Chapter 6- Jay Halstead's No Good, Terrible, Horrible Bad Day
So as the title states, this chapter will encompass the dreaded day three milestone. It'll be a drag out, a bit of an in-depth look into the very real swings and pain that come with such a complex, delicate thing that is brain surgery. We might also sprinkle some of the case in, just to keep things moving along. Here we go!
It began well before the sun rose but well after everyone filed out of the room for the day. The timing of things definitely nestled into the graveyard shift. The standard doctors and nurses had gone home for the day, leaving the members of the short straw brigade to defend the silent yet potentially deadly side effects in the world of the NSICU. On most nights it was all about surviving, just watching the clock tick down to the time everything roared back to the norm. It was rare for something to go awry. If and when it did, most of the time it was the result of something falling off or a patient hitting something by mistake. But all that was about to change, Jay's healing body was going to make sure of that.
All was well in that far right corner of the floor. For a majority of the night things were peaceful. Will was sprawled out on the couch, right arm and leg dangling off the edge as he laid on his stomach, mouth open so he could breathe. After the spike in pain Jay was beyond relaxed and passed out, head titled the right way as one arm laid over his chest. He was fine, sound asleep, healing, and then it all changed with a proverbial snap of the finger.
It was bad enough that he woke up, his body pushing past all the chemical things that were keeping him under. He awoke to that throbbing jolt of pain that he experienced a couple days ago. It was pumping out of his eyes, every twitch a punishment. In time he'd come to understand the difference between a headache and ruptured aneurysm, but at this stage of the game head pain was equated to the worst case scenario. He was scared, overreacting to the assumed scenario that he'd end up in an OR again. It also didn't help that the room was pitch black, allowing Jay to think he couldn't open his eyes. Yet another symptom that wasn't putting him at ease.
"Come…on…" he tried to coax himself, finding speaking a bit of a challenge. His jaw was sore, words there but not really. He could see a word fly by in his mind but he could never capture it long enough to spit it out. The frustration was real, the pain debilitating at this point. Life was dwindled down to two things: pain and help.
"Will," he slurred in a whisper, eyes roving to that area of the room he guessed was housing his brother. An assumed lifetime later nothing happened, adding to Jay's panic. The hyperventilating was kicking in, the short breaths being cut off by sharp inhales. He needed help and his first line of defense wasn't coming through. This was when he remembered the green, illuminated button on the bed. In another wild resurface he vaguely recalled being told to press the light when he needed something. His eyes found the light, a small victory under the circumstances. His thumb, hand, and arm found enough strength to move towards the light, pressing it until something happened. An alarm might've gone off each time, which made him wince under the piercing shrill to his eardrums, but at last things worked.
Indeed an army arrived, the persistent call for help playing a role in that. What was once dark, calm, and still was the polar opposite. The lights were turned up to a mild dim, Jay's hands glueing themselves to his eyes for protection. No one was in the room and then they all were, at least three, four of them encasing the perimeter of the bed. Cue Will finally returning to the world. It took him no time at all to connect the pieces, on his feet and gripping the end of the bed in record time. Even under the hand coverage you could tell that things were off. There was a different energy about him, one that wasn't conducive to healing. Something was wrong and all indications were pointing to it being dire.
"Ten…ten," Jay repeated as everyone looked between him and the monitors. They weren't sounding alarms but they weren't peaceful either. The concern over the blood pressure was now a full issue. People were doing their best to make Jay feel that they weren't worried, but the looks to one another told the tale.
"Page whoever is on call."
"Evans? He's not.."
"-Just do it. He's needed. Now." Will's mouth was open, about to ask the stupidest question of the hour. But something told him to remain still and quiet, just let things transpire.
"When did it hit a ten?"
"Just…now," Jay spoke in a pant. Will noted the impending panic attack. The shallow breaths, shaking hands, inability to speak, he had to step in.
"Give him valium, pain meds, something. He's having an attack."
"Just wait till.."
"-I am a doctor and I can diagnose a panic attack. He keeps going and everything is going to get a lot worse." Will forced himself from the foot of the bed to the left side of Jay, placing a hand on his chest as he tried to talk him down.
"Breathe, man. I got you. Just breathe." Nothing was helping, because snapshots of that day were rocketing through Jay's mind. He saw the street, the pristine snow covered trees and sidewalks. He could feel the chill of the air, count the number of steps between the front door and when he went down. He could taste the vomit when he woke up, felt the surreal pounding of the bomb going off in his head. The MRI scanner danced its' beat, the pre-op process and dread before being wheeled into the OR. He felt the cold, hard surface of things, swore the gas was running thick in his body once again. It was so real, so in his face, he didn't see any other appropriate reaction then crying.
"I…can't….do it…again." Will crouched down as the presumed doctor on call made his way in. In that second Will didn't care about things going on around. It was just he and Jay having a conversation, doing his best to relax his brother in the middle of a crisis.
"Do what?" The doctor requested a portable ultrasound, the device flying over Will and landing in the man's hands. Jay closed his eyes as the wand touched his skin, that feeling like a ten pound weight was on his fragile skull. Curses to his body for not allowing him to pass under all this pain.
"What can't you do, Jay," Will distracted.
"Surgery." Will wanted to laugh it off, scoff that things were never going to get there. But as he glanced to the doctor sighing at the image on the screen, he wasn't sure if that wasn't in the cards.
"We're not there yet," was the best, most accurate answer he could give. It wasn't what Jay wanted or needed to hear, but it was the best Will could do considering. He squeezed Jay's hand harder, a way to tell him that he was there. The slightly positive part of this whole thing was that Will would be here this time around, not boarding a plane as Jay was going under the knife.
"He needs an MRI."
"What's on the ultrasound?"
"Nothing. But the pain spike and everything else isn't normal."
"Vasospasm?" The doctor nodded, which caused Will's stomach to drop. Not that anyone was prepared for this, but it couldn't happen right now.
"He needs a sedative, Valium, and pain meds," Will spoke.
"Let's do the Valium and meds. Let's hold off on the sedative till we get down there."
"He can't handle talking. He's not going to be able to stand the scanner."
"Let's see what happens on the Valium." Everything began to pick up pace. Calls to radiology were made right in the hall, words like 'urgent' and 'redline' being thrown out. Meds were injected into the closest IV port as the transport gurney was pushed into the room. Jay was motionless as they prepped him for being moved, eyes closed and breaths in and out of his mouth as they counted down to the shift. He winced, maybe cursed, when he was placed on the new flat surface. Once he was secured they were on the move. Along the way Will warned of when lights or a bump were coming up. Jay was developing a good case of touch sensitivity but he refused to let go of Will's hand. It was his escape, his outlet to pass pain off to.
"We're at the scanner and getting ready to transfer," Will calmly spoke to an eyes closed Jay. He grunted his understanding, holding onto Will his tightest yet as he felt the scanner table under him. It all was so real, racing down that path he swore he was on. More then any other time in his life he was grateful Will was there. If nothing else it was going to ease pre-op and surgery. It was at this point he made the terrible mistake of opening his eyes, the switch that set off the vomit he didn't realize he had stored up.
"Jay, roll over," Will coaxed as Jay gagged, just clearing the table as it all came up.
"He needs the sedative," Will sternly told to the window across the way. He was beyond pissed they thought Jay would make it in this state. You could now add light sensitivity to the list of ailments going on inside Jay's body.
"It's fine. You're okay," he told Jay as things died down, looking at the blood shot eyes with the heaviest heart. If he could he'd absorb whatever was going on. A quick glance told you Jay was in a world of hurt in misery. The doctor came in with a larger then normal sized syringe, holding it behind his back as he rounded the right side.
"You're gunna to go to sleep for awhile for the scan."
"It hurts," was Jay's only and last response. He was semi-awake and then the eyelids fluttered shut, Will silently cheering as he watched the whole body go limp. At last, relief had arrived; even if it was a snippet of time. Will leaned forward and kissed his brother's forehead, not caring in the least who saw. He was proud of his brother, scared for what was going on inside, trying to tell him that he had him no matter what.
It was in the departure of the room that Will took inventory of himself, now noticing that the bottom half of him was rather cold and exposed feeling. A life lesson was learned that night: wear pants. No, he was not naked, but was wearing just boxers and a t-shirt. His face was beet red in an instant, excusing himself for the long march back to the room. The three floor trek across the hospital was very much indeed a walk of shame and embarrassment.
…
"Oh! You're here. How did you get here so quickly?" Will returned to the observation room adjacent to the MRI, perplexed by the presence of Fred. Donning a full, typical hospital attire that was suited for him, the man was peering into the computer screen, staring at it for the answers to life's numerous mysteries. There was no mention of him coming in nor was there even a phone call requesting his presence. So to see him there half an hour after Jay was under things was a both a surprise and concern. The fact the top person was called in the middle of the night wasn't removing any fear that something dire was going on.
"Segway. It's the fastest, quietest, and easiest way around this time of night." Will smirked as he rolled his eyes. Of course that's how Fred got around town. How foolish of him to think the man would travel any other way.
"So, what's the verdict? Is it a vasospasm?" As Fred's mouth is hanging open to reply, I think this is the perfect moment to explain what a vasospasm is. It's been mentioned in the past but this is a great time to fill everyone in on what exactly this terrifying side effect is.
Essentially, a vasospasm is a narrowing of arteries due to persistent contracting of the blood vessels throughout the body. When this occurs blood flow is reduced and left untreated, or severe enough, it can be deadly. Obviously, if this were to happen in the brain this could cause some serious damage. While a vasospasm could happen at any time, the risk for them happening is greater right after brain surgery; especially brain aneurysms. The common side effects are stiffness, trouble speaking and thinking, and sudden onset pain with zero known causes. Thus the reason a lot of patients, like Jay, are under serious observation and require constant mental and motor tests. It's in that early stage of recovery that things are most likely to go wrong. As the brain heals then the risk goes down. So knowing this, it is easy to see why doctors, nurses, and Will were so concerned with Jay's situation. All signs pointed to the deadly, stroke-like side effect. Just when they thought Jay was in the clear, the body had other plans.
"It's not another aneurysm. There isn't any bulging and no sign of bleeding on the brain. The area of concern I had a couple of days ago is still there and slightly worse. That could be the cause for his sudden change."
"So it is a vasospasm."
"At this point I'd say a mild one. We're going to start him on a few drug regimes and introduce more pain meds. I have to warn though that things could get worse."
"When will we know?"
"Let's get him to the end of the day and we'll go from there." That one was a gut punch. Through the whole surgery and recovery that type of phrasing had never been used. Certainly Jay was in danger, but those 'end of day' benchmarks were never implied nor did anyone think he couldn't be rescued. So to hear the master of all things aneurysm clipping say that just drove home how sideways and deadly life just became.
"We're going to stop the sedative immediately. He's got to be able to wake up and tell us if things get worse or better. We're going to try and make him as comfortable as possible, but we're not sedating him today."
"It's fine. I get it." Will stood in the observation room as Jay was pulled out of the machine and placed back on the gurney he arrived on. It was incredible to see how quickly he woke up from the sedative. The time between the reversal drug being injected and his eyes fluttering open was about a minute. Granted he wasn't going to remember waking up, but to see the body react to being moved was an excellent sign. Jay so much as glanced around at the room before passing out, not having the wherewithal to acknowledge people or voices. Just a brief check in before departing into the darkness. Will was halfway out of the room when Fred held him up, much to Will's dislike.
"I don't think I need to tell you this but…blood pressure has to stay low."
"Yeah, I know. I was going to tell them."
"No people, no phones, no activity from outside the room and halls. It has to be the most controlled environment for the foreseeable future."
"They're not going to be thrilled but they'll get it."
"We're going to do everything we can to help him."
"Yeah, I know. Thanks Fred." On that note, Will couldn't take things any longer. He had this sudden burst of energy, untamable desire to bolt. He tore down the hall, found the stairwell and jogged, stopping at the NSICU floor and panting. He wept, ached for this all to be a terrible nightmare. He'd fall on the floor and arise to Jay laughing at him, saying some snide remark about him being a dramatic sleeper. But as the commotion of a body being reintroduced to the floor sounded on the other side, Will knew that wasn't going to be the case. Whether he liked it or not he was going to have to spend the day watching his brother have a terrible, pain riddled day. So Will collected himself, brushed the tears and distaste for everything away, and quietly padded his way to the room.
By the time he arrived Jay was back in bed, passed out as people were working on him. Things had to be reattached and drugs had to be injected into those veins, by way of IV of course. Will stood against the wall, taking in the sights and lack of sound to the place. It was like watching art in motion, healing and care leaping off the page. It was in the tucking in and final glance over that Jay noted they'd forgotten something, taking that as his cue to step in.
"Earplugs," he whispered, pointing to his own ears in case they didn't catch things. Will volunteered the task, ever-so-gently pushing them in place while praying that would be enough to combat the sound sensitivity. Will forewent sitting on the couch all night, pulling the chair to within a couple inches of the bed. The world was on the verge of seeing daylight, a new dawn just about to win the war against darkness. Oh how poetic and perfect that was for this world residing in that extra crammed space. Will was in the process of grabbing for a hand when the door unexpectedly slid open.
"He needs to keep this on all day today." It was a massive ice pad, something that Jay had grown to hate. He showed his dislike for pulling the thing off even in his sleep.
"Hey," Will greeted, turning to watch as Fred marched into the room and placed the pad on the stapled side of the head. Now one could only see half of Jay's peaceful yet pain filled face.
"I cleared my schedule for today so I can hang with you guys," the surgeon practically mouthed. Will was beyond touched, the idea to cry was there but he figured that would make things weird.
"You didn't have to," was the best he could come up with. Fred flung a hand Will's way, as if to say, 'oh brother.' He took a seat on the couch, pushing away the bedding and whipping out a crossword book and pen. He winked, licked a pen, and then dove into the pages Jimmy Fallon style. Will snorted before returning to Jay. Knowing nothing else, Will took comfort in the fact that Fred was so relaxed. If the wizard was at peace, then he had to fall in line.
Two Hours Later
If glares could kill, Jay was on the verge of chopping Will's head off. Will assumed it was one he gave perps probably a thousands times in his life, Will just the latest victim. When they were younger it was Jay's way of getting Will to do or say anything. If both of them committed a 'crime' at home, it was Will who'd eventually cave under the pressure of both Jay and their parents. If Will caught Jay sneaking food well past the night time cut off, that glare would be all he needed to not alert their parents that Jay was snacking at midnight. It was his weapon, a route to getting things in life, working about nine times out of ten.
Will took a couple moments to feel the laser beam stare from his brother. The hours since they returned to the room Will did his normal lap around the bed; beginning with Jay before going to the monitors to watching to make sure Jay was still breathing. Every now and then he'd glance at his phone or yawn and stretch, but this routine went on till Will lost track of time. He'd become so accustomed to Jay's eyelids that it took a blink or two to realize eyeballs were staring at him. Will smirked before sitting further up in the chair. It didn't take long to figure out that Jay wasn't going to be the first to speak, the drugs and deep desire for that confirmation holding him back at the moment.
"No," Will whispered as he shook his head.
"They didn't do any surgery." It was then that the glare disappeared, Jay blinking extra long as both Will and Fred inched closer to the bed.
"How's the pain?"
"Ten." Both doctors looked to each other, Fred shrugging as he glanced back towards the monitors.
"Okay. Where is it? Has it migrated at all since the last time?"
"It's all over." None of them were expecting the miraculous healing at this point, but the lack of any improvement wasn't comforting. Without speaking pain meds were upped, Will helplessly watching as Jay dove further into the narcotic stupor, movements rather sloth-like and eyes beyond glazed over now. The only solace in all of this was that Jay wasn't going to have a completely clear picture of what happened.
"Ice has to stay on," Fred remarked, gently placing the pad back on its' intended location. Jay rolled his eyes, quietly groaned as the absolutely freezing device touched his very bare skin. It was here that the proverbial lightbulb went off in Will's mind.
"Can he roll onto his side?" Fred hesitated for a bit, not sure how to politely tell a worried brother and miserable patient no.
"We can use pillows so he isn't pressing the central line into the side."
"Let's try." Fred skipped, literally, out of the room as Will told Jay of the plan.
"I'm going to sit you up and we're going to help you roll onto your side. It'll help with the ice and you'll be in a new position, which is fun." The smallest smirk crept across Jay's face, acting as the agent to wake him up. With arms crossed and eyes closed Will hoisted Jay up till his head was nestled in his shoulder. By now Fred had returned with a cart of pillows, lining them up in a way that created a straight line for Jay, a body pillow if you'd like.
"How bad is the dizziness?"
"Bad," Jay spoke into the shoulder, Will hugging his brother a hair tighter.
"Sorry. We're going down now." Coaxing Jay back, Will landed him in the middle of the pillows before reaching behind Jay's back and pivoting him towards the left side. IV lines were extended and monitoring cords were yanked further away from their location. But eventually Jay was on his side, seeming to be very delighted in his new perch.
"Better," Will asked while placing the ice pad back in its place. Jay nodded as he dozed off. Will pulled the sheets up to Jay's armpit, keeping things lose so Jay didn't wake up feeling strangled.
"You need to do the same," Fred whispered as Will got re-situated.
"What?! I'm fine."
"Will, remember I taught you for how many years? You're not helping him by being sleep deprived. Lay the chair back and go to sleep. I'll wake you up if anything happens. Obviously." Will was out in two minutes, sound asleep snoring while grasping his brother's hand. It was a bridge of sorts, the connector between the healthy and the unwell. Will was a vision of exhausted health while Jay told a very different tale. His face was now entirely covered, the extremities still just as speckled with medical devices and wiring as before. What was left of the hair was a mess and he definitely needed a shower before long. The body screamed done, undergoing its' final leg of ability while WIll's was telling him to hold on. It was in this snapshot of the precious brotherly bond that an idea struck Fred.
"Did you guys just get this," Kevin called out to the van of people. They were three abreast, Intelligence, Erin, and a few other member of the NYPD crammed into a undercover van, headed in the direction of the Hudson River Valley. It was still dark, visibility becoming harder and slimmer the further away they got from Manhattan. It was both eye opening and stunning to see just how rapidly the environment shifted. New York City, perhaps one of the greatest cites in all the world, could disappear behind the quiet suburbs and sloping mountain range in about twenty minutes. This far away things were dying down, the streets that were once hectic and made the driver get up on the wheel were now per the norm, the signal that they were out of the chaos being the driver's decision to sit back in his seat. The van was quiet, asleep almost, and pitch black. The lighting of Kevin's phone is what pulled him out of drifting away, news from the outside world enough to distract him from the truth that he was completely drained.
"Get what," Kim yawned, doing her best to stretch with a sound asleep Adam on one side and daydreaming Hailey on the other. Voight so much as turned around to face his officer, a large gesture on his part. Kevin glanced at the image, scrunching his face over the slight confusion of the sender. The message was perhaps the oddest part of all.
"It's a picture of Jay and Will. It was sent from Will but clearly in this photo he's passed out."
"Passed out," Hailey echoed? That one got her out of her horrible mind.
"Man, Jay looks bad." Now everyone was awake, puffy eyes craning to see what Kevin was reporting. Their quiet and sympathetic reactions seeming to agree with his opinion. The photo was set far back in the hospital, capturing just about the entire square footage of the room. Jay was still under the covering of sheets and ice pads, everything but his head able to be seen. A couple of them noted that he was on his side, but none of the observers disagreed with Kevin. Meanwhile Will was slumped over in the chair, head resting on the arm closest to Jay's bed, a hand extended past his body and connected with Jay's multiple hospital band arm. That moment was the center of the shot, the whole reason why the photographer snapped things. Once everyone had a good look Kevin returned the phone to himself, softly reading the lengthy message aloud.
"Greetings support group thread for Jay. I learned something this morning: facial recognition on the iPhone works on sound asleep faces. I was under the impression that the feature recognized eyes, but the fact I'm sending this to you shows how wrong I was on that end. At some point Will will learn to add a second password to this device." That one got a couple chuckles, mostly from Adam and Kim. A name didn't need to be spoken, they all knew who the mystery hacker was.
"Something else we learned this morning. At around three this morning Jay suffered a mild vasospasm. Yes, the very side effect we feared has occurred. Fortunately it was not a full blown, stroke-like setback. Unfortunately, he is in a great deal of pain and having difficulty communicating. We're starting him on a drug regime to combat the vasospasm but surgery is not ruled out at this point. Not that this should come as a shock but all visitation is off till Jay is stable and on the other side of this setback. At this time we're not sure when that will be, but it could be a few days. Furthermore, all phones will be shut off while in the room in an effort to keep the environment as calm and controlled as possible. For updates please call into the nurse's desk and either they or myself will answer any questions and provide updates as they come along. Thanks for understanding. I shall returned the phone to its' rightful owner."
Kevin read the message once more to himself, reluctantly closing the phone after another in-depth look at the photo. It wasn't news any of them wanted, or honestly expected. Jay was doing well, their last encounter was promising, returning to the ways of old. So to have all of these things come out of nowhere was deeply unsettling. But perhaps the worst part of all was that none of them could do anything. One of their own was miles away, truly hurting and all they could do was sit back in wait. It wasn't in their DNA to stand out and hope for the best, but right now that was all they had. As they pulled into the hideout location of the first address Kevin mentally concluded that this was how Jay would want it. He was handling himself and he didn't want or expect everyone else to stop their life for him. They had to solve this case for Jay, for all the innocent lives involved. That was their objective for this trip and they all had every intention of fulfilling that goal.
"Everyone out," Voight signaled, opening the passenger door and waving an arm for people to hurry up. Through yawns and groans their feet found the pavement, ever so slowly yet eventually reaching the hideout where the rest of the search party was. The neighborhood of their main target was hidden somewhere amongst thirty vast, rolling, eternal pieces of property, scattered on both side of the river. The task they all were about to undertake was enormous, elaborate, and would keep them far away from the swankiness of the city until further notice. They were now in the thick of things, country life of New York state, which is why their attire blended so well with their environment.
Everyone was donning various forms of camo to fit where they were assigned. Groups of three would scout two locations per day, beginning in the far corner of a farm and working their way in and around till they had enough information. Despite being one of more modern and iconic state in the country, New York state was spotty on property record. As they searched for plots and deeds it became apparent that they'd have to do the work of Google and database hunting for themselves. If there were documents they were typically outdated, many of the places being family owned and in the name of deceased relatives. It was a crime of sorts. A crime that they would have to spend hundreds of hours and thousands of steps doing the work of computers. But nevertheless, they took on the job with vigor. Lives were at stake, there wasn't much more needed to convince them. The group was gathering in a state park, deep in the woods and near a camp ground. This time of year no one came out here to camp, the pure snow showing that assumption to be true. Intelligence gathered in their own bunch as the final instructions and land assignments were passed around.
"Everyone use these woods as your point of entry. All the properties on this side of the river meet at different places along the park. When we're done with this side we move to the other side. Potential points of entry are marked on the maps. Sat phones are to be kept on at all times and location signals are to never be turned off. This park is over a thousand acres and I'm not going after you." They all laughed at the joke. There was no way Olivia Benson was going to leave a man, or woman behind.
"Be methodical, be thorough, but most importantly be careful. You guys are armed and only use that weapon if need be. Study the map before you begin. Enjoy the stakeouts everyone."
"Hailey, Hank, you're with me" Erin commanded, dishing out their assignments before leading them in the general direction of their spot of the day. Her level of importance and rank above both of them was something each was getting used to, but in all honesty it was fun to witness. She was the child who morphed into a full grown adult, Hank now the grandparent, so to speak, beaming over what she had become.
"Looks like the first place is a dairy farm about half a mile this way. Hailey, you take lead with the directions." Hailey nodded, yanking the sat phone out of her pocket and entered the final destination; stamping her feet as the directions loaded.
"This…way. Yeah," she acknowledged while taking baby steps. Navigation wasn't her thing, certainly not in wooded terrain. But she got what Erin was trying to do: distract her. Lord only knew they all needed it today.
"How's she doing up there," Erin whispered as they tracked along Hailey's footsteps.
"Great! She and Jay are partnered up and both are working well together. They don't butt heads all that often. It's good."
"Good! She's a great addition. I've enjoyed working with her."
"We miss you too, kiddo."
"Didn't someone once tell me to never look back?" Erin gently punched Voight's shoulder, earning a laugh and nod as he replied.
"I think it was a very wise man, now that you mentioned it." He looked her way, noticed the down moment behind the smile. Her efforts were praised, but the truth behind it all was right there.
"He's going to be fine."
"Yeah, I'm sure. Just wish there was a way to be in two places at once." Voight took her in for a squeeze, wrapping an arm around her as they walked stride in stride.
"We're here," Hailey whispered as she held an arm up. All three took a crouch, breath leaving them as the once snowy forrest world opened into another world of flat, white, never ending farmland. It was both a stunning and terrifying sight to stand in front of. While one was enthralled by the beauty of it, the size made everyone seem incredibly small.
"Dammit. There are zero tracks on the snow, if we get in there someone will notice they have company."
"No one said this was going to be an easy task."
"Walk around till you see tracks of some kind. Keep to the fence and look for an opening."
"Do we even think he'd use a dairy farm? It's too busy."
"Well that might actually be why he selected it. Remember the description. Let's get going before we freeze to death right here"
…
"If you eat any faster those noodles are going to come back up looking the exact way they're going in." Will rolled his eyes, continuing to shovel spaghetti and meatballs down the windpipe as fast as humanly possible. It had been three hours since both Halsteads fell asleep. Will's growling stomach woke not just himself, but sounded the cafeteria calvary. Will awoke with a beet red face of embarrassment, Fred silently laughed out loud while texting for food to be delivered. The meal arrived in record time. According to Fred, it was the quietest, high calorie meal Will could eat in the room. Forkfuls of pasta and sauce were downed as he glued his eyes to Jay, noting that his brother hadn't moved a muscle yet. Some may take that as a worry, Will found peace. His brother was quite out of it, resting as comfortably as possible while under the terror of vasospasm pain. It was when he began to speak over a meatball that Fred literally took the plate and fork and yanked Will out of the room.
"I'm just shocked you got me out of the room."
"Please, we're on the verge of breaking the glass door due to our fat backs. We haven't really left. We can still see and hear him if he wakes up."
"Which should be soon, like in a few minutes." Fred huffed, arms plopping further into his lap as he reminisced. He was amazed Will had forgotten; this wasn't their first time doing this song and dance.
"Do you recall your very first patient in my rotation?" Will shook his head, mouth full of food.
"It was an eleven year old boy. Dark curly hair, average build, fell off a school playground and onto concrete and was knocked unconscious for several minutes." Again, Will shook his head. So far everything sounded like a thousand other patients he'd seen in his lifetime.
"He was a ward of the state, foster child that was living in his sixth home in a three year time span. Once the parents knew he would require brain surgery they left him, said he was the state's problem now."
"Daniel Jefferson," Will breathed out. Fred nodded before continuing.
"You sat with that child everyday. A couple of times I had to drag you out of that room to deal with another case or complete rounds. Daniel stayed on this very floor, in that room down the hall for two weeks and I'm pretty sure you rarely weren't by his side. You read to him, slept on the chair right next to his bed, helped in any way you could."
"Yeah, I absolutely hated you for making me leave him. At the time I couldn't understand how you could operate on someone, save their life, and then never go check on them. You said that we operate on the most delicate, decisive, defying organ in the human body. You needed to know what to do, complete the job, and move on. Otherwise you'll kill a patient one day. I never understood that."
"Well update, Daniel works here as a professor. Teaches a class on patient care and bedside manner. His whole reason for taking the job was because of a weird yet incredible med student. Said he doesn't recall much of his hospital stay all those years ago, but that student has never left his mind. So in the end, Will, you made a lasting impact on his life. I may have saved him, but you changed him and for the better." Will nodded, beyond flattered and very unsure what to do with this news. It all was flooding back, beginning to understand why Fred chose to say this to him at this point in time. Jay was Daniel, the patient he was going to will to live.
"I say all of that to say this: don't ever lose that spirit, Will. If anything, I leaned from you during that case. As much as I try to take emotions out of my practice, which I still think is essential, one can never forget that underneath it all is a scared, hurt person that needs someone to cheer for them. I'm sure a million other patients thank you for that dedication and I'm definitely confident that your brother feels the same way."
"Speaking of," a nurse pointed out. Will looked up, noticed the flashing screen above the station labeled Jay's room number. Foregoing the fact he was resting on an unsanitary surface, Will pressed his hands to the floor before taking off. In four strides he was at Jay's side, sitting down to get eye level. Jay was awake but not, the grogginess and ache making the blue/green orbs quite dull.
"Hey, how bad?"
"The same." Will sighed, at this point ticked the breaking point wasn't coming.
"Let's roll him on his back for a minute so we can do the test." Removing the ice pad revealed red skin, the body's reaction to the freezing temperature.
"We're going to keep that off for a bit," Fred whispered. Jay's best response was a thumb's up.
"Jay, 2020, hospital," he slurred as he followed the surgeon's finger.
"Good! At least we know that all is in tact." Jay best attempt at a laugh was a grunt, Will was delighted by it all.
"Where's the pain?"
"Still all over."
"Okay, good! We're going to not only up the pain meds but give you stronger stuff."
"Morphine," Will asked?
"Dilaudid. We'll save the morphine for later. Also need to check the incision." Jay truly didn't care, just laid motionless as the doctor peeled everything away, closing his eyes as he felt the cool air hit his shaved and cut open side of the head. Having not seen it yet, all he could picture was a diagram of half a head.
"We're going to keep these off for a little bit, let things have some air on them."
"I don't want people to see," Jay whispered through a new crest of pain.
"Jay, at this point you're the only one that hasn't seen."
"No, I mean everyone else."
"No one's coming till we've got things under control. It's just us for awhile." Mercifully the pain knocked Jay out, not noticing when the dilaudid entered the system. He was basically like rearranging a rag doll onto its' side, but at some point Will was satisfied with where things were situated.
"I'm sorry you're having to go through this. You're doing really well," he whispered while reclaiming his chair and hand holding. He totally meant every word, just prayed for the clock to strike midnight and for it all to be over.
…
"Will…Will. Make it stop." Will glanced up from a book, realizing he was so entranced by it that he failed to detect the music coming from outside the walls and down the hall. It was such a foreign sound, one that neither of them had heard in quite some time. Will looked over to Jay who had one hand on his exposed ear, the other pressed into his eyes. It was apparent the pain had migrated, causing the sound sensitivity to reach new levels. Will rose from his place as Fred darted out of the room and towards the nurse's station. Something had gone wrong in two rooms just now, Will doing his best to help what he could.
"Sssssssshhhhhhhh. Sssssssshhhhhh," he constantly coaxed into Jay's right ear. Yes, he was adding sound into an already loud world, but one note was much better then the bass driven tune echoing down the hall. Jay was shaking, eyelids glued shut and almost squeezing back into the eye socket. He was sweating, muttering something to himself that no one else could understand. This was the vision of misery in pain. Out of habit Will told Jay he was going to hug him, encouraging him to cross his arms as he pushed him into a semi-sitting position. Will could hear the labored breaths, sense the tightness and sensitivity radiating all over the body. But he didn't back down, gently squeezed his brother as he rubbed his back. It wasn't the most comfortable or normal position and thing to do, but Jay was completely at the end of things and Will had to do something.
"A patient woke up and found someone's phone and started playing some song," Fred whispered upon returning.
"Wow," Will mouthed. In that split second he was torn, on the one hand he was thrilled a patient woke up, something heralded on this floor. But on the other hand the action made Jay worse, put him in more pain. He wasn't totally sure where to go with it.
"When the party's over," Jay spoke into Will's shoulder, a surprise on many fronts.
"How do you know Billie Eilish?"
"How do you?" Will smiled, squeezing Jay again before pulling him away. There he was, emerging from under the depths of pain and despair.
"Blood pressure is going down," Fred announced as Jay was situated back onto his back.
"So it's finally working." Fred nodded.
"Good news, surgery isn't happening. At least not today." Jay so much as raised his eyebrows, a sign that he was pleased.
"Pain?"
"A nine." Will wanted to jump and scream. The update wasn't good, but they were working their way down. Someone celebrate with him.
"Do we introduce the morphine?" Fred looked upward, as if he was asking the Heavens where to go from there. He did this for several seconds, Jay in his limited state still concluding his life saver was a nut.
"How's the resting been?"
"In waves and not for very long."
"On the morphine that will all change. There's a reason terminal patients request this drug. You really drift off."
"Now that we've finally started getting control of the pain, the morphine will really help regulate this as the swelling and vasospasm heals."
"I don't care at this point. Whatever helps." Fred nodded, signing off on the electronic order before returning the iPad to its' place on the wall. Will took the waiting time to help Jay re-situate on the bed, keeping him on his back but raising the bed just a tad. Several minutes later the vial of life and tranquility arrived, the passing of the drugs ended with Fred who secured them in an IV pump.
"Have a good sleep," he told Jay was he watched the drugs drip down the line and disappear into the arm.
"Sleep well," Will spoke as Jay blinked himself into the darkness. It took ten seconds, perhaps less then that, before Jay was totally out. It was the last time he would awake that day.
…
She collapsed onto the bed, ignoring the stiff, itchiness of the fabric against her skin. She was worn down to the bone, head to toe ice cold and very unable to sense anything. After a day of lying on frozen ground and stepping in countless cow pies, she felt to be a changed woman. Every fiber of her being was exhausted, her brain barely able to perform the basic functions of walking or telling her the shower water was practically boiling her skin. She knew she smelled like a barn, looked like she rolled in mud all day long, which was partly true. Even after a long soak in lavender and an ivory soap scrub, she still felt the lingering odor of barn life. Looking to the corner of the room made her contemplate burning her clothes, no amount of bleach would ever make her want to don the items again.
But over all of this was a single thought: him. More then ever, today she missed him. She missed the banter they used to have while on stakeouts; place silly bets over who would fall asleep faster or dare one another to consume small amounts of coffee. Perhaps it was the news of the day, or the silence of the work, but all she could hear was him; the brain tricking her countless into thinking he was on the ground next to her. Closing her eyes now brought her back to a particular snowy day in the 300, the two of them have another one of those coded, jovial conversations.
"…Don't try to psychoanalyze me, Jay. Have you given anymore thought to whether or not we should tell Voight?"
"No, we're not telling Voight."
"He pardoned Burgess and Ruzek."
"Burgess was shot. Her and Ruzek are an exception to the rule. Do you want to take a bullet so that Voight will give us his blessing?"
"I'd take a bullet just to come over to you house tonight."
Those were the days, the height of their fun and games. The art of secrecy making things that much more exciting and enticing. At the time they didn't realize all that they had, just two dumb kids thinking time and everything on their side. Fast forward several years and both were two ships floating in very different waters. She had sailed to the big, murky federal waters while he was still swimming in the lake life of Chicago. She wasn't sure if he was happy, satisfied with things at the moment, nor did she know if he was excited to see her progress while he maintained. She groaned while clinging to the towel wrapped around her, shivering at the steady body temperature change.
"You're tired and done and this is ridiculous," she told herself. Rolling to her side she found her phone, twirling it in her fingers as she talked herself in and out of calling. He told them they could call but it felt wrong, clingy almost.
"Just do it. There's nothing wrong with checking on a long time friend." Ditching the towel for a bathrobe, Erin made herself comfortable in a chair. She worked her way through the hospital switchboard, eventually listening to the buzzing sound of an incoming call.
"This is stupid…this is stupid…hey!"
"Patient name?" The voice on the other end didn't sound very thrilled for her call so Erin kept things subdue, chilled if you will.
"Jay Halstead."
"He's unable to accept calls at this time."
"Oh, I know. I was just wanting an update on him?" It was at the tail-end that she drifted off, the sound of things being passed off encouraging that.
"I'll take it," a familiar voice whispered, the phone being cradled under something before things continued.
"Will?!"
"Hey Erin." He was exhausted, that much Erin could detect, not convincing her that things were well.
"So?"
"He's sleeping. Meds are working but he's still in a good amount of pain. It's been that way most of the day. But at least he's finally getting rest. Oh, and no surgery at this point." The two of them just breathed over the phone, their presence being enough for the moment. They both got it, the shock of the current predicament in the story of the adventure. Neither was sure where things were going from there.
"I just wish there was something that I could do."
"You've done so much for him already. He may not say it but I know he really appreciates it."
"This is going to sound stupid and I'm going to chalk it up to a culmination of everything.."
"-No, he hasn't asked about anything. But he's not really all there."
"Okay," she exhaled, doing her best to not sound like some hurt teenager.
"I miss him."
"Yeah, me too. He's going to get through this."
"I know. I just hate that it's taking so long." Will snorted over the phone, pulling the device away as he yawned.
"I don't want to keep you from sleeping…or him. I think what's best right now is everyone sleeps."
"Yeah. Thanks for checking in. I'll let him know you called." Erin couldn't bring herself to reply, just let out a half farewell before selecting the red button. She couldn't contain the emotions a moment longer. For the first time in this whole situation, she sobbed. Deep, heavy, hard to breathe aches for the one she loved oh so long ago. They may have moved on, but that time of their lives would never fade, at least for Erin.
"Now I feel special," rattled so clearly and repeatedly in her mind that she couldn't help but smile. Wiping away the tears she concluded that she needed to pick herself up. The past was the past, all she could control was the here and now. Be a willing helper when the moment presented itself. Scrolling through her phone she found the present, cleared her throat as the person on the other end greeted.
"Hey. No, everything's fine. I just needed to hear something pleasant after today."
So this final part was a set for the next chapter as well as the second leg of things. I don't want to spoil anything so I shall leave it at that. Just keep sticking with me. After this we're going to have a super small time jump. Nothing drastic will be missed, but we will see Jay's recovery, and the case, slightly further along. Thanks so much for reading! Stay tuned.