Chapter 28

J was silent long enough for Dean to look over at her. She had her bottom lip between her teeth and an expression on her face that reflected an inner battle. Her eyebrows knitted together like Sam's did when he was seriously considering something. She looked torn. Worried.

"You know, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. That's cool, too. You can always pass on a question. No need to explain why." Dean added quickly.

"Remember when I said some history should remain in books? This applies." J sighed. "It's not that I don't want to tell you. It's not that at all. It's what should I tell you? How much should I tell you? The long version or the short version? What details are pertinent, poignant, and which ones are too much? You have observed my lack of filter currently and know I do not have much of one at the moment. You are, and can be, quite disarming." She huffed. Dean just raised his eyebrows at her comment.

She paused for a second before continuing, at half the volume she had been speaking previously, "Will you hate me after I tell you. If I decide to tell you The Full Truth and nothing but The Truth?" J said quietly. Timidly. Almost to herself. This was very unlike her, or what Dean had been expecting to happen.

This was definitely not what he had had in mind when he had posed what he thought had been a simple question that usually had semi-simple responses.

"Woah, what do you mean 'will you hate me after I tell you'!? There is no way I could hate you, J. You've saved not only my ass more than once, but Sam's as well. I don't forget things like that." Dean said automatically. He didn't even have to think about it. There was no way he could possibly hate J.

This did not quell his want to know what she was withholding from him. What could possibly be that bad as to warrant this kind of reaction? This fear? He knew no matter how bad whatever this was, there was nothing on this earth that would make him hate the woman sitting in his passenger seat. This sudden realization was no shock. It only strengthened Dean's resolve.

J continued to look straight out the front window. Now she seemed to be the one determined to not make eye contact. She put her elbow on the open window and her hand over mouth as she thought. Her gaze was a million miles away whenever he chanced a glance over. Dean could see her lips moving slightly but could hear no sound.

She stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity to Dean. She just sat there. Completely still. Staring straight ahead. Almost entirely not present there in the car with him. The action of her hair swirling around her in the breeze only made her look more statuesque. More stoic than he had ever seen her before.

He wasn't about to push, but man he wanted her to start talking. He was done wondering. He wanted to know. But he was not going to mess this up by breaking the silence. The ball was in her court.

The last thing he wanted to do was to fuck it up by saying something and then scaring her off for good. Dean was determined to do whatever it took to keep J around.

It was another moment before J finally broke her silence.

"I'll keep it simple. I will tell you the truth. But know I am going to withhold a lot of information. And I mean a lot of it. This is all so involved. There is so much to this, it will take a few days of just talking to fill you in on the history alone." J sighed.

"I will tell you the whole truth another time. That I do promise. I will give you the chance to ask your questions. I can only hide my truth for so long. And I think of anyone you have proven you deserve and have the right to know. Especially to ask the questions I am going to deny you now." J said. Her tone was monotone and she did not look happy to be talking.

"Sometime, like when we are not driving in the middle of BFE and you have the power to pull over and kick me out." J said with a dry laugh. Dean recognized the self-loathing tone. He was still taken aback by what she had just said.

"I would never kick you…" Dean only managed to get out half of what he had to say before J tore her gaze away from the highway for the first time, and silenced him with a look of her flashing eyes. He was interrupting and starting in on a tangent she obviously did not want to go down.

"Do you want me to answer or not?" Those honey-covered emeralds held so much pain in them. It was as if time itself hurt her. He was afraid if he kept her going for much longer, she wouldn't tell him anything. Dean could only nod his head with his reply.

J took a deep breath.

"You could say hunting is my family business, too. You could also say it's in my blood. Actually, it is in my blood. Literally. My mom was gifted like I am. My father was a world-famous hunter. Even before they met. I'm something of a legacy." J said quietly. She was looking straight ahead again.

"I know what that's like." Dean said. Hoping that if he offered up information she wouldn't feel as anxious as she looked about sharing with him. Even though he saw nothing to be freaked out about, yet. "Having it run in the family, at least. Dad taught us everything we know after our mom was killed by that demon. Raised us like soldiers. Ever since then we have been hunters. It's kind of all we know. I barely remember what it was like when she was still alive. When life was still normal."

J chuckled to herself, "The Winchester's Story is one of legend, my friend. Everyone and their brother knows about you and your family history. Even my…" she paused, obviously searching for the right word or turn of phrase. "colleagues know about you. And we are worldwide." J continued after her brief moment of pause.

"Your dad has more of a reputation in the hunting community than you think. Some know more than others, of course. It runs on both sides of your family, as a matter of fact. Not a lot of people know that. I know John didn't know about the Campbells. I'm not even sure if you or your brother know…"

"I still don't see any reason for me to be kicking you out of my car..." Dean said as he suddenly looked over at J with raised eyebrows. He had said this before J had fully finished saying what she had said.

He was struck dumb for a moment, just staring at her. A look of realization blooming on his face as the last statement J made. No one ever mentioned his mother or her family before. Mainly because of what happened to her. No one had ever mentioned anything like that and the mere thought was enough to cause a non-reaction response in Dean. His mind was reeling.

Because he simply did not know what to do. Or say.

What the hell did she just say?

As the wheels in Dean's mind started working in a new way, he managed to look over at J again to ask "Come again?", his voice breaking, before she interrupted.

"I promise to tell you everything. In time. I have already said too much. You strip me of my filters. I apologize. You'll have all the time in the world to ask me all the questions you want. And I will give you all the answers that I have. Just not right now." J sighed heavily and put her face in her hands.

Dean was still speechless and just wanted her to keep talking. To try and make some sense out of all this. After a moment she looked up and out of the windshield again. It was another moment before she spoke again.

"I'm trying to tell you only part of the truth, Dean. I don't want to get kicked out of this car! I know I keep saying too much, I keep giving you more questions than answers. And I'm so sorry!" J motioned to the rolling hills and the nothingness surrounding them, a terribly pained look on her face as he realized what she was referring to.

J sighed heavily and put her face in her hands again and made a frustrated sound almost between a scream and a growl. If Dean had not already been so preoccupied with the conversation and the never-ending stream of questions, he would have found it inherently hot as hell.

"I'm so sorry, Dean. I am dancing around the subject and also saying shit I have no right saying without an explanation. I admit I am stalling telling you, getting it out there. I don't just easily admit this, either. It is my most heavily guarded secret. One I would die over. It took me YEARS to tell Jo and Ellen. They had it mostly figured out by the point I told them… About everything. I'm having a harder time over here than I think you realize. I feel like I have already told you way too much."

Dean looked over at her again. Looking at her more seriously this time. He noticed her hands were in her lap now. In fists. And that they were shaking. There was a pained look in her eyes that was deeper than anything he had previously seen before. He knew she was not lying. She was genuinely terrified.

"I want to tell you, Dean. I really do. I certainly do not want to lie to you. Part of me doesn't because I am genuinely afraid of your reaction. A hunter's reaction. Another part of me wants to get it over with and have the judgment be passed." J sighed and put her face into her hands again. Hair falling down around her.

"I don't want you to hate me." Dean heard it, but he knew she had not meant for him to.

"J, please just tell me. Everything else can wait. All of my questions can wait. I made a promise to myself to get to know you better. This is me trying." Dean said. He turned his gaze out the window. I also think I would be incapable of hating you even if I wanted to. He continued, though only to himself.

Silence hung in the air. Dean was determined to not say a word until J had responded in some way, shape, or form. Once again afraid that a single word might ruin everything.

"I'm a witch. You are correct when you say that I am not human. Not entirely human, anyway. You were right about that much." J's eyes were straight ahead. Anywhere, but at Dean. Waiting for his reaction. Her body was tense. He could see nothing but absolute terror in everything about her. Her body and her face radiated uncertainty and anxiety. She was waiting for the bomb she had just dropped to explode.

Dean could not blame her. This was one hell of a fucking bomb to drop.

He did his best to keep his composure and he kept his features and body language as relaxed as he possibly could after hearing what J had said. He was slowly taking it in. However, it wasn't registering quite right. J. A witch. She had every right to be afraid.

If this was true, then she was something that he hunted. His mind was spinning trying to take in what she had just said. This had to be a joke. There was no way J was a witch. Sam and Dean had hunted enough of them to know one. Right?

Now certain things were starting to fall into place. Her ability to mind read. Was this how J is able to command people and attention like she does? This also explained her knowledge of monsters and hunting techniques that were not exactly run-of-the-mill. It would actually explain more than one thing that had been on Dean's mind since he met her.

"Please explain." Was all Dean said. He was desperate for J to elaborate. He was grappling for something to hold onto in this sea of knowledge he found himself currently drowning in.

"I am not some stupid human who sold their soul for magic powers. My powers don't come from a book, or a demon, or a deal, or anything else for that matter. I am not harnessing dark magic to do my dirty work, and I do not mess with the Natural Order of things. I have made no deal. I kill demons, I don't work with them." J said in a rush. She spoke quickly and eloquently. Like she wanted to say what she needed to say, say it fast, and have it be understood before Dean changed his mind and kicked her out.

The thought did flash through his mind, even though he knew he would never be able to do it. Not to the woman sitting beside him. Not after everything.

J continued on after taking another deep breath. Not giving Dean any time to interject. "I am a naturally-occurring witch. If it is easy enough to know there are people out there that would sell their souls for powers like mine, how hard of a stretch is it to know we actually exist outside of that faction? That there are those who are just born that way?"

This perspective made Dean think more analytically. This is like saying Angels exist because he knows there are Demons. He knows this to be fact, not speculation in the slightest. There is a Devil because he knows Hell exists. So why would it be so hard to stretch that method of thinking onto this subject?

J paused for a moment. It was obvious she wanted to give Dean time to absorb and process everything, but she was still eager to say what she had to say. As if Dean was going to change his mind if she stopped long enough to give him the option.

"In fact, I am a descendant of two of the most ancient of magical bloodlines, but I'm not getting into that now. What I mean to say is that my powers are organic, and they are mine. I was born with them. I am what I am and you cannot teach it, only craft it. Mold it. You cannot learn how to be like me. You cannot get this out of some book, or out of some deal, or even from the Gods themselves."

"Wait, so there are real witches out there? Like Harry Potter? Or like the Salem Witch Trials?" Dean asked rapid-fire, sudden thoughts occurring to him, flabbergasted. His mind was whirling still. He would not be surprised if there was smoke coming out of his ears.

J finally broke her stare out the window and looked at Dean with an eyebrow raised.

"You could put it like that. I guess. What you are used to hunting are just mere humans that want the power we possess naturally. I can guarantee you that you have never hunted a real witch. Only a regular person. Only for them to be able to handle it, it takes the help of dark magic or of some other nefarious means. I am sure you can tell me many a story about the ones we both hunt. We usually get to them before the average hunter does, though."

J started laughing now.

"I tell you I'm a bonified witch and the first thing you come at me with Harry Potter. Not with 'can you do any spells' or 'do magic for me' or anything like that? Really?" J barked out. "I'm suddenly not afraid of you ditching me on the side of the highway anymore." She smiled at him as she continued to laugh, albeit nervously.

"No, I'm not going to do that. But you have to explain more. I am interested. Ancient bloodlines? What's up with that?" Dean replied.

"Again, I will explain another time. I will answer all of your questions. Even if you bring me a notebook full of them." Dean leveled A Look at her, almost threatening for more information. "I PROMISE." J finished with sarcastic sincerity. "I know it's a lot to take in, and I really don't want to overwhelm you with information overload about something you didn't even know was a thing."

She did have a point. This was a lot to take in. At the same time, he considered why it was so hard to believe that people would want to be something they are not. Something they know of and aspire to become or become better than. It has always been a thing for humans. Be more than what they were ever meant to be. Some take this to the extreme. Monsters he understood. Humans were a different story.

This is why he hated hunting monsters that were really just people. You'd think all the information that monsters were real would keep someone up at night. No. Dean Winchester was kept up by the thought that some people actually wanted to be monsters.

"You know… it really is not that far of a stretch when you think about it." Dean finally said after several long and agonizingly silent minutes. By now he could feel how tense J had become in the seat next to him. He only really noticed when she relaxed into the seat again. A small and tired smile on her face.

"I was expecting this to be a lot harder than it turned out to be. I tend to prolong my misery. Turns out the waiting and the staying away thing was just torturing myself and making everything a whole hell of a lot worse." J breathed out as she leaned her head back on the headrest, running her fingers through her hair as she spoke.

"Don't worry. I'm still having a mini-stroke over here trying to wrap my brain around what you just told me. A witch. Son of a bitch. Really? Wow, that's something else." Dean replied. He was being truthful. He was genuinely surprised, but at the same time, something deep inside already knew.

Whether it was his inner hunter or just his human instincts, Dean knew J was telling the truth. She was not human and everything seemed to scream that fact now. This fact changed nothing at the same time that it changed absolutely everything.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that terrified expression cross J's face again.

"Please don't tell Sam. I will tell him in my own time. Maybe. Some day. Honestly, I don't think it's important for him to know." J said seriously as she leveled her duo-toned gaze at him for the first time in what felt like hours.

Dean glanced back and half smiled at her. "I promise not to tell him as long as you tell him in front of me so I can see his reaction. You will need to tell him sooner rather than later. He will pick up on it. You better hope you get to tell him before he figures it out on his own. Why tell me then if you think it not important for him to know?"

"I just think it's important for you to know exactly what you are getting yourself into." J sighed.

Dean's smile wavered slightly and he hoped J had not noticed. He thought more in-depth about what she had just said. How was Sam going to handle this information? He did not want to think about it right now so he decided to go back to questions game as a distraction.

"Since you were so forthcoming with me, I guess this means you get an extra question. Or five. Go ahead and shoot." Dean said as he looked back in the rearview, checking for other cars.

"You can drop this question game charade, dude. I use it to pick up dudes and chicks, you use it to pick up chicks. Now you're obviously using it as a reason to get to ask me questions so just go ahead and ask. I literally just told you my biggest and most guarded secret. Ask anything you want. I won't bite. Hard." J finished with a smirk.

"Ouch. It hurts to be found out and called out." Dean looked over at J, the last rays of the setting sun were bouncing off of her skin and hair. She was truly radiant. He could have sworn she was actually glowing there for that moment he stole to look before her eyes came and caught his.

"I'm going to need some aloe for that burn." Dean continued as he broke the gaze and looked out the windshield, flipping on the headlights.

"Or…" J said and trailed off. Her change in tone and pause made Dean glance over again with a quizzical look on his face. She was worrying the hem off her shirt in her fingers and staring off into the growing darkness.

"Or what...?" Dean asked slightly curiously when she failed to elaborate for several more moments.

"Or you could soothe that burn with a nice drink or two; with me… Just not at The Roadhouse. For obvious reasons I want to keep away from hunters with the conversations we are bound to have."

Dean looked at her with a surprised expression on his face. He did not know what he has been expecting, but it had not been this. He was still not quite understanding what she was implying.

"I would also tell you everything else you need, and want, to know. You'd have the chance to ask me as many questions as you want. I would also be entirely honest on any questions you have about the information I just told you…" J finally said quietly.

The dawning of what she meant came flooding over Dean in such a wave J must have felt it for she did not wait for a response from him before busting out laughing.

"I'll take that as a yes. It's a date then. I know of the perfect place. Have you ever been to a Jazz club before?