off into nothing, the question seeming to be the first time she truly had to ask herself that very thing. Certainly she loved him like a brother, a coworker, or friend. But the events of the last few days definitely had new things surfacing. They clicked, they worked, and she hated that they were currently apart.
"I don't know. I don't think he does." Erin rolled her eyes, half laughing before standing to keep herself from freezing in place.
"You can blame me for that. From the get go he pursued me, even when Voight told us to stop or one of us was going to leave. In all honesty it took me a really long time to get to that point of wanting to take things further. But when it happened…it was great, really really good. It all worked out. Do I wish I had done something sooner? Yeah, of course. But things were different. I'm going to guess with the way we ended things, and then I took off without warning, he was hurt by that. So if he's not showing any sign of wanting to go down that road, I'm sure I played a role in that."
"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with all of this."
"Don't waste the time and opportunity that you have. Just tell him how you feel, but maybe not right away."
"Yeah, he's got a lot going on right now."
"Yeah…when the time is right, you'll know. I think you might be surprised. But don't take the ex-girlfriend's advice." Hailey smiled at that one, chuckling as she bent her head into her chest, the wind picking up for the billionth time.
"I mean, it's only my job to read people and from the small encounter we've had, I've seen stuff." Hailey didn't look up, kicked her foot against the brick wall. She didn't want to admit it, but silently was relieved they had the conversation. There was always the hint or small idea that they'd clash. But talking to Erin now was like being given the green light, the approval to advance however she pleased. In a weird way it was a sisterly, mature adult woman conversation and one that she very much enjoyed.
"Thanks, Erin."
"Anytime. Just because I'm not there doesn't mean I don't want what's best for you guys. If there's anything we have learned through all of this.."
"-Take advantage of the time you have."
"Exactly!" Their earpieces sung a high pitched tune, letting them know what was about to happen. For the most part it had been check-ins, but this moment things felt different.
"Guys, we've got a light on in the apartment. It flickered but no doubt it was our location."
"Alright guys, everyone move in. Take it a flight at a time. Be methodical but don't tip people off. Go." Erin and Hailey began in their section of the lobby, making sure to hold up at the right places and make eye contact and normal movements around the residents. At this early hour most of the people awake were not going to remember them. They were smoking their prized work or downing a paychecks worth of booze. They'd nod or make snide remarks at them, but Erin and Hailey just brushed it off. If only they who they were speaking to. It was on the ascent that the act let up. With no one on the steps they were clear for smooth, fast running to the very top floor. A few head bobs and slow crawls later, they were at the location.
"We have movement on the other side," Hailey spoke just above a whisper. Both women stood at an opposite side of the door, making sure their feet didn't create a shadow along the bottom. As they waited for the others to catch up, it was clear that whoever was inside was nervous. The pacing of the feet was fast, short, went back and forth for a certain length. Every now and then a grunt or inhale would slip out, hints that someone was at their limit or on the verge of tears. The light that flashed on before was completely off now, but stare at the edge's of the door long enough and you'd pick up a phone flashlight every minute or so. Whoever it was was walking the perimeter of the place.
Before long hands touched Erin and Hailey's shoulders, the cue that they were present and ready to bust through a door. Hailey looked to the group before gripping the handle of the gun in her hand, turning to Erin and nodding that she was ready. It was at this moment Erin found herself at a bit of uncertainty. With so many teams and departments behind her, who was she to enter as: the FBI, NYPD, Chicago PD. Shaking her head she went with the first thing that came to mind.
"This is the police, open the door!" A scream broke out on the other side, the pitch making the criminal sound incredibly young. As Hailey kicked the door into the place everything internally crumbled. The 'perp' couldn't have been more then fifteen years old. He was scared out of his mind, hands in the air as his body collapsed in terror. The full force of everyone suddenly dwindled down to comforting this strange person. They'd seen this act before, things hitting too close to home for Erin. It was Teddy all over again, a scared, innocent child under the full power and siege of a monster.
"I'm going to check the other rooms," Erin mumbled under her breath, not bothering to hear if anyone noticed her sudden departure. The apartment fell right in line with the rest of the place: crumbling and in its' finale. For starters there was no heat, Erin able to see her breath proof of that. The walls were painted at one time, but time and wear from other guests allowing for things to peal, rust, or show evidence of mold. As she went room by room the amount of furniture became less and less. Prison looked better then this place, this location certainly being unfit for a child. She found the recording room, pausing just enough to make sure it was empty before moving on. It had been a day, a good week at this point and staring at that for a moment too long would have her in a heap on the floor. But it was the far left corner of the place that brought things to an emotional halt.
Inside this bedroom was a mattress barely big enough for a crib. On top of said mattress was a thin, dirty blanket covered in holes. The pillow could barely pass for a bathmat it was so thin. But in the corner of this makeshift bed was a bear. It's coat was soiled and arms stretched as if someone tried to remove them. But the bow on it was perfectly clean and tied, a sign of love and affection in the midst of all this darkness. Someone, some very small person turned to this for comfort and somehow the two of them were separated. Erin so much as clutched the item in her hand before losing it. A child was exposed to the cruelty of the world far too soon.
"You okay," Voight asked at the doorway? Erin collected herself, unaware that she had a visitor. She nodded, reassured that everything was fine before rising and heading to the door. Hank glared at her in that fatherly way he always did, letting her know that he didn't buy what she was trying to sell.
"I'm taking this with us. It'll help us with interrogation or something. I don't care at this point." Hank nodded, taking her in for a hug. She nodded, bit her lip to avoid the waterworks once again. Eventually, long after the child they captured was brought downstairs and placed in an awaiting squad car, the two of them made their way out of the apartment in stride. It was like old times, but not quite the trip down memory lane either on of them wanted to take.
…
"That's not my bag." Will allowed a single eyelid to open. The voice was so out of place for the room, but its' tone was definitely his and certainly sounded awake. Will looked towards to the bed to see Jay fully awake, head tilted towards the couch and glaring at the mountain hiking bag resting against his makeshift bed. Well wasn't this a wonderful wake up call for day two.
"Hey, you're awake." Will sat up, stretching his stiff arms before rocking side to side. As much as he appreciate the leniency of being able to stay with Jay, he hated the couch with every rest.
"Will, that's not my bag." Well someone was rather focused on a certain thing, which Will was elated over.
"Erin and Hailey left it here for you last night. It weighs a million pounds but it has everything you're going to need."
"They didn't have to do that," Jay replied while rubbing his eyes, the number of hospital bands and IVs on his wrists alarming him just a tad. Now it is important to remember that this is Jay's first time truly waking up from surgery. The day prior was equivalent to sleep walking or being severely doped on strong drugs. He was awake, but not really. So the following questions have already been addressed but didn't resonate with him. His last memory was falling asleep in the OR, the most recent memory being waking up a few minutes ago.
"What is all of this?"
"OR band, NSICU band, and the allergy band for latex. Do you want me to go over the other part?"
"No," Jay replied, looking around the room for some level of familiarity.
"Yeah, you don't know want to know how many you have right now." FYI, the IV total was five. One in each wrist, a central line, an arterial line, and a midline catheter just below the right elbow.
"Well the good news is that you can't feel them."
"How 'bout we talk about something else?" Will rolled his eyes, the sarcasm certainly survived the operation.
"How are you feeling?"
"Cold." That surprised Will a little bit. It wasn't uncommon for patients post-op brain surgery to be cold. The brain felt air for the first time so that sensation lasts in the body for awhile. But two days post-operation was odd, but not entirely out of the question.
"Okay, we can help that. What else, what's the pain level?" Jay was about to reply but the human circus that is Fred Flamelin poked his head in through the doorway.
"I was beginning to think you were talking to yourself." Jay blinked extra long, the foggy yet pristine memory of this person hitting him all at once. Before falling asleep for eternity the stupid jokes were there, and now on the other side that didn't seem to be going away. Now granted he was beyond thrilled that this person saved his life, but still…
"How are we doing this morning," the surgeon whispered? Jay wasn't fully aware of the sound sensitivity so this volume of things was weird.
"He said he's still cold," Will whispered back.
"Okay, that's fine." Fred all but looked to a nurse who slipped and darted her way down the hall. Jay found that humorous for some reason.
"Let's do the tests real quick. Name?" Jay looked to Will who vigorously nodded for him to answer.
"Jay Halstead? This is a bit much for one surgery." Will wanted to smack his brother. If only he knew what truly went down.
"And do you know where you are?"
"A hospital."
"And year."
"2020." From there began the usual pokes and eye movements all passing with flying colors. Dr. Fred did this super long stare directly at Jay's face which made him squirm and want to run out of the room. Will noted all of this and did his best not to laugh, Jay totally unaware of all the things the brilliant neurosurgeon was actually looking for.
"We need to start icing today," he eventually spoke, turning his attention to the screen above the bed.
"Yeah, the right eye looks swollen and there's some bruising around it."
"The blood pressure is also a little elevated so we're going to up doses for the next couple of days." Jay was very lost at this point, eyes darting back and forth between Fred and Will as they spoke. He heard things but couldn't grasp how they related to him, his body basically being an experiment for whatever.
"So now that you're more awake we need to discuss pain management. What's the level at now, on a scale of one to ten?" The odd part was that Jay didn't really notice any of that. When he last was awake things were horrifically bad and when he woke up the pain was still there. There wasn't a scale in his mind, just the presence of its' existence.
"It hasn't really gone away," was the best reply he could give, which wasn't the right answer.
"Jay, is it better then before? Would you say it's average or above normal?"
"Average I guess, like a five?" Fred nodded, scrolling through an iPad as he spoke.
"So the rule on this floor is five or above and we up the pain meds. Ideally we'd like for you to not be in any pain, but that just isn't the case with brain injuries. So when we hit five will give you more meds. As long as the brain is registering that its' in pain, that's all it's doing. There is no healing, just recognition. So you have to be honest with us. You'll thank us later when you get out of here ahead of schedule." That one perked Jay up: leaving, escaping into the free world. He had no clue how long he'd been in here but it was long enough according to his book.
"So we'll give you another around and when you feel a spike, just let us know and we'll take care of it."
"Okay."
"So I think that's all for right now. Any questions?"
"Um, they brought a bag last night with clothes. When can he change?"
"I'm all for patient comfort, but let's wait till we take the drain out later today." Jay immediately reached up for his head, envisioning some massive whole in the back of it. The sensation of smooth skin, bumps, and a plastic tube made things worse. The scariest part of all was that he couldn't feel his hand on his head, only the other way around.
"Dude, don't do that," Will coaxed as he slowly pulled the hand away. Neither one of them noticed that Fred had left the room, the assumed brain wizard evaporating into thin air.
"What did I sign off on them to do?" Will took a seat on the bed, nodded for the nurse to reenter the room and complete her tasks as he spoke.
"The surgery took six and half hours which is a pretty long, complex procedure. During that time the ruptured aneurysm was clipped and drained and taken care of. That all looks fine. It was in the inspection of things that he found a second aneurysm that was enlarged and likely to rupture at some point. So that had to be clipped and ruptured and drained before closing things up. You do have a drain which is standard for most brain surgeries and it'll come out later today. It's not as bad as it sounds." Jay just nodded, now feeling the weight of everything. He was just starting to understand why so much was on him and the extent of care and caution he awoke to. He survived, contrary to the idea that he was healed. The odds of him not making it to the end of that day were fairly high, luck and gratefulness now flooding his system.
"So now we're looking out for vasospasms which can be really serious. Thus the mental checks and overhaul of care. You're doing a lot better but you're not out of the woods just yet."
"I really had brain surgery," Jay spit out a couple seconds later. Will chuckled, exiting the side of the bed as the pain meds started kicking in. Jay was right on that cusp of passing out for awhile.
"Yeah, you really did. We'll make you a T-shirt or something." Sure enough Jay so much as smiled before everything went limp, small exhales puffing out of his mouth as the new doses of all other medication were timed and input to his IV pumps and such.
"I'm really surprised at how awake he is," Will whispered.
"Yeah, that's a great sign."
"I'm sure tomorrow he'll wake up super lethargic and whatnot, but this was encouraging." The nurses locked all IV stations up and nodded, her silence a gift to the sound asleep one. Will did a once over of Jay for the zillionth time, silently celebrating what had just happened. Jay was on the right path to recovery. He slept for the rest of the morning and a good chunk of the afternoon but Will was beyond satisfied to complain.
…
His name was Ethan Marks. He had brilliant red hair, freckles for a lifetime, and brown eyes the size of saucers. He was fourteen, birthday exactly nine days away from today. He was rail thin, skin crinkled, dehydrated, and revealed all the curves and corners of the human skeletal system. Life had been better to him in the past, his demeanor and appearance proof that he'd either been on his own or under the care of hellions for quite sometime. As those watching over him concluded, either option was the worst case for this poor, terrified, alone child. Through the night and into the early sunlight hours, the focus was on getting Ethan under control. Between the descent down to level ground and arriving at the district, Ethan experienced a grand total of four panic attacks. Each one was unique in symptoms and length of time, but they all included dazing off into nothing. Before people could explain that he was not under arrest but simple being questioned, Ethan was spilling everything that was once housed in his mind.
His parents abandoned him at six months old, leaving him on the doorstep of a firehouse halfway across from his very first home. For as long as he could remember someone else was always a parent. Some couples were amazing and fed him three times a day and taught him basic child skills, others locked him in rooms for countless hours with nothing more then an unsharpened pencil and paper. He'd draw whatever popped into his mind, write what he considered to be words but in reality resembled cave drawings. Education was as scattered and wild as his upbringing. At fourteen he could barely read above a second grade level, several words stuttering out of his unsure and petrified mind. Handing him clothing revealed that he wasn't trained to tie shoelaces. The clothing on him was on the verge of disintegrating, the corner of the shirt donning a new hole as those helping him placed everything in a bag. His appearance made one want to hug him, his life story enough to make the toughest person ball for hours, and that wasn't the worst part of the tale.
His life had been designed on a reward/punishment system. It didn't matter if the act was deemed moral or wrong. As long as an adult told him to do something he complied with the truth that he would be rewarded. The psychologist explained this to the detectives about how to question him. Mr. He Who Must Not Be Named took full advantage of this. Ethan stumbled across the demon in his tenth year of life, the man being his go-to for housing and everything else. Due to his ease of manipulation, Ethan was trained to do the most unspeakable of things with the demon instructing him. As Ethan told of what he did, with zero knowledge as to why it was wrong, your stomach did summersaults. He was fooled, followed blindly because it was all he knew. The amount of therapy, teaching, guidance needed between now and adulthood was a full time job. No one working the case wanted to press charges, certainly no DA would want to put him through the gauntlet of a trial. He was the tragedy of an imperfect foster care system. If nothing else, his story would be the driving force for legislative changes.
"Go easy. Keep questions as simple as possible. Use treats or praises as means to gain access to his story," the doctor told Olivia and Erin. The two of them nodded, glancing at Ethan over the doctor's shoulder. Ethan was sitting on the criminal side of the interrogation room, colored pens in hand while scribbling on a large pad. To the world he looked every bit a normal teenager, but in truth he wasn't much older then eight, nine years old.
"Okay," Olivia replied, darting back to her office for a bag of Laffy Taffy and jelly beans. Erin inched closer to the door, suddenly questioning if she could pull the discussion off. She didn't have a problem talking to a child, but this one had so many unique features and challenges. The chance of going too far was right there, Erin not sure who would collapse first.
"You can do it," Olivia quietly spoke, as if she was reading Erin's mind. She turned to face the sergeant, appreciative for her ever present encouragement. Erin returned to the door, gripped the handle and turned. It was show time.
"Ethan? My name is Olivia. This is my friend Erin. Is it okay if we sit down?" Ethan glanced away from the drawing, eyes lost on the question. Eventually he shrugged, fascinated with his drawing as they took a seat. Erin got a thorough snapshot of the drawing. It was a standard house, one a kindergarten student would draw. It was as if the house was sliced in half, revealing rooms and one dimensional staircases. In the kitchen was a stick figure standing next to food, another stick person laying on the backing of a couch in the adjacent room. Up the stairs was a stick figure girl in her room, which is where things got completely wrong. The camera in the bedroom, a presumed boy standing at the doorway. Erin looked away after that, bleary eyed at what his mind thought was normal. And then she saw it, in the far corner of the girl's room: a teddy bear.
"That's a beautiful picture, Ethan," Olivia smiled, peering just a tad over the desk. Ethan smirked, pressing the colored markers into the paper to make them bleed on the sheet.
"Who are the people in house," Erin inquired? The room was silent for several minutes, the sound of markers scraping against paper the only thing tickling eardrums.
"Mom, dad, brother, and sister," Ethan spoke only after all markers were lined up in their container. Erin was enamored by the detail and organization in Ethan's mind. He may have been stunted in his mental development but other things were beyond advanced.
"They look happy."
"Sure," he quietly responded. Olivia concluded Ethan probably didn't know what the word meant, happiness just as mundane as toothbrush or wallpaper. If he had experienced the euphoria of pure happiness, it hadn't been in several years.
"Sister is doing what dad wants. Brother is there to protect her." This was such de ja vu for Erin, listening to the word phrases and notions that Teddy revealed all those years ago. She blinked away the impending tears, not wanting to startle Ethan.
"Ethan, is that why you were at that house?" He bit the lip, closing his eyes while grunting. He was in a mental warfare, wanting to protect his 'father' while something inside told him to spill. Olivia opened the clear bag of treats, removing a strawberry Laffy Taffy and placing it in her palm. Ethan's eyes lit up, his hand darting towards the treat to the surprise of Olivia.
"Ethan, is that why you were at the house?"
"Danny didn't want to go. I said she wouldn't be hurt if I went with her."
"Who's Danny?"
"My sister." Olivia extended the treat to Ethan who ripped open the packaging and swallowed the candy whole. He was a sight of confused joy.
"Dad was going to hurt her and she didn't want it. She fought. He wanted her bear and she screamed. I had to make her quiet." Erin closed a slow blink, heart breaking over what Ethan was saying. He harmed her to protect her, thinking that that was what Danny wanted.
"Ethan, where is dad?" Olivia reached for another treat, this time the jelly beans. Ethan stared at the molding running along the top of the room. The wheels of contemplating were hard at work in that mind.
"He doesn't tell us. We're kids."
"Was there a place he took you guys? Like an adventure or treat for obeying?"
"Yes!" His face lit up, as if the source of all truth smacked him on the side of the head.
"By the water. The house is so big. It has a tire swing, treehouse, and so many cookies."
"That sounds like fun," Olivia praised while handing Ethan the next round of treats.
"Did you go to this place recently," Erin inquired?
"No, apples were in the trees when we went. One fell on the ground and dad got mad. We didn't eat for a long time after that." Starvation as a punishment. Erin wanted to kick this guy into another universe when she got the chance.
"Is there anything else you can remember?"
"The wind. That's what broke the apple. But dad didn't believe me. The wind was super loud. I told my sister that a train was coming and she always got scared." Olivia looked to Erin with that glint in her eyes. They had an rough map but both of them figured out where they were headed next: the Hudson River Valley.
"Ethan, you were so helpful. Thank you. The lady you talked to earlier is going to bring you somewhere very warm and you're able to eat as many cookies as you want." Ethan giggled, elated at the best moment of his entire life. Olivia and Erin waved to the teenager as the doctor returned, coat and proper footwear in hand for Ethan.
"So where do we start? The valley is hundreds of miles on both sides," Erin pointed out as they re-huddled with the observing crowd.
"Let's start with properties around the water, cross that with farms or large pieces of property with apple trees. This guy isn't going to be in a neighborhood or on small acreage. Neighbors up the chance of being heard or his constant movements getting tracked. Also check deeds with you-know-who and relatives. Maybe we'll get lucky on that front." They all broke the huddle, minus the hand claps and cheers. They all had the game plan, now it was time to execute.
"Have you heard from Will," Erin asked in the direction of Hailey, holding her up at the doorway.
"Uh yeah. He texted when Ethan was being processed. Jay woke up for real this morning, talking and said the bag really wasn't necessary." Erin smirked before rolling her eyes. Even after brain surgery stubborn, independent Jay was still doing his thing.
"I'm guessing he's asleep since we haven't heard anything in awhile."
"Did he say anything about visitation?"
"Well, I didn't ask. But I'm sure it would be like last night."
"Let's plan on doing that again. I'll get dinner this time around." Hailey beamed, her face the epitome of peppy and full of energy. She nodded as Erin spoke.
"Yeah, I'll text Will if things are alright for later on and everything else."
"I don't want to intrude on anything but after today.." It was Hailey's turn to embrace Erin, hugging her hard before she could finish. They all were feeling it, the case hitting so close to home in so many ways.
"Is it weird that I'm seeking a mental break in a neurosurgical ICU?" Hailey laughed, shaking her head as she pulled away.
"Not at all. It's Jay, someone that matters a lot to all of us. I think that's why we overlook the other scary stuff." Erin nodded, patting Hailey's shoulders before escaping to the warm glow of the SVU headquarters. They were all going to get through all of it, she had no doubt. But gosh the journey was going to be tough sledding.
"Hey Erin? Thanks for this morning, last night, whatever time that was. I appreciate it." Erin nodded, not bothering to turn in Hailey's direction. She couldn't afford to look back. So much was in front of her. She just had to keep propelling ahead.
…
He awoke to the coldest sensation yet, finding that odd since he fell asleep under four supremely warm blankets. Blinking twice was a tragic idea since it revealed a needle disappearing behind his right eye, a wonderful burning sensation rippling across the top of his head not that long after. That was enough to alert the world that he was awake and alert.
"Will," he called in such a small, scared voice. He felt a hand grip his, the blue blinder over his face blocking him from seeing straight out.
"Yeah, I'm right here. They're pulling the drain out." The act of removing a drain is quick, not all that dramatic, yet the scariest part of recovery, perhaps more so then the surgery itself. The biggest reason is that you're awake and watching, feeling this plastic tube slip out from you insides. It's a vessel into the world underneath the skin, the remnants of blood and fluid certainly making the bravest patient freak out. Despite the local anesthetic, there is nothing to prepare oneself for the sensation of something slipping out from under the skin.
The goal was to remove things while Jay was totally out, allowing him to sleep in deep bliss as they did the blood pressure raising procedure. But despite their best, silent efforts, the body decided to torture Jay just a bit more.
"Okay Jay, can you feel this," Dr. Fred asked while using the sharp end of a syringe to press around the tube.
"No," Jay replied a little too long for the normal person. Will gripped the hand harder, looking away from the obscured Jay and towards the surgeon. It was extraction time.
"On the count of three I'm going to start pulling. If you feel anything let us know." Jay wanted to nod, but the weight of all life felt to be on top of him.
"1..2.." But they didn't reach three, Fred using that element of surprise to get things done. There really isn't a way to explain the sensation of something being pulled out of you. There isn't a proper analogy or situation to best explain. Jay recalls the sudden rush of pressure, growing to a point of him wanting to sit up or at least yell. But the voice wasn't there, the energy to move still in some other room in the hospital. The best he could do was slip out a baby sized whimper, which only made Will squeeze his hand harder.
"It's almost done," he told Jay, looking towards the top of the very exposed head. It all was still a shock, something weird to him, but at least he didn't cry this time.
"And 3!" Will watched the tube get tossed in a toxic waste bag and dashed out of the room. It was the first removal of things, the beginning of the return to normal Jay. He returned his gaze to Fred, eyes widening just a little as the gauze pad under the surgeon's hand ran red.
"Just a little lingering blood," he reassured, discarding the first pad before grabbing another. Sure enough, things died down after a couple minutes, the small hole the tube left behind being prepped for yet another staple.
"Firing one," Fred exclaimed in a whisper to the room. That one had Jay truly awake.
"What," he asked as the stapler went off, his whole body shaking before relaxing.
"Alright. Just have to tape you back up and we are done." Once clean dressings were applied Jay's bed was raised a couple positions, allowing him the highest view he'd had in days. From there was another routine mental check, everything going perfect and sign zero signs of issues. Jay was too enamored with the room to hear the surgeon bid farewell. There was a floor, its' color light and of some wood material. The curtains were drawn but you could make out that buildings were on the other side. Will's bed was completely a mess and his bag was over flowing with clothes and other random items. It was the most stunning thing he'd laid his eyes on. Anything was better than the ceiling and the upshot of faces.
"They're on their way. They should be here in fifteen minutes." Will took his gaze away from the door and his phone and looked up to a day dreaming Jay. He was clearly still under the influence of drugs and the trauma that he just endured. The non-surgery side of his head was a bedheaded mess, the right side looked to be chopped off; making his head appear lopsided. He was covered in wiring and IVs with so much tape obscuring the ports that it was a miracle his skin wasn't blue. Oh, and let's not forget the feeding tube coming out of his nose. His brother was a mess. A recovering, miraculous mess in need of some TLC.
"Jay," Will called out once again, that one earning him a slow blink and subtle head turn. It appeared full movement was still in the process of being re-established.
"Do you want to change out of the gown," he asked once in view of Jay. That was something you didn't have to ask twice. Will dove into the bag, each layer making him that much more appreciative of the work Erin and Hailey did on their behalf. Everything was pristinely organized. Complete outfits were paired together with the bathroom bag nestled in a random pocket. Hats, socks, and underwear were all placed in ideal locations while sizes were written on sticky notes attached to the top of new outfits. They thought to the point that Jay could do things on his own, something Will was certain would happen before he got discharged. Will held things up and Jay was too out of it to care what it was. Anything was better then looking like a hospital resident, which is exactly what he was for the foreseeable future.
"Dude, let me unplug stuff first," Will joked as Jay did his best to yank the top of the gown free from his body. It was incredible how fast the strength left Jay, his arms unable to free a single button before he gave up. Will could feel the dejection, sense the dip in emotions. Jay hated it and Will couldn't help but empathize.
"It'll come back don't worry," he told Jay who so much as sighed. Once he was free of cords and IV lines, Will silently concluded that Jay was still a sight for sore eyes, his body just about decked in circles and square ports. Very little of him was actually free despite being briefly unplugged. The moment passed at the reminder that it all was temporary, the dressing process needing to get underway. Starting with the removal of the gown, Jay was soon shivering under just blankets as Will theatrically chucked the hospital attire to the floor. Pulling the neck of the shirt just far enough, Will ever so gently slipped the shirt over the top of Jay's head, letting him relearn how to pull his arms through sleeves. Once that was done everything was reattached, the heart monitor singing its' tune and drugs silently dripping back into the body. From here Will helped sit Jay up, allowing him the smallest amount of independence. Here came the second shock of the trip for Jay.
"Will, I can't see," he said as Will reached to pull the shirt all the way around the waist.
"What?"
"It's all fuzzy and I can't see."
"You're dizzy because you're at a different position." Will created a weird hug, telling Jay to rest on his shoulder and close his eyes. The world sloshed for a good bit, Jay swearing he felt nauseous before it all floated away. Opening his eyes hurt but at least he should see things.
"You alright," Will asked as he felt Jay pull away?
"Yeah."
"And that's why you're not ready to walk around." Jay didn't respond, the thought of moving at this point too much to concentrate on. At some point he'd get there. But not today. It is here that we reach the bottom half, the slightly humorous, really uncomfortable part of the whole process.
"What is that," Jay pointed at as Will pulled the sheets down.
"Figure it out," he teased. It was a thin, clear tube that followed his left leg, taped about halfway down his thigh and calf before disappearing down the side of the bed, it's shade currently not clear.
"Seriously?"
"Jay, you can't even sit up right now. Would you rather wet the bed?"
"I'll be fine. Just take it out."
"No way. And until it's allowed to be removed you're going commando."
"Anything else?"
"Yeah, can you hurry up." Jay did his best to hide the embarrassment, hands covering most of his face as he moaned in disgust. He didn't see Will screw the tube off of the bag, swallow the deep laughs as he propped the thing in a way that it didn't make a mess. Will got as far as putting the pant legs over Jay's ankles before just losing it.
"You're such a mess," he gasped between spells, Jay still not moving from his covered position. Will laughed so deep, sides hurting after a good minute or two. Despite the situation being weird and very much out of the norm, it felt amazing to laugh. Spread humor with his brother in this very odd situation. It was the buzzing of the phone that finally made things speed up, the alert that company was near. By the second round of ringing Jay was completely clothed, reattached to everything, and donning ice pads on his head.
"And they're on the elevator. Do you want to brush your teeth?"
"Yeah," came out as a yawn. It was incredible, the amount of energy Jay was allowed to exert before needing to shut down for a long period of time. His eyes were in those early stages of drooping, Will unsure if he'd make it through dinner.
"Okay, don't move," he joked once tooth brushing items were in hand. He did the sock shuffle down the hall to the bathroom. He opened the door before losing a drop of water from the brush, the startle of a crowd making him shutter.
"Hey guys," he whispered. They all turned to face him, waving and waiting for him to catch up. Tonight appeared to be anything but pizza, the brown bags housing a complete mystery.
"He's up," they asked? Will nodded a reply, pushing his way to the door.
"One second," he told them before slipping into the room. Jay had his eyes closed but the rest of him said he was just relaxed, not quite passed out for the night.
"Jay, they're here." Ever so slowly his brother surfaced, truly forcing himself to stay alert. His eyes wandered to the dripping toothbrush, a reminder of the last couple of minutes.
"I can do it," he announced.
"You sure?" Jay nodded as best he could, allowing Will to fix the item in his hand before his weak arm pivoted towards his face. He was mid brush when a sea of silent yet ecstatic faces found him.
"Hey guys," he spoke over the spit and brush, which seemed to be the exact greeting they had in mind.
"Hey," they all responded in whispers, wary of the still present sound sensitivity. Most of the guys offered a fist bump or bro arm greeting, Hailey and Erin waiting till he was done brushing to dish out theirs.
"How are you," Erin whispered as she did her best to hug him.
"Tired," he replied. She smirked, the one word answer being enough to wipe away all terror of the day.
"Told you we'd see you on the other side," Hailey spoke, Jay doing his best to grin. He was so beyond out of it, which he hated considering they were all back together.
"So, we brought dinner. Are you going to be offended?"
"I ate awhile ago," Jay replied, pointing to the tube in his nose. That one got a couple laughs from the crew.
"You look really good for being so close to the surgery."
"Oh yeah?! I haven't seen anything yet."
"Eh, that's probably for the best," Will joked.
"Jay, keep the ice on there." Jay wasn't even aware the pad had fallen off, compliments of the pain killers and anesthetic. He watched as they gathered on the floor, creating an extra large circle that dipped onto the couch. In time he would consider this moment as a highlight, a time to soak in the love and support these people gave him. But at this moment he was doing everything to keep awake. The room was that perfect warm temperature, the blankets heavy but not enough to suffocate, things were primed for him to check out for quite some time. He told himself he could have a five minute break, a quick rest before coming back full force. In his final moment of full consciousness he felt it, the twinge that things were going south.
"Will…its' a six," he slurred before completely going under.
"Oh man," Will spoke as he got up from his spot in the circle, jogging out of the room while the rest sat clueless. Before long he returned with a nurse who had miracle workers in her hand.
"He just had a dose less then an hour ago," she remarked as each of them took a side of the bed.
"Jay," Will spoke while nudging the shoulder. His efforts got him a grunt, one eye opening as he listened for things to hurry up.
"Pain is a six?" Jay nodded. Everyone watched in silence as the new round of fresh drugs were pushed into Jay's system, observing in concerned support as his whole body relaxed under things. The condensed reunion they just had was a fool's tale in a way. Try as hard as he did, Jay was different, a bit lost and disconnected from the true essence of Jay Halstead. In time there was a great chance he'd return, but today this version was foreign, scary in a way. Certainly they weren't giving up on him, but it drove home that he was far from healed; quite aways off from being the stubborn ass they knew and loved. If nothing else, he was a passed out, injured teddy bear that just needed a good hug.
They ate in silence that night, a little disappointed that the notion of joking, hanging with Jay were nothing but vain ideas. Oh what none of them knew would transpire over the coming hours. None of the people in that room aware of the onslaught and mountain climbing that would have to be tackled. But that is a story for another chapter.
So what was intended to be a short chapter wound up having a lot of things in it! Did you guys enjoy the conversation between Hailey and Erin? And also, forgive me for the slightly dirty humor for poor Jay. I like to push the boundaries every now and then for the sake of comedy. Next chapter will encompass an entire day, so expect things to go slowly. Thanks for reading!