Chapter 21
J opened her eyes and lifted her head to look at Dean with a complicated expression on her face.
"What are you suggesting, Dean?" J asked smoothly. Evenly. She was being tactful and careful with what she was saying. That much was obvious. Dean got goosebumps as an electric shock went down his spine at the sound of his name, and the fact that she was staring into his soul again, but he ignored all of it.
"I mean, why don't we stick together? This room was only paid for through last night, anyway. If I trust Sam with Baby, I trust him to drive whatever car you drive, not saying that you should trust him, but I do. And whatever car you drive probably doesn't have as big of a backseat as Baby does. You said so yourself that that couch would be better than your backseat last night. I promise you'll be more comfortable in the back of her than in your car." Dean rambled on for a moment. He had a slight deer-in-headlights look about him as he spoke rather nervously.
Sam looked at his brother with an open mouth. Eyebrows knitted together in shock and concern. Wondering what the hell was happening and why exactly Dean was volunteering him to drive all day. To drive J's car all day, across state lines, back to The Roadhouse.
Sam tried to catch Dean's eye, but he was avoiding all eye contact with him like the plague. He was intent on J, effectively ignoring Sam.
J sat there for a few minutes, contemplating what Dean had said, while Sam overtly tried to catch his eye. She looked from one brother to the other several times. Dean couldn't tell what she was thinking or what she even thought of the whole idea. Nor what she was going to say next.
Sam was too busy staring Dean down, yes, he had could feel Sam's eyes that were practically melting his very being, but he did not care. Not one bit. All he cared about were those duo-toned eyes that were now on him. Whatever Sam was throwing at him was nothing compared to J.
Dean felt his face get hot under her gaze the longer she looked. But he would not look away. He could feel Sam's eyes boring into him still, trying to catch his attention. Not going there right now either. J needed to say something.
"Say something, already!"
"Touché, Winchester." J looked from Dean to Sam now. "Sam, what are your thoughts on this? I'm not about to let Dean here volunteer you without your consent."
Dean was now the one that was staring at Sam, willing him to just glance at him so he could at least try to convey something to his brother. Communicate his intentions in some way.
The tables had turned and Dean was almost as desperate as to physically grab and get his brother's attention.
"Come on, Sammy. LOOK AT ME." Dean screamed in his head in Sam's general direction. Sam looked at Dean for a split second before he answered J. Dean unable to read the look in Sam's eyes.
"I don't mind. I can see that you need to rest, but it's probably easier for you this way. Just show me how to connect my phone to your Bluetooth and it will be fine." Sam gave Dean A Look.
Sam was not about to be easily placated, that much Dean was sure of. He knew how Sam was when it came to keeping information from him. He was going to have some explaining to do, later.
Dean just looked down and away from Sam. This was all turning out to be a lot more difficult and complicated than he would ever have imagined. How was he expected to start making sense of all this? He hadn't even come to terms himself with whatever was happening with him and J.
If there was really anything, to begin with.
Now Dean was getting Sam involved and that never ended well for Dean.
Dean thought about the interrogation he would receive the next time it was just the two of them again. Shivers ran down his spine again, this time for scarier reasons. His nosy little brother being one of them. Admitting all of this to him, even himself, was another.
J sighed again. "Awesome. Then I guess you two are just waiting on me. Give me 10 minutes, 15 tops, and I'll be ready to head out."
She turned to Sam, "I'll give you some cash for gas, food, and some extra for your trouble. No ifs ands or buts about it. I don't want to hear it. It's my car."
Sam shrugged, then sat back on the couch to wait. He was giving Dean another Look. Sam was about to pounce.
J gathered her things and headed into the bathroom.
Sam was waiting, eyes on Dean. Oh, lord. Dean was in for it. He could tell by the look in his brother's eyes. As soon as they heard the sink running Sam was in on him.
"Alright, dude. Spill. You owe me that much. What's going on between you and J?" Sam smirked and narrowed his eyes at his big brother. He knew full well what was going on here. Or what was more than likely going on here.
He just wanted Dean to say it out loud. To make it that much more real for him. If Dean would even admit to anything, which he usually never did.
Dean had been driving Sam up the wall with his pitiful attempts at avoidance. It was about time something cracked. Sam had been watching J and Dean dance around each other since Day One back at The Roadhouse. Enough was enough. It's time they dealt with each other.
One way or another.
Sam just looked at his brother while a whole slew of emotions ran across his features. One emotion caught Sam's attention at once: Fear. Dean was scared.
Sam's concern for Dean grew as he watched the fear and pain play across his brother's face. Pain was something Sam was used to seeing in Dean's eyes. It was just as much a part of him as anything else.
The fear he now saw set Sam on edge. Dean was never scared or afraid. Of anything. If he was, he certainly did his best to never show it. At least he kept it away from Sam. He always did take the role of Big Brother seriously. And being the older brother, that kind of came with the territory.
Dean wasn't doing anything to hide it now and Sam was becoming tremendously worried about him. About this whole situation. All this boxing up and ignoring, holding back and avoiding was making both Sam and Dean's life a living hell.
Dean obviously cared for this new woman and he was in every way conflicted by it. As to why Sam had no clue. He did not need to know. He just knew that in the end, Dean's conflict was the root of his current issues.
Even if Dean had yet to come to this conclusion himself. Sam knew he eventually would. He just wasn't about to sit by idly as Dean took his sweet time coming to the conclusions he needed to come to. Without some help, he was doomed to only realize it after it was too late.
Like had become custom for them over the years. Sam was determined not to let Dean down like that. Not now. Not when he so clearly saw what Dean failed to see. He needed to at least try and get this particular ball rolling.
Dean just sat there as Sam watched him; staring at the wall opposite him for what felt like a very long time before he even so much as looked back at Sam. Let alone speak. And when he did, he decided to play stupid and deflect.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Sammy. What is there to spill? You must be imagining things." Dean said. Even he could hear the hollow, false notes in his voice. He half-heartedly tried laughing it off. Even that fell flat.
Dean certainly would not have believed himself, why should he expect Sam to? His little brother was anything but stupid. He knew Sam could see right through him. Through this whole thing. Whatever it was. He was considered to be The Brains of the two. Dean always knew that.
Sam just leveled his gaze at Dean. His eyes softening as he gave Dean another Look. Still not saying a word. He crossed his arms. Apparently ready to keep waiting for a proper response. He could see the worry behind Sam's eyes. It didn't look like Dean was going to be getting out of this one easily.
They both sighed in frustration.
Dean floundered for a minute longer. He was having a hard-enough time admitting all of this to himself and dealing with it properly. Both of which he was not doing… He didn't need to add trying to explain it to Sam on top of everything. He couldn't even form full and coherent thoughts about most of it. He had kept himself from doing so this whole time.
Dean was regretting that decision now.
He looked at Sam for a long moment before speaking. Sam could tell this was a lot harder for Dean than he was letting on. He was trying to hide it. Sam could see it in the semi-pleading look his brother was now giving him. Obviously wrestling with himself and what to say, wishing Sam could just know. Without having to explain. With words.
Sam hated seeing Dean this way. So conflicted. Dean was a man who fought his battles silently. He was also incredibly stubborn about it. He brooded and chewed on things for days, weeks. Sometimes even longer. Always silently. But he was anything but covert about it. Sam was one of the only ones able to get to him when he wouldn't admit that the battle was too much for him. He was hoping they had gotten to this place where even Dean had to admit it was too much now.
In the end, Dean kept it simple. He talked quickly, wanting to get it out and over with as soon as humanly possible. Like a Band-Aid. This was almost starting to physically hurt.
"Sam, I think I like her. I think. I think I really like her. I know she digs me. I don't know, man. This is all so fucked up. There's a lot more to it than you know. More than I'm willing to, or able to, explain. There is something different about her and that scares me as much as it attracts me." Dean paused. Quickly taking a shaky breath before continuing.
"Just, please, Sammy. I don't want to just leave her here, and I don't want to force her to drive all day either. You know I'm right about the back seat of the Impala, though. She said last night that the couch was better than her backseat. And even your gargantuan ass has crashed back there. I want to make sure she's comfortable. She did save both of our asses."
Sam's expression softened, "It's about time you do something about it. You have been bugging the hell out of me for days in your sad state of denial. What better time than when she wakes up? She can't sleep the whole way there."
Dean froze and his completion got a few shades whiter at that realization. He had not thought about what would happen when she woke up.
"And yeah, I know what you mean about the Impala. It would be a lot better for her than the back of her little thing. If I can sleep back there, she will be more than comfortable." Sam continued as nothing had happened.
"What does she drive?" Dean asked absently, trying to change the subject both of the conversation and of his newfound fear of the drive ahead.
"Corolla. Newer. New enough to have Bluetooth anyway." Sam responded.
Dean started chuckling to himself. "Yeah, that POS has a tiny back seat. I can only imagine you in that clown car. Can you even fit!?" Dean barked out in a laugh.
"No wonder she sleeps in a ball like she does. She must be used to sleeping in the back. I can tell you one thing; Baby has more room for junk in her trunk than some Toyota."
The door to the bathroom opened revealing a half-dressed J, with a toothbrush in her hand that she was now pointing at Dean.
"Watch your mouth, boy. I can fit a dozen bodies in that trunk. Even with everything I already have back there. Question! Have you ever drifted in that boat of yours? What exactly is the gas mileage on that monster anyway?" She barely gave pause. "That's what I thought." She smirked at his stunned silence, turned on her heel, and headed back into the bathroom. Closing the door behind her.
What struck Dean was not what J had said, although Sam was hunched over on the couch laughing about it. Wheezing would actually be a more apt description.
No, it was the ripped jeans J had been wearing that were hugging her hips so perfectly. And the plain black bra she had had on. She had not been wearing a t-shirt when she opened the door to respond.
The image of her so scantily clad was currently seared into his mind and he loved everything about it. He could now hear her softly laughing to herself on the other side of the door. She was probably laughing at the real reason he had been so shocked rather than Sam's taunts.
"Man, she told you, bro," Sam said breathlessly as he wiped his eyes of tears.
"You just cannot beat a classic, Sammy. Nothing can." Dean smirked. Then towards the closed bathroom door, he said a little louder, "I'd like to go toe to toe with you and your plastic toy in a fender bender. Then we will see who is laughing, sweetheart." Dean said with as much sarcasm as he could muster as the bathroom door opened again.
This time J was wearing a shirt. Dean gulped. A lump in his throat appearing out of nowhere. She was wearing a metal festival t-shirt. It was old, faded, and very worn. Her wavy hair down was down around her shoulders. She looked a lot like she had in his meditative dream back in the mine.
Dean thought about when it had been just her and him in the Impala for that short while. Even if it had been some kind of a daydream. It was still one of the best daydreams he had ever remembered having.
J was busy piling her hair on top of her head in a messy bun as she walked across the room. Her eyes flew over to Dean, meeting his gaze. They were flashing again. She had worn this on purpose, Dean suddenly grasped. There was no way it was a coincidence. He didn't believe in coincidences. Not in this line of work, anyway.
J dropped her stuff on Sam's bed and began going through her bag, taking things out and putting things back.
"You, boys ready? I am starving and tired as fuck. Let's get something to eat and head out on the road. I'll try to stay awake as long as possible, I promise. Hopefully through breakfast." J said as she finished fixing her bag onto her shoulder, ready to lead the way.
A little while later, the three were on their way out of town. They stopped back into Lou's Diner for some breakfast since it was familiar.
This time, J was with them. Dean could see the dark circles under her eyes, even as she talked adamantly with Sam about Djinn as they sat down at the table. The fire in them was still there, alive, albeit subdued.
He hadn't gotten a close look at her yet this morning. He was taking this opportunity while he had it. She had ridden with Sam in her car to help him get situated for the long drive and they seemed to be continuing a conversation that had started on the ride over.
He was too busy looking at J, who was sitting next to Sam across from him, to realize that the waitress was at his side, waiting to take his drink order. She just stood there and he did not notice.
She stood there for a moment longer, then cleared her throat to get his attention. Dean noticed J had stopped and was looking at the waitress now. The looks in J's eyes were scary-cold. Only then did Dean look up in surprise at the person whom J was directing this ferocious look towards.
His blood ran colder than J's eyes.
Dean was looking up at none other than that redhead from the restaurant bar. Audrey.