Hey everyone! DragonSlayerOfAwesomnes requested this humorous story about Nami and the crew. So here it is. I know the other two people who requested are still waiting. And I'm gonna finish those. They're just a little harder. So please hang in there and I'll be with you shortly. Got a lot on my mind lately. I also had a mental breakdown at school so it was kinda hard today. Anyway. I hope you enjoy this story.

~Rebecca

Nami's Porthole Problem

Nami grinned, the money in her hands swinging in the slight wind. Zoro's eyes were locked on the stack and he groaned. Nami's grin spread and she tapped her foot on the ground a few times, faster each time. She held his gaze, trying to break him with just her glare. It obviously didn't work, for he huffed and looked away. Nami grew irritated and stomped her foot, raising the stack of money as an indicator.

"I want it now Zoro, or I'll add more to your debt."

Zoro groaned again, rummaged around in his coat and pulled out a stack of bills. "This is all I have, witch, be grateful."

Nami snatched it out of his hand and smiled. "Thanks. Pleasure doing business with you," she said as she stalked off.

She could hear Zoro mutter to himself as she left. Something about unreasonable debts and charges for silly things. She chose to ignore it, for now. Alright, yes. She had charged him for standing in her way and laying on his ass all day. She'd also charged Sanji for not making her favorite food last night and Chopper for being irritating with check-ups. Charged Ussop with every bottle of oil he used, Franky with asking her which way the Sunny should go and Luffy with each piece of meat he ate. Of course Brook and Robin weren't charged, Robin never would be and Brook, well, she had no reason yet.

Nami sauntered to the kitchen, sitting down in a chair to count her money. It was a lot this time and she was glad she could stripe something off all their debt. It was better if they paid her quickly, or it would just become more and more. Well, she didn't want them to pay it all, it was part of her reason for sticking around at first. She didn't want to lose that connection.

"Nami-san?" Sanji asked, turning from his spot by the fire.

"Yes?" Nami replied absently, still counting her money.

"Can you close the porthole for me? It's disturbing me," he asked.

Nami nodded and stood, still counting her stack as she made to close the window. Her hand latched onto it when a sudden gust of wind blew in and snatched up a few bills of Belli. She yelped, trying to snatch them back when they were pulled out of the porthole. In her attempt to catch them, she jumped up and squeezed through the window.

Her hand latched onto the bills and she sighed in relief, placing them back in the stack and tucking it in her shirt. With a push up, she wanted to slide out of the porthole, but suddenly, she couldn't move. She pushed and pulled, but to her utter horror, her hips where stuck in the porthole. She was stuck. Absolutely stuck.

"Shit," she murmured.

She tried again, her hips pressing into the wall of the kitchen, but not going back through the porthole. She contemplated going backwards, but found that her breasts got in the way. She was stuck, helplessly so. Not good.

"Nami-san? Did you close the-" Sanji trailed off and Nami wondered just what he was seeing.

She then realized she was wearing that particular mini-skirt and Sanji had a clear sight of her behind. She cursed and attempted again to get out of the porthole. She heard a few things crash in the kitchen and a garbled sentence, before a loud thud was heard and everything went silent. Sanji had probably fainted, which wasn't doing her any good, she was still stuck.

"Ussop! I need your help!" Nami called to the sniper she could just see sitting on the deck.

Ussop looked up at her and his face morphed into a frown. "No, Nami. I'm not giving you more of my money," he said.

Nami scowled. "I don't mean tha- hey! Where are you going? Come back!" she called as Ussop trudged out of sight.

Nami knew that Robin and Brook where rather busy. Franky was in the hold of the ship and Sanji was passed out on the kitchen floor, probably bleeding to death. Oh, right, she needed Chopper.

"Chopper! I need help!" Nami yelled again, hoping Chopper would help her.

The little reindeer came up to her with a scowl on his face. "What is it?" he asked her.

Nami looked a little guilty. "Sanji passed out and I need help-" she broke off as Chopper gasped.

"I smell blood!" he said and ran around the side to rush into the kitchen. She heard the reindeer gasp again and he yelped Sanji's name. "He's bleeding, this is bad. He needs a blood transfusion. Thanks for telling me Nami. I'll take care of him."

Chopper trudged out then, with a bleeding Sanji on his shoulder. Nami watched them go with her mouth agape. This was not helping her! Where they just ignoring her? How was this possible! She groaned, hanging her head dejectedly. She was beginning to find her position uncomfortable and it hurt. She gripped the wooden wall and tried one last time to get out of the porthole. It didn't work, she was only hurting herself more.

Tears pricked her eyes and Nami felt more than a little guilty for practically driving the crew away from her. She felt bad. It wasn't that she didn't like them, she just wanted her money. Right now though, she didn't care about the money. She just wanted out of the porthole.

Her arms flailed uselessly. Her body was hurting and she was sure she was gonna bruise. Footsteps drew her attention to the deck and she spotted Luffy walking towards her. She felt a smile light up her face and she called to him.

"Luffy, please. You have to he-" she was cut off once again.

"Where's Sanji! I want dinner already!" he whined, straw hat on swinging behind him.

Nami gaped, then collected herself. "He's in the infirmary. Chopper took him for a blood transfusion. He should-" and again.

"SANJI! Dinner!" the straw hat captain yelled, and took off immediately.

Nami face-palmed. Why did she even tell him that. Really, he was an idiot. He wasn't gonna help her at all. The ache spread slowly, and she felt like crying. She wanted out already. It hurt and she didn't care who saved her. She just wanted out of the dammed porthole already.

It felt like she was there for hours and Nami was beginning to give up hope. Nobody was gonna save her. That was, until footsteps came towards her again.

She looked up to see Zoro staring at her. He had his arms crossed and his brow was turned down in a frown.

"You alright?" he asked.

Nami cried in relief. Zoro recoiled slightly at that, certainly when she latched onto him and smothered her face in his yakuta.

"What's wrong with you, witch?" Zoro asked slowly, bringing a hand up to tangle it in her hair.

"Please," Nami sobbed. "Just get me out of this thing. I'll give you anything, just get me out!" she cried. "It hurts, please. I can't take it anymore!"

Zoro's face went somber then, and he unsheathed one of his katana. Nami watched him with wide, tears stained eyes. He brought the sword between her and the porthole carefully and sliced down, through the wood and the steel of the porthole. He cut a hole in it, bigger than her figure. Nami slid out of it and into the swordsman with relief.

She sagged to the ground, and only Zoro's arm stopped her from falling. She had known Zoro was kind, but not like this. Not to her at least. Tears pricked her eyes and she smiled. Her hands grasped his coat and she held on for dear life. His arm around her didn't let go and she was hoisted up.

"Are you injured?'' Zoro asked slowly.

Nami nodded slowly, her eyes closed. "M-My hips. They- I was stuck."

Zoro didn't say anything and carried her off. She guessed to the infirmary. The door banged open and she heard Chopper begin to shout when he went quiet.

"What happened?" he asked.

Zoro grunted as he placed Nami on the bed, wiping her tears with his sleeve. "She was stuck in the porthole. I don't know how long."

Chopper yelped and grew into heavy point, lifting Nami's shirt to expose her hips. They were bruised, yes, but not that bad. Nami felt like she had just been a little scared. And it just hurt, she didn't like hurting.

"Thanks, Zoro. I'll take it from here," Chopper said.

Zoro nodded, took one last look at Nami, and left the room. Nami sighed, tears drying on her cheeks. Chopper applied some salve to her bruises and she thanked him softly. She spotted Sanji with two wads up his nose, fisting the sheets between a white knuckled grip.

She stood, Chopper leaving her alone, and moved over to the chef. She placed a gentle kiss on his head and his fingers unwrapped themselves from the blanket.

"At least you didn't ignore me," Nami whispered into his hair.

Sanji didn't move or say anything. She hadn't expected him to.

"Nami," Chopper piped up.

The red head looked at him. "Yes, Chopper."

"I'm sorry," he said.

Nami smiled, patted his head and walked to the door. "It wasn't your fault, Chopper. Don't worry about it, and here." She placed the money she had gotten from him on his desk.

He looked at her with wide eyes, before smiling at her. It also contained Sanji's share, but the reindeer didn't need to know that. She took off then, and went to find Luffy first. She handed him back his money, and he thanked her with a kiss to her cheek, and a sad look at her hips. He also apologized for not realizing she was in need of his help. She brushed it off and went on with her search.

She found Ussop at the prow, gave him back his money and left. Franky was easy to find, and she left his share on a table, not minding to disturb him. Zoro was last now.

She found him in the crows nest, and she handed him the money without a word. His face was unreadable, but his eyes told her all she needed to know.

Nami left it at that. And when dinner rolled around, her share of her own favorite food, was the biggest. And nobody stole from it, or tried to. And Sanji didn't defend her, Zoro didn't pick a fight and didn't call her a witch, Brook sang a song, Robin patter her on the back, Luffy gave her a bit of his meat, Chopper smiled at her, Ussop showed her his new invention and Franky didn't ask for directions.

Nami could only smile, glad to have her family with her. Even though they were a bunch of complete morons.

"Hey Nami, do fish poop?"

Aaaaaand it was ruined.